How do I cure my Butt-Hurt Nerd sickness?
0
Mr.Everwood
will see you now ;)
I'm not sure if this belongs on serious discussions but here goes.
I have a problem: I'm a nerd who has caught a serious case of butt-hurt. The cause of this sickness is disagreement, and it's been plaguing me for several years now. Even now that I've achieved a degree of maturity it still won't go away.
You see, I have the misfortune of getting personally attached and passionate about works of anime and manga that are often the number 1 target for people with nothing but negative and cynical things to say (and sometimes very loudly). It began with Evangelion, an anime that's touched me more deeply than any other work of fiction ever. To discover that there are many people who hate and can even give good reasons for their discontent was so painfully upsetting that it caused numerous cases of anxiety and depression. I've only just recently gotten past it as I've simply accepted that the original was an important, daring and controversial work, and that I kind of agree that the new version is better. Of course that doesn't mean that I take kindly to people saying that it should never have existed (which is just plain wrong ;P).
Since then, however, the sickness has caught on in other places that I still haven't got rid of. The one most relevant today being none other than Naruto. Mainstream media will have you believe that it's one of the most beloved manga in the world, but the internet tells a different story, one of a manga that's more divisive and more controversial than Ero-Guro. Unfortunately Naruto ended up being the manga that I'm most passionate about, and not just up to a certain point, I mean all of it. Just to make matters even worse the part that I'm most interested in (Part 2), the character that I like the most (Sasuke), and the pairing I adore the most (NaruHina) is being attacked from left to right with roaring complaints about shitty writing or even shitty morals. I can't decide who's right, me or them, and against my better judgement it causes an immense amount of butt-hurt that makes me consider just forgetting that I ever loved the series in the first place. But no matter how many times I throw my Naruto merchandise in the trash I just can't let go.
People keep telling me again and again that what I'm doing is childish, that's it's just opinions, that I shouldn't give a crap, that passion is important and I shouldn't try to rid myself of it. Well, they're right of course but for whatever reason I just can't stop feeling butt-hurt. My stance on the matter is that there is such a thing as right and wrong even when it comes to fiction, and that if your feelings are on the wrong side of things then you just have to accept it. I've accepted that Summer Wars is a great movie even thought I hated it, I've accepted that Sword Art Online isn't a good piece of writing even though I love it. But sometimes I just can't accept it, especially when it's this confusing. Jason Thompson, one of the greatest manga critics of our time, said that Naruto is a good manga and that Kishimoto is an inventive artist and a great storyteller. Both ANN and Otaku USA's reviews of The Last: Naruto the Movie were very positive, as were their reviews of Boruto: Naruto the Movie. And yet people keep complaining even if they haven't seen the movies for themselves, and if they have they say they were exactly as bad as they were expecting them to be.
I really should have gone with One Piece or Avatar: The Last Airbender instead, because nobody has any complaints about those.
Does anyone find this relatable? If so, do you have anything else to say other than: it's childish, it's just opinions, yadda yadda yadda? My butt-hurt nerd sickness requires stronger medication than pain-killers.
I have a problem: I'm a nerd who has caught a serious case of butt-hurt. The cause of this sickness is disagreement, and it's been plaguing me for several years now. Even now that I've achieved a degree of maturity it still won't go away.
You see, I have the misfortune of getting personally attached and passionate about works of anime and manga that are often the number 1 target for people with nothing but negative and cynical things to say (and sometimes very loudly). It began with Evangelion, an anime that's touched me more deeply than any other work of fiction ever. To discover that there are many people who hate and can even give good reasons for their discontent was so painfully upsetting that it caused numerous cases of anxiety and depression. I've only just recently gotten past it as I've simply accepted that the original was an important, daring and controversial work, and that I kind of agree that the new version is better. Of course that doesn't mean that I take kindly to people saying that it should never have existed (which is just plain wrong ;P).
Since then, however, the sickness has caught on in other places that I still haven't got rid of. The one most relevant today being none other than Naruto. Mainstream media will have you believe that it's one of the most beloved manga in the world, but the internet tells a different story, one of a manga that's more divisive and more controversial than Ero-Guro. Unfortunately Naruto ended up being the manga that I'm most passionate about, and not just up to a certain point, I mean all of it. Just to make matters even worse the part that I'm most interested in (Part 2), the character that I like the most (Sasuke), and the pairing I adore the most (NaruHina) is being attacked from left to right with roaring complaints about shitty writing or even shitty morals. I can't decide who's right, me or them, and against my better judgement it causes an immense amount of butt-hurt that makes me consider just forgetting that I ever loved the series in the first place. But no matter how many times I throw my Naruto merchandise in the trash I just can't let go.
People keep telling me again and again that what I'm doing is childish, that's it's just opinions, that I shouldn't give a crap, that passion is important and I shouldn't try to rid myself of it. Well, they're right of course but for whatever reason I just can't stop feeling butt-hurt. My stance on the matter is that there is such a thing as right and wrong even when it comes to fiction, and that if your feelings are on the wrong side of things then you just have to accept it. I've accepted that Summer Wars is a great movie even thought I hated it, I've accepted that Sword Art Online isn't a good piece of writing even though I love it. But sometimes I just can't accept it, especially when it's this confusing. Jason Thompson, one of the greatest manga critics of our time, said that Naruto is a good manga and that Kishimoto is an inventive artist and a great storyteller. Both ANN and Otaku USA's reviews of The Last: Naruto the Movie were very positive, as were their reviews of Boruto: Naruto the Movie. And yet people keep complaining even if they haven't seen the movies for themselves, and if they have they say they were exactly as bad as they were expecting them to be.
I really should have gone with One Piece or Avatar: The Last Airbender instead, because nobody has any complaints about those.
Does anyone find this relatable? If so, do you have anything else to say other than: it's childish, it's just opinions, yadda yadda yadda? My butt-hurt nerd sickness requires stronger medication than pain-killers.
2
Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
We've talked about this some privately before, but I'll continue to talk about it further here.
It isn't so much a childish form of behavior to get hurt in relation to negativity over something you love and enjoy. The only issue however is that you are allowing negativity to affect your life to such a point that it emotionally or even physically causes you distress. The opinions are not even directed at you, people have their own opinions on things and shouldn't affect you to this degree if at all. If I had to put it another way, you are selfishly putting other people's opinions on yourself and thus making yourself feel bad for things that shouldn't even relate to yourself.
People do this from time to time and it's a form of depression (I use to do it quite often when I was younger) and stems from insecurity with yourself. Biggest thing you have to realize is that people will have their opinions on things regardless of what you feel personally. You also need to realize that just because others don't agree with you or have a difference of opinion, that doesn't mean that your's is wrong. It's as I said different and there is no shame in it. If someone does make you feel bad for what you think/feel then that's just a shitty person lol.
You need to have more faith in what you think/feel/believe and be okay with that opinion.
Take fakku for instance, a lot of people are giving them crap as you know for their decision to go into publishing and getting rid of their once free content. Hell I've even been shit on for speaking my mind on this. Sometimes I get annoyed and a little upset, but I just brush it off and stand by my opinions. Usually I just say "hey it's my choice and my view and I'll accept that your's is different. If you can accept mine then cool, if not then were done talking."
The way to feel less butt-hurt is to be happy with what you think/feel/do while still being accepting of others opinions/thoughts/actions. If you feel someone has a better idea on something, learn from it. If you find your idea is better then stick with it or modify it how you choose. Don't just throw away or destroy something you enjoy or are happy with; you won't build yourself if you keep tearing yourself down to the foundation over and over.
Life is too short to allow others to affect you so much so you just learn to be comfortable with who you are and over time change what you don't like.
It took me time to be comfortable in my own skin and be okay with my own thoughts. Hell I hated that I was such a perve when I first really got into hentai. Even went to church (bad idea I learned soon after lol). I finally accepted my love for hentai and was cool with being pervy. Over time you just learn that the small shit doesn't really matter. I could care less about people's opinions and just like what I like. I do respect other's opinions in the sense that everyone has the right to think what they wish, but doesn't mean I have to sit around and hear them trash something I enjoy.
It isn't so much a childish form of behavior to get hurt in relation to negativity over something you love and enjoy. The only issue however is that you are allowing negativity to affect your life to such a point that it emotionally or even physically causes you distress. The opinions are not even directed at you, people have their own opinions on things and shouldn't affect you to this degree if at all. If I had to put it another way, you are selfishly putting other people's opinions on yourself and thus making yourself feel bad for things that shouldn't even relate to yourself.
People do this from time to time and it's a form of depression (I use to do it quite often when I was younger) and stems from insecurity with yourself. Biggest thing you have to realize is that people will have their opinions on things regardless of what you feel personally. You also need to realize that just because others don't agree with you or have a difference of opinion, that doesn't mean that your's is wrong. It's as I said different and there is no shame in it. If someone does make you feel bad for what you think/feel then that's just a shitty person lol.
You need to have more faith in what you think/feel/believe and be okay with that opinion.
Take fakku for instance, a lot of people are giving them crap as you know for their decision to go into publishing and getting rid of their once free content. Hell I've even been shit on for speaking my mind on this. Sometimes I get annoyed and a little upset, but I just brush it off and stand by my opinions. Usually I just say "hey it's my choice and my view and I'll accept that your's is different. If you can accept mine then cool, if not then were done talking."
The way to feel less butt-hurt is to be happy with what you think/feel/do while still being accepting of others opinions/thoughts/actions. If you feel someone has a better idea on something, learn from it. If you find your idea is better then stick with it or modify it how you choose. Don't just throw away or destroy something you enjoy or are happy with; you won't build yourself if you keep tearing yourself down to the foundation over and over.
Life is too short to allow others to affect you so much so you just learn to be comfortable with who you are and over time change what you don't like.
It took me time to be comfortable in my own skin and be okay with my own thoughts. Hell I hated that I was such a perve when I first really got into hentai. Even went to church (bad idea I learned soon after lol). I finally accepted my love for hentai and was cool with being pervy. Over time you just learn that the small shit doesn't really matter. I could care less about people's opinions and just like what I like. I do respect other's opinions in the sense that everyone has the right to think what they wish, but doesn't mean I have to sit around and hear them trash something I enjoy.
0
I can relate; however, when others have negative things to say about Naruto, Bleach, SAO, AoT, and more; all I can do is ask them to explain. I often find that they've read or seen a chapter or episode that really didn't have anything to do with the storyline or that they didn't feel the content was relatable. I can understand that, I have absolute disdain for One Piece and I've attempted to read twenty or so chapters. For me to relate to someone who hates the very manga I cherish, I need to understand their reasoning. I guess I always get lucky because their distaste of something I enjoy always starts great conversations on the subject. Sometimes they take a second look at these materials and come to love it. Sometimes they don't.
There really isn't any need to feel hurt, just try to understand that all of us have likes and dislikes and some of us love to share that to engage in a spirited discussion about our passions.
There really isn't any need to feel hurt, just try to understand that all of us have likes and dislikes and some of us love to share that to engage in a spirited discussion about our passions.
0
FinalBoss
#levelupyourgrind
IDK, Testosterone injection?
Seriously though, it takes a big man to admit he's sensitive towards certain things that have influenced his life. However, to actually get depressed over critique targeting your favorite media outlet may be a red flag that you need some sort of therapy or social life. Technically we all need therapy at least once in our lives, too bad there's such a bad stigma surrounding it. Anyways, if you don't think therapy is for you or have already tried it, then you can always go for a more natural solution such as meditation. Just do 15 minutes every morning. Exercise is also a great stress reliever.
Seriously though, it takes a big man to admit he's sensitive towards certain things that have influenced his life. However, to actually get depressed over critique targeting your favorite media outlet may be a red flag that you need some sort of therapy or social life. Technically we all need therapy at least once in our lives, too bad there's such a bad stigma surrounding it. Anyways, if you don't think therapy is for you or have already tried it, then you can always go for a more natural solution such as meditation. Just do 15 minutes every morning. Exercise is also a great stress reliever.
0
OtakuSenpai
The Overseer
Personally, I would say that my own opinions towards things can get me a little aggressive at times. I don't go out of my way to upset the other person or completely destroy what they like or their opinion against something I like. Eventually if I see a conversation going nowhere, I agree to disagree and move on. I remember back when I was 18, maybe I'd put a little more effort into my passions, because I was still somewhat a teen I guess and was more energetic.
However, holding resentment in or out (in towards yourself, or out towards your friends) is not going to change the underlying factor that tastes are subjective. I'm 27 now and when I feel myself getting to that point, I know it's time to end the discussion on it. You may not notice, but people will defend something they dislike with the same amount of energy. It really all depends on the situation. If your friend or person you're discussing with pushes their dislike so hard that it makes you feel embarrassed or depressed about something you like, they are just idiots. Not usually worth the time to engage in intellectual conversation with entitled people like that.
When I was younger, I constantly fought with my ego and my timidness sides. I literally had two personalities. It wasn't until I got older that I realized that I needed to meld them together to be functional(and sane). These days I come off brash, stubborn, and likely egotistical at first. Many of my friends tell me this. I have one good friend that legitimately said that he hated my guts initially. Once people get to know me, they see I'm fun, go lucky and usually try to encourage others. I'm egotistical with a dash of "You can be like this, too." My friends end up realizing I have sound reasoning and logical reasons for things that I say, unless I'm being completely random. However, likes are just likes. One of my best friends loves sports and Nascar. This same friend won't touch anime or any sci-fi. He doesn't even like Star Wars, which is the complete opposite of me, but we appreciate our differences and still find things to do that are entertaining and have intellectual discussions.
However, holding resentment in or out (in towards yourself, or out towards your friends) is not going to change the underlying factor that tastes are subjective. I'm 27 now and when I feel myself getting to that point, I know it's time to end the discussion on it. You may not notice, but people will defend something they dislike with the same amount of energy. It really all depends on the situation. If your friend or person you're discussing with pushes their dislike so hard that it makes you feel embarrassed or depressed about something you like, they are just idiots. Not usually worth the time to engage in intellectual conversation with entitled people like that.
When I was younger, I constantly fought with my ego and my timidness sides. I literally had two personalities. It wasn't until I got older that I realized that I needed to meld them together to be functional(and sane). These days I come off brash, stubborn, and likely egotistical at first. Many of my friends tell me this. I have one good friend that legitimately said that he hated my guts initially. Once people get to know me, they see I'm fun, go lucky and usually try to encourage others. I'm egotistical with a dash of "You can be like this, too." My friends end up realizing I have sound reasoning and logical reasons for things that I say, unless I'm being completely random. However, likes are just likes. One of my best friends loves sports and Nascar. This same friend won't touch anime or any sci-fi. He doesn't even like Star Wars, which is the complete opposite of me, but we appreciate our differences and still find things to do that are entertaining and have intellectual discussions.
2
Yeah, this is a big problem among nerds: internalizing the things they like so much that any perceived slight against it is taken as a personal attack.
I don't want to be blunt or dismissive, because I'm a high-functioning Autistic, and I know that these things are hard to work with. Even so, the only way this kind of thing can be prevented/mediated is by diversifying yourself. Expand your horizons. Do more things. Try out new stuff--and not just watch weirder anime, I mean go out and find new, different kinds of hobbies. Build model kits. Take up jogging. Bike-ride around town. Read up the classics (Asimov, Vonnegut, Verne), read some more modern stuff (Gaiman, Butcher's Dresden Files), hell read crap (Crichton). Watch other kinds of shows, not just the Internet's current darlings.
You've internalized the show because you love it so much, to the point of excluding other things. Once you have a wider group of things you can devote yourself to, you won't get so butthurt. That kind of internalization just isn't healthy; it's good that you noticed that you needed help.
I don't want to be blunt or dismissive, because I'm a high-functioning Autistic, and I know that these things are hard to work with. Even so, the only way this kind of thing can be prevented/mediated is by diversifying yourself. Expand your horizons. Do more things. Try out new stuff--and not just watch weirder anime, I mean go out and find new, different kinds of hobbies. Build model kits. Take up jogging. Bike-ride around town. Read up the classics (Asimov, Vonnegut, Verne), read some more modern stuff (Gaiman, Butcher's Dresden Files), hell read crap (Crichton). Watch other kinds of shows, not just the Internet's current darlings.
You've internalized the show because you love it so much, to the point of excluding other things. Once you have a wider group of things you can devote yourself to, you won't get so butthurt. That kind of internalization just isn't healthy; it's good that you noticed that you needed help.
0
Mr.Everwood wrote...
You see, I have the misfortune of getting personally attached and passionate about works of anime and manga that are often the number 1 target for people with nothing but negative and cynical things to say (and sometimes very loudly). It began with Evangelion, an anime that's touched me more deeply than any other work of fiction ever. To discover that there are many people who hate and can even give good reasons for their discontent was so painfully upsetting that it caused numerous cases of anxiety and depression.
It's good to be passionate about things you love, but you have to make sure you know the strengths and weaknesses of what you love before you go defending them in a place as vicious as the internet, hahah. Evangelion was and is one of the most widely known animes, still, be it for it's flaws or features. I haven't taken the time to check it out, mostly because I am too dedicated to the horror genre and to Inio Asano at the moment. An example I can use, though, is Naruto. After rereading it recently, I would venture to call it comparable to the Harry Potter series in quality up through the Pain arc (forgive me if I spell his name wrong, I read it through scans, mostly, and I've seen it spelled four or five different ways). I feel that, despite loving the characters and having my own guilty pleasure in the storyline and the way it turned out, it seems to have been rushed towards the end and not very well-thought out. Despite my /opinions/, though, it's important to keep in mind that that's all they are. There is no 'right' answer as to why you love what you love except what makes you love them, haha. What I think would help is probably someone who reads the same things you do who's willing to have a pointedly civil conversation with whom you can discuss things with an open mind.
As a side note, to say that no one has any complaints about One Piece is very, very inaccurate, hah. Given, I think the fans and the people working on the story are all very dedicated, and I think that that's wonderful, but I had less trouble reading the infamous fanfiction, My Immortal, than I did One Piece.
1
FinalBoss
#levelupyourgrind
Vasvasra wrote...
Yeah, this is a big problem among nerds: internalizing the things they like so much that any perceived slight against it is taken as a personal attack.I don't want to be blunt or dismissive, because I'm a high-functioning Autistic, and I know that these things are hard to work with. Even so, the only way this kind of thing can be prevented/mediated is by diversifying yourself. Expand your horizons. Do more things. Try out new stuff--and not just watch weirder anime, I mean go out and find new, different kinds of hobbies. Build model kits. Take up jogging. Bike-ride around town. Read up the classics (Asimov, Vonnegut, Verne), read some more modern stuff (Gaiman, Butcher's Dresden Files), hell read crap (Crichton). Watch other kinds of shows, not just the Internet's current darlings.
You've internalized the show because you love it so much, to the point of excluding other things. Once you have a wider group of things you can devote yourself to, you won't get so butthurt. That kind of internalization just isn't healthy; it's good that you noticed that you needed help.
Yes, this is probably the best advice so far. I try to immerse myself in many different things as well. Perhaps as a result, I'm easy going and hard to piss off.
0
Alphalicious
The Omegalicious
if you remember one thing old philosophers taught me is: Opinions are the lowest form of knowledge with little to no truth behind them, and it is used to manipulate the feeble minded. Gotta brush that dirt off ya shoulder and rise above opinions which requires perseverance and a discriminating attitude.
I believe the PC term is 'calling out Bullshit'
I believe the PC term is 'calling out Bullshit'