attempt to turn nightmare into horror story
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I'm gonna try put you in it. If you guys like it ill continue. If you don't tell me what I need to do to make it better. So here it is
Your in middle of street and its dark. You don't know here you are but you want go home. You check the sign on corner of street to see where you are you cant figure out where you are and how get home. You start to panic you rush to door of house seeing if you could use their phone to call taxi. You ring doorbell and little boy answers you ask little boy "where your parents" boy calls his dad. Dad did not respond and boy goes into house. You stand their and you here footsteps from the street you look its guy in trench coat staring at you as he get faster and closer you panic run into the house and lock the door. you hear him stepping up to the door turns knob realizing its lock he starts banging. Peaks through the space between door and wall and cracks a smile. The boy comes back with his dad. Dad screams " what are you doing in my house" he trying to throw you out as your screaming "PLEASE NO!! THEIR THAT GUY OUT THEIR AND IM LOST". Your thrown out your banging at door repeating same thing "HELP ME!!" as you hear footsteps get closer to from behind. You froze in fear hearing footsteps stop and feeling of someone behind you. You turn around its him. *THE END*
Your in middle of street and its dark. You don't know here you are but you want go home. You check the sign on corner of street to see where you are you cant figure out where you are and how get home. You start to panic you rush to door of house seeing if you could use their phone to call taxi. You ring doorbell and little boy answers you ask little boy "where your parents" boy calls his dad. Dad did not respond and boy goes into house. You stand their and you here footsteps from the street you look its guy in trench coat staring at you as he get faster and closer you panic run into the house and lock the door. you hear him stepping up to the door turns knob realizing its lock he starts banging. Peaks through the space between door and wall and cracks a smile. The boy comes back with his dad. Dad screams " what are you doing in my house" he trying to throw you out as your screaming "PLEASE NO!! THEIR THAT GUY OUT THEIR AND IM LOST". Your thrown out your banging at door repeating same thing "HELP ME!!" as you hear footsteps get closer to from behind. You froze in fear hearing footsteps stop and feeling of someone behind you. You turn around its him. *THE END*
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I think I like it. You said this is based off of a nightmare and maybe I'm reading too much into it, but the dad kicking the main character out despite the fact he's freaked out and something is wrong almost seems like it could be a metaphor for something if that makes any sense. I'm not quite sure what I'm getting at myself. However, it definitely feels like that part where the dad kicks him out is what the story builds up to especially given the abrupt ending where the fate of the main character is left unknown.
If you're going to turn it into a story, I don't think you should just open with "it's night, you're outside and you have no idea why." It might be okay if you never give a reason, but you should spend some time conveying that the main character is lost/confused/disoriented. I'm sorry if this is an obvious thing you already planned on, but it's hard to tell with this very brief summary.
I don't understand why the little boy is answering the door. In the middle of the night. I understand this is coming from a dream, but it doesn't make much sense. You'll have to be careful with not just this part but what you can get away with leaving as it was in the dream and what you have to tone down to be more realistic.
"Peaks through the space between door and wall and cracks a smile."
I'm not quite sure what you mean here. If the trench coat guy is smiling at the main character, great. That's creepy. If it's the other way around though, why?
If you're going to turn it into a story, I don't think you should just open with "it's night, you're outside and you have no idea why." It might be okay if you never give a reason, but you should spend some time conveying that the main character is lost/confused/disoriented. I'm sorry if this is an obvious thing you already planned on, but it's hard to tell with this very brief summary.
I don't understand why the little boy is answering the door. In the middle of the night. I understand this is coming from a dream, but it doesn't make much sense. You'll have to be careful with not just this part but what you can get away with leaving as it was in the dream and what you have to tone down to be more realistic.
"Peaks through the space between door and wall and cracks a smile."
I'm not quite sure what you mean here. If the trench coat guy is smiling at the main character, great. That's creepy. If it's the other way around though, why?
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d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
I think I like it. You said this is based off of a nightmare and maybe I'm reading too much into it, but the dad kicking the main character out despite the fact he's freaked out and something is wrong almost seems like it could be a metaphor for something if that makes any sense. I'm not quite sure what I'm getting at myself. However, it definitely feels like that part where the dad kicks him out is what the story builds up to especially given the abrupt ending where the fate of the main character is left unknown.If you're going to turn it into a story, I don't think you should just open with "it's night, you're outside and you have no idea why." It might be okay if you never give a reason, but you should spend some time conveying that the main character is lost/confused/disoriented. I'm sorry if this is an obvious thing you already planned on, but it's hard to tell with this very brief summary.
I don't understand why the little boy is answering the door. In the middle of the night. I understand this is coming from a dream, but it doesn't make much sense. You'll have to be careful with not just this part but what you can get away with leaving as it was in the dream and what you have to tone down to be more realistic.
"Peaks through the space between door and wall and cracks a smile."
I'm not quite sure what you mean here. If the trench coat guy is smiling at the main character, great. That's creepy. If it's the other way around though, why?
Thanks for helpful advice and I will fix things I need to work on. Its the guy in trench coat smiling. I think I'm gonna go into making creepy pasta stories. I'll soon make another one. New one going to be new setting and somewhat the same plot.