Giving the Finger
0
-------------------------------------------------------
Giving the Finger
Her crooked teeth strayed from each other like two repelling magnets. Her pink, chapped lips curled over her yellow teeth into a gruesome scowl. Her petite, pointed nose sniffled infected green snot back into the recesses of her body. Her fecal brown eyes were surrounded by bags and crow’s feet. Little yellow-green eye boogers fought for territory under a few clumped eyelashes. A few strands of dirty-blond hair strayed from her pink-scrunchied ponytail. One such hair lay over her eye, which was immediately blown away each and every time it settled. Sporadic freckles mixed with facial blemishes to form a canvas of human flesh that seemed to fit loosely over her thin, frail bones.
An oversized college sweatshirt and yellow ducky slippers completed the “just got out of bed” look, found at Wal-Mart for twelve-ninety-five, marked down from twenty. The cars keys hanging lazily from her hand held two keys; one unlabeled house key and one silver Chevrolet key (probably to a truck). Her scowl was soon complemented by a stiff hand on her hip and a cocking of her head to one side, like a bird when it’s threatened. “So, I can’t return this?” She said, somehow keeping her hillbilly-accented voice at an indoor level.
“Ma’am,” Jim started, “You ate half of the fries and all of the Mozzarella Cheese Sticks.”
The woman’s voice could no longer be contained by her own willpower. “But there was a finger in my food, and I know it ain’t mine, it was there from the start!”
“A plastic finger.” Jim calmly corrected.
“I didn’t know that at the time!”
Jim could no longer keep his temper in check. “Then why did you keep eating it!” He screamed. Jim could see the hamster running furiously on its wheel in the woman’s mind as she tried to think of an excuse.
After a moment or two the woman gave up thinking and tried a different approach. “Can I see your manager, please?” She said as politely and kindly as she could. A do-over, that’s what she wanted. New person, new explanation. Jim sighed and stumbled to the back of the hole-in-the-wall food stand while secretly jumping for joy in his mind. Once he was out of sight he ran to the back and quickly grabbed the blue hat and black button-down shirt symbolic of a managerial employee of “Hiss, Sizzle, Sizzle.” He briskly walked back up front wearing his new attire and put on most bright and heartwarming smile he could muster. The woman stared blankly in disbelief.
“How may I help you, ma’am?” Jim said politely, trying desperately to contain his explosive laughter.
“Do you think I’m stupid?!” She screamed. Jim suppressed his urge to answer. “You even have the same dumb nametag!” Jim let out a single giggle which he quickly transformed into a cough-sneeze hybrid. Stupid habit, he thought, while still trying to maintain his cool.
In one swift motion Jim ripped off his name tag, threw it to the ground and replied “No, I don’t.” Jim could see the flames spewing forth from the woman’s nostrils. Steam escaped from the woman’s mouth as she talked.
“Where is your administration building in this Goddamn park?!” The woman was visibly shaking from anger now. Jim had to be very careful with his next move. He slowly brought his left hand up, which had remained below the counter until now, and posted a sign in the window. Jim smiled, then burst out laughing as the woman read the sign. “Administration Building.” The woman screamed in rage, foaming at the mouth and visibly seizing. Jim laughed hysterically and walked back to the others making the food.
“Which one of you fuckers put a plastic finger-”
“Jim! Scott cut off his finger! I lost his finger after I wrapped it up! We need to take him to the hospital!”
Jim looked at the finger wrapped in Saran-wrap; the finger he had assumed was plastic. He clutched the edge of the nearest trash can and centered his head carefully over the half eaten piece of fried bread left over from lunch, and puked.
Giving the Finger
Her crooked teeth strayed from each other like two repelling magnets. Her pink, chapped lips curled over her yellow teeth into a gruesome scowl. Her petite, pointed nose sniffled infected green snot back into the recesses of her body. Her fecal brown eyes were surrounded by bags and crow’s feet. Little yellow-green eye boogers fought for territory under a few clumped eyelashes. A few strands of dirty-blond hair strayed from her pink-scrunchied ponytail. One such hair lay over her eye, which was immediately blown away each and every time it settled. Sporadic freckles mixed with facial blemishes to form a canvas of human flesh that seemed to fit loosely over her thin, frail bones.
An oversized college sweatshirt and yellow ducky slippers completed the “just got out of bed” look, found at Wal-Mart for twelve-ninety-five, marked down from twenty. The cars keys hanging lazily from her hand held two keys; one unlabeled house key and one silver Chevrolet key (probably to a truck). Her scowl was soon complemented by a stiff hand on her hip and a cocking of her head to one side, like a bird when it’s threatened. “So, I can’t return this?” She said, somehow keeping her hillbilly-accented voice at an indoor level.
“Ma’am,” Jim started, “You ate half of the fries and all of the Mozzarella Cheese Sticks.”
The woman’s voice could no longer be contained by her own willpower. “But there was a finger in my food, and I know it ain’t mine, it was there from the start!”
“A plastic finger.” Jim calmly corrected.
“I didn’t know that at the time!”
Jim could no longer keep his temper in check. “Then why did you keep eating it!” He screamed. Jim could see the hamster running furiously on its wheel in the woman’s mind as she tried to think of an excuse.
After a moment or two the woman gave up thinking and tried a different approach. “Can I see your manager, please?” She said as politely and kindly as she could. A do-over, that’s what she wanted. New person, new explanation. Jim sighed and stumbled to the back of the hole-in-the-wall food stand while secretly jumping for joy in his mind. Once he was out of sight he ran to the back and quickly grabbed the blue hat and black button-down shirt symbolic of a managerial employee of “Hiss, Sizzle, Sizzle.” He briskly walked back up front wearing his new attire and put on most bright and heartwarming smile he could muster. The woman stared blankly in disbelief.
“How may I help you, ma’am?” Jim said politely, trying desperately to contain his explosive laughter.
“Do you think I’m stupid?!” She screamed. Jim suppressed his urge to answer. “You even have the same dumb nametag!” Jim let out a single giggle which he quickly transformed into a cough-sneeze hybrid. Stupid habit, he thought, while still trying to maintain his cool.
In one swift motion Jim ripped off his name tag, threw it to the ground and replied “No, I don’t.” Jim could see the flames spewing forth from the woman’s nostrils. Steam escaped from the woman’s mouth as she talked.
“Where is your administration building in this Goddamn park?!” The woman was visibly shaking from anger now. Jim had to be very careful with his next move. He slowly brought his left hand up, which had remained below the counter until now, and posted a sign in the window. Jim smiled, then burst out laughing as the woman read the sign. “Administration Building.” The woman screamed in rage, foaming at the mouth and visibly seizing. Jim laughed hysterically and walked back to the others making the food.
“Which one of you fuckers put a plastic finger-”
“Jim! Scott cut off his finger! I lost his finger after I wrapped it up! We need to take him to the hospital!”
Jim looked at the finger wrapped in Saran-wrap; the finger he had assumed was plastic. He clutched the edge of the nearest trash can and centered his head carefully over the half eaten piece of fried bread left over from lunch, and puked.
0
i LOLed so hard at this..
and Good job on describing the woman it was like i could actually picture her..
keep on writing man and ill keep on reading these..
and Good job on describing the woman it was like i could actually picture her..
keep on writing man and ill keep on reading these..
0
Nice work. Nothing like a short to brighten up the evening. Now I have to go see if you've got anything else up around the site.
