Into the Ocean [WIP]

I'll be finishing this tomorrow.

Pictures tumbled downward. Some were caught by the wind and fluttered, momentarily alight on the air before spinning into foaming green water. On the deck of a ship a man puffed a cigarette as he went through a bundle of them in his hands, tossing them one by one to the churning surf below. Family, friends, lovers, they all were discarded with the same flick of the wrist. None of them felt like they were part of his life anymore. For too long it was just him, this ship, and a myriad of men he didn't feel anything for. The Sailor's Creed was a joke.

Dominic Delyna had already gone through half a pack of cigarettes between receiving the package full of pictures and books and now.

Into the ocean. It's where they all belonged.

"Double D, what's up?" A cheery voice asked from behind him. Dominic heard the footfalls of boots on the deck but didn't bother to turn around. Only one man that knew him was this permanently cheery, but that's probably because he was making four times more than anyone he was working with.

"Just clearing house, Chewy." He replied after spitting out the butt that was clenched between his teeth.

"Says the man with the most depressingly barren bunk," Chewy remarked, stopping next to Dominic and peering at the photos. "You know a lot of people would call this unhealthy."

"Chalk it up next to our diet, sleep schedule, and 12 hour shifts."

"Such are the ways of war time. Usually having morale and something to go back home to help."

"They'll all be there. I don't need pictures. The memories alone make a seven-month cruise hell."

"Can't stop a man who's mind is set," Chewy said with a shrug. He patted Dominic on the shoulder, "Maybe we'll find someone to shoot at, take your mind off things."

"Lovely."

"Isn't it?" With that Chewy left, whistling an upbeat tune.

Dominic stayed immobile, still going through the pictures one by one. He smiled a lot back then. Now his face was a leathery scowl behind sunglasses. For three more hours he dumped the pictures until a klaxon blared once.

"Action stations, action stations. Set the ship to condition one."

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear."

The USS Iowa bristled with weaponry and thrummed with activity. Men in like jackets and helmets darted about, each performing their precision-drilled duty. Despite his pessimism, Dominic was right there with him, immersed in the ins and outs of the gunner's mate. The engine that powered his 16-inch cannon battery sputtered to life and the turret rotated to face the bearing that crackled over the intercom.

"Gun ready!" Barton, the loader, called from below. Dominic sighted in and through the slightly smeared optics only saw the straight line separating ocean from sky.

"Distance 15 miles. Repeat, distance is one-five miles." The weapons officer's voice buzzed through the intercom and Dominic cracked a smile. Chewy was right. He was getting antsy. "Beginning combat maneuvers. Brace." Dominic grabbed hold of the bulkhead on either side of him and held on as the ship pitched to port, turning hard while at full steam. When the turn finished and the ship leveled out Dominic rotated the turret to compensate, then craned his neck to look into the optics once more and waited.

By the time twenty minutes had passed a number of hazy objects came into view on the horizon. A small German battlegroup.

"16-inchers, take aim and fire on my mark. Mark." Dominic slammed the comically-sized red button on the console before him and felt the whole ship shake while the noise cleaved through his brain and gave him a headache. "Delyna, adjust eight degrees left and three down. Fire for effect."

"Eight left three down, aye sir!" Dominic yelled, waiting for the next round to load.

"Ready, Double D!" Barton yelled over the roar of the loaders and cacophony of the ship. Dominic sighted in again as the ship shook violently from a near miss from the enemy's volley, knocking his head into the periscope. He swore and shook off the pain before sighting with the other eye and firing.

"Hey Barton speed it up they got us zeroed in already!"

"The machines go how they go, Double D, just fucking hit them first!"

Bartons reply got drowned out by a screaming shell and the ship shook again, this time throwing Dominic out of his seat. Heat roiled from the access hatch below decks. Barton was gone. Half the turret crew was.

"Damage control, turret two!" He yelled into the likely broken radio before grabbing a fire extinguisher. The photos he had brought with him were still scrambled on the ground, but he paid them no mind. He looked down into the raging heat below and descended.

Water rushed in but the secondary magazine had more than enough powder to create a sustained conflagration. For a second Dominic sat stunned. What first? Who else was here? Would anyone else be here? Why him?

Why not?

The water came first. He sprinted toward the foaming water that quickly rose to his knees and made his way to the compartment it was coming from. Then he did what he was trained to: he entered the room, and closed the hatch behind him.

The water was up to his thighs and he slogged through it to one of the multiple burst pipes. He wrapped his arms around it and heaved. The heavy metal didn't budge. He made his way to one and then another, but he couldn't do anything. The water steadily rose and rose, and he swallowed a lump in his throat. At least he sealed the bulkhead. He stood in the rising pool and made a grab for solace in that before the metal all around him groaned and the ship shook three times in rapid succession. His stomach twisted as the room began to tilt and the ship began to list.

Just a drop in the bucket after all.

The water started rising more rapidly and it soon covered his head, and deafened his ears. He opened his eyes and saw pictures. So many pictures tumbling around him in silence. Friends, family, lovers. All smiling. So happy. One pinwheeled slowly in front of his face. It was him, Dominic. A seventeen year-old Dominic in his swimsuit at the beach, his head popping out of the water. He didn't want to go home. He wanted to stay in the water. In the end, he got his wish. He felt water pressure increasing on his ears and temples. He was starting to sink. Down and down into the ocean.

Where he belonged.

It be finished! Thoughts and so forth always welcomed and in fact encouraged.

Very different from what I usually read on the Writing Forum. I think it is because it does not play out like a movie (and that is a compliment) where too much goes into either dialogue or overly long descriptions.

I think this is the antithesis (another compliment, mind you) of my 'work'. The bits of action in the story, like the ship being riddled with enemy fire is done simply and concisely therefore readable. You don't see long monologues of either a character in the story or (in my case) the narrator.

I like stories like that, no symbolism, simple explanations, danger and conflict, and most of all, a bad ending!

I have two questions, Jerry, if you don't mind answering them:

1. Did you do any research for the short story?

2. Just in case I have read the story can you verify if that is the gist of the story?

- Protagonist is on a warship
- Enemy warship blows the protagonist's ship into unseaworthiness.
- Protagonist dies.

I will using your description of the action scenes as a reference if I ever get to write a proper narrative.

For now, I am very impressed with that short story! Will post here again if I can find anything to nitpick and criticise about it.

I've been mired a lot recently in imparting a message in my stuff, so I figured I'd depart from that kinda stuff for a bit.

To answer your questions, though, yes I did do research for this. Most of it regarded the operation of the USS Iowa's weapon batteries. I slightly modified the operation of the 16-inch platforms without bastardizing the layout of the ship or the true methods with which the batteries are used by the crew. And indeed yes those three points touch on the whole of the story easily enough.

I am nothing short of flattered if you use my style or conventions in your own writing. I hope it either works for you or (even better) leads to you developing something even better for yourself. I've kept my eyes on your cesspit and I'm excited to see how you approach a narrative.

Oh and on the topic of nit-picking I noticed a little something already. Everyone on the Iowa was ill-equipped for this. They're all wearing like jackets.

This story is remarkably similar to yours Jerry!

https://www.fakku.net/forums/writing-and-fanfiction/sivs-adventure#03834436

Always love stuff from war.

I had a few issues in terms of how the battleship was run. I don't mean to be a pain in the ass, but battleships had periscopes in the event the main bridge could no longer give orders. That said, the command bridge didn't have periscopes as they were a bridge- i.e. could see the action first hand.

Another thing is that sailors didn't really use helmets as much and didn't wear life jackets into combat, but kept them close as it would really hinder movement.

Other than that, like the continuous flow of action. I would like a little more backstory as it seems he wants to erase his family for no reason.

^ That would be too much for a short story surely? If any reference to the main character's family ought to made, I think it should be minimal. I am concerned about him going into the ocean and getting blown up and Jerry relayed that to me very well.

Hm, I feel a bit melancholy with this. Such is the way of war. Reminds me a lot of the Wings of Ether. The words are mystical at first and harshly direct later, then humbly provide a solace at the end. Then again, you always had a talent for short stories. Good to see this made no exception.

By the way, not sure if this was intended:

I was going to say something about that.

Other than that, I found this to be an excellent short story. The background is kept minimal because it would hinder the story about Dominic's death, but managed to have some character development to set a picture in our minds. I also like the matter-of-fact presentation; it makes the story much easier to read.

No wonder the ship got blown up!

Hey you guys. You guys shush. But serious-face thanks for pointing this out. To the "edit" button!

It wasn't enough that Leonard said what he did with that wide-eyed avatar adding a comical effect to his discovery, but this tsundere response all the more so. Happy to be of help.