[Contest Entry 2011] Diary
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Ah crap! I didn't even want to go to this stupid trip to begin with… I’d rather go check every fifteen minutes on fakku. How lucky are the people who get to read the 31 days to x-mas shit. Argh!!!
I’m stranded, I’m hungry, and now I’m hallucinating. Am I dying? Least I have a cute girl by my side…
*squeeze* “Hmm, what’s this ball?” My head was fuzzy. “Wait… It is, it isn’t, it is, ok on count of three I open my eyes. One… Two…th-”
“Nnnn…” It was a cute voice, “Oh! You’re awake? You could have told me!” I opened my eyes to see that I was face to face with a cute girl. Her pale blue eyes matched her blue hair. Her eyes were locked with mine, her expression gentle. “I’m glad you’re awake Danna-sama!”
I’m shocked for two reasons. First I haven’t realized I’ve been holding her chest till now, which is extremely soft by the way, under her kimono. And that she called me her husband…
“Wait what?! How the hell did I become you’re husband?” I remarked.
“I see, you’re that against marrying me.”
“Well not really.”
“I’m glad!” She sat onto of me and kissed me, her lips her soft and wet. Well it was probably wet because she pushed her tongue past my lips and coiled it around mine. Then she put her hand on zipper and pulled down. “You’re quite lively down here too” she giggled.
She stroked it slowly and gently, her soft, hot hands slowly moving up and down my cock. “Damn you’re so good-” I stopped and it came onto me that I don’t know her name.
“Miyuki, I’m miyuki, Sato-kun.”
“Wait, how do you know my name?”
“Doesn’t matter right now.” She simply said, as she sit up and removed her kimono. I got a good look at her body. She had a perfect figure, her small stature and snow white skin. Her nipples and areola lush pink and evident against her beautiful skin. She seemed to have trouble and hesitation putting my dick in her pussy. I held her hands as she slowly pushed herself down to a sitting position and gave a short sharp gasp. I felt the sensation of tearing and saw that she was bleeding.
“Wait, is this your first?!”
“I’m fine. I’m glad to have you as my first Sato-kun.”
She slowly moved faster as she rode me, her pussy was wet and my dick started sliding more easily as she neared climax. I blacked out in ecstasy, and we did it like bunnies that day we both lost our virginities.
I found out she was one of the few yuki-onna left in the area, maybe in Japan. She is now my wife and we live a small peaceful province in Japan. She said that her grandmother predicted that I would get lost in the mountains, a few kilometers from the town I went skiing in, and that I was destined for her. I don’t peer too much in her past and think of the future. I work as a wood sculptor for now but I’d need more income as we’d soon have our firstborn.
“Danna-sama, what are you doing there in the porch?” My wife Miyuki called out from the house.
“Nothing, just an old diary…” I told, mostly to myself. I expect someday, my son will read this. Maybe even share to the world. Who knows? I don’t believe in destiny but I believe in what we can do about the present.
-diaries of Sato Kisuke, my father…
This work is purely fiction.
I’m stranded, I’m hungry, and now I’m hallucinating. Am I dying? Least I have a cute girl by my side…
*squeeze* “Hmm, what’s this ball?” My head was fuzzy. “Wait… It is, it isn’t, it is, ok on count of three I open my eyes. One… Two…th-”
“Nnnn…” It was a cute voice, “Oh! You’re awake? You could have told me!” I opened my eyes to see that I was face to face with a cute girl. Her pale blue eyes matched her blue hair. Her eyes were locked with mine, her expression gentle. “I’m glad you’re awake Danna-sama!”
I’m shocked for two reasons. First I haven’t realized I’ve been holding her chest till now, which is extremely soft by the way, under her kimono. And that she called me her husband…
“Wait what?! How the hell did I become you’re husband?” I remarked.
“I see, you’re that against marrying me.”
“Well not really.”
“I’m glad!” She sat onto of me and kissed me, her lips her soft and wet. Well it was probably wet because she pushed her tongue past my lips and coiled it around mine. Then she put her hand on zipper and pulled down. “You’re quite lively down here too” she giggled.
She stroked it slowly and gently, her soft, hot hands slowly moving up and down my cock. “Damn you’re so good-” I stopped and it came onto me that I don’t know her name.
“Miyuki, I’m miyuki, Sato-kun.”
“Wait, how do you know my name?”
“Doesn’t matter right now.” She simply said, as she sit up and removed her kimono. I got a good look at her body. She had a perfect figure, her small stature and snow white skin. Her nipples and areola lush pink and evident against her beautiful skin. She seemed to have trouble and hesitation putting my dick in her pussy. I held her hands as she slowly pushed herself down to a sitting position and gave a short sharp gasp. I felt the sensation of tearing and saw that she was bleeding.
“Wait, is this your first?!”
“I’m fine. I’m glad to have you as my first Sato-kun.”
She slowly moved faster as she rode me, her pussy was wet and my dick started sliding more easily as she neared climax. I blacked out in ecstasy, and we did it like bunnies that day we both lost our virginities.
I found out she was one of the few yuki-onna left in the area, maybe in Japan. She is now my wife and we live a small peaceful province in Japan. She said that her grandmother predicted that I would get lost in the mountains, a few kilometers from the town I went skiing in, and that I was destined for her. I don’t peer too much in her past and think of the future. I work as a wood sculptor for now but I’d need more income as we’d soon have our firstborn.
“Danna-sama, what are you doing there in the porch?” My wife Miyuki called out from the house.
“Nothing, just an old diary…” I told, mostly to myself. I expect someday, my son will read this. Maybe even share to the world. Who knows? I don’t believe in destiny but I believe in what we can do about the present.
-diaries of Sato Kisuke, my father…
This work is purely fiction.
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....Okay now let me comment.
I like that Yuki Onna part, totally surprised me there.
But the development is just too fast. Ms Word says that it's still around 592 words, so I think you can do a further development.
And... Do remember space after 3 or 4 lines will be very helpful so it'll be more convenient to read it.
I like that Yuki Onna part, totally surprised me there.
But the development is just too fast. Ms Word says that it's still around 592 words, so I think you can do a further development.
And... Do remember space after 3 or 4 lines will be very helpful so it'll be more convenient to read it.
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Umm... if a fakku elder reads this.
Getting lost in a snowstorm in december counts as winter themed right?
Getting lost in a snowstorm in december counts as winter themed right?
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Xenon
FAKKU Writer
saihafire wrote...
Umm... if a fakku elder reads this.Getting lost in a snowstorm in december counts as winter themed right?
Correct.
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AssasinZAssasin
Not Hentai Protagonist
Hmm, a lemon eh? Nice change of pace for me. Umm, i don't mean any offense in this comment(review?), i'm just trying to be helpful here.
First, the spacing. It's not wrong, but it was a little bit messy i think...some spaces in between sentences perhaps?
Second, this only happened once or twice(?) in your story, but you need to fix capital letters 'Somewhere' in there.
And Finally, i think you jumped the gun a little bit. The climax of the story may have happened a little bit early.
But, it's still a well made story, i can tell you really put your all into this. It may be rough 'round the edges but no one is perfect. And of course, anything with the sense of 'Vanilla' is just awesome! Good luck with the contest, and may you get better in your writing!
First, the spacing. It's not wrong, but it was a little bit messy i think...some spaces in between sentences perhaps?
Second, this only happened once or twice(?) in your story, but you need to fix capital letters 'Somewhere' in there.
And Finally, i think you jumped the gun a little bit. The climax of the story may have happened a little bit early.
But, it's still a well made story, i can tell you really put your all into this. It may be rough 'round the edges but no one is perfect. And of course, anything with the sense of 'Vanilla' is just awesome! Good luck with the contest, and may you get better in your writing!
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AssasinZAssasin wrote...
Hmm, a lemon eh? Nice change of pace for me. Umm, i don't mean any offense in this comment(review?), i'm just trying to be helpful here.First, the spacing. It's not wrong, but it was a little bit messy i think...some spaces in between sentences perhaps?
Second, this only happened once or twice(?) in your story, but you need to fix capital letters 'Somewhere' in there.
And Finally, i think you jumped the gun a little bit. The climax of the story may have happened a little bit early.
But, it's still a well made story, i can tell you really put your all into this. It may be rough 'round the edges but no one is perfect. And of course, anything with the sense of 'Vanilla' is just awesome! Good luck with the contest, and may you get better in your writing!
Sorry i was nervous, tis' my first time writing adult content. I write regular stories way better. I'm proud of it, it's fine for a begginer, plus don't worry. I don't get why your worried of offending me. Atleast your honest... And i notice you sugar coat your words, thanks for that. Your a good guy, guy right?
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AssasinZAssasin
Not Hentai Protagonist
saihafire wrote...
AssasinZAssasin wrote...
Hmm, a lemon eh? Nice change of pace for me. Umm, i don't mean any offense in this comment(review?), i'm just trying to be helpful here.First, the spacing. It's not wrong, but it was a little bit messy i think...some spaces in between sentences perhaps?
Second, this only happened once or twice(?) in your story, but you need to fix capital letters 'Somewhere' in there.
And Finally, i think you jumped the gun a little bit. The climax of the story may have happened a little bit early.
But, it's still a well made story, i can tell you really put your all into this. It may be rough 'round the edges but no one is perfect. And of course, anything with the sense of 'Vanilla' is just awesome! Good luck with the contest, and may you get better in your writing!
Sorry i was nervous, tis' my first time writing adult content. I write regular stories way better. I'm proud of it, it's fine for a begginer, plus don't worry. I don't get why your worried of offending me. Atleast your honest... And i notice you sugar coat your words, thanks for that. Your a good guy, guy right?
Yep, i'm a guy. As to why i'm worried, I've tried helping other people with their stories(Judges, if you read this don't worry none of the entries includes my help) And as you can probably guess, they got mad =/. Sugarcoat...I didn't think so, i usually tell what i really feel. My friends know me very much for my honesty. Adult content...I'm not so good at that. Umm, once again Good luck with the contest!
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Kuro vi Lolitannia wrote...
....Okay now let me comment.I like that Yuki Onna part, totally surprised me there.
But the development is just too fast. Ms Word says that it's still around 592 words, so I think you can do a further development.
And... Do remember space after 3 or 4 lines will be very helpful so it'll be more convenient to read it.
I read it now after a while... It really is too short. Miyuki was too forward, but i like how Sato is indecisive and weak at first. He has brown hair, he wears glasses to make himself "invisible" He doesn't like getting notice as he's shy. He also becomes a responsible cool guy. I picture him as being lean and tall. Slight muscles, delicate hands.He makes figures for selling in Tokyo. This is actually a shortened version of a story i wanted to write a few years back. Maybe i should rewrite it, whole complete and unrushed
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saihafire wrote...
Kuro vi Lolitannia wrote...
....Okay now let me comment.I like that Yuki Onna part, totally surprised me there.
But the development is just too fast. Ms Word says that it's still around 592 words, so I think you can do a further development.
And... Do remember space after 3 or 4 lines will be very helpful so it'll be more convenient to read it.
I read it now after a while... It really is too short. Miyuki was too forward, but i like how Sato is indecisive and weak at first. He has brown hair, he wears glasses to make himself "invisible" He doesn't like getting notice as he's shy. He also becomes a responsible cool guy. I picture him as being lean and tall. Slight muscles, delicate hands.He makes figures for selling in Tokyo. This is actually a shortened version of a story i wanted to write a few years back. Maybe i should rewrite it, whole complete and unrushed
It was nice. I have a bad tendency to over extend my narratives because I never write forward characters. I feel you've actually taught me a good lesson.