My relationship sucks now
0
Hello my name is Mason and I feel like this relationship I'm in now is becoming a huge mistake but honestly its hard for a guy like me to find someone decent these days. Like she is there if something really bad is going with me which is OK but it always turns around and becomes about her somehow and that bothers me. But if I leave her I won't have someone there for me when I have melt downs and they seem to have been happening more and more recently. I don't know what to do... Also we don't have anything in common at all I like metal and video games and she hates metal and finds video games annoying. I like to look at porn just to look and she thinks I'm always horny and don't want to have sex with her. I prefer binge watching shows she rather have cable. I am a dominate person during sex i mean i am not extreme about it but i like to choke and smack a bit but she hates it so much just rather sits there in missionary the entire time. And it keeps getting worse.
1
Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
I mean you have to decide for yourself which it is that is worse; being single dealing with your issues or being in a relationship that makes you miserable but doesn't make you feel "alone".
My advice to you is to think about what you receive and what you don't receive from your relationship. Think of any and all good times then consider what is it that makes this relationship so bad. I know you've said that her ability to make conversations about her and her disdain for the things you are enjoy are two issues you currently have, but you need to really think about what it is that bothers you about these actions. How does what she do affect you and why do you think she does it? The best way to understand each other of your differences is to talk about them together.
The other piece of advice I will give and really think about this is, does your relationship benefit or add to your issues/stress. Yes you have someone there for you when things get rough, but you need to keep two things in mind. Only you can deal with your issues yourself; this doesn't mean that you won't always be alone when dealing with them (friends, family, and partners can help you), but you should never expect people to help you with your issues. You need to be strong within yourself and do your best personally to handle your issues.
Second, you need to keep in mind your partner is what you need them to be. If you feel like you cannot talk with them, then ask yourself "well why not?". What is it you really need from a partner that you want to be with? For some sex is enough, but for others they need more. For you to say you have issues and complaints about your current relationship, means it is lacking something you truly desire. I would think about what it is you need from her and talk to her about it.
Lastly and it's something I've stated before, you need to talk with your girlfriend about these issues together. The best way to do it is to have an evening where you two have nothing planned and have time to give each other space afterwards if need be, like the beginning/middle of a weekend. Make sure you have gathered your thoughts and talk to her about how you are feeling about your relationship. Do not accuse her of anything or make her feel like she has done something wrong (this could lead to a he did she did debate). Just say what you feel personally atm and go from there. Be open to listening to her side of the story as well, maybe she feels things are shitty too and has her reservations on you. No one want's to think they are doing something wrong in a relationship, but the key to making something work is to be open with one another and to be able to talk things out.
As a last bit of advice I would be careful/open with both of the issues you have with your girlfriend. It's okay for your partner not to enjoy all of your hobbies, just so long as they are open to accepting the things you love. If you truly desire someone who would enjoy your hobbies then you need to keep that in mind for the next relationship, I just wouldn't make it something high up on the importance list since being very similar doesn't mean you're relationship will work. Also be careful with your choking and smacking fetish, there is a fear for women/partners that this fetish can get out of hand if not treated properly. So really think about how important this fetish is to you and decide if you really desire to practice these things, if you do then make sure you are safe about it because these can turn abusive without even realizing it. The choking fetish can especially be dangerous; restricting blood from going to the brain can not only cause damage over time but could even potentially cause blood clots or ruptured arteries.
tl;dr - you need to consider what is better, being in a shitty relationship or being single. Being single can sometimes be better for you then a shitty relationship since it could be a stress and not helpful if it gets too bad. Biggest thing you can do is to talk with your partner about everything you are feeling and from there decide if things can get better or not. And always remember only you yourself can deal with the issues life has to offer; other's can help, but you must be strong to survive no matter how much help you are given. That is just the way life is.
My advice to you is to think about what you receive and what you don't receive from your relationship. Think of any and all good times then consider what is it that makes this relationship so bad. I know you've said that her ability to make conversations about her and her disdain for the things you are enjoy are two issues you currently have, but you need to really think about what it is that bothers you about these actions. How does what she do affect you and why do you think she does it? The best way to understand each other of your differences is to talk about them together.
The other piece of advice I will give and really think about this is, does your relationship benefit or add to your issues/stress. Yes you have someone there for you when things get rough, but you need to keep two things in mind. Only you can deal with your issues yourself; this doesn't mean that you won't always be alone when dealing with them (friends, family, and partners can help you), but you should never expect people to help you with your issues. You need to be strong within yourself and do your best personally to handle your issues.
Second, you need to keep in mind your partner is what you need them to be. If you feel like you cannot talk with them, then ask yourself "well why not?". What is it you really need from a partner that you want to be with? For some sex is enough, but for others they need more. For you to say you have issues and complaints about your current relationship, means it is lacking something you truly desire. I would think about what it is you need from her and talk to her about it.
Lastly and it's something I've stated before, you need to talk with your girlfriend about these issues together. The best way to do it is to have an evening where you two have nothing planned and have time to give each other space afterwards if need be, like the beginning/middle of a weekend. Make sure you have gathered your thoughts and talk to her about how you are feeling about your relationship. Do not accuse her of anything or make her feel like she has done something wrong (this could lead to a he did she did debate). Just say what you feel personally atm and go from there. Be open to listening to her side of the story as well, maybe she feels things are shitty too and has her reservations on you. No one want's to think they are doing something wrong in a relationship, but the key to making something work is to be open with one another and to be able to talk things out.
As a last bit of advice I would be careful/open with both of the issues you have with your girlfriend. It's okay for your partner not to enjoy all of your hobbies, just so long as they are open to accepting the things you love. If you truly desire someone who would enjoy your hobbies then you need to keep that in mind for the next relationship, I just wouldn't make it something high up on the importance list since being very similar doesn't mean you're relationship will work. Also be careful with your choking and smacking fetish, there is a fear for women/partners that this fetish can get out of hand if not treated properly. So really think about how important this fetish is to you and decide if you really desire to practice these things, if you do then make sure you are safe about it because these can turn abusive without even realizing it. The choking fetish can especially be dangerous; restricting blood from going to the brain can not only cause damage over time but could even potentially cause blood clots or ruptured arteries.
tl;dr - you need to consider what is better, being in a shitty relationship or being single. Being single can sometimes be better for you then a shitty relationship since it could be a stress and not helpful if it gets too bad. Biggest thing you can do is to talk with your partner about everything you are feeling and from there decide if things can get better or not. And always remember only you yourself can deal with the issues life has to offer; other's can help, but you must be strong to survive no matter how much help you are given. That is just the way life is.
0
Honesty is the best policy. This sort of problem is not the kind that just goes away if you ignore it long enough. It's great that you got someone to lean on when times are rough, but you should remember that the only one who can truely solve your problems are yourself. That's how we, as people, survive and overcome the difficult parts of life. Support is great, but you have to be your own pillar sometimes.
Also, what was it about her that made you want to be with her in the first place? Are those things still there? Do you still like those things about her? Does she still like those things about you? It's possible for people to change (we live in a constantly changing world so it seems very unlikely that people don't change in some way or another), and this applies to both you and her. You should figure out if that's the case. There's always the case that what you thought you wanted from this person is what you actually wanted. Usually, people don't really get a good grasp of what they want in a relationship until they been through enough of them. You should think about what you want from a relationship and whether or not this relationship fulfills those needs.
Another thing, communication is key. Gotta talk about it. A relationship is a two way street. Can't expect to solve relationship problems without the other party involved. It probably won't be easy. It's very likely to get emotional and feelings might get hurt, but it's important to maintain a cool head from both sides and be as civil as possible because we're all mature, responsible adults that can use words to talk about our feelings. Talking about your issues with each other will help both of you understand each other better and figure out whether or not you guys wanna continue it or not. There are times it works out and both people understand each other better and they have a better relationship because of it. A+ all around. Other times, people come to the conclusion that it just doesn't work out and that's okay too. As long as there is a mutual understanding from both sides, then there's not much more you can ask for.
TLDR;
1. BE HONEST
2. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT
3. TALK ABOUT IT
Good luck to you.
Also, what was it about her that made you want to be with her in the first place? Are those things still there? Do you still like those things about her? Does she still like those things about you? It's possible for people to change (we live in a constantly changing world so it seems very unlikely that people don't change in some way or another), and this applies to both you and her. You should figure out if that's the case. There's always the case that what you thought you wanted from this person is what you actually wanted. Usually, people don't really get a good grasp of what they want in a relationship until they been through enough of them. You should think about what you want from a relationship and whether or not this relationship fulfills those needs.
Another thing, communication is key. Gotta talk about it. A relationship is a two way street. Can't expect to solve relationship problems without the other party involved. It probably won't be easy. It's very likely to get emotional and feelings might get hurt, but it's important to maintain a cool head from both sides and be as civil as possible because we're all mature, responsible adults that can use words to talk about our feelings. Talking about your issues with each other will help both of you understand each other better and figure out whether or not you guys wanna continue it or not. There are times it works out and both people understand each other better and they have a better relationship because of it. A+ all around. Other times, people come to the conclusion that it just doesn't work out and that's okay too. As long as there is a mutual understanding from both sides, then there's not much more you can ask for.
TLDR;
1. BE HONEST
2. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT
3. TALK ABOUT IT
Good luck to you.
0
Sounds honestly like you are staying in the relationship for the wrong reasons... Don't stay with someone just because you don't want to be alone, thats not good. You should be with someone because you mutually make one another happy. Shes meant to be the yin to your yang, ya know? The way I'm reading your post now makes it just seem like shes a filler in your life. Doesnt matter if you end up alone after, there will for sure be more people. For kinky people there is fetlife, literally a website filled with people who range from vanilla sex to hardcore bdsm. Flavors for everyone...mind you there are lots of weird people too...but heh.
Good luck
Good luck
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Gravity cat
the adequately amused
Sounds like you need a friend (and possibly psychiatric help) not a relationship. Relationships complicate things.
But it's a case of just talking to her about it and deciding where you want to go from there.
Didn't realise this was necro'd.
But it's a case of just talking to her about it and deciding where you want to go from there.
Didn't realise this was necro'd.
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FuzzyBunny wrote...
Sounds honestly like you are staying in the relationship for the wrong reasons... Don't stay with someone just because you don't want to be alone, thats not good.Totally my thought. Can only worsen on such basis.
I wish for both your good that either you let her down or she lets you down. Not so you cry but rather so you stop to mismatch each other already. Otherwise, both of you will be mad at it or even hurt.
It might take some time or effort to find another "best half" but staying "together" (or rather : not alone) just because you fear "loneliness" is at best immature or at worst either dumb or cruel.
Just learn from your mistakes and make a fresh start on your own. It is said that you can't live with someone unless you're able to live by yourself.
By the way, isn't it already lonely to be alone "together" ? :-/