[Contest Entry] T'was The Night Before Fakku

bigdaddyrobzb

I just decided that this would be fun to do, only just realized that it was done before me after I had already completed it. Regardless, I like what I wrote, and I laugh every time I read it, hopefully you will too.

T'was the night before christmas on Fakku.com
I was reading a porno while beating my dong

I'm not that well hung but 2D girls don't care
Yet they are all perfect, not one pubic hair

I cried while i fapped, while the girl gave him head
I wished that my life was like what I read

No one was awake while I tied the knot tight
Asphyxiation will kill me, just not tonight

Minding my own business, when i heard such a clatter
My chair had fallen over, a serious matter

I thought that the rope would soon kill me dead
But I'm fat, so it took the roof with it instead

I awoke under rubble, the moon shining bright
I was fine, though there was no roof in sight

When what, to my wandering eyes, should appear
A big breasted maiden, fucking a deer

I squeeled with glee while I whipped out my dick
And came a whole bucket, yet still hard as a brick

More rapid that eagles, my semen did came
And went on for hours, still more of the same

I got bored of fapping to this horny yoke
And found a new waifu to fap while I choke

This went on for decades, from one to another
I kept moving on till I could find no other

Bored with the old, I wanted some new
So I prayed through the day, and the night I prayed too

"Please, Mr. Kringle" I said with a sigh
"Won't you give me what I wish for tonight?"

When, out of nowhere, there came old Saint Nick
His hands held his present: his big old saint dick

I ran for my life, as he chased me with speed
For i knew what would happen; my ass he would knead

He caught me, and lift me, and in one large motion
I lost my anal virginity with such a commotion

I screamed and I cried as Saint Nick shot his goo
I was being raped, and I was splitting in two

A scream did awake me, I lay on my bed
No sign of the red man, just ass pains instead

I ran down the stairs, my rope stil intact
The computer screen glowing, my brain was a rack

The screen said a message, and I read it through:
"Merry Christmas, I hope it was good for you too."

You think that the story is finished I bet
But there is just one more thing, please dont fret

Santa loves all; yes Susan, yes Corey
But there is a lesson with every story

You wonder what the lesson is? I'll tell you with class:
"If you despise the world you live in, you'll get fucked in the ass."

Also be sure to love what you got
Or do you want more? Kris Kringle bets not.

Meant as a giant joke, obviously, but there is still a lesson to be learned in the story. Also, this is obviously a parody of "T'was the Night Before Christmas."

GroverCleaveland

13 years ago