I was just a guy living an ordinary life. I had quite a number of friends—most of them from the internet. My social life outside net actually exist but I wasn't involved much. As for romantic relationships went, I'm still comfortable with being single, I had no love experience whatsoever, even if people around my age were already married.
I lived my days without a care. As long I was able to pay bills and enjoy my days—even spending eternity like this was alright, until a certain night came.
I slept soundly like usual but upon waking up, I ended in a completely different place. There was no air conditioning and the floor was made outta wood.
There's only a single bed; a window with closed curtains and a lone ebony door. Thankfully it was sturdily roofed, plus quite a lot of space to move around.
Was I kidnapped? I didn't recall procuring anything of value to even risk someone going that far.
Before I was able to question further, a visage appeared out of blue, in which made myself jump from bed and sat upright; squinting my eyes to figure whether I'm seeing things
It's there; I confirmed it. The light enveloped to what could be said, a young girl. She's like an ordinary high-schooler wearing mage robe in RPG games. She had pink hair tied in twin-tail, reaching out to her hips. The figure of hers kinda on the modest side.
"Greetings, [Hero]! My name is [Tutorial Girl] and I'm here to teach you the know-hows of this world. May you become the great savior who will defeat the [Demon King] and bring about peace!"
There was nothing normal about her greeting just now. Maybe it's common knowledge if you're stuck in another world, but looking at this seedy building—it seemed somewhat surreal.
"Before you explain any further, may I ask something?"
Since I at least had a guide, hopefully she would be able to provide satisfactory answers.
...or maybe not.
"My databank do not have all the possible questions, so please refer to those among [Frequently Asked]."
"Well, perfect. Could you please give me the list of those frequently asked questions? I have no idea what kind of place is this."
"I'm really sorry, even the list of questions aren't finished yet...."
She bowed in full apology.
How could they made such an interactive guide girl and yet couldn't even provide the bare minimum of information? Hold on, even with the less-than-helpful clue she knew, I should be able to wring out something.
"In that case: before we go forth, please tell me everything you know."
The girl made a light cough with a sharp 'ahem' tone before forming an explanation.
"In this world, I know one thing—that is, I know nothing."
Geez, this world's creator should learn their priorities first. This guide girl was so humanlike but she's tad unreliable!
When Einstein said that quote, it sounds profound but when this girl's the one saying—it really pissed me off.
Well then, I'd just go along with your game.
"Since you claim to know about 'nothing', you shall explain to me about 'nothing'!"
In the Eastern philosophical teachings, particularly Daoism, there was one excerpt pertaining 'nothingness', 'emptiness' so forth. To know is not to know, emptiness has its content, so on. I wonder what her answer would be.
"Hero, I am not trying to be profound. I dunno jack, honestly."
...I hate that smug expression. When I just thought of something clever only to be played like a damn fiddle.
Well, I myself wasn't sure if it was clever though.
Hmm...how about this, since she's so humanlike let's try teasing her.
"Girl, even if you don't know anything—since you're cute, how about you be my lover?"
I finally said it! This be a lot more embarrassing than I though--
"Please stop fooling around and get on with the tutorial already. I'm leaving, and whether or not you come, fine by me."
So cold....
Maybe she just didn't want to answer any of my questions from the start. Oh well, since I was that type to read the guides before even playing the game, this would be a good change.
I quickly went after her as she opened the door and walked towards a completely white world. A grass pathway could be seeen leading straight to an ominous looking cave. In my left and right, whiteness completely spread as far eyes could see. Reaching through and stepping my foot into the area, I was blocked by an invisible wall—no matter what strength I exert, I couldn't seem to break through.
As I was trailing around the area, the girl just stared at me indifferently at the cave's entrance.
"Well, I guess this is it, hero. All you have to do is enter the cave and defeat the enemy. Best of luck!'
Before I could even ask anything, a bright light enveloped her and she disappeared so quickly.
I really didn't get this world. No explanation why I was ended up here, and no answer to any of my questions as well. I couldn't even figure out anything by observing—it's just so damn empty!
Well then, no harm on entering the tutorial cave, right? If what she said was true, I would get out of here soon and maybe back to my own world!
As I entered the cave filled with hopes--whoever sent me to this world might hate me so much—or I was just really unlucky, were it completely by chance.
Because, what awaited me in front—was the [Demon King].
Xxx
As I entered the cave, a majestic throne room unfolded upon me. Its flooring of glistening marble, with its grand pathway paved in crimson-red silk carpet—to which I currently stood. Pillars with carving of demonic creatures could be seen in my sides. Atop the ceiling was a gaudy looking lamp; its texture made of gold, with lights containing a diamond's sparkle.
The walls had murals depicting epic battle between humans and demons. With the final mural being the decisive fight of the hero and demon king. The interesting thing about it—there was no indication of who's winning or losing—they fought on equal grounds.
Lowering my sight to what's sitting on the throne, my eyes met with theirs; the crimson light in its eyes shone upon me; overwhelming amount of pressure start to bore down and I soon found it hard to breathe.
The demon king was a giant, thirteen horned beast, five times the height of average human. It had red-blackish skin, razor sharp fangs that seemingly could cut even the strongest metals. The shape of his figure was of a bodybuilder about to be arrested from steroid overdose—muscles bulging all around, even I could faintly hear its visible tendon trying to speak Latin.
...or I might just be hearing things due to my nervous breakdown.
"Calm down, hero. Wait...I'm really a hero, right? I need to go home. I miss my everyday job where I could work and enjoy life. Even though it's just a short moment, let's end this."
As I took a step forward, violent rumbling filled the entire throne room and its vibration caused my sight to disorient; my mind numb and filled with so much nausea I felt like vomiting on the spot.
For some unknown reason I was able to resist such pressure coming from the demon king as he finally stood up; his head just one or two meters down the gaudy lamp. We locked eyes again and finally, he spoke:
"You had come, hero. How brave of you to go solo. At this point, I hereby applaud you—for your guts, but especially—your stupidity! Since the beginning of humanity, no one dared to challenge me on their own. Even those who fought with a battalion of their strongest forces, could only win barely as they sealed me—only to wake up the next decade!"
His voice echoed across the entire room and it was so loud I had to cover it with my hands. It had a low-pitched reverb texture, which you would instantly recognize as 'evil' and 'grim'. In short, stereotypical depiction of a dark lord's tone.
I wonder why didn't he mention about my lack of equipment. I was just coming here wearing t-shirt, denim pants and hotel sandals. No swords, armor, accessories whatsoever--don't tell me he actually thought of them as a powerful weapon?
...speak of the devil..
"Huh...why are you just standing here, hero? Pull out your best equipment and fight me! Are you just there mocking me with that getup?"
Ah, I really couldn't stand it! Even if he's all powerful, at the very least he still gave me lots of opportunity window to prepare myself. I felt like, if I didn't go at him seriously, it would seriously dishonor him. Though what could I do? I wasn't even a trained warrior—I just came here in my getup without being informed of anything or taught even a single thing.
How was I supposed to fight the demon king with this anyway? More like, did he really have any shame—putting his all just to fight a completely insignificant bug like me?
....oh right, there's still this.
"What if I told you, I am not the hero? If I'm really a chosen,there's gotta be a proof that I am one. Though as you can see, my great demon lord—I'm merely an ignorant mortal. I just ended up here by accident, not knowing I had disgraced your grand abode merely by stepping inside. O mighty dark lord, please have mercy."
Hearing this, the demon king gazed at me from head to toe. His crimson eyes glinted; sparking a light of that color to rain down on me. Strangely enough, even when I braced for the worst, I didn't feel any sort of nausea from earlier; not even a tinge of pain.
After few moments passed, the eye-straining light finally went out. The demon king, sat back down his throne. Now that I got a closer look, the throne was just a gigantic wooden chair—seemingly out of place to the majestic room, but it was able to sustain that much of weight—just what kind of wood was it?
Maybe I was thinking too much...
There, the demon king rubbed his chin and as if he had ascertained my aptitude, spoke:
"What you said might be correct, I could not prove that you are indeed the hero. Though, the way you could withstand the pressure I exerted, that could force even mightiest adventurers to kneel—just what are you?"
"I'm not sure myself, o great demon lord. I could say that I'm actually a mere mortal, but that would only serve to brought you dishonor."
"To my judgement, you came here without any shred of hostile intentions. I took a glance of your heart—what seemed to be the desire to return towards a mundane life. Normally, I would just kill everyone who came here, but you are different—mortal.
There's something that made you worthy of being here. What was it—the speech with knowledge of respect as opposed to those vulgar-tongued heroes? That's not it. I did not sense any special power coming from you either. Perhaps it's indeed, something even I could not fathom."
As the demon king talked, his voice that's seemingly loud before, seem to be much more gentle. It's as if I was actually conversing with someone of a higher status, not a stereotypical dark lord.
Hmm....pondering about it once again, I could only arrive in this conclusion. Though, it would ruin the entire poignant moment if I did so.
In the end, I kept my mouth shut. Like what they said, silence is gold.
"Yes, apparently you had that wisdom in you. Very well, you have passed my first test. If you can pass the next one, I shall return you back to your world."
...what?
It appears I had dodged calamity by a hair's breadth. So he's been testing me all along!
I wonder in what aspect the test was. Maybe he was trying to assess whether I could read the mood or not? I wasn't sure—better not ask stupid questions.
I hope my foolish self who asked stupid things to that tutorial girl didn't take over.
A sense of deafening silence filled the room as the demon king sat there for what seemed to be quite a time.
Maybe he was testing me again—in that case:
"I am not in a hurry to leave, great demon lord. Please take your time on deciding the test. I shall patiently wait in whichever places you so kindly provide."
"You are the ones who needed rest, mortal. Look at your weary body and dull expression, with lethargic posture akin to old man. Please do not take me that lightly, I have lived for countless years. As such, I was just leisurely waiting for you to excuse yourselves. To think I had such high evaluation at first—I'm a bit disappointed."
"...I hereby apologize for my misconduct..."
"Seeing as you're an ignorant mortal after all, it is my obligation to forgive--do not repeat this another time. Since this will be your final test and those you should not be failing, I will let you ask some questions."
I pondered about what kind of thing intrigued me the most, in which formed my question.
"Great demon lord, can you explain what you meant by 'possessing that wisdom' earlier?"
"You were about to crack a joke earlier—did you think I wouldn't notice? Yes, that peculiar wisdom was 'to tell jokes at appropriate time'. While I think it wasn't a bad joke, it would definitely ruin the solemn mood we're trying to build. Nothing ruins the joke more than telling it at inappropriate time. All the comedians I approve must possess this skill."
I see...so my guess was spot on huh...
Wait..what? So, all of these serious atmosphere built up was actually a punchline?
"How about the second time--what exactly should I do to better my evaluation?"
"It's not really a test per se—but the second wisdom was deciding whether you want to play the straight man or the funny man to the silence. If you're the straight man, you should just jab at me: saying 'eh, demon lord? What are you getting all silent of sudden!' while you're at it, you can be a bit shameless and start boasting. In response of that, I would just play the funny man part and say 'my bad, I guess I just had seen the amusing spectacle of that hero I just roasted last millennium'
If you're playing the funny man, even if you just slept on the spot is enough. Or you could just try blurting out some stupid jokes in the middle, where I would just throw a jab at you 'what the hell are you talking 'bout! You're dead as a fish, go get some sleep!'
When you're trying to be all logical like this, it gets boring! So you get why am I saying? Although it was a grave mistake for pros, as a beginner comedian you can learn from your past mistakes."
What? So the demon king expected me to become a comedian?
It became so surreal seeing the intimidating figure of a dark lord talking about this stuff.
"....sorry great demon lord, I don't expect that you were the sort to like comedy."
"How rude! Yes, that's a funny jab, but it's really rude of you. I shall forgive you again since at least you're starting to learn. Listen there, in my life, there's nothing more important than comedy. After living in such boredom for so many years, just waiting for someone capable to seal me--comedy was the only thing able to raise me up.
What a pity, when I thought of you coming in like that, I thought you're a comedian. It was really amusing that I started to think up the most cliche lines I could muster—well that reaction was entertaining."
Wow, he really said it at the appropriate time. Though, seeing his sinister appearance—I didn't even dare to laugh.
Before I had the liberty to ask again, he coughed a bit, making an 'ahem' sound echoing all throughout the throne room. A crimson light enveloped him, and his whole body shrank to what looked like a gray-haired old man.
His eyes were crimson, wearing a black, long-sleeved robe. His posture was upright and he was about a head taller than me.
"A major part of it was due to me keeping this appearance, tee hee!"
....that unbefitting cutely gesture he made was so unreal I couldn't even laugh or made a jab.
"That's a good expression, you have gift to be a comedian. When you're taking the final test, I shall be in this form so don't you worry."
"So...pop...great demon king--"
"Just calling me pops is fine, you need to chill a lot in order to tell jokes. Now then, for the third test—I will let you guess first! If you get it correct, I will give you additional clues on how you'll go about it."
"Telling you a joke?"
"You got the grounds right, but more exactly—it has to be something original, not puns, anything situational like our jabs earlier. not those with boring formats like 'three guys walk into the bar' or memes—don't you think I had not known those from your world.
I like jokes, but I just couldn't get myself to be amused by puns. Really, when puns are involved, people just throwing out tasteless no-effort just to be funny. I once roasted that hero from last millennium into the underworld because his puns were just horrible! I really HATE that guy."
It seemed like the demon king had a bad bone with the hero from last millennium. I wonder what kind of bad puns did he told—on the second thought—I don't wanna know.
"So, pops. What kind of criteria should I fulfill in order to get a pass?"
I really need to get home and outta this god-forsaken place, I'd best better make it first try, since it's my only chance.
"Just do your best to make one of your own. It shouldn't be that hard for you-- take it easy. I'm providing a place for you to rest that's far better than the crap you've started with. I guess that damn vixen treated you like dung, didn't she?"
Speaking of which...
"You know of the tutorial girl?"
"She was the reason I got trapped here in the first place. Though, she kept bringing amusing individuals to me. It would kept me from getting bored for an entire decade."
It was quite surprising. I thought she would be of completely no relation to the demon king whatsoever? Did she actually feigned ignorance after all, because of my stupid questions?
Totally no idea, maybe I should further about her—no, wait...
"Hmm..."
I wonder how did the demon king ended up here? Did he went here after he got sealed after all? He said something about waking up every decade, before telling me that the individuals brought her would entertain him for the amount of period--that might be it.
Seeing me pondering about in place, never stepping forward or back—the demon king spoke again.
"We've wasted too much words of the story just chit-chatting like this, now off you go. Make me a good joke, ya hear? When you're ready, just make effort to call for me and you shall be in the throne room shortly.
Take your time, but not too long. Someone else might come here, and I would prioritize them first. You might be stuck there for long, or you'd get lucky if that person got done quickly."
Before I could even swallow my saliva, upon hearing his words, he flicked his finger and I got teleported into a nice place, akin to a five star hotel room.
Maybe it's not bad to be here forever.