Feeling wanted
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Hello, name's Gabby. I don't know if anyone is having this issue in their relationship but currently in mine, I have a bad feeling that I'm not as desired as I feel towards my partner. He loves me, I know he does, but he just doesn't show me that much affection. It's like, I have to beg for hugs and kisses. He doesn't ever wanna hold my hand unless he's half asleep. And when it comes to sex, I always have to initiate. He never takes the lead and when I have to every single time, (mind you its only once or twice a week), it makes me feel like I'm being slutty because I'm literally the one asking for it. He's a great guy, loves going on dates with me, sleeping in with me, etc and just generally being with me. But it's like, if he just wants to be around me all the time and not intimate with me. Doesn't that just make me a best friend /roommate?
-1
In the words of Vanilla Ice
"Drop that zero and get with a hero..."
I don't think this is a real good place to ask for advice, considering how many people here are single/always been single.
Nothing you can really do about that, seems you're both at different levels of affection/arousal/etc.
Can't change who people are, maybe it's just not meant to be.
(only trouble I'm having is I didn't get an old fashioned with one of my fwb's today).
"Drop that zero and get with a hero..."
I don't think this is a real good place to ask for advice, considering how many people here are single/always been single.
Nothing you can really do about that, seems you're both at different levels of affection/arousal/etc.
Can't change who people are, maybe it's just not meant to be.
(only trouble I'm having is I didn't get an old fashioned with one of my fwb's today).
2
Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
It sounds like he's just more of a passive person and you are wanting more. I know that I want a partner that is able to take more charge in the relationship so for me I wouldn't be good with a more passive person.
I would talk with your partner and be open with them on what it is you desire in your relationship. The other thing you can do is to not initiate things and see if this catches his eye. If he doesn't get the hint or this us purely just who he is, then you'll have to re-evaluate what it is you want out of a partner then go from there.
You're not at fault for wanting something that is not provided to you and all you can do is just try to change things and if they don't change then find other alternatives. I have felt something similar to how you feel in some past relationships and we ended up going separate ways. Don't give up hope in finding a nice balance for yourself and best of luck (^^)
I would talk with your partner and be open with them on what it is you desire in your relationship. The other thing you can do is to not initiate things and see if this catches his eye. If he doesn't get the hint or this us purely just who he is, then you'll have to re-evaluate what it is you want out of a partner then go from there.
You're not at fault for wanting something that is not provided to you and all you can do is just try to change things and if they don't change then find other alternatives. I have felt something similar to how you feel in some past relationships and we ended up going separate ways. Don't give up hope in finding a nice balance for yourself and best of luck (^^)
1
Masaki_Chi has really good advice. Try to be open about what you want with your partner. If open communication with him doesn't help your relationship then it might be time to move on.
I had a similar situation in the past. I had an ex who enjoyed hanging out with me and she clearly wanted to have sex, but she would never commit to anything more than just hanging out together. I could never get her to advance the relationship in any way. Eventually she ended it over a ridiculous situation, but I should have handled it maturely before that because it clearly wasn't going anywhere and I was miserable for months because of it.
I had a similar situation in the past. I had an ex who enjoyed hanging out with me and she clearly wanted to have sex, but she would never commit to anything more than just hanging out together. I could never get her to advance the relationship in any way. Eventually she ended it over a ridiculous situation, but I should have handled it maturely before that because it clearly wasn't going anywhere and I was miserable for months because of it.
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numbers2971
Fakku Lurker
He is a dude right? So it does depend on the guy, as we are not all the same, but if he is like me then this is what I think is happening.
To me, trying for sex all the time makes me think that she might think that's why I am there, for the sex, so there is this paranoia in my head that I need to perform a balancing act to make her feel loved and give her enough space so that she does not think I am smothering her. She is already initiating sex twice a week then that must be how often she likes to have sex.
Some guys have different desires, as in some don't really care to hold hands in public or need that much physical contact to feel satisfied. Some just want you there. It might be they love to see you smile, or you have a bubbly personality that makes them feel warm and just being near you is enough.
Be upfront. We have our own cares and worries but we will never tell anyone about them because we are dudes and even if we do, most struggle to find the words to do so. If we are in love with you then we want you to know we love you too but we are not very good at is so a simple "I like it when you hold my hand in public you should do it more often" or after sex tell him that it makes you feel sexy when he initiates sex, even give I'm an estimate on how often you like to have sex so he does not feel like he is coming on to you too often "you know if you would just be the one coming on to me I don't think I would mind it even if you came on to me everyday"
I won't say too much more because I don't know the guy but this is what it seems like judging from the paragraph you wrote.
To me, trying for sex all the time makes me think that she might think that's why I am there, for the sex, so there is this paranoia in my head that I need to perform a balancing act to make her feel loved and give her enough space so that she does not think I am smothering her. She is already initiating sex twice a week then that must be how often she likes to have sex.
Some guys have different desires, as in some don't really care to hold hands in public or need that much physical contact to feel satisfied. Some just want you there. It might be they love to see you smile, or you have a bubbly personality that makes them feel warm and just being near you is enough.
Be upfront. We have our own cares and worries but we will never tell anyone about them because we are dudes and even if we do, most struggle to find the words to do so. If we are in love with you then we want you to know we love you too but we are not very good at is so a simple "I like it when you hold my hand in public you should do it more often" or after sex tell him that it makes you feel sexy when he initiates sex, even give I'm an estimate on how often you like to have sex so he does not feel like he is coming on to you too often "you know if you would just be the one coming on to me I don't think I would mind it even if you came on to me everyday"
I won't say too much more because I don't know the guy but this is what it seems like judging from the paragraph you wrote.
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Ask him and be honest, these uncomfortable conversations need to happen sometimes. Did you guys explicitly say you were in a relationship? I have a friend who has cuddle partners and guys who she's friend with benefits with. So maybe this is something that could be going on in his head.
But like it was mentioned, some guys are just really laid back (or fucking lazy) and will not lift a finger. You'd need to ask them the real reason for their lack of intimacy with you. But there's no reason to feel like a 'slut'. It's only normal that if you have that kind of relationship with someone that you'd want them to be all over you or at least have some kind of intimacy.
But like it was mentioned, some guys are just really laid back (or fucking lazy) and will not lift a finger. You'd need to ask them the real reason for their lack of intimacy with you. But there's no reason to feel like a 'slut'. It's only normal that if you have that kind of relationship with someone that you'd want them to be all over you or at least have some kind of intimacy.
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
numbers2971 wrote...
He is a dude right? So it does depend on the guy, as we are not all the same, but if he is like me then this is what I think is happening. To me, trying for sex all the time makes me think that she might think that's why I am there, for the sex, so there is this paranoia in my head that I need to perform a balancing act to make her feel loved and give her enough space so that she does not think I am smothering her. She is already initiating sex twice a week then that must be how often she likes to have sex.
Some guys have different desires, as in some don't really care to hold hands in public or need that much physical contact to feel satisfied. Some just want you there. It might be they love to see you smile, or you have a bubbly personality that makes them feel warm and just being near you is enough.
Be upfront. We have our own cares and worries but we will never tell anyone about them because we are dudes and even if we do, most struggle to find the words to do so. If we are in love with you then we want you to know we love you too but we are not very good at is so a simple "I like it when you hold my hand in public you should do it more often" or after sex tell him that it makes you feel sexy when he initiates sex, even give I'm an estimate on how often you like to have sex so he does not feel like he is coming on to you too often "you know if you would just be the one coming on to me I don't think I would mind it even if you came on to me everyday"
I won't say too much more because I don't know the guy but this is what it seems like judging from the paragraph you wrote.
The problem with a man being too passive is that it looks like he doesn't care about the person or the relationship. It can also come off as laziness on the man's part and sometimes it really is a sort of laziness.
Personally I use to hate when a guy would sit back and let me have more control over the relationship because even though my personality is strong I need someone to engage me and to challenge me. I don't feel equal unless somemone is able to stand on my level and put their two cents in. If a guy likes me I want them to tell me; doesn't have to be romantic but he can't just wait for my reaction he just needs to react. If he feels I'm upset then just do something, even if the guy fucks up it's better to try then to just sit there trying to get something out of me. If a guy is a horn dog then just fuck, it's not that hard and if we don't want to then we don't want to.
A woman can do all of the same things and I think a perfect balance can strike if both people are putting into a relationship, but I think guys that over-think and try to gauge a relationship by watching their partner and judging from that isn't the best way to handle a relationship.
I know my past relationships with more passive men didn't turn out well because I felt I had more control then they did. I did initiate sex and romantic things, but they never really did so in return. It really sucks when you have to try and make your boyfriend hold your hand or you're horny and you try and initiate sex.
A girl wanting sex doesn't mean that she is just there for the D, it just means she is horny and wants good sex. I know I am a nympho in my own respect and I just want someone who can enjoy physical pleasure as much as I do. If they can't cum a lot or they can't do as much then find alternatives such as toys to make the job easier. Don't just let your partner go off and do their own thing, sometimes that's okay but you want your partner to be into helping out with the deal and have fun with it.
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Listen to Misaki, has really good advice. For your BF, as a guy he really needs to return that affection. If he's not, he's really not trying in the relationship. But yeah, I know most guys don't like "sharing" our feelings, but when with one's gf/intimate partner its good to communicate on everything.
I'm kinda lucky, I guess I'm considered to be in touch with my "feminine side" (My single mothers fault!) and get along really well with opening up with the women I dated.
I'm kinda lucky, I guess I'm considered to be in touch with my "feminine side" (My single mothers fault!) and get along really well with opening up with the women I dated.
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numbers2971
Fakku Lurker
I will have to agree with misaki_chi on this one. If he is not showing enough interest then let him know, I just wanted to throw some possible perspective on why he acts like he does, not all women will want as much physical contact, but misaki_chi is right, he should be the one initiating some times even if you were to shoot him down because you weren't interested at the time.
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Thank you everyone for the encouraging advice. I'm, I guess you can say, taking it slow, when talking to him about this subject. Because it is kinda touchy. But I think it's getting through and he's starting to understand. He's begun to show more engagement physically and asks questions every now and then asking about how I feel about things. All in all its going in a positive direction. I just needed a push. I'm super submissive in my relationship because I have anxiety issues a bit. (Caused from a very abusive past relationship). But yeah, talking about it is the best thing. Thanks again everyone.
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i used to be like that myself, i loved her but never showed it.... and you asking for sex.... that is not slutty.... its normal. im no longer like this and the hormones might be off like mine were he might need to change his diet or maybe take some supplements.... but im not a doctor so idk
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Glancing through I don't think anyone said this so I will. It is possible he's having issues in life. And I don't mean issues with you but other issues that might kill it for him. Stress from jobs. family issues. money troubles. and just depression in general can make a guy not feel in the mood for sex and in some cases not in the mood for other things like hand holding
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When you're in a relationship with someone, the biggest thing to know is that most folks aren't psychic. I've seen some great advice to the effect of letting him know how you feel about it, and that's really the best thing to do to start working towards a positive resolution.
As for why he might be this way, without knowing him it's hard to say why he's like this, but it could be that he doesn't want to push you too hard for sex and the like. I have a fairly active libido at times, at least mentally if not physically and I've definitely had a relationship or two go sour because the girl I was with didn't want to do anything intimate more than 2-3 times a week, and it just made me feel like I wasn't caring enough about them to understand their wants and needs.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with the person you love and are attracted to, but at the same time, it's important to be very open with each other, and pick up on when he's just not in the mood for it. A big part of being an adult in a relationship is picking up on these little non-verbal queues that your SO 'tells' you and being very understanding with him.
As for why he might be this way, without knowing him it's hard to say why he's like this, but it could be that he doesn't want to push you too hard for sex and the like. I have a fairly active libido at times, at least mentally if not physically and I've definitely had a relationship or two go sour because the girl I was with didn't want to do anything intimate more than 2-3 times a week, and it just made me feel like I wasn't caring enough about them to understand their wants and needs.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with the person you love and are attracted to, but at the same time, it's important to be very open with each other, and pick up on when he's just not in the mood for it. A big part of being an adult in a relationship is picking up on these little non-verbal queues that your SO 'tells' you and being very understanding with him.