Recently turned single.
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Been in a relationship with now recently turned ex for about 6 years now. Our anniversary was this October 23. I must say, this rejection really blindsided me since I thought surely things were going great. I just wanted to see some other views and different conclusions because I am confused.
It was a couple days ago when she suddenly texted me that she wanted to meet up somewhere that was not my/her house. We ended up going to a nearby park which I followed her to a secluded place. I knew it was something bad, but we got to talking about each other and ended up talking for a few hours.
She said things like "now I don't trust you anymore", "I think I don't love you", and "I only stayed with you because I didn't want to hurt you". Same things you hear every break up. Nevertheless, she said that it started the past year and I must of missed all of the signs because I thought it was the best year of your relationship. We went on a trip to Korea/Japan, went to festivals, had fun, laughed, enjoyed each others company. And just a few days before that breakup, I got her a much needed purse which she loved and went to a Greek Food Festival.
I know I was not the best boyfriend the start of the relationship, in fact I want to say I was a huge cunt. I've never cheated on her or anything like that, I was mostly negligent towards her. But after seeing her cry and saying she wants to break up with me 3 years in, I realized that she was the one I wanted to dedicate myself to. So for the next 3 and 1/2 years I tried my hardest to change and I have. Furthermore, she acknowledged that I have changed for the better when we were breaking up.
To shorten things up, I really wanted to try again and be together because she really was the love of my life. In the end, she kept saying it was not fair to me that she was pretending the past year and is honest in her decision on breaking up. Kept saying "its me, not you".
I mean, what? I don't get it, I don't understand, it is not getting through to my head.
I'm doing, meh, alright though. I know it will take time to cope and overcome it, but man, I really loved that girl. To you ladies and gents that said that it felt like somebody ripped your heart out, I understand you.
Edit: Heh, I just noticed that I've registered on Fakku a couple months before the start of our relationship. Kinda appropriate.
It was a couple days ago when she suddenly texted me that she wanted to meet up somewhere that was not my/her house. We ended up going to a nearby park which I followed her to a secluded place. I knew it was something bad, but we got to talking about each other and ended up talking for a few hours.
She said things like "now I don't trust you anymore", "I think I don't love you", and "I only stayed with you because I didn't want to hurt you". Same things you hear every break up. Nevertheless, she said that it started the past year and I must of missed all of the signs because I thought it was the best year of your relationship. We went on a trip to Korea/Japan, went to festivals, had fun, laughed, enjoyed each others company. And just a few days before that breakup, I got her a much needed purse which she loved and went to a Greek Food Festival.
I know I was not the best boyfriend the start of the relationship, in fact I want to say I was a huge cunt. I've never cheated on her or anything like that, I was mostly negligent towards her. But after seeing her cry and saying she wants to break up with me 3 years in, I realized that she was the one I wanted to dedicate myself to. So for the next 3 and 1/2 years I tried my hardest to change and I have. Furthermore, she acknowledged that I have changed for the better when we were breaking up.
To shorten things up, I really wanted to try again and be together because she really was the love of my life. In the end, she kept saying it was not fair to me that she was pretending the past year and is honest in her decision on breaking up. Kept saying "its me, not you".
I mean, what? I don't get it, I don't understand, it is not getting through to my head.
I'm doing, meh, alright though. I know it will take time to cope and overcome it, but man, I really loved that girl. To you ladies and gents that said that it felt like somebody ripped your heart out, I understand you.
Edit: Heh, I just noticed that I've registered on Fakku a couple months before the start of our relationship. Kinda appropriate.
2
Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
Usually a long term relationship ends mainly due to things that have happened in the past that one or both could not get over or you reach a turning point where you find that something just isn't right for you or both go move forward. Since she can't give her own input on things and from what you've discussed I believe there is more to this then what is aleready explained so none of us could give you any solid advice on why she did what she did. Any reasons as to why would have to come from her directly, we can only give you assumptions so take anything said in that respect with a grain of salt.
All I can assume given from what you've said and how long you two were together she may have never let go of the pain she felt in the past. Even though you two made it work she may have found that even after you and possibly her herself worked on things she never felt the same and lingering feelings remained until she finally realized that she couldn't make something work where she couldn't put in the effort. so even though she says that in the last year she had been feeling this way she may have been feeling this for much longer. Again this is only speculation, do not look at this as genuine.
All I can say is don't doubt she loved you. No one stays together with someone else for all of that time without caring for them. Even if she had negative feelings, she definitely will always cherish the things you have done for her and all of the good memories you've shared. I know I look at my long term relationship in that respect. You also have to respect her wishes on wanting to end things, I know it hurts and it is shitty but you can't make someone feel something when they can't or rather won't.
I'm sorry you had to go through such a rough breakup, but look at it as you spent your time with a lovely person and that you became a better person through it all and hopefully one day another lucky lady will get to see the person you're continuing to strive to be. take this time to hurt and heal, long term breakups are never easy, but you will live and you will find love again if you work towards it.
Also I can't say you'll ever fully understand why she broke up with you unless you two are on speaking terms, but most people never really get that sort of closure. Heck even after my long term we talked and I don't think he fully understands my reasons. Anyways, best of luck to you and best wishes on future relationships.
All I can assume given from what you've said and how long you two were together she may have never let go of the pain she felt in the past. Even though you two made it work she may have found that even after you and possibly her herself worked on things she never felt the same and lingering feelings remained until she finally realized that she couldn't make something work where she couldn't put in the effort. so even though she says that in the last year she had been feeling this way she may have been feeling this for much longer. Again this is only speculation, do not look at this as genuine.
All I can say is don't doubt she loved you. No one stays together with someone else for all of that time without caring for them. Even if she had negative feelings, she definitely will always cherish the things you have done for her and all of the good memories you've shared. I know I look at my long term relationship in that respect. You also have to respect her wishes on wanting to end things, I know it hurts and it is shitty but you can't make someone feel something when they can't or rather won't.
I'm sorry you had to go through such a rough breakup, but look at it as you spent your time with a lovely person and that you became a better person through it all and hopefully one day another lucky lady will get to see the person you're continuing to strive to be. take this time to hurt and heal, long term breakups are never easy, but you will live and you will find love again if you work towards it.
Also I can't say you'll ever fully understand why she broke up with you unless you two are on speaking terms, but most people never really get that sort of closure. Heck even after my long term we talked and I don't think he fully understands my reasons. Anyways, best of luck to you and best wishes on future relationships.
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Wow, that was really eye opening and wonderful response. Thanks for that. Guess I'll keep trucking forward.
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A similar thing happened to me and my ex a few months ago. We had been together for about 5 and a half years then suddenly we're broke up because she "doesn't trust me anymore". I did see the signs a month or two before it happened, but I hadn't expected a breakup. I still don't really understand why we broke up either.
Now a few months later, I see that it was a good thing we broke up (even though it still hurts sometimes). It allows both of us to do the things we want to do without holding each other back.
If someone wants to break up because they are not happy in a relationship, you can't change the way they feel. Just do what you need to do for yourself to help and try not to be vindictive to the other person.
Masaki_Chi has good advice, as always. Like she said it is hard to give you more advice or help without more knowledge of the situation, but having come from a similar situation, I understand that you aren't willing to give anymore information about the situation than you already have, and you can't give her side of the story.
Now a few months later, I see that it was a good thing we broke up (even though it still hurts sometimes). It allows both of us to do the things we want to do without holding each other back.
If someone wants to break up because they are not happy in a relationship, you can't change the way they feel. Just do what you need to do for yourself to help and try not to be vindictive to the other person.
Masaki_Chi has good advice, as always. Like she said it is hard to give you more advice or help without more knowledge of the situation, but having come from a similar situation, I understand that you aren't willing to give anymore information about the situation than you already have, and you can't give her side of the story.
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
KoopaH wrote...
A similar thing happened to me and my ex a few months ago. We had been together for about 5 and a half years then suddenly we're broke up because she "doesn't trust me anymore". I did see the signs a month or two before it happened, but I hadn't expected a breakup. I still don't really understand why we broke up either.Now a few months later, I see that it was a good thing we broke up (even though it still hurts sometimes). It allows both of us to do the things we want to do without holding each other back.
If someone wants to break up because they are not happy in a relationship, you can't change the way they feel. Just do what you need to do for yourself to help and try not to be vindictive to the other person.
Masaki_Chi has good advice, as always. Like she said it is hard to give you more advice or help without more knowledge of the situation, but having come from a similar situation, I understand that you aren't willing to give anymore information about the situation than you already have, and you can't give her side of the story.
Daw thanks (^w^)>
I guess from a girls perspective as well as someone who ended my long term relationship. I know my ex said he didn't see it coming, though when the break up sort of hit with him he said me noticed the "signs", though I never really gave him them to warn him, I was just so upset that I knew we had to talk or end things. In the end I know for myself personally I ended things because he said the wrong things and some past issues could not be resolved. He even realized after the fact some things he couldn't deal with (that's a story for another time). Anyways we talked a little over two months ago and even when I tried to give him an explanation for my actions he still didn't really understand why, but honestly I think it's for the best. You never really get closure from a long term relationship and I never meant to hurt my guy, I just wanted to be happy again since our relationship wasn't doing it for either of us. Also wanted him to be happy too since I couldn't give it to him genuinly (when your heart isn't in the game you I've a half ass version of your self you feel like shit for). But I do wish the best for him and hope he finds a good girl for himself.
I can't say all women do things for the reasons I did, but as one who has broken up with men, I can promise you we all aren't cold heartless bitches when we do what we do lol. So as I've said don't wish I'll on your ex (if they were a dick just be better then them and be happy you are no longer with them) and find someone who you can be truly happy with.
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KoopaH wrote...
Thanks for the responses. I really do appreciate them. Before the breakup, I honestly, sincerely thought that we were happy. Yeah we'll bicker and get into fights but who doesn't? We'll make up, learn a bit more bout ourselves and move on.
Its just, damn, every day is just a chore now.
Besides work or a brief meeting with friends (which I don't have much of sadly) I just feel antsy and...not nervous but...dread? A dreadful feeling in my chest.
Its worse especially at night where I need to take sleep meds for the past few days to even get about 4 hrs of sleep.
I'm currently looking into dance classes or maybe a nighttime aerobics class or just something that I can do to keep my mind off things.
Furthermore, I really hope me and my ex can stay as good friends. I know currently friendship is out of the question until the future, but besides her, I've gotten extremely close to her family as well.
I know I love her and still do, and that she'll never return those feelings back to me. Also I know that she was one of the greatest people I've met, and that she'll meet new people, a new love, and a new family; I just want to be there as her supporter and her dessert taste tester in the future.
I also do know that I'll meet someone new, and forge new relationships in the future. But thinking about it...I think my love transcends that to more of love for a brother or sister now. Its just, hopefully my ex will allow us to stay as friends, and whenever she gets a new man, I can be there to physically support them and maybe bring the new man into my family.
Its just...boy. I never thought it would be this rough. I mean, this is just unspeakably hard. People tell me that the first month will be the toughest and that I got to slug on through it, but this was my first girlfriend and my first breakup.
I wonder how she is doing? It really is a struggle just to stop myself from driving past her house sometimes.
Typing on here makes things a bit better.
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
I would say the first 2-3 months are really rough. Believe me I understand what it is like to want to call them, see them and to wish things were different. I never wanted to break up with my ex, but I knew I had to (don't apply my relationship to your girl though lol). But honestly I stayed away, I only called him once (and God that was a huge mistake) and after the three or so months the feeling of wanting to call him and be around him started to slowly fade. Took a good solid 4 months for me to completely detatch, but when it hit I was happy. I finally felt free and I finally saw how good it was I didn't talk to him.
You have to look at it as when you find you've talked to someone and shared a bed with someone for a certain period of time it is not easy to get over that in one night. It is like getting over an addiction in a sense, you go through withdrawals and it is really shitty. I didn't sleep for 2 months and I barely ate for a while. My one friend said shit about him and there was a lot of emotional sorting through I had to go through. Also understand being close with their family, I loved his family to death (probably more then he did slat the time), still miss them more then I miss him lol.
I am going to highly advise you give yourself some time do deal with your own emotions. I know you still love this girl and want to be with her, but you have to keep in mind she doesn't want to be with you. Reality is a bitch, but you have to face facts. You don't have to be angry with her, but it's okay to be upset with her actions to an extent. I know I had to find a way to feel upset with my ex to cope with my feelings. I still loved him for a while after we broke up, it took me time to fall out of love because I knew in my heart he wasn't the one. I know unwinding feelings isn't easy and I can't say you'll be able to do this because everyone is different, but you need time to yourself to really figure out who you are as an individual without the relationship.
I would find friends or family to talk to about all of this. I know I talked to people who were not affiliated with my ex who I became friends with randomly. There is someone I like to call coffeeman funny enough that helped me out the most. We became friends under such random of circumstances, but I remember just talking with him was the greatest therapy I could have asked for. We're still friends even now and I couldn't have imaged a more cooler friend, I'm very grateful to this weirdo lol. I even became closer with other friends as a result of my break-up and I am grateful to them for letting me cry on their cyber shoulders. Even my family helped me out and helped me stay strong.
So in the end I can't say you won't or will have some form of a relationship with this girl, but you need to respect her as well as yourself on being currently single. This process is never easy because love is such a strong emotion. It will take time to get over, but it does happen and you can become stronger as a result. Keep in mind that people who do care for you or they can come to care for you in the future, heck even you yourself should care for you and be the best you are. Don't have to be strong now, but take things one step at a time and eventually you'll be happy again. It's been about 6-7 months since I broke up with my guy and through it all I am happy to say I don't love him and I really am happy with who I am as a person. I like me and I work on myself every day to be at my best (while still having lazy days of moody single days lol). So know you can be happy if you want to, just have to work for it.
You have to look at it as when you find you've talked to someone and shared a bed with someone for a certain period of time it is not easy to get over that in one night. It is like getting over an addiction in a sense, you go through withdrawals and it is really shitty. I didn't sleep for 2 months and I barely ate for a while. My one friend said shit about him and there was a lot of emotional sorting through I had to go through. Also understand being close with their family, I loved his family to death (probably more then he did slat the time), still miss them more then I miss him lol.
I am going to highly advise you give yourself some time do deal with your own emotions. I know you still love this girl and want to be with her, but you have to keep in mind she doesn't want to be with you. Reality is a bitch, but you have to face facts. You don't have to be angry with her, but it's okay to be upset with her actions to an extent. I know I had to find a way to feel upset with my ex to cope with my feelings. I still loved him for a while after we broke up, it took me time to fall out of love because I knew in my heart he wasn't the one. I know unwinding feelings isn't easy and I can't say you'll be able to do this because everyone is different, but you need time to yourself to really figure out who you are as an individual without the relationship.
I would find friends or family to talk to about all of this. I know I talked to people who were not affiliated with my ex who I became friends with randomly. There is someone I like to call coffeeman funny enough that helped me out the most. We became friends under such random of circumstances, but I remember just talking with him was the greatest therapy I could have asked for. We're still friends even now and I couldn't have imaged a more cooler friend, I'm very grateful to this weirdo lol. I even became closer with other friends as a result of my break-up and I am grateful to them for letting me cry on their cyber shoulders. Even my family helped me out and helped me stay strong.
So in the end I can't say you won't or will have some form of a relationship with this girl, but you need to respect her as well as yourself on being currently single. This process is never easy because love is such a strong emotion. It will take time to get over, but it does happen and you can become stronger as a result. Keep in mind that people who do care for you or they can come to care for you in the future, heck even you yourself should care for you and be the best you are. Don't have to be strong now, but take things one step at a time and eventually you'll be happy again. It's been about 6-7 months since I broke up with my guy and through it all I am happy to say I don't love him and I really am happy with who I am as a person. I like me and I work on myself every day to be at my best (while still having lazy days of moody single days lol). So know you can be happy if you want to, just have to work for it.
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Phew, alrighty then. Thanks ladies and gents, I'm going to hopefully figure this out and find some me time. I've found a pretty good deal on the Lifetime Fitness around where I live so that should keep me preoccupied.
I'll make sure my next post is a happy one. Cheers.
I'll make sure my next post is a happy one. Cheers.
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Its been about a week now and I'v been taking it a day at a time. Jeez, sometimes days are just a downer, and some days I feel like I can move on and feel pretty good about myself.
Working out really helps. Been on a steady regiment for about a week and I feel very good afterwords. Also decided on a 1600 calorie diet every day (which sucks) but I've been going strong with salads, fruit, and chicken stuff. I allowed myself to have one cheat day so all is not lost.
Also been listening a lot of The Shins and Bloc Party.
Can't say everything has been peachy. I still have the feeling that I did not get any closure, and I feel like I'm missing something. Not to mention I finally got on Facebook again after a 9 month leave (since I rarely ever use the damn thing) and saw my ex having fun at the state fair and stuff.
Ah, well. I'm pretty sure all these feelings will go away later down the road, but I have another fear that crept up inside me.
To you guys, if my ex contacts me and says she wants to try again or something like that, how should I respond? In my current state I think I'll leap with joy and say yes, but my friends say that I should say no.
I mean, I definitely still have feelings for her, but just what if she is not really a great match for me?
TTP: Will you guys ever go back with your ex? Is this too soon to make a decision?
Working out really helps. Been on a steady regiment for about a week and I feel very good afterwords. Also decided on a 1600 calorie diet every day (which sucks) but I've been going strong with salads, fruit, and chicken stuff. I allowed myself to have one cheat day so all is not lost.
Also been listening a lot of The Shins and Bloc Party.
Can't say everything has been peachy. I still have the feeling that I did not get any closure, and I feel like I'm missing something. Not to mention I finally got on Facebook again after a 9 month leave (since I rarely ever use the damn thing) and saw my ex having fun at the state fair and stuff.
Ah, well. I'm pretty sure all these feelings will go away later down the road, but I have another fear that crept up inside me.
To you guys, if my ex contacts me and says she wants to try again or something like that, how should I respond? In my current state I think I'll leap with joy and say yes, but my friends say that I should say no.
I mean, I definitely still have feelings for her, but just what if she is not really a great match for me?
TTP: Will you guys ever go back with your ex? Is this too soon to make a decision?
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hellomeatballs wrote...
To you guys, if my ex contacts me and says she wants to try again or something like that, how should I respond? In my current state I think I'll leap with joy and say yes, but my friends say that I should say no.
That is a decision you have to make on your own. You will have to decide whether you really want to get back with your ex or not and if you feel that relationship is healthy for you or not.
At first I felt the same way as you did; I felt that if she asked me to get back together I would jump at the opportunity because I truely loved her. After taking some time thinking about it and analyzing my feelings I decided that I may get back with her, but it is very situational and wouldn't be anytime soon. I find some days I am still down about the breakup, much like you are. Though most days I am much happier now than I was before we broke up. I thought about what made me happier and what didn't make me as happy, what I wanted to change in my life and how being back in a relationship with my ex would affect me making those changes. Those were the key things that helped me work through what I wanted.
As I said, only you can make the decision, I just hope my experience can help you figure out what you want out of life and make the decision that would be best for you in that regard.
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KoopaH wrote...
hellomeatballs wrote...
To you guys, if my ex contacts me and says she wants to try again or something like that, how should I respond? In my current state I think I'll leap with joy and say yes, but my friends say that I should say no.
That is a decision you have to make on your own. You will have to decide whether you really want to get back with your ex or not and if you feel that relationship is healthy for you or not.
At first I felt the same way as you did; I felt that if she asked me to get back together I would jump at the opportunity because I truely loved her. After taking some time thinking about it and analyzing my feelings I decided that I may get back with her, but it is very situational and wouldn't be anytime soon. I find some days I am still down about the breakup, much like you are. Though most days I am much happier now than I was before we broke up. I thought about what made me happier and what didn't make me as happy, what I wanted to change in my life and how being back in a relationship with my ex would affect me making those changes. Those were the key things that helped me work through what I wanted.
As I said, only you can make the decision, I just hope my experience can help you figure out what you want out of life and make the decision that would be best for you in that regard.
Hmmm, alright man. Thanks for your input again.
3
Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
I would have probably gotten back together with my ex if he had talked to me in the first couple months. I know I missed him and wanted it to work somehow even though I was the one who broke up. We loved each other and we're together for quite a bit. After the 3rd/4th month I realized it was both time to move on as well as how much better my life was without him. I am a much better person through all of this and even though I'm single I don't dislike it one bit. Need this time for myself and to really grow as a person. With my ex I had stopped doing that, he wasn't the right person to grow with. I realized a lot of things I liked and regretted from my time with him. I am also grateful I grew closer with family and friends as a result.
If your ex contacts you for whatever reason you have to decide what you want for yourself in your own life. I would say even if you want to say yes to really take time to evaluate your life and where you are at the moment. Then see where you wish to be in the future. Don't just say yes to taking someone back because you're lonely or because your scared you won't find love again. You have to learn to be strong as an individual to be strong in a relationship.
If your ex contacts you for whatever reason you have to decide what you want for yourself in your own life. I would say even if you want to say yes to really take time to evaluate your life and where you are at the moment. Then see where you wish to be in the future. Don't just say yes to taking someone back because you're lonely or because your scared you won't find love again. You have to learn to be strong as an individual to be strong in a relationship.
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Misaki_Chi wrote...
I would have probably gotten back together with my ex if he had talked to me in the first couple months. I know I missed him and wanted it to work somehow even though I was the one who broke up. We loved each other and we're together for quite a bit. After the 3rd/4th month I realized it was both time to move on as well as how much better my life was without him. I am a much better person through all of this and even though I'm single I don't dislike it one bit. Need this time for myself and to really grow as a person. With my ex I had stopped doing that, he wasn't the right person to grow with. I realized a lot of things I liked and regretted from my time with him. I am also grateful I grew closer with family and friends as a result.If your ex contacts you for whatever reason you have to decide what you want for yourself in your own life. I would say even if you want to say yes to really take time to evaluate your life and where you are at the moment. Then see where you wish to be in the future. Don't just say yes to taking someone back because you're lonely or because your scared you won't find love again. You have to learn to be strong as an individual to be strong in a relationship.
Ah, alright. Yeah, I'll definitely take some time to ponder and just be with me for a while. I guess the answer will come to me eventually, so whenever she wants to talk, we'll talk. Thanks again!
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Servexia
Otaku
Man, I came into this thread thinking "how can I get a hentai loving gf" and it's just a bunch of depressing, relationship ending shit! lol @ me. ;p
You have a lot of great advice already, so I'm make it really brief!
It's super hard to see the long run when you're in this emotional state and it is so recent. But do try and think of the future... not in a specific way, but in terms of the reality that it exists, and it's full of unbelievable unknowns. None of which involve a return to that relationship... don't plan for it, don't think about it, don't hope for it.
I know that sounds miserable and mean, but think of it like this: If you spend all day wanting and hoping for a piece of cake with dinner and you don't get it, how fucking bummed are you going to be? What if you know you want it, but you just let it go and think of other things. If you don't get that piece of cake, you were prepared for that reality. And if you do get it, then it's a nice surprise. I'm not advocating repression - you're not denying you want a piece of cake, but you are focusing your thought process to things other than just that fact.
Some Real Life®, It Can Get Better™ to end with: I almost ditched every aspect of my life to following my lover to Alaska a couple years ago... that was a super really shitty time when I decided against it. But omg... lol, two years later and that was such a massively important and good decision!
You have a lot of great advice already, so I'm make it really brief!
It's super hard to see the long run when you're in this emotional state and it is so recent. But do try and think of the future... not in a specific way, but in terms of the reality that it exists, and it's full of unbelievable unknowns. None of which involve a return to that relationship... don't plan for it, don't think about it, don't hope for it.
I know that sounds miserable and mean, but think of it like this: If you spend all day wanting and hoping for a piece of cake with dinner and you don't get it, how fucking bummed are you going to be? What if you know you want it, but you just let it go and think of other things. If you don't get that piece of cake, you were prepared for that reality. And if you do get it, then it's a nice surprise. I'm not advocating repression - you're not denying you want a piece of cake, but you are focusing your thought process to things other than just that fact.
Some Real Life®, It Can Get Better™ to end with: I almost ditched every aspect of my life to following my lover to Alaska a couple years ago... that was a super really shitty time when I decided against it. But omg... lol, two years later and that was such a massively important and good decision!
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Servexia wrote...
Man, I came into this thread thinking "how can I get a hentai loving gf" and it's just a bunch of depressing, relationship ending shit! lol @ me. ;pYou have a lot of great advice already, so I'm make it really brief!
It's super hard to see the long run when you're in this emotional state and it is so recent. But do try and think of the future... not in a specific way, but in terms of the reality that it exists, and it's full of unbelievable unknowns. None of which involve a return to that relationship... don't plan for it, don't think about it, don't hope for it.
I know that sounds miserable and mean, but think of it like this: If you spend all day wanting and hoping for a piece of cake with dinner and you don't get it, how fucking bummed are you going to be? What if you know you want it, but you just let it go and think of other things. If you don't get that piece of cake, you were prepared for that reality. And if you do get it, then it's a nice surprise. I'm not advocating repression - you're not denying you want a piece of cake, but you are focusing your thought process to things other than just that fact.
Some Real Life®, It Can Get Better™ to end with: I almost ditched every aspect of my life to following my lover to Alaska a couple years ago... that was a super really shitty time when I decided against it. But omg... lol, two years later and that was such a massively important and good decision!
Thanks for those words. Its been a month now, and I'm taking it day by day. Taking a trip to Vancouver (I didn't know I had all these PTO hours) to take some time off. Still, not a day goes by where I don't think about her.
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Takerial
Lovable Teddy Bear
hellomeatballs wrote...
Servexia wrote...
Man, I came into this thread thinking "how can I get a hentai loving gf" and it's just a bunch of depressing, relationship ending shit! lol @ me. ;pYou have a lot of great advice already, so I'm make it really brief!
It's super hard to see the long run when you're in this emotional state and it is so recent. But do try and think of the future... not in a specific way, but in terms of the reality that it exists, and it's full of unbelievable unknowns. None of which involve a return to that relationship... don't plan for it, don't think about it, don't hope for it.
I know that sounds miserable and mean, but think of it like this: If you spend all day wanting and hoping for a piece of cake with dinner and you don't get it, how fucking bummed are you going to be? What if you know you want it, but you just let it go and think of other things. If you don't get that piece of cake, you were prepared for that reality. And if you do get it, then it's a nice surprise. I'm not advocating repression - you're not denying you want a piece of cake, but you are focusing your thought process to things other than just that fact.
Some Real Life®, It Can Get Better™ to end with: I almost ditched every aspect of my life to following my lover to Alaska a couple years ago... that was a super really shitty time when I decided against it. But omg... lol, two years later and that was such a massively important and good decision!
Thanks for those words. Its been a month now, and I'm taking it day by day. Taking a trip to Vancouver (I didn't know I had all these PTO hours) to take some time off. Still, not a day goes by where I don't think about her.
The longer you've been with someone, the longer it can take to get over them.
A relationship of a year might only take a couple of months to really get over. But one for six years could take closer to a year to really be in an ok position.
And as stated before, the first couple of months are going to be the hardest. Partly because you are conditioned to expect that person to be there. So it just plain feels weird that they're not there. When you get over the conditioned part of it, it becomes a little easier to focus on moving on with your feelings.
Part of what you also need to understand, is that it's alright to still have those types of feelings. A serious relationship was serious for a reason and you should cherish those emotions. What you NEED to do now though, it focus on trying to not look through those cherry picked emotions at your life though. Which will be hard. You gotta focus on thinking of "This is a nice movie." versus "This movie would have been better with her next to me."
It's going to be hard the first couple of months, especially considering the length of the relationship. But if you put in the effort to think that way, it will become more of the conditioned way you think about things. And that will allow yourself to sort your feeling better and get yourself to a point where you can move on.