Was this guy into me, or was he just messing with me?
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Hello forum of Fakku, this is actually my first time posting anything about myself* (I forgot I posted asking about what happened to the Chikan tag lol), because I'm a pretty awkward girl (homeschooled most of life, have never had a boyfriend in person, only on the internet). I've visited the forums a few times - have only lurked though, just to see what's going on. You guys seem like pretty cool people, so I'm kind of hoping that maybe you guys can help out a shy 20 year old girl that tried putting herself out there for once after the guy seemed to show interest. (My past experience has only been 4 online relationships, and I'm done with doing that BS. So this was seriously my first time ever trying to make an attempt to try getting something going with a guy in person. Also of course - kissless virgin, so that should give you an idea of how inexperienced I am at all of this...)
So I have known this guy online since July, but I did momentarily meet him in person 2 weeks ago. Since then him and I have constantly talked every day, and I would say that the flirting between him and I had progressed/increased significantly since then. Back on Sunday, I hung out with him, but he also had his female friend, and his other male friend join us. I tried being conversational with the girl, hoping to make a female friend, but she was very standoffish and quiet - if anything seemed totally not interested in talking with me. His male friend seemed interested in talking so I tried speaking with his male friend along with the guy of interest, and still making small attempts with the girl to not leave her out. I was sitting next to the guy of interest, while the girl sat across from him, and his male friend sat across from me. Multiple times throughout the conversation (s), when the guy of interest spoke to me, he would put his hand on my thigh while speaking to me. However, while he had me watching videos, the girl would get up from her seat, go over and hug the guy of interest sitting next to me (from what I could see without looking away, she hugged him to her chest) - her getting up to hug him happened about four times I think. Then at one point, while I was watching another video (he had shown me multiple videos), he got up to go hug her. Oh and when we were all having to leave, the girl suddenly became happy/hyper, and a lot more vocal and friendly. Besides touching my thigh, the only other things he did was walk with me up to the counter as I paid for the rest of the bill, and told me that the squeaky sound I involuntarily made was adorable when the girl suddenly hugged me from behind. Oh, and right before him telling me that, she had been holding both his and the other guy's hands a bit too. I felt like a 3rd wheel by the end of this to say the least. Was this guy even remotely interested in me or what? Both guys were 18, she was 16.
Also, he constantly told me I was cute, and adorable in conversation, along with calling me a "cutie". I also here and there said it back. However, he also said that he liked giving compliments too, but he showed that he tried saying these things to make me blush while in conversation. I didn't expect much from this guy, but at the same time, I am disappointed because I had been interested in him, and he had originally asked me out to a just "me and him" thing. Then his friends tagged along.
Also, what do you guys do when putting yourself out there kind of goes really badly? I've been bummed about this the past couple days, and I've been trying to draw to just get it out of my system - has worked to some extent, but drawing also allows me to think still. So I'm hoping my 2D men on Code: Realize will help me just finally stop being an idiot and stop being bummed about this.
Thank you to anyone that seriously read all of this and took the time out of their day to read about this.
So I have known this guy online since July, but I did momentarily meet him in person 2 weeks ago. Since then him and I have constantly talked every day, and I would say that the flirting between him and I had progressed/increased significantly since then. Back on Sunday, I hung out with him, but he also had his female friend, and his other male friend join us. I tried being conversational with the girl, hoping to make a female friend, but she was very standoffish and quiet - if anything seemed totally not interested in talking with me. His male friend seemed interested in talking so I tried speaking with his male friend along with the guy of interest, and still making small attempts with the girl to not leave her out. I was sitting next to the guy of interest, while the girl sat across from him, and his male friend sat across from me. Multiple times throughout the conversation (s), when the guy of interest spoke to me, he would put his hand on my thigh while speaking to me. However, while he had me watching videos, the girl would get up from her seat, go over and hug the guy of interest sitting next to me (from what I could see without looking away, she hugged him to her chest) - her getting up to hug him happened about four times I think. Then at one point, while I was watching another video (he had shown me multiple videos), he got up to go hug her. Oh and when we were all having to leave, the girl suddenly became happy/hyper, and a lot more vocal and friendly. Besides touching my thigh, the only other things he did was walk with me up to the counter as I paid for the rest of the bill, and told me that the squeaky sound I involuntarily made was adorable when the girl suddenly hugged me from behind. Oh, and right before him telling me that, she had been holding both his and the other guy's hands a bit too. I felt like a 3rd wheel by the end of this to say the least. Was this guy even remotely interested in me or what? Both guys were 18, she was 16.
Also, he constantly told me I was cute, and adorable in conversation, along with calling me a "cutie". I also here and there said it back. However, he also said that he liked giving compliments too, but he showed that he tried saying these things to make me blush while in conversation. I didn't expect much from this guy, but at the same time, I am disappointed because I had been interested in him, and he had originally asked me out to a just "me and him" thing. Then his friends tagged along.
Also, what do you guys do when putting yourself out there kind of goes really badly? I've been bummed about this the past couple days, and I've been trying to draw to just get it out of my system - has worked to some extent, but drawing also allows me to think still. So I'm hoping my 2D men on Code: Realize will help me just finally stop being an idiot and stop being bummed about this.
Thank you to anyone that seriously read all of this and took the time out of their day to read about this.
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
I don't think he's messing with you, but I would not take this guy nor any of his friends seriously. They're all pretty young implying that mentally they seem a bit immature. The guy may like you, but he doesn't sound like one to commit to one person or rather he may not know how to at this time. At this age there is still a sort of playfulness with friends and people you're interested in (how do you think high-school drama happens?). So basically the attitude I get from all of this is flippant.
If it's something you find you enjoy doing and you are able to reel back your emotions some I'd say just play it cool and hang out as friends. I wouldn't let myself get too serious with this guy because he sounds too immature and young. He may like you and show interest in you, but he cannot commit to these feelings. The girl hugging him is a tell tale sign of this; girl believe me, when a guy is into you he wouldn't let a girl do what she did. Sounds like he may be keeping the field open to play in case he finds something else (not trying to hurt you by saying this, but again this is in relation to the level of maturity).
If you cannot keep from feeling overly emotional/attached to this guy then I would take a few steps back. From how this is sounding you are probably going to get hurt more then anything, you need a guy who is more on your playing field and will focus on you. Not to say this couldn't possibly end up as something, but the chances don't seem likely.
Also, word to the wise if a man does not pay for your meal then he's not for you. I get this was a friend setting, but for one it should have never been that to begin with and two a man who is into you would front the bill or at least offer to pay/do something other then just cop a feel. They would do something to make you feel special and focused on, not feeling as you do now.
If it's something you find you enjoy doing and you are able to reel back your emotions some I'd say just play it cool and hang out as friends. I wouldn't let myself get too serious with this guy because he sounds too immature and young. He may like you and show interest in you, but he cannot commit to these feelings. The girl hugging him is a tell tale sign of this; girl believe me, when a guy is into you he wouldn't let a girl do what she did. Sounds like he may be keeping the field open to play in case he finds something else (not trying to hurt you by saying this, but again this is in relation to the level of maturity).
If you cannot keep from feeling overly emotional/attached to this guy then I would take a few steps back. From how this is sounding you are probably going to get hurt more then anything, you need a guy who is more on your playing field and will focus on you. Not to say this couldn't possibly end up as something, but the chances don't seem likely.
Also, word to the wise if a man does not pay for your meal then he's not for you. I get this was a friend setting, but for one it should have never been that to begin with and two a man who is into you would front the bill or at least offer to pay/do something other then just cop a feel. They would do something to make you feel special and focused on, not feeling as you do now.
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The simplest answer is this: Just ask the gentleman if he is romantically interested in you. I realize you may be extremely shy in person and that is why you have the online persona that allows you to break through that timid exterior. Use that as a tool to express your feelings towards this fellow. It'll work out. Good luck.
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Misaki_Chi wrote...
I don't think he's messing with you, but I would not take this guy nor any of his friends seriously. They're all pretty young implying that mentally they seem a bit immature. The guy may like you, but he doesn't sound like one to commit to one person or rather he may not know how to at this time. At this age there is still a sort of playfulness with friends and people you're interested in (how do you think high-school drama happens?). So basically the attitude I get from all of this is flippant.If it's something you find you enjoy doing and you are able to reel back your emotions some I'd say just play it cool and hang out as friends. I wouldn't let myself get too serious with this guy because he sounds too immature and young. He may like you and show interest in you, but he cannot commit to these feelings. The girl hugging him is a tell tale sign of this; girl believe me, when a guy is into you he wouldn't let a girl do what she did. Sounds like he may be keeping the field open to play in case he finds something else (not trying to hurt you by saying this, but again this is in relation to the level of maturity).
If you cannot keep from feeling overly emotional/attached to this guy then I would take a few steps back. From how this is sounding you are probably going to get hurt more then anything, you need a guy who is more on your playing field and will focus on you. Not to say this couldn't possibly end up as something, but the chances don't seem likely.
Also, word to the wise if a man does not pay for your meal then he's not for you. I get this was a friend setting, but for one it should have never been that to begin with and two a man who is into you would front the bill or at least offer to pay/do something other then just cop a feel. They would do something to make you feel special and focused on, not feeling as you do now.
Thank you very much for this response - it is greatly appreciated, and honestly it was exactly what I wanted explained!!! Though my feelings were not hurt by what you said, even if they had been, it's sound advice that I am greatly taking to heart and appreciate very much. Though I am not emotionally attached to the guy, I would say that you are correct in me feeling overly emotional about the situation - so I shall be taking many steps back. Again, thank you, this is exactly the kind of advice I was looking for!
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attica_black wrote...
The simplest answer is this: Just ask the gentleman if he is romantically interested in you. I realize you may be extremely shy in person and that is why you have the online persona that allows you to break through that timid exterior. Use that as a tool to express your feelings towards this fellow. It'll work out. Good luck.Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it greatly. However, after Misaki_Chi's post, I think it would be best to not pursue this guy. After what happened, and what Misaki_Chi's post, I can already foresee trouble in trying to pursue this guy. None the less, I do think that is good advice however, I just don't think this is the right guy to be using that advice on. So in the future, I will be sure to use this advice - thank you!
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Artsy wrote...
attica_black wrote...
The simplest answer is this: Just ask the gentleman if he is romantically interested in you. I realize you may be extremely shy in person and that is why you have the online persona that allows you to break through that timid exterior. Use that as a tool to express your feelings towards this fellow. It'll work out. Good luck.Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it greatly. However, after Misaki_Chi's post, I think it would be best to not pursue this guy. After what happened, and what Misaki_Chi's post, I can already foresee trouble in trying to pursue this guy. None the less, I do think that is good advice however, I just don't think this is the right guy to be using that advice on. So in the future, I will be sure to use this advice - thank you!
No problem. Sometimes guys are a little afraid to come out and just say that we like a girl. We often think that by flirting here and there that the girl would understand our intentions; however, we do not take into account the bigger picture of whether or not our actions can be seen as flirting. So, we give up or blurt out how we feel and any slightly negative response (verbal or physical) crushes our psyche. Sometimes us guys are just sensitive dummies who couldn't figure out the obvious.
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attica_black wrote...
Artsy wrote...
attica_black wrote...
The simplest answer is this: Just ask the gentleman if he is romantically interested in you. I realize you may be extremely shy in person and that is why you have the online persona that allows you to break through that timid exterior. Use that as a tool to express your feelings towards this fellow. It'll work out. Good luck.Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it greatly. However, after Misaki_Chi's post, I think it would be best to not pursue this guy. After what happened, and what Misaki_Chi's post, I can already foresee trouble in trying to pursue this guy. None the less, I do think that is good advice however, I just don't think this is the right guy to be using that advice on. So in the future, I will be sure to use this advice - thank you!
No problem. Sometimes guys are a little afraid to come out and just say that we like a girl. We often think that by flirting here and there that the girl would understand our intentions; however, we do not take into account the bigger picture of whether or not our actions can be seen as flirting. So, we give up or blurt out how we feel and any slightly negative response (verbal or physical) crushes our psyche. Sometimes us guys are just sensitive dummies who couldn't figure out the obvious.
To be honest, it sounds like both girls and guys experience this, in terms of being oblivious in a situation anyways. (Or at least, I have experienced being the oblivious one in a situation where a guy has liked me, whom I did/did not like back... So scratch that, I can't speak for all girls out there.) I also definitely feel on the whole giving up part. If it weren't for the fact that this upcoming college semester, this dude may be a friend I can pass the time with while waiting for my younger sibling to get out of class, I would have just flat out asked him if he even liked me (that is, before this whole thing back on Sunday happened - now I wouldn't of asked him even if me possibly having to hang out with him wasn't the case). None the less though, what you're saying really resonates with me.
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It is hard to tell if this guy is interested in you based on your story. He may be interested, but not want to show this because being in a group setting may make him nervous about showing affection toward you. On the other hand he may not be interested because he did let the other girl hang all over him and he did not offer to pay for you. Typically guys will at least offer to pay for their dates unless you both agreed on a different arrangement ahead of time. Also, this situation went from just the 2 of you to a group of 4. If he were really interested in you he probably would not have changed it to a group setting.
Anyways, best of luck in the future with dates. Sometimes you have to date a while before you find a good person to be with.
Anyways, best of luck in the future with dates. Sometimes you have to date a while before you find a good person to be with.
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Artsy wrote...
attica_black wrote...
Artsy wrote...
attica_black wrote...
The simplest answer is this: Just ask the gentleman if he is romantically interested in you. I realize you may be extremely shy in person and that is why you have the online persona that allows you to break through that timid exterior. Use that as a tool to express your feelings towards this fellow. It'll work out. Good luck.Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it greatly. However, after Misaki_Chi's post, I think it would be best to not pursue this guy. After what happened, and what Misaki_Chi's post, I can already foresee trouble in trying to pursue this guy. None the less, I do think that is good advice however, I just don't think this is the right guy to be using that advice on. So in the future, I will be sure to use this advice - thank you!
No problem. Sometimes guys are a little afraid to come out and just say that we like a girl. We often think that by flirting here and there that the girl would understand our intentions; however, we do not take into account the bigger picture of whether or not our actions can be seen as flirting. So, we give up or blurt out how we feel and any slightly negative response (verbal or physical) crushes our psyche. Sometimes us guys are just sensitive dummies who couldn't figure out the obvious.
To be honest, it sounds like both girls and guys experience this, in terms of being oblivious in a situation anyways. (Or at least, I have experienced being the oblivious one in a situation where a guy has liked me, whom I did/did not like back... So scratch that, I can't speak for all girls out there.) I also definitely feel on the whole giving up part. If it weren't for the fact that this upcoming college semester, this dude may be a friend I can pass the time with while waiting for my younger sibling to get out of class, I would have just flat out asked him if he even liked me (that is, before this whole thing back on Sunday happened - now I wouldn't of asked him even if me possibly having to hang out with him wasn't the case). None the less though, what you're saying really resonates with me.
Last semester I asked out a girl with whom I had numerous classes with. I was rejected, in order to not make things weird I simply acted like nothing was wrong and still cracked jokes like before. I do not regret asking her out, but the potential for things to get weird and still have to attend class with her was great. From my understanding you no longer wish to pursue that guy anymore. As long as both sides do not make things weird being friends should not be a problem.