just started writing and this happend
1
(yes its a vampire story get over yourself I am not stephanie meyer)
It’s the year 2124; 100 years ago the world that you know was forever twisted and destroyed. That world was destroyed by one bullet, one bullet to end the life of a certain someone. I don’t really recall who it was but it doesn’t matter now. I am pretty unique well to the people of the old world I would be considered a vampire.
Vampire creates an image of hate and a monster that all they want is blood and they will do anything for. Well that isn’t true, we need it. All those years ago humans became one of four things, an irradiated zombie, a government tool, not very fond of those jerks, a civilian/one percent human, we call them outlanders, and like me a “vampire.” Later on we will touch on the one per centers. The vampire was born from just the right amount of exposure to radiation and the right disease.
Sickle cell anemia, a blood disorder, when exposed to radiation changes; instead of just having bad blood cells form, blood production stopped. That meant certain death right? Wrong. They instead craved other people’s blood and yes we drank from the neck. Lots of blood in a nice place and the person doesn’t suffer too long. We would refresh our blood supply like that. If we didn’t feed in three weeks we would either die or go mad with hunger and even attack vampires and zombies. If a vampire ever feed on a zombie the blood would be so irradiated that the vampire would die in a matter of days.
Over the years we started to look like the creatures of old, Pale from the lack of blood, unless we had just fed, and all the senses and physical traits of a vampire are present. Except for being bats they are message carriers. Our senses have been heightened because of select mating, sight, smell, reflexes, and strength all have been refined by an almost martial law of breeding. The fangs I was never told about, I had guessed that they were from the initial radiation.
The world outside of us sees us as monsters who feed for pleasure. Vela does, she is one of four known vampires who produces blood. But we do it to survive. The government factions are friendly or hostile, mostly hostile. The worst offenders are a group called the Green Berets or something, they will shoot you and then expect you to say “I love America!” as you die or they will revive you and torture you to find out where the rest of the vampires are.
There have been several times that they discovered an enclave, usually they were wiped out, but sometimes they would survive and have to relocate. Well the areas outside settlements were dangerous. Most of the animals out there were man-eating beasts. So clan relocations were dangerous but it was necessary for the safety of the survivors. This is where my story starts.
My name is Gene, I’m 24 years old, and the day that Rita and her clan showed up in our quaint little hole in the ground. I awoke to the sounds of screams. My heart started racing, I thought to myself, “a raid? No not now, of anytime not now.” I got up quickly, my body just reacting to the sounds. I got up into our emergency airway/escape tunnel but I didn’t hear any gunshots, so I decided to head back down to see what happened.
"Rita!?" I exclaimed as I see the bright yellow eyes of a familiar stranger...
It’s the year 2124; 100 years ago the world that you know was forever twisted and destroyed. That world was destroyed by one bullet, one bullet to end the life of a certain someone. I don’t really recall who it was but it doesn’t matter now. I am pretty unique well to the people of the old world I would be considered a vampire.
Vampire creates an image of hate and a monster that all they want is blood and they will do anything for. Well that isn’t true, we need it. All those years ago humans became one of four things, an irradiated zombie, a government tool, not very fond of those jerks, a civilian/one percent human, we call them outlanders, and like me a “vampire.” Later on we will touch on the one per centers. The vampire was born from just the right amount of exposure to radiation and the right disease.
Sickle cell anemia, a blood disorder, when exposed to radiation changes; instead of just having bad blood cells form, blood production stopped. That meant certain death right? Wrong. They instead craved other people’s blood and yes we drank from the neck. Lots of blood in a nice place and the person doesn’t suffer too long. We would refresh our blood supply like that. If we didn’t feed in three weeks we would either die or go mad with hunger and even attack vampires and zombies. If a vampire ever feed on a zombie the blood would be so irradiated that the vampire would die in a matter of days.
Over the years we started to look like the creatures of old, Pale from the lack of blood, unless we had just fed, and all the senses and physical traits of a vampire are present. Except for being bats they are message carriers. Our senses have been heightened because of select mating, sight, smell, reflexes, and strength all have been refined by an almost martial law of breeding. The fangs I was never told about, I had guessed that they were from the initial radiation.
The world outside of us sees us as monsters who feed for pleasure. Vela does, she is one of four known vampires who produces blood. But we do it to survive. The government factions are friendly or hostile, mostly hostile. The worst offenders are a group called the Green Berets or something, they will shoot you and then expect you to say “I love America!” as you die or they will revive you and torture you to find out where the rest of the vampires are.
There have been several times that they discovered an enclave, usually they were wiped out, but sometimes they would survive and have to relocate. Well the areas outside settlements were dangerous. Most of the animals out there were man-eating beasts. So clan relocations were dangerous but it was necessary for the safety of the survivors. This is where my story starts.
My name is Gene, I’m 24 years old, and the day that Rita and her clan showed up in our quaint little hole in the ground. I awoke to the sounds of screams. My heart started racing, I thought to myself, “a raid? No not now, of anytime not now.” I got up quickly, my body just reacting to the sounds. I got up into our emergency airway/escape tunnel but I didn’t hear any gunshots, so I decided to head back down to see what happened.
"Rita!?" I exclaimed as I see the bright yellow eyes of a familiar stranger...
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Hi hi! I am a huge fan of vampire stories, so I would love to see you working on this more.
Hmm, for what you have so far...I was kind of confused, I thought in the beginning you were just giving a rough synopsis for the kind of world you wanted. But then in the end it seemed like that was all supposed to be a character's thoughts. It's not really clear...
It seems interesting, everyone has their own version of vampires strengths, vulnerabilities, and appearances. It looks like you have a nice mix here (thank God they don't sparkle X |)
Hmm, if you're planning to turn it into a real story, I would use a better writing format, better spacing and if this is meant to be your main character explaining the world, I would spread things out more. Good books never give away all the info about the world so immediately and upfront. Instead they introduce characters and situations that lead the reader to know something about the world, without actually just saying it outright. That way we aren't slammed with a bunch of unrealistic imagery all at once.
Nice job and good luck in working on it! : ) ❤ ❤
Hmm, for what you have so far...I was kind of confused, I thought in the beginning you were just giving a rough synopsis for the kind of world you wanted. But then in the end it seemed like that was all supposed to be a character's thoughts. It's not really clear...
It seems interesting, everyone has their own version of vampires strengths, vulnerabilities, and appearances. It looks like you have a nice mix here (thank God they don't sparkle X |)
Hmm, if you're planning to turn it into a real story, I would use a better writing format, better spacing and if this is meant to be your main character explaining the world, I would spread things out more. Good books never give away all the info about the world so immediately and upfront. Instead they introduce characters and situations that lead the reader to know something about the world, without actually just saying it outright. That way we aren't slammed with a bunch of unrealistic imagery all at once.
Nice job and good luck in working on it! : ) ❤ ❤
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thank you very much. and yeah, it was like 12 in the morning when i wrote this. I think im going to write down the world i want and start the story again. Will post refinements when i get time.
(me noticing random stuff there are four 1's in this posts number lol)
(me noticing random stuff there are four 1's in this posts number lol)
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maxriot45 wrote...
(yes its a vampire story get over yourself I am not stephanie meyer)Why the fuck would you WANT to be? Her emo shit sucks ass.
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Joe-kun wrote...
maxriot45 wrote...
(yes its a vampire story get over yourself I am not stephanie meyer)Why the fuck would you WANT to be? Her emo shit sucks ass.
thank you.
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So I love the theme you put out so far(zombies, future, & vampires), the story needs refinement, "in the end it seemed like that was all supposed to be a character's thoughts. It's not really clear..." (Circe) pretty much sums it up.
Anyway I am excited to see more of this story! Good job.
Also the world is in dire need of a real vampire story, lol.
Anyway I am excited to see more of this story! Good job.
Also the world is in dire need of a real vampire story, lol.
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still writing havent had much time since school has been goin. what i wonder for you guys is should i start the story from genes POV and then explain whats going on?
1
The Vampires’ Prophecy
It’s the year 2124; 100 years ago the world that you know was forever twisted and destroyed. That world was destroyed by one bullet, one bullet to end the life of a certain someone. No one really knows what happened but it changed world forever. There are these pretty unique people; well to be accurate to the people of the old world they would be considered vampires.
Vampire creates an image of hate and a monster that all they want is blood and they will do anything for. Well that isn’t true, they need it. All those years ago, from when the nuclear holocaust hit our quaint little rock, humans became one of four things, an irradiated zombie, a government agent bent on killing every mutated thing he sees, or luckily stayed an ordinary human, vampires call them outlanders, and vampires. The vampire was born from just the right amount of exposure to radiation and the right disease.
Sickle cell anemia, a blood disorder, when exposed to radiation changes; instead of just having bad blood cells form, blood production stopped. That certainly sounds like certain death, but that was wrong. They instead craved other people’s blood. The stipulation of drinking from the neck is true. Lots of blood in a nice place and the person doesn’t suffer too long. If they don’t feed for three weeks they would either die or go mad with hunger; attacking vampires and even zombies. If a vampire ever feed on a zombie the blood would be so irradiated that the vampire would die in a matter of hours.
Over the years vampires started to look like the creatures of old, pale from the lack of blood, and all the senses and physical traits of a vampire are present. Except for turning into bats, they are message carriers. By an almost martial law of breeding the traits that all vampires express are present. From strength and speed to sight and smell all were enhanced.
The world outside of us sees us as monsters who feed for pleasure. There are vampires who do; there are four known vampires who produce blood. This view causes man to attack us the government agents try to destroy us using very advanced technology. There is not all lost hope with outlanders they take us in and feed us.
There have been several times that an enclave has been discovered, usually they were wiped out, but sometimes they would survive and have to relocate. Areas outside settlements and enclaves were dangerous. Most of the animals out there were mutated man-eating beasts. Clan relocations were difficult and dangerous but it was necessary for the safety of the survivors. This is how the story of Gene, a Vampire, starts.
“Gene, Gene! Wake up!” Delana tries to wake Gene.
“What?” gene grumbles under his blanket.
She exclaims, “Survivors, sir!” Without a word Gene get out of bed and puts on his leather armor. His mind races with the thought of survivors at his doorstep. He walks out of his room with a look of concern about him. In the assembly hall he sees Rita, an old friend of his, his eyes light up.
“Rita? Why, Why are you here?” Gene asks.
Ok my revisions to the story. how does it look?
It’s the year 2124; 100 years ago the world that you know was forever twisted and destroyed. That world was destroyed by one bullet, one bullet to end the life of a certain someone. No one really knows what happened but it changed world forever. There are these pretty unique people; well to be accurate to the people of the old world they would be considered vampires.
Vampire creates an image of hate and a monster that all they want is blood and they will do anything for. Well that isn’t true, they need it. All those years ago, from when the nuclear holocaust hit our quaint little rock, humans became one of four things, an irradiated zombie, a government agent bent on killing every mutated thing he sees, or luckily stayed an ordinary human, vampires call them outlanders, and vampires. The vampire was born from just the right amount of exposure to radiation and the right disease.
Sickle cell anemia, a blood disorder, when exposed to radiation changes; instead of just having bad blood cells form, blood production stopped. That certainly sounds like certain death, but that was wrong. They instead craved other people’s blood. The stipulation of drinking from the neck is true. Lots of blood in a nice place and the person doesn’t suffer too long. If they don’t feed for three weeks they would either die or go mad with hunger; attacking vampires and even zombies. If a vampire ever feed on a zombie the blood would be so irradiated that the vampire would die in a matter of hours.
Over the years vampires started to look like the creatures of old, pale from the lack of blood, and all the senses and physical traits of a vampire are present. Except for turning into bats, they are message carriers. By an almost martial law of breeding the traits that all vampires express are present. From strength and speed to sight and smell all were enhanced.
The world outside of us sees us as monsters who feed for pleasure. There are vampires who do; there are four known vampires who produce blood. This view causes man to attack us the government agents try to destroy us using very advanced technology. There is not all lost hope with outlanders they take us in and feed us.
There have been several times that an enclave has been discovered, usually they were wiped out, but sometimes they would survive and have to relocate. Areas outside settlements and enclaves were dangerous. Most of the animals out there were mutated man-eating beasts. Clan relocations were difficult and dangerous but it was necessary for the safety of the survivors. This is how the story of Gene, a Vampire, starts.
“Gene, Gene! Wake up!” Delana tries to wake Gene.
“What?” gene grumbles under his blanket.
She exclaims, “Survivors, sir!” Without a word Gene get out of bed and puts on his leather armor. His mind races with the thought of survivors at his doorstep. He walks out of his room with a look of concern about him. In the assembly hall he sees Rita, an old friend of his, his eyes light up.
“Rita? Why, Why are you here?” Gene asks.
Ok my revisions to the story. how does it look?
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My first thought was that it looks much easier to read. :P
Looking great, keep up the good work. :D
Looking great, keep up the good work. :D
