Ah, The Smell Of Fresh Air
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This was originally intended as the second assignment for Zeph's thread, but I realized I was doing it wrong, and didn't want to scrap it, so I'll put it here.
Without further ado...
Approx. time: ~25 min.
Oh, and someone try to guess what happened.
Without further ado...
I don't recognize it at all
The feeling that I can't explain
Looking up at the breeze of fall
There was nothing from this to gain
A crowd gathers at the building's base
I'm looking down at them, face-to-face
A man makes towards me with great haste
While others follow with a frantic pace
A man looks out the window at me
The last thing he did was smile with glee
As I pass by him, all that I see
Is a beautiful world, where I want to be
The crowd gets nearer as it nears the end
A vehicle winds around a sickening bend
As I pass by them, all that I see
Is a beautiful world, where I used to be
The feeling that I can't explain
Looking up at the breeze of fall
There was nothing from this to gain
A crowd gathers at the building's base
I'm looking down at them, face-to-face
A man makes towards me with great haste
While others follow with a frantic pace
A man looks out the window at me
The last thing he did was smile with glee
As I pass by him, all that I see
Is a beautiful world, where I want to be
The crowd gets nearer as it nears the end
A vehicle winds around a sickening bend
As I pass by them, all that I see
Is a beautiful world, where I used to be
Approx. time: ~25 min.
Oh, and someone try to guess what happened.
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I may be wrong, but from reading your poem, I can project an image where I'm being chased by people. This is my guess but at the end of your poem the protagonist (Me, since I was using a visual image while reading this) seems like he was able to escape but now, he can't return to the peaceful life he had.
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lelouch wrote...
I may be wrong, but from reading your poem, I can project an image where I'm being chased by people. This is my guess but at the end of your poem the protagonist (Me, since I was using a visual image while reading this) seems like he was able to escape but now, he can't return to the peaceful life he had.True, it could be interpreted that way. Actually, that's a really good way of interpreting it... For a brief moment, while I was writing the third stanza, I thought the same thing.
But that wasn't what I originally planned it to be.
Another guess?
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Jericho Antares
FAKKU Writer
At face value I'd say it's a suicide and the regret he/she feels just before dying, or perhaps the ease they feel because they are dying, prompting the idea of a 'beautiful world'.
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That was my 2nd thought Jericho, but I was hoping it wasn't about such a theme. Guess I'm just too naive and wish for a better ending..
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Jericho Antares
FAKKU Writer
I'm with you there, which was why I said 'face value'.
Truth be told, I really want Quadratic to post saying something to the effect of "You're way off, Jericho."
Truth be told, I really want Quadratic to post saying something to the effect of "You're way off, Jericho."
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I don't know what's wrong with me, but I could feel a peaceful wind blowing when reading this. Yeah I admit this is a bit dark.
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Jericho Antares
FAKKU Writer
Hey, thanks for that, even if it is crossed out.
If it makes you feel any better, though, I'm a horrendous poet. That's why I stay in my niche of novel and novella. My poems would be way worse than yours. Not to say yours was bad. The theme was just sad and we like happy.
If it makes you feel any better, though, I'm a horrendous poet. That's why I stay in my niche of novel and novella. My poems would be way worse than yours. Not to say yours was bad. The theme was just sad and we like happy.
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@ Jerry : I think you're pretty good, especially with your vast vocabulary usages that add some depth to the writing.
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Eh, many of the poems I write are happy, but Zeph-nee told us to write something different. ^^
Well, not happy... more like... inquiring.
Well, not happy... more like... inquiring.
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@ Quadratic : Maybe Nee-san's telling you to explore your writing talents, I see you're doing well =)
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Jericho Antares
FAKKU Writer
Yeah, I see what you mean, Quad, and it always is nice to branch out.
Thanks for that, high, but trust me, you do not want to see one of my poems...ugh. I get chills thinking about the last one I wrote (The three-line one for Zeph doesn't count)
Thanks for that, high, but trust me, you do not want to see one of my poems...ugh. I get chills thinking about the last one I wrote (The three-line one for Zeph doesn't count)