[Contest Entry 2011] My Girl Shay
1
“This winter is going to be great!” I say ecstatically to my friend Jay. This guy has been my friend since Elementary School when I moved here in the Fourth Grade and everyone made fun of me for my long hair. They didn't know where I came from it was kind of a style at the time. The school later caught on for a good three months in Sixth grade. But at that point my mom had decided I needed a mohawk. Oh the torture those sick students placed upon me. I swear most kids are evil little assholes who want nothing more than to cause you pain. Talk about original sins, these kids were like Sauron's children, only goal is to suck the life out of others. Like dementors or something. I was kind of a dork in Elementary school, read a ton, had big framed glasses, before they were mainstream. Now I am a dork but with glasses I don't have to wear all the time. Oddly my eyesight got better as I got older, I'm only near-sighted, which is a change from... well being basically blind. Thankfully I can read no sweat. Oh so back on topic I am Orso, yeah as you guessed they made fun of that too. They made fun of everything. I am sixteen years old and have a ton of problems, not as much as I had when I was fifteen believe me.
“Hah! Sure Orso, regardless the fact you hate the holiday season” Jay responds in his cocky ass attitude of his. “Pssh what are you talking about I love the holidays!” I say trying to throw him off yet slip in a hidden meaning. “Yeah this from the guy who egged the mall Santa last year” I nod in triumph “Yeah yeah, well that’s one event. Why else would I not like the holidays?” I ask him. “Well you're an Atheist, in eighth grade you ripped down the Star of David that was hanging in the hall way for Hanukkah. Last year you went to a fake scene of Jesus' birth, knocked over the displays and slept in Jesus' cradle.” Jay finishes off with a smug look on his face. “Okay I think you know where I was going for” I say in a tone that says “Come on!” “Yeah I know, Sheila, it's your guys one year right?” Jay responds getting what I was going for. “It will be Saturday night at the dance.” I say happily as I take a drink of soda. “Yeah right, so have you two fucked yet?” Jay says, I spit out my coke and start coughing, I finally get a grip of myself. “Holy shit man way to be blunt and random.” I say and cough slightly a few more times. “I am just saying man it's been what practically a year and you two haven't gone at it?” Jay says to me, it made me think. I bite my lip slightly and nervously, try to muster up the strength to say what I feel. “Well I mean” here I go “I love her... I want our first time to be special” there... I said it. Jay looks at me with that face he gets when he gets serious “Look man, everyone, deep down in their hearts, even those slutty chicks in second block, wanted their first times to be special. Everyone does. But sometimes you can't... sometimes you can't wait...” I ponder that... should I be wasting time?
“So” Jay begins to speak in a more upbeat tone, “I beat you ten bucks you won't screw her by next year.” “What?! Are you kidding me? Remember the last time you made a bet with me about her?” I say to him acting more happy then I was. “Yeah yeah I remember, it was last year.” Jay says tapping his foot against a nearby garbage can. “It was last year, and the bet was that I couldn't go out with Shay... and guess what... I won that bet... so that means I am going to win this bet!” as I finish off my little proud speech I feel arm wrap around me. I feel a soft warmth on my back and a subtle perfume. The arms squish me and I hear a cute little yelp. A warm air brushes against my ear and hair tickles my exposed neck. “What bet?” It's her... Shay. Her actual name is Sheila but she hates that so I call her Shay. Only one who calls her Sheila is her parents (who are NOT fond of me) and Jay who is a total troll. But regardless I smile, I grab her arms softly and say “Nothing babe, just something stupid.” “Yeah I bet I mean you're talking to Jay here” she says softly with a smile I know is on her face. Jay puts on a cocky smile and attitude “Hey Sheila.” I feel one of her arms moving away, she flicks off Jay. Jay smirks and starts to walk away, he turns and says “Hey try not to read any Fakku Orso.” Jay walks away laughing.
Then I hear Shay softly laughing in my ear, trying not to though. “What?” I say, she slides off my back and walks in front of me. I see her face, trying not to laugh, holding her mouth close with one hand, eyes closed. She finally takes a deep breath, calms herself and says “You go on Fakku too?” then starts to laugh again. She goes on there? Whoa I really don't know this girl. “Ha ha come on calm down now.” I say as I put my hands on her arms trying to hold her still. She leans forward into me and I hold her to me softly. Shay starts to burst out laughing, I can't help but chuckle myself. I pet her smooth, long blonde hair. Damn she must have another bad case of the giggles, she gets 'em every once in a while. She has some odd sort of ADD where at times she'll just laugh at anything really. Finally Shay brings her head up and smiles, I wipe the tears from her eyes. I see her smile at me with her beautiful smile, and her gorgeous hazel eyes. I lay my hand on her cheek softly, shes really close now, I feel her breasts gently pushing against my chest. Shay bites her bottom lip a little nervously, I love it when she does that, shes too cute. I see her breath in the cold air, then brush against my face. My thumb softly rubs her cold cheek, I look into her eyes and can't help my self anymore. I close my eyes and move my head forward and kiss her. She puts her arms around my neck and I rest my other hand on her hip. We hold the kiss for a few seconds, we softly break it and sigh with pleasure. Shay curls up in my arms and I hold her close. I whisper to her ear “I love you.” She stands up straight smiling “I love you too.”
She then pulls me with our hands interlocked off into the snow toward the parking lot of our school. She is running ahead, one hand back holding mine. I love this girl, so bloody much. She tumbles into the snow bringing me down with her, I land on top of her, kneeling over her with my hands also holding me up. Shay smiles at me, I know she did this on purpose, but I don't mind. Why? Obviously I love this girl and from the way it seems... she loves me too. I lean down softly and kiss her perfect lips. She eagerly leans up a little and catches me off guard. Shay grabs me by the collar and holds me to her. I kiss her more passionately then ever. We break the kiss from the cold, she smiles at me and says “Get in the car before we violate a couple of laws” Shay smirks playfully and pushes me off then runs to her car. I get up and dust some of the snow off my jacket, I hear the engine roar and begin to walk.
To Be Continued In... Yuletide Bet coming to a forum near you whenever I get the chance to write it.
“Hah! Sure Orso, regardless the fact you hate the holiday season” Jay responds in his cocky ass attitude of his. “Pssh what are you talking about I love the holidays!” I say trying to throw him off yet slip in a hidden meaning. “Yeah this from the guy who egged the mall Santa last year” I nod in triumph “Yeah yeah, well that’s one event. Why else would I not like the holidays?” I ask him. “Well you're an Atheist, in eighth grade you ripped down the Star of David that was hanging in the hall way for Hanukkah. Last year you went to a fake scene of Jesus' birth, knocked over the displays and slept in Jesus' cradle.” Jay finishes off with a smug look on his face. “Okay I think you know where I was going for” I say in a tone that says “Come on!” “Yeah I know, Sheila, it's your guys one year right?” Jay responds getting what I was going for. “It will be Saturday night at the dance.” I say happily as I take a drink of soda. “Yeah right, so have you two fucked yet?” Jay says, I spit out my coke and start coughing, I finally get a grip of myself. “Holy shit man way to be blunt and random.” I say and cough slightly a few more times. “I am just saying man it's been what practically a year and you two haven't gone at it?” Jay says to me, it made me think. I bite my lip slightly and nervously, try to muster up the strength to say what I feel. “Well I mean” here I go “I love her... I want our first time to be special” there... I said it. Jay looks at me with that face he gets when he gets serious “Look man, everyone, deep down in their hearts, even those slutty chicks in second block, wanted their first times to be special. Everyone does. But sometimes you can't... sometimes you can't wait...” I ponder that... should I be wasting time?
“So” Jay begins to speak in a more upbeat tone, “I beat you ten bucks you won't screw her by next year.” “What?! Are you kidding me? Remember the last time you made a bet with me about her?” I say to him acting more happy then I was. “Yeah yeah I remember, it was last year.” Jay says tapping his foot against a nearby garbage can. “It was last year, and the bet was that I couldn't go out with Shay... and guess what... I won that bet... so that means I am going to win this bet!” as I finish off my little proud speech I feel arm wrap around me. I feel a soft warmth on my back and a subtle perfume. The arms squish me and I hear a cute little yelp. A warm air brushes against my ear and hair tickles my exposed neck. “What bet?” It's her... Shay. Her actual name is Sheila but she hates that so I call her Shay. Only one who calls her Sheila is her parents (who are NOT fond of me) and Jay who is a total troll. But regardless I smile, I grab her arms softly and say “Nothing babe, just something stupid.” “Yeah I bet I mean you're talking to Jay here” she says softly with a smile I know is on her face. Jay puts on a cocky smile and attitude “Hey Sheila.” I feel one of her arms moving away, she flicks off Jay. Jay smirks and starts to walk away, he turns and says “Hey try not to read any Fakku Orso.” Jay walks away laughing.
Then I hear Shay softly laughing in my ear, trying not to though. “What?” I say, she slides off my back and walks in front of me. I see her face, trying not to laugh, holding her mouth close with one hand, eyes closed. She finally takes a deep breath, calms herself and says “You go on Fakku too?” then starts to laugh again. She goes on there? Whoa I really don't know this girl. “Ha ha come on calm down now.” I say as I put my hands on her arms trying to hold her still. She leans forward into me and I hold her to me softly. Shay starts to burst out laughing, I can't help but chuckle myself. I pet her smooth, long blonde hair. Damn she must have another bad case of the giggles, she gets 'em every once in a while. She has some odd sort of ADD where at times she'll just laugh at anything really. Finally Shay brings her head up and smiles, I wipe the tears from her eyes. I see her smile at me with her beautiful smile, and her gorgeous hazel eyes. I lay my hand on her cheek softly, shes really close now, I feel her breasts gently pushing against my chest. Shay bites her bottom lip a little nervously, I love it when she does that, shes too cute. I see her breath in the cold air, then brush against my face. My thumb softly rubs her cold cheek, I look into her eyes and can't help my self anymore. I close my eyes and move my head forward and kiss her. She puts her arms around my neck and I rest my other hand on her hip. We hold the kiss for a few seconds, we softly break it and sigh with pleasure. Shay curls up in my arms and I hold her close. I whisper to her ear “I love you.” She stands up straight smiling “I love you too.”
She then pulls me with our hands interlocked off into the snow toward the parking lot of our school. She is running ahead, one hand back holding mine. I love this girl, so bloody much. She tumbles into the snow bringing me down with her, I land on top of her, kneeling over her with my hands also holding me up. Shay smiles at me, I know she did this on purpose, but I don't mind. Why? Obviously I love this girl and from the way it seems... she loves me too. I lean down softly and kiss her perfect lips. She eagerly leans up a little and catches me off guard. Shay grabs me by the collar and holds me to her. I kiss her more passionately then ever. We break the kiss from the cold, she smiles at me and says “Get in the car before we violate a couple of laws” Shay smirks playfully and pushes me off then runs to her car. I get up and dust some of the snow off my jacket, I hear the engine roar and begin to walk.
To Be Continued In... Yuletide Bet coming to a forum near you whenever I get the chance to write it.
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Cinia Pacifica
Ojou-sama Writer
[color=red][b]When I try to imagine Shay's smiling face, I end up imagining Kimi no Todoke's main character's smile.
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:O I cannot believe you all liked it!
I am working on the longer version, I'm on page 5 :3
Thank you though! Made me wanna write even more
I am working on the longer version, I'm on page 5 :3
Thank you though! Made me wanna write even more
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Sweet, literary Vanilla. I thank you as I sip on this ginger tea and wish you the best on the contest.
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karu wrote...
Sweet, literary Vanilla. I thank you as I sip on this ginger tea and wish you the best on the contest.You have just made my day, I thank you.
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xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
2nd to last paragraph. Dat. Description. The build up is well done. Your dialouge into your deep description combo is as natural as Garen going "SHINGGGGG" and then spinning. An excellent read, and a very sweet story; you sir, are a real contender in this poll.
BUT! I do have a bone to pick with you about your first paragraph. While the rest of your story is enough to cover for it, I feel like the first paragraph is almost unnecessary. If I were to take out the first paragraph, and read your story, your story wold still make sense and would perhaps even be stronger. I feel as it adds little content to the rest of your work. It gives background on the protagonist; something along the lines of him being bullied, maybe even being nerdy on some level, yet the following paragraph talks about him almost like he's a delinquent. I dunno, the first paragraph just looks out of place to me.
BUT! I do have a bone to pick with you about your first paragraph. While the rest of your story is enough to cover for it, I feel like the first paragraph is almost unnecessary. If I were to take out the first paragraph, and read your story, your story wold still make sense and would perhaps even be stronger. I feel as it adds little content to the rest of your work. It gives background on the protagonist; something along the lines of him being bullied, maybe even being nerdy on some level, yet the following paragraph talks about him almost like he's a delinquent. I dunno, the first paragraph just looks out of place to me.