Why Is Being A Sex Focus A Bad Thing?
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On the other forums in which I posted my last thead, Why Is Being A Sex Object A Bad Thing?, I seem to have ruffled a few feathers. I posted this new thread on all the other sites to try and clairify what I meant. You guys didn't freak out at me (thank you so much for that) but I thought I would post the new thread to see what you thought of it.
I seem to have acidentally unleashed a demon with my last thread, Why Is Being A Sex Object A Bad Thing? I posted this thread on four different forums including this one and I didn't understand why everyone was so upset until it was suggested that I and everyone else is probably interpreting the term Sexual Object differently.
When I hear the term Sex Object I think it means that someone is the object of another person's sexual desire. In other words a person who is sexually desireable and is currently the focus of someone else's sexual desires. In the simplest terms, someone sexy.
Apparently to most other people it means a person who's only purpose is sex and is nothing more than a living dildo, which is not what I was talking about. So instead I will use the term Sexual Focus I which I just came up with, and as far as I know just means someone who's sexy.
Okay one of the reasons I created the last thread was because I've been reading and watching a lot of material lately that seems to me to be saying that sexyness is bad. Particularly things that I find sexy are bad, and because I like those things I am a bad person.
As an example there is a lot of critizism surrounding Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. On forums and in articles I read comments which claim that Lara Croft and characters like her are an indication that the games industry is sexist and anyone who likes Lara Croft is either immature or sexist themselves. Also that media with sexy characters is brainwashing men into thinking that women are just eye candy, and are objects who's only purpose is sex.
As a man I find all of these ideas to be both insulting and disturbing. I like Lara Croft, I like big breasts, I am also a mature adult and I am not a sexist pig. No one has any right to decide what I find sexy for me or to assign personality qualities to me just because of my sexual preferences! And the idea that I am so feeble minded that just by watching Lara's boobs bounce I can be brainwashed into thinking that women are just walking onna cups makes me so angry I have to keep myself from screaming profanities at the monitor!
This ties in with what I was trying to say in latter half of my previous thread when I was talking about exercising to make myself look more attractive.
A response I got from a lot of people was that you shouldn't have to change your body in order to find compainionship. I wholeheartedly agree with this, the world would probably be a better place if we weren't so concerned with how other people look. But the unfortunate fact is that we do. We are a visual species and and while you do have to talk to someone to find out if they are a good mate, they way most people decide who to talk to first is by how good they look.
I made a thread a couple weeks ago (while drunk I must admit) lamenting that even though I was a nice guy and I work at asking girls out I could not get a date. It was pointed out to me by both people at the forum and that I know in real life that, yes this is unfortunate but its not going to change. I can either sit around wishing for society to change or I can work at changing myself and thus acheving my goal of being someone's Sexual Focus and finding a mate ( or a one night stand, I'm fine with either).
The third thing that I was trying to talk about in my old thread was that I am bombarded by the idea that if you (male or female) are interested in or at least too interested in sex that you are shallow and are less deserving or respect than people who are not as interested in sex as you are.
Like a response I got a couple times from the previous thread is that "Sex isn't everything" and "You need to be interested in other things besides sex." "If people just see you as a sex toy it is de-humanizing." Etc.
The thing is I'm already a complete person in a lot of other reguards and am interested in a lot of other things besides sex. I'm 23 years old and I just need a few more courses before I graduate from university with a history degree. I'm a writer in the process of writing my first novel and have already written short stories and poetry. I'm a great cook, I paint, I'm a good singer (and if you get a few martinis in me I'm great singer ). I'm told I'm a source of stimulating intellectual conversation, and I love to talk with people about politics, philosophy, economic theory, mythology, war, movies, video games, stories, and a host of other topics. I've lived a life full of tribulation and at the risk of bragging I would say I have a greater than normal share of life experience for my age. I'm not just a human being, I'm a bloody Renaissance Man!
Except I have no experience with women.
To my knowledge, I have never been a sexual focus to anyone. This one vital most basic process that countless humans throughout history have achived, connection with a member of the opposite gender, I can't accomplish. I have been seen as an object of humour, an object of intelligence, of interesting conversation but never one of sex. And so I have to struggle with the nagging feeling that I am less than human, or I'm some sort of defective human.
Its true that sex isn't everything, but it not nothing either. In fact its a pretty big and damned important thing. Its as vital to a happy, healthly life (for most people) as eating or sleeping. When you've just eaten you don't consider food to be as important as when you're hungry. Maybe being seen a just a sex object is indeed de-humanizing, but not being seen as a Sexual Focus at all is just as de-humanizing.
That's all I can think of right now so I'll stop here. Whew I've been working on this thing for four hours. I seem to have offended a lot of people with my last thread, but that's not what I wanted. I think I just didn't communicate what I was trying to say coheirently. As you read this if you find anything offensive please know that isn't my intent. I'm just trying to make sense of the world and what's happening with my life thats all.
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And voice my anger about the whole "men can be brainwashed by videogames" thing.
I seem to have acidentally unleashed a demon with my last thread, Why Is Being A Sex Object A Bad Thing? I posted this thread on four different forums including this one and I didn't understand why everyone was so upset until it was suggested that I and everyone else is probably interpreting the term Sexual Object differently.
When I hear the term Sex Object I think it means that someone is the object of another person's sexual desire. In other words a person who is sexually desireable and is currently the focus of someone else's sexual desires. In the simplest terms, someone sexy.
Apparently to most other people it means a person who's only purpose is sex and is nothing more than a living dildo, which is not what I was talking about. So instead I will use the term Sexual Focus I which I just came up with, and as far as I know just means someone who's sexy.
Okay one of the reasons I created the last thread was because I've been reading and watching a lot of material lately that seems to me to be saying that sexyness is bad. Particularly things that I find sexy are bad, and because I like those things I am a bad person.
As an example there is a lot of critizism surrounding Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. On forums and in articles I read comments which claim that Lara Croft and characters like her are an indication that the games industry is sexist and anyone who likes Lara Croft is either immature or sexist themselves. Also that media with sexy characters is brainwashing men into thinking that women are just eye candy, and are objects who's only purpose is sex.
As a man I find all of these ideas to be both insulting and disturbing. I like Lara Croft, I like big breasts, I am also a mature adult and I am not a sexist pig. No one has any right to decide what I find sexy for me or to assign personality qualities to me just because of my sexual preferences! And the idea that I am so feeble minded that just by watching Lara's boobs bounce I can be brainwashed into thinking that women are just walking onna cups makes me so angry I have to keep myself from screaming profanities at the monitor!
This ties in with what I was trying to say in latter half of my previous thread when I was talking about exercising to make myself look more attractive.
A response I got from a lot of people was that you shouldn't have to change your body in order to find compainionship. I wholeheartedly agree with this, the world would probably be a better place if we weren't so concerned with how other people look. But the unfortunate fact is that we do. We are a visual species and and while you do have to talk to someone to find out if they are a good mate, they way most people decide who to talk to first is by how good they look.
I made a thread a couple weeks ago (while drunk I must admit) lamenting that even though I was a nice guy and I work at asking girls out I could not get a date. It was pointed out to me by both people at the forum and that I know in real life that, yes this is unfortunate but its not going to change. I can either sit around wishing for society to change or I can work at changing myself and thus acheving my goal of being someone's Sexual Focus and finding a mate ( or a one night stand, I'm fine with either).
The third thing that I was trying to talk about in my old thread was that I am bombarded by the idea that if you (male or female) are interested in or at least too interested in sex that you are shallow and are less deserving or respect than people who are not as interested in sex as you are.
Like a response I got a couple times from the previous thread is that "Sex isn't everything" and "You need to be interested in other things besides sex." "If people just see you as a sex toy it is de-humanizing." Etc.
The thing is I'm already a complete person in a lot of other reguards and am interested in a lot of other things besides sex. I'm 23 years old and I just need a few more courses before I graduate from university with a history degree. I'm a writer in the process of writing my first novel and have already written short stories and poetry. I'm a great cook, I paint, I'm a good singer (and if you get a few martinis in me I'm great singer ). I'm told I'm a source of stimulating intellectual conversation, and I love to talk with people about politics, philosophy, economic theory, mythology, war, movies, video games, stories, and a host of other topics. I've lived a life full of tribulation and at the risk of bragging I would say I have a greater than normal share of life experience for my age. I'm not just a human being, I'm a bloody Renaissance Man!
Except I have no experience with women.
To my knowledge, I have never been a sexual focus to anyone. This one vital most basic process that countless humans throughout history have achived, connection with a member of the opposite gender, I can't accomplish. I have been seen as an object of humour, an object of intelligence, of interesting conversation but never one of sex. And so I have to struggle with the nagging feeling that I am less than human, or I'm some sort of defective human.
Its true that sex isn't everything, but it not nothing either. In fact its a pretty big and damned important thing. Its as vital to a happy, healthly life (for most people) as eating or sleeping. When you've just eaten you don't consider food to be as important as when you're hungry. Maybe being seen a just a sex object is indeed de-humanizing, but not being seen as a Sexual Focus at all is just as de-humanizing.
That's all I can think of right now so I'll stop here. Whew I've been working on this thing for four hours. I seem to have offended a lot of people with my last thread, but that's not what I wanted. I think I just didn't communicate what I was trying to say coheirently. As you read this if you find anything offensive please know that isn't my intent. I'm just trying to make sense of the world and what's happening with my life thats all.
...
And voice my anger about the whole "men can be brainwashed by videogames" thing.
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Cruz
Dope Stone Lion
I'm kind of sick of all the "gaming journalism" and the clusterfucks it's brought recently. The Kickstarter with Anita Sarkeesian and the Tombraider comments brought in a lot of mindless dribble from both extremes.
Also, related video.
Also, related video.
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Very interesting viewpoint and expressed well enough for an enjoyable read while just sitting here relaxing.
Definitely, don't suppress your desire to become the fixation of a woman's affection and sexual magnetism. Just because our society has a twisted view of sexual morality, doesn't mean you need to hinder yourself or live your life differently than you want. I'd say use that desire and the knowledge of how truly important image is to sexual attraction and channel it to improve your own sexual desirability. Somehow I imagine you might feel more fulfilled while satisfying an attractive woman's sexual desires.
And yeah, the whole vidjas brainwhasing people into losing empathy makes no sense to me...
I just wanna play fun games and I also happen to like when there are pretty girls bouncing around while their costumes are struggling to cover them. Is that so bad? No. There was nothing in that that would lead to any normal human to lose their ability to empathize with real life people, heh.
If their argument isn't that it causes a loss of empathy IRL, then I don't even know.
Definitely, don't suppress your desire to become the fixation of a woman's affection and sexual magnetism. Just because our society has a twisted view of sexual morality, doesn't mean you need to hinder yourself or live your life differently than you want. I'd say use that desire and the knowledge of how truly important image is to sexual attraction and channel it to improve your own sexual desirability. Somehow I imagine you might feel more fulfilled while satisfying an attractive woman's sexual desires.
And yeah, the whole vidjas brainwhasing people into losing empathy makes no sense to me...
I just wanna play fun games and I also happen to like when there are pretty girls bouncing around while their costumes are struggling to cover them. Is that so bad? No. There was nothing in that that would lead to any normal human to lose their ability to empathize with real life people, heh.
If their argument isn't that it causes a loss of empathy IRL, then I don't even know.
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Tegumi wrote...
Should I lock the old thread, then? Yeah I suppose that would be best. Oh and when you do could you put a link to this thread please?
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I apologise for not reading all of your post; short on time.
This 'nagging feeling' is simply instinct. People like to disagree and say "we've moved past the stage of instinctive behaviour etc", however this is only partially true. We have not moved past instinct, we simply have an ability to ignore it. I mean, instinct is necessary and is one of the factors which differentiate us from, lets say, smart machines.
Essentially, every being's purpose is to reproduce. Thus the nagging feeling, for you are not committing the act of reproduction.
You are right in saying that 'sex isn't everything, however it is still important' ... self-explanatory point lol.
I resent those who would call someone shallow for wanting sex, as every being has this need and well, we'd all like to just say 'I like him/her for his/her personality', but that just isn't the case most of the time. The only reason we initiate relationships between opposite genders as we do, is for the sake of err, 'having a sexual focus'.
I hope I understood your point properly since I didn't read it all >_>
This 'nagging feeling' is simply instinct. People like to disagree and say "we've moved past the stage of instinctive behaviour etc", however this is only partially true. We have not moved past instinct, we simply have an ability to ignore it. I mean, instinct is necessary and is one of the factors which differentiate us from, lets say, smart machines.
Essentially, every being's purpose is to reproduce. Thus the nagging feeling, for you are not committing the act of reproduction.
You are right in saying that 'sex isn't everything, however it is still important' ... self-explanatory point lol.
I resent those who would call someone shallow for wanting sex, as every being has this need and well, we'd all like to just say 'I like him/her for his/her personality', but that just isn't the case most of the time. The only reason we initiate relationships between opposite genders as we do, is for the sake of err, 'having a sexual focus'.
I hope I understood your point properly since I didn't read it all >_>
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Sorry i did not read all of it but if you are trying to say that somone who looks "sexy" and gets a lot of girls and etc.... i don't see anything wrong with it .
hope i did understand what you where trying to say
hope i did understand what you where trying to say
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justheretohelp wrote...
Sorry i did not read all of it but if you are trying to say that somone who looks "sexy" and gets a lot of girls and etc.... i don't see anything wrong with it . hope i did understand what you where trying to say
Thank you. Though I do hope you will read the whole thing.
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I thought i heard in the new Lara Croft they made her more realistic looking. Like still cute but not as exaggerated as before.I don't agree with the idea liking her, or any video game character makes you shallow/sexist/whatever.With that said i think the gamers who attacked Anita gave all gamers a bad name unfortunately. When someone accuses a culture of being sexist the rational response is not to then respond with sexist insults. I know all gamers did not participate in that, but unfortunately that incident made all gamers look bad.
Also, i can understand the push for more realistic looking females in gaming.However, i think the solution to that is to get more females creating and participating in the development of games rather than attacking all gamers. But again, when large group of gamers attack females with sexist insults(Just to make sure i do not get misinterpreted, i do not believe disagreeing with a female makes someone sexist. However, one can disagree with one while keeping things civil) it doesn't exactly encourage females to get into gaming. And thus the cycle continues, helping no one.
And to your last point i understand where you're coming from with wanting to look sexy, as i am rather skinny myself and have wanted to bulk up for similar reasons. I think as long as you don't make sex the one and only thing in your life(Don't become like the guy from Shame) and don't forget that women are people you should be fine.
Also, i can understand the push for more realistic looking females in gaming.However, i think the solution to that is to get more females creating and participating in the development of games rather than attacking all gamers. But again, when large group of gamers attack females with sexist insults(Just to make sure i do not get misinterpreted, i do not believe disagreeing with a female makes someone sexist. However, one can disagree with one while keeping things civil) it doesn't exactly encourage females to get into gaming. And thus the cycle continues, helping no one.
And to your last point i understand where you're coming from with wanting to look sexy, as i am rather skinny myself and have wanted to bulk up for similar reasons. I think as long as you don't make sex the one and only thing in your life(Don't become like the guy from Shame) and don't forget that women are people you should be fine.
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The more realistic a game becomes the more extreme it can be. Most people will only take things at face value, and are unwilling to change their outlook to conform to new information. On that note I will simply repost my earlier answer
Spoiler:
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I'm not sure if i got what you were trying to say, i read it all and well there is nothing wrong it's just that 1 thing lead to another and for some odd reason everyone started stereotyping anyone who plays those type of things.
And sex is not somthing major in my opionon if you like it do it if you don't like it, don't do it.
Well it may be fun to try but don't try to rush it, Oh and agree with you that everyone should stay as they were born.
And sex is not somthing major in my opionon if you like it do it if you don't like it, don't do it.
Well it may be fun to try but don't try to rush it, Oh and agree with you that everyone should stay as they were born.
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Well, if you want an answer in one line,
Being a Sex Object is bad because it EXCLUDES being a Serious Person That Should Be Taken Seriously.
It's not that being sexually attractive is wrong precisely, but "Sex Object" is used to refer to someone that is demoted to a second-class person that only has sexual value.
Being a Sex Object is bad because it EXCLUDES being a Serious Person That Should Be Taken Seriously.
It's not that being sexually attractive is wrong precisely, but "Sex Object" is used to refer to someone that is demoted to a second-class person that only has sexual value.
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Took me some effort to read it all, but it was well-written and well-thought enough to be worth it.
Let's be realistic. For some reason, there always seem to be some kind of generalization whenever a particular group of individuals sharing one particular trait (a trait of which medias love to emphasize the importance) do or say a particular thing. My point is that these kinds of things will always happen. I'm pretty sure the gamers who started raging were such a minority that they could have been completely ignored. But since they took the sexism route, they couldn't pass unnoticed.
About being sexy... well, I guess I'm like you. Right now I'm starting to improve myself. I can't say my high school life has been empty, but it most surely has been empty of sex. I'm not a pervert (well, maybe a little ^^) and I'm not a crazy about sex, but if improving my looks can make me more attractive and allow me some of the night action my damn pheromones make me crave, why not ?
Let's be realistic. For some reason, there always seem to be some kind of generalization whenever a particular group of individuals sharing one particular trait (a trait of which medias love to emphasize the importance) do or say a particular thing. My point is that these kinds of things will always happen. I'm pretty sure the gamers who started raging were such a minority that they could have been completely ignored. But since they took the sexism route, they couldn't pass unnoticed.
About being sexy... well, I guess I'm like you. Right now I'm starting to improve myself. I can't say my high school life has been empty, but it most surely has been empty of sex. I'm not a pervert (well, maybe a little ^^) and I'm not a crazy about sex, but if improving my looks can make me more attractive and allow me some of the night action my damn pheromones make me crave, why not ?