Powerful, yet helpless?
0
Hello people,
I have come to a point in my life where I don't really know what to do with it / what to be.
Up to this point, I have more or less done what I was told to do by elders, from finishing high school (although I ditched it as often as I could and didn't learn at all for exams; somehow, I got through) to picking up studies at a university, which is what I'm doing now.
And even in that, I have not been doing anything for my studies for over a year now; I just can't bring myself to do any of that work necessary.
Recently, I have tried to motivate myself and it is getting better; still, it feels more like I am forcing myself.
I have very few true interests in life; the things that I see my friends do, like women, partying, going for study goals, leave me cold. I may like them, but at the same time they don't interest me at all. They are eventually just empty things to fill dead time.
So in past years, I have spent much time on playing video games, reading and the like, as well as watching anime/manga (discovered these two in the last two years).
In doing that, I discovered Death Note, and it is my favourite, since I can sympathize much with Light, and Kira.
The only thing that can get me really pumped up is my pride.
Despite the opinion you might be holding of me from reading the above, I am proud of who I am: an intelligent, young man with most of his life and therefore endless possibilities ahead of him.
In the past, the only times I really wanted to do things was when I felt personally that this pride was at stake. To this extent, I enjoy competitions.
Now, I feel like I can achieve anything I want. That's where the powerful comes from.
Also, I don't know what I want. Everything bores me and nothing seems worthy. That's where the helpless comes from.
I am posting this because I hope to receive replies from intelligent people who can offer some advice. I notice this state of 'helplessness' and 'not knowing what to do with one's life' is a recurring theme in these forums, so maybe some people too have experienced what I described.
Thank you in advance.
I have come to a point in my life where I don't really know what to do with it / what to be.
Up to this point, I have more or less done what I was told to do by elders, from finishing high school (although I ditched it as often as I could and didn't learn at all for exams; somehow, I got through) to picking up studies at a university, which is what I'm doing now.
And even in that, I have not been doing anything for my studies for over a year now; I just can't bring myself to do any of that work necessary.
Recently, I have tried to motivate myself and it is getting better; still, it feels more like I am forcing myself.
I have very few true interests in life; the things that I see my friends do, like women, partying, going for study goals, leave me cold. I may like them, but at the same time they don't interest me at all. They are eventually just empty things to fill dead time.
So in past years, I have spent much time on playing video games, reading and the like, as well as watching anime/manga (discovered these two in the last two years).
In doing that, I discovered Death Note, and it is my favourite, since I can sympathize much with Light, and Kira.
The only thing that can get me really pumped up is my pride.
Despite the opinion you might be holding of me from reading the above, I am proud of who I am: an intelligent, young man with most of his life and therefore endless possibilities ahead of him.
In the past, the only times I really wanted to do things was when I felt personally that this pride was at stake. To this extent, I enjoy competitions.
Now, I feel like I can achieve anything I want. That's where the powerful comes from.
Also, I don't know what I want. Everything bores me and nothing seems worthy. That's where the helpless comes from.
I am posting this because I hope to receive replies from intelligent people who can offer some advice. I notice this state of 'helplessness' and 'not knowing what to do with one's life' is a recurring theme in these forums, so maybe some people too have experienced what I described.
Thank you in advance.
0
I lol'd.. Not because I think your story is funny, but I feels like reading a summary of myself.. You and I are very much alike.. I do suffer boredom in my current university life.. I don't do study (except for the last hour before final exam) , but my grades can pretty much compete, so I had no life in university.. I had money, but few things actually interest me.. I'm not really into love relationship, coz at my current age, this kind of relationship never get serious.. You know what my goal is for now?.. Learning how to make money and surpassing my own father (in terms of business of course)
0
yeah, pretty much like you.. and i don't even know why i'm live till now. In real life, i'm not interact with other people much. Schoolworks can be easily done. i'm never in serious relationship with girl. yea.. just like that my life is just flow.. sometimes, i feel bored too, and i just laying on my bed and imagine. "if i'm doing that, this will gonna happen... if i'm not doing that, this will not gonna happen". and i believe it's the one that peoples says it's "dream".
everyone sure have a dream that they want to reach and they depend on. in "Death Note", Light's dream is becoming a god of new world, Mori-tan a.k.a Miya-san said that his dream is to surpass his father. my dream is yet "indefinite". Just like you, i didn't have any dream right now, but in order to get a "dream", i keep movin ahead, no matter how boring is life, i'll just go through. "to get a dream", that's my dream right now, and that 'dream" is the one who keep me struggling.
everyone sure have a dream that they want to reach and they depend on. in "Death Note", Light's dream is becoming a god of new world, Mori-tan a.k.a Miya-san said that his dream is to surpass his father. my dream is yet "indefinite". Just like you, i didn't have any dream right now, but in order to get a "dream", i keep movin ahead, no matter how boring is life, i'll just go through. "to get a dream", that's my dream right now, and that 'dream" is the one who keep me struggling.
0
I'm with Miya when i say i felt like i read a summary of myself too lol.
Much like your sympathy with kira, i feel the same way i guess. But when considering the oh so cliche "why do you live" question, i came to my own conclusion. In spite of all the crap that happens in the world that disgusts me to no end, and having to put up with all those stupid individuals who take everything for granted, i realized, i hate this world. And i dont particularily want to live in it anymore. But thats not to say i'd like to kill myself.
When considering my reasons, i'd prefer not to live <-- realizing that i'm actually not afraid of death (sounds like i'm trying to be macho) but more so afraid of the concept of 'pain'. Death, i see nothing wrong with it, its an evolutionary condition. Pain on the other hand, sucks, whether its physical or emotional. However, i continue to do so, bound my obligation. but to what? mainly my family. If i killed myself, i know that my already slightly unstable mother would go into shock and potentially die. I know that i'd leave my brother and sister alone, and my dad pretty broken as well. But if they all died, either by some freak accident or by natural causes, then i'd be allowed to step foward and leave this world. So in my case, i ultimately strive to succeed, sheerly to make my parents proud and give them the feeling "Yes, my hard work has paid off" since they are first generation immigrants from china at a time when leaving the country was extremely difficult.
This is mainly fueled by my disgust for the people around me. Sitting in my microbiology lecture, i often hear stuff like this.
"Hey, did you catch that part? I missed it"
"No, but i dont care"
"huh?"
"even if i fail the course, its my parents that are paying for this"
Back onto you though, i think, you just need to come to terms with yourself regarding what you are living for. An actual reason that you still wake up everyday. hope that helps a bit =T
Much like your sympathy with kira, i feel the same way i guess. But when considering the oh so cliche "why do you live" question, i came to my own conclusion. In spite of all the crap that happens in the world that disgusts me to no end, and having to put up with all those stupid individuals who take everything for granted, i realized, i hate this world. And i dont particularily want to live in it anymore. But thats not to say i'd like to kill myself.
When considering my reasons, i'd prefer not to live <-- realizing that i'm actually not afraid of death (sounds like i'm trying to be macho) but more so afraid of the concept of 'pain'. Death, i see nothing wrong with it, its an evolutionary condition. Pain on the other hand, sucks, whether its physical or emotional. However, i continue to do so, bound my obligation. but to what? mainly my family. If i killed myself, i know that my already slightly unstable mother would go into shock and potentially die. I know that i'd leave my brother and sister alone, and my dad pretty broken as well. But if they all died, either by some freak accident or by natural causes, then i'd be allowed to step foward and leave this world. So in my case, i ultimately strive to succeed, sheerly to make my parents proud and give them the feeling "Yes, my hard work has paid off" since they are first generation immigrants from china at a time when leaving the country was extremely difficult.
This is mainly fueled by my disgust for the people around me. Sitting in my microbiology lecture, i often hear stuff like this.
"Hey, did you catch that part? I missed it"
"No, but i dont care"
"huh?"
"even if i fail the course, its my parents that are paying for this"
Back onto you though, i think, you just need to come to terms with yourself regarding what you are living for. An actual reason that you still wake up everyday. hope that helps a bit =T