What do you say??
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What do you say to a special person who has lost a loved one?? I'm far away from my girlfriend at the moment and wont be able to see her anytime soon..
so what do you say to her when shes lost her grandfather that she loves so much??
so what do you say to her when shes lost her grandfather that she loves so much??
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well that sucks, hope you do well in the will. lol sorry.
when my grandparents died i found that calm sympathy was better then though overbearing pretending to understand guise.
Just be nice and supportive, there's no hard and fast answer i'm afraid it's a difficult question
when my grandparents died i found that calm sympathy was better then though overbearing pretending to understand guise.
Just be nice and supportive, there's no hard and fast answer i'm afraid it's a difficult question
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I don't know. For me, sympathy is annoying because it seems fake. People always say, "if you need anything, just let us know." and things like that, but it's really bullshit, because if you said, "well, I just lost my father, the primary source of income around here, and the bills are piling up; how about a few thousand dollars and a job?" they wont do it. Of course, it's stupid to ask it of them, but it's the principle of the thing.
But like Scribe said, just be nice and supportive. although it's hard to do long-distance, because I wouldn't recommend actually saying much of anything.
But like Scribe said, just be nice and supportive. although it's hard to do long-distance, because I wouldn't recommend actually saying much of anything.
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Just remind her of the positive aspects of her and her grandfather and how they had a great time together and that you're sure it made his life much more happier. Was her grandfather in pain when he died? If so, isn't it better that he went then? Or if he just died out of no where, like in his sleep, at least he didn't have pain? Let her know that if she ever feels like it's too much that you'll be there day and night for her and to call whenever you need to, even if its just to talk about something random (but ya gotta be able to make sure u can do that too).
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@Ayase: I wouldn't even do that. Like the others, you oughta say the obligatory things, "I'm sorry your grandfather died, and if you need me, call me up whenever you feel like it," and so on, and leave it at that.
The way I deal with peoples' troubles are if they don't tell me, I won't and can't help you. It's much of an issue for the person him/herself as it is to receive and get help. Forcing things doesn't help in my opinion. (At least with the three girls that's cried to me in confession, they came to me, not the other way around.) So gunmaster999, if your girlfriend doesn't bring it up, don't force her to. As much as you want to help her, only she can come to terms with her grief. The support of others speeds up the process, that's all.
Though I'm thinking that this thread should belong in the Love, Romance, and Relationships section... but this topic's at the threshold.
The way I deal with peoples' troubles are if they don't tell me, I won't and can't help you. It's much of an issue for the person him/herself as it is to receive and get help. Forcing things doesn't help in my opinion. (At least with the three girls that's cried to me in confession, they came to me, not the other way around.) So gunmaster999, if your girlfriend doesn't bring it up, don't force her to. As much as you want to help her, only she can come to terms with her grief. The support of others speeds up the process, that's all.
Though I'm thinking that this thread should belong in the Love, Romance, and Relationships section... but this topic's at the threshold.
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g-money wrote...
@Ayase: I wouldn't even do that. Like the others, you oughta say the obligatory things, "I'm sorry your grandfather died, and if you need me, call me up whenever you feel like it," and so on, and leave it at that. The way I deal with peoples' troubles are if they don't tell me, I won't and can't help you. It's much of an issue for the person him/herself as it is to receive and get help. Forcing things doesn't help in my opinion. (At least with the three girls that's cried to me in confession, they came to me, not the other way around.) So gunmaster999, if your girlfriend doesn't bring it up, don't force her to. As much as you want to help her, only she can come to terms with her grief. The support of others speeds up the process, that's all.
Though I'm thinking that this thread should belong in the Love, Romance, and Relationships section... but this topic's at the threshold.
I agree to most of what you said (especially the fact that this belongs in the Love and relationships section).
My best friend broke up with his girlfriend lately. He got dumped and he still strives to get back together with her.
I'm just supportive in the situation. I analyse what he tells me and try to bring out what he's not telling me. (Dunno if you guys understand me on this).
As his best friend I try to bring up everything he might have overlooked or might have discarded because he doesn't want to think about it.
You should always tell the truth to your friends//loved ones. Trying to conceive it or embelish it is always a mistake ( I speak from personnal experience). They want to hear the truth from you even though it might hurt them.
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Well, if being able to have a sit down with the person was on the table, I would suggest a bottle of some good booze, then have that person talk about the ordeal while drinking. Alcohol is a great relaxant, and as long as you don't overdo things, it can be a great conversation tool/way to feel better about a current crises. When I like to clear my head a little, I sometimes pour myself a few drinks [not a lot] and silently drink them at my own pace, thinking all the while. Anyway, something to consider if you have the chance.
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Thanks for all the input, sorry about the wrong section, i was upset that shes upset so decided to put this in the serious section..
Anyway, i think i will just tell her if she ever needs me i'll always be there for her, and let her come to terms with it..
I dont want to force her either..
Death really makes life depressing, never had a situation like this before..
Anyway, i think i will just tell her if she ever needs me i'll always be there for her, and let her come to terms with it..
I dont want to force her either..
Death really makes life depressing, never had a situation like this before..
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hmm i'm kinda in the same situation, i'm far away from my girlfriend and won't be seeing her any time soon you want to comfort her but you can't.
it sucks. just let her come to terms with it on her own time. don't try to comfort her too much she might blame you, just a little
it sucks. just let her come to terms with it on her own time. don't try to comfort her too much she might blame you, just a little
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It's striking a fine line between caring and annoying that's the issue.
As his best friend I try to bring up everything he might have overlooked or might have discarded because he doesn't want to think about it.
Me too. When people bring their troubles to me, I also analyze it through many angles and try to 1) rationalize it, 2) find out the missing links, and 3) create solutions and advise them. However, I don't do this unless they talk to me. Human relationships exist on a give-and-take basis for the most part. You tell me your problems, I give you my advice. But, if you don't tell me, and I try prying you for information even though it's obvious that a problem exists, you're only going to drive a troubled person further into their shell.
Ah, as for the truth, I had a maxim on my xanga... it went like this, "The truth is there neither to give pain nor comfort, but it still hurts like a mofo." Dealing with the truth and pain is how humans overcome their weaknesses and traverse forward. The truth hurts only if you are avoiding it; by embracing it, you can understand and move forward. That's how people live life - death's just another part of it. Sometimes though, I give them the truth even if they don't want to hear it; they brought it up, so they deserve the truth. Direct and honest is the way to go, and you're right, embellishing it or trying to put yourself in their shoes just doesn't work.
Understand that this comes from being a good listener. If I was not the honest person with a good ear for others, I doubt that I would be able to give advice as such.
Zellgadus wrote...
I'm just supportive in the situation. I analyse what he tells me and try to bring out what he's not telling me. (Dunno if you guys understand me on this).As his best friend I try to bring up everything he might have overlooked or might have discarded because he doesn't want to think about it.
Me too. When people bring their troubles to me, I also analyze it through many angles and try to 1) rationalize it, 2) find out the missing links, and 3) create solutions and advise them. However, I don't do this unless they talk to me. Human relationships exist on a give-and-take basis for the most part. You tell me your problems, I give you my advice. But, if you don't tell me, and I try prying you for information even though it's obvious that a problem exists, you're only going to drive a troubled person further into their shell.
Zellgadus wrote...
You should always tell the truth to your friends//loved ones. Trying to conceive it or embelish it is always a mistake ( I speak from personnal experience). They want to hear the truth from you even though it might hurt them.Ah, as for the truth, I had a maxim on my xanga... it went like this, "The truth is there neither to give pain nor comfort, but it still hurts like a mofo." Dealing with the truth and pain is how humans overcome their weaknesses and traverse forward. The truth hurts only if you are avoiding it; by embracing it, you can understand and move forward. That's how people live life - death's just another part of it. Sometimes though, I give them the truth even if they don't want to hear it; they brought it up, so they deserve the truth. Direct and honest is the way to go, and you're right, embellishing it or trying to put yourself in their shoes just doesn't work.
Understand that this comes from being a good listener. If I was not the honest person with a good ear for others, I doubt that I would be able to give advice as such.