Jus a lil sumthin sumthin

I'm sorry my friend, you asked for it. Just bear with me, you may just find something worthwhile.

My ultimate goal in life is to reach enlightenment and to help others find some truth in their lives. I don't know if I'll ever reach enlightenment, I don't know if I can reach that level of detachment, its possible, but it'll take a lot of work. However, I do know that as long as that possibility is open to me, whatever I manage to do on the way there, will be rewarding in its own way.

I've always sought to make people smile and laugh at my own expense, to the point where I would intentionally hurt myself because not only was it funny to me, it was funny to other people. Where I am right now, even though I just turned 21, making people smile and laugh isn't enough. Don't get me wrong, I won't stop just because it won't fulfill what I truly desire. I've just been able to help people in more profound ways, to the extent of helping them better their lives in the long run, that I've gotten that taste for what it is to truly help people.

Taking that next step is truly worth it, because through what I've accomplished doing things in my own way have opened my eyes to the possibilities of what may come. All those self-help assholes talk about self-actualization and other psychological concepts as if they are something you can just do. There are formulas and means to reach a desired result with less effort, but it really isn't worth it.

The best way I can describe anything meaningful is through alchemic concepts. Since I was around 13, I've been interested in alchemy. I've realized that not only is it something that I can learn, it's something that is naturally a part of life. I've known of the Philosopher's Stone, the Elixir of Life, the Prima Materia, whatever you want to call it for so long and at times I've tried to figure out how to find, but over time I've come to realize that its not so much of a thing as it is a metaphor. People see it as a way to turn lead into gold and, in a sense, that is exactly what it is. However, what I'm talking about is spiritual and mental, not physical. The Philosopher's Stone, represents the raw desire to become everything that you want to be. The ability to turn lead to gold, again a metaphor for human potential.

On the subject of God, I stopped the search a long time ago. We search outward for a god to guide us and lead us to salvation and in doing so we fail to realize that what we want to see in God is a reflection of what we have in ourselves. Everything we find that allows us to accept or reject some sort of god that we deem worth acknowledging is a manifestation of our desire to find a more significant meaning to our own existence. For many, God may exist beyond us, but it/he/she is always within us, regardless of what we may believe.

Right now I'm quite drunk, the sun is still out, and the air seems right. I'm going outside to stare into the sky for a while. Peace.

Cue lightning strike in 3...2...1...

Nah, no lightning. We'd all be stuck by now if that were the case. So many of us Damn heathens here.

I think I've said this before, if God comes to visit Fakku, it'll probably kill him.

Doesn't wanting to reach enlightenment interfere with actually achieving it? I mean not wanting to achieve it in a general sense but, actually wanting it that strongly.

Yes, it does. However, my desires are not wanton. I do want enlightenment, per se, but not to the detriment of my path. I'm well aware of the obstructions desire sets in the way and I'm not saying that I haven't met with resistance, but life is about working through those issues as they come. No one can achieve anything without a true awareness of what it entails to reach it. The fact that I'm sitting here talking to you and everyone else about my path, illustrates that I may be progressing, but I have a way to go.

Well being sure about anything is something you have to work at. The way I've always approached anything like this is sharing and not necessarily teaching. Its more fulfilling on both sides in that sense. Of course I can say, "blah blah blah blah blah, and thats how shit goes down," but if I said that, regardless of how poignant or well-spoken my words and ideas were, they would mean horse-shit. I'm just writing, whether I have an audience or not, all that matters is that its out there for someone to find.

That's just the way I think, live my life, and see things. As I said to Ramsus, its all a matter of interpretation. Its cool if I provoke a positive response, but its not what I'm all about. If anything, I do it for the harshest criticism that anyone can give me without spouting shit from their mouths. I've been told that I'm crazy, that I'm full of shit, people have said some of the most horrible things to me because of my beliefs and that all may be true, but when it comes down to it, if there is a justifiable reason to back it up, no matter how bad it is, I'll take it with honor and dignity. Don't get me wrong, I deeply appreciate any positive recognition because it lets me know that I've succeeded in doing something for other people. That's what I live for, but I'm not and, hopefully, never will be the type of person who's words are invalidated by any kind of form or sense of pretension.

I'm the type of person that can go on writing for hours. I could write books, but that's something that doesn't appeal to me right now, only because I'm still learning shit myself. Maybe I'll write one in like 20 years, even though there will still be a lot more for me to learn. I'm an intellectual person, I go on really long, mind-bending rants and that's just me. You can either respect it or not, I'm still gonna do it.

Once again, I've gone on a major rant, but this is my thread and, basically, I started it because of a rant that I thought was too long to be posted as a response. I should have called it "The Jesus rants" just so people can lol and realize what they're getting into. Seriously, this is a part of who I am. You already have become acquainted with the odd-humored, sometimes completely insane, drug using, semi-alcoholic, mildly entertaining person that I am, this is just another layer. It seems that during the spring/summer the deeper and more spiritual side has a much easier time expressing itself, but its always there. I'll end this here because I have other matters that need attention.

I'm pretty sure even an enlightened being cannot claim that they have nothing left to learn.

At this point I could go on and give other suggestions and tips but, judging by your response to my previous comment you probably know all the things that you need to fix that I from my vantage over here can see and those you don't know you'll discover on your own anyway.

I'll still probably post a random comment or two as this goes on though.

long post bro.

If enlightenment is what you after, then you will be hard pressed to find it through detachment. I achieved my own "enlightenment" and the closest you can become to "enlightened" or "godly" is to become perfect in your own humanity and personality. This concept of perfection is what helps drive the human species forward, in places like technology and human rights. And in my opinion, when you have reached a state of mind that lets you rationalize anything you do, you are as close as you can be to enlightenment. Although my state of enlightenment may not be what you are looking for.

You need to learn grammar, how to spell, and how to stay quiet.

that is um... very deep, the jesus

i didn't quite understand where u said "
I've always sought to make people smile and laugh at my own expense" (sorry if i misunderstood)

u mean u intentionally hurt urself just to make people laugh, that's goin a bit far don't you think. after all, i still think that myself is most important to me and i don't think i can bring myself to an extent where sacrifice of parts of me is needed to make other people happy

i totally agree on the concept of god which u talked about

btw, did u type this when u were drunk?

When the Buddha can, you can to! You just need a mountain temple with a waterfall, which might be hard to procure in this day and age -.-

I think I know exactly the situation you're in.

There's a difference in how I approach things though. I do not believe in perfection, or true happiness or meaning. In my opinion, the real trick is to be happy with what you have while still looking for things you want to accomplish.

I too find myself trying to amuse people. I act, I can write, I do presentations and comedy.
"I live for the people, I live for the crowd, seeing them pleased makes me ever so proud."

It's not about the succes, compensation or something like that, it's a wonderful feeling to make people feel better for at least a tiny fraction of their lives. Doing something like that can also have a huge impact. I was inspired by someone singing in a hotel while we were on holiday. Even though there's so little chance of succeeding, breaking through, she still stood there, happy she was doing it.

In a certain way, this goes deeper than trying to help someone. You can't help people who won't listen to you, who don't like you. Doing something indirect as being different can help others.
I try to get nice clothes, and I get the ones I like. Guys my age, however, still wear those baggy clothes (got nothing against them, to each his own). In the beginning, I got laughed at for wearing something different. It was considered gay and I bet you get the picture. Later, girls told me how they liked what I wore, and some guys too, they just didn't dare to wear it.
I got my confidence boost, because everyone needs some recognition, and so did others. Now, a few more people dare to wear whatever they want, and so I think I made a tiny difference.

I'll end this wall of text at this, but try to be happy with what you have and who you are. It's sometimes enough.