[Leonard267's Mid-2017 Writing Event] An essay on 2016 to 17
2
Now, I wish to share with you folks something that has nothing to do with your lives and will merely make me feel relief this is an essay/narrative on a what-if and narrative of some relationships I've been through and how I dealed with them. I stand at the present feeling an improved version of myself, yet I stay every once in a while looking back at my mistakes or resenting the decisions, for better or worse.
If you people have the time to banter and read greentexts that all go through the same "muh feels whe no gf" or "how can I make her love me?", I am very sure you will not find that here. These are merely situations and how I dealt with them. Now, to proceed.
I was in Barbery School in '15, I was a wierdo, had too many issues, had a very caged life till I started barbery- for I was homeschooled. Word around them was that I was creepy, demented, insane, dangerous. While I could now look back and agree with creepy, I never considered myself dangerous, although I did wish at some points I could show anger rather than bottle it in my guts, but that was more mental issues going on. I felt like I was seeing a little crack of the world after being forced shut-in for 18 years of my life in a cramped up studio. I had this nice foreigner woman who kinda became a nanny to me while I was kind of a translator for her for she was terrible in Spanish. She became my emotional support when I had no idea how to act aroud people and generally behaved like an uncantrollable animal with no manners and an odd way of speaking. While I never found her attractive, a lot of classmates did, she was fit and had a great personality. I thank God I never tried makig a move on her, for she was the only woman I've ever met in my life that I'd rather keep as a friend than attempt to be in a relationship with and ruin the connection we had.
The story picks up some months before I got expelled for having harbored resentment towards a professor and calling out a secretary as a whore for defending him. Alas, he took to pointing me out as a retarded individual or some subhuman every chance he had. My mistake I see was not having confronted him, not ever.
This classmate, she knew me, perhaps she pitied me. But the way I look at it, she merely needed a ride to move away to America (I had not moved to florida and was instead residing in a 3rd world spanish country), she was native Indian born in ghetto, nice olive skin, skinny figure, but had just finished her 2nd pregnancy. She was 25 I think, 6 years older than me. Her kid was like 5 or 6, very sweet and obedient, almost feared his mother, I kind of saw myself in him sometimes- I would've tried raising him if the circumstances had been different. She gave me this sense of fear about some ex of hers following her around and how she needed a place to live in and asked me if she could live with me. I could've taken her in if I would've decided to move out of my grandmothers when I had barely started my 1st job, working 38 hours for 148 dollars a week. I knew my grandmother would never take her in, and then I worried what would I do if her ex came knocking on the door. Just another drug dealer on coke who thinks he's some kind of sicario, some kind of Chapo or other major known figures venerated to almost god levels in these ghettoes.
I rejected and avoided her, we even went out once, ate some food, but something was always off, I knew it, even if I would've taken her in, built a family with her, she would've dominated my decisions, I would've merely swapped my parents for some bossy woman who might have pity but never really true attraction for me as she did to her exes. I still worry about how her kid might be doing.
Then, the next woman. I eventually became in a relationship from another classmate, but this was out of mutual pity. She was a genuine 2/10, but had the heart, wisdom,and compassion of an 11/10. Again she was older than me, had been only with 3 other men in her life, one who'd raped her, another who abused her, and finally just a threesome with a friend of a friend. I feel still grossed out.
now, I don't feel ashamed for leaving her truth be told. We'd look like some sort of wierd couple, a total mismatch. I guess I only decided to be with her to have sex for the first time. This was a mistake and I eventually felt horrible after the relationship didn't last a mere week for I broke it up. I still think "What if I made a family with her?", sure that would've been easy to accomplish, but would've not been rewarding for me.
I eventually spent months judgeging myself as a selfish cunt, until I eventually realized that maybe it's not that I'm a bad person, it's that everyone will care for themselves, and I am not any better. We are selfish as good and compassionate humanity can be at some points.
Cutting the chase I will resume the last 2 stories quicker.
This girl I met at church before I moved away, we eventually connected and got along better in the last week before I left, she was around 4 years younger than me. Fast forward I try to force her to be in some long term relationship with me and she agrees for 24 hours and then apologizes and retracts. But that didn't stop her from talking about other boys who she liked or tried dating, or telling me of guys woth screenshots of how they offered to help her having sex for the first time. This in turn sickened me of her bullshit and I like in most of my problems, ran away from them.
6 months later I'm still in contact with her older sister whom I get along with just fine and she begs me to come back into her life. I agreed and it all degraded into me being a cuck hearing how she wanted to date this and that guy. Eventually I had become tired of the bullshit and told her that I wasn't going to put up with that shit as a man. She told me she only liked me as a brother, and after one last phone call, I never talked with her again. Not a single message. You see my friends, being in a position of a brother will cause you a lot of harm to yourself, more so to your ego. My advice is never hear a woman out on her relationships if you find her attractive or want her. It will be a waste of hours of caring and worrying for someone who will never want you.
Finally was this small Haitian girl I met, she was only 1 year younger than me. She pretty much asked me for my number, we set up a date to go to an attraction park. She made me wait 3 hours outside, then we have what felt like a nice day, tried kissing her, she pulled away, then we kept going like if nothing had happened.
I then noticed her being dropped off by different black guys at work, and I can assure you none of them were uber. After 2 or 3 more dates she started making snappy remarks, nasty comments, and sarcastic laughs. But always found a way to call me to give her a ride interrupting my sleep from working 2 jobs. Eventually I learned something that proved me that all I thought about myself being strong and smart was worthless- I "borrowed" her 100 dollars to pay a bill, and she never gave them back. Beta As Fuck my friends. Then after that she would no longer have any time to go out. Excuses excuses. Never, ever borrow a woman money unless she's directly blood related to you or has given you sex already. I learned that the hard way.
So all in all in these relationships I learned something, I learned how women ask for attention with no rewards, I learned how some women are just as broken as you are, I learned how some women will just use you as a stepping stone, and finally I learned some ways that some women destroy men. Sure the women suffer from childbirth and raising- but men through time immemorial worked, fought, bled, killed, worked, and sacrificed themselves as beasts of burden to protect them. I simply refuse to be lied, which eventually led me to the acceptance of buying prostitutes as a way of life, to know the warning signs of bad women, and to learn that I am just as imperfect as anyone else.
While most of you will struggle to make sense of my coherence, that's just the way I talk and think, always been that way. I jump from here and there, then keep going and try to patch it through.
Then, enlightenment. One thing that a lot of people aren't noticing, is that a lot of men are either giving up on dating, or suddenly becoming gay. This doesn't seem like a farfetched theory when I've met people who became gay after failed relationships. I used to have this boss who went through a divorce after losing custody of his kids, losing his money, and being humilated by his ex-wife, went around claiming women are disgusting and eventually dating strictly men in resentment.
Then I found this article and it also makes some sense into why a lot of young men are becoming gay, it is simply a need, an alternative, just like farmers and bestiality in isolated locations. Sure there are some people who are born attracted to the same sex, or feel attraction to both, both lost importantly, there are some people who through bad experiences became hateful of the opposite sex, and that's what I think we're experiencing as a whole in this new society. Hence, for a lot of new young men, homosexuality will be their way of saying "I'm tired of my virginity" in a midst of terrible women.
Finally, here are 2 links which are relevant to this conclusion of a distorted mess of an essay I've decided to post. Thank you for reading and I hope to hear some feedback, have a great time folks.
http://www.rooshv.com/american-men-who-choose-homosexuality
Finally, google the book "The Predatory Female".
If you people have the time to banter and read greentexts that all go through the same "muh feels whe no gf" or "how can I make her love me?", I am very sure you will not find that here. These are merely situations and how I dealt with them. Now, to proceed.
I was in Barbery School in '15, I was a wierdo, had too many issues, had a very caged life till I started barbery- for I was homeschooled. Word around them was that I was creepy, demented, insane, dangerous. While I could now look back and agree with creepy, I never considered myself dangerous, although I did wish at some points I could show anger rather than bottle it in my guts, but that was more mental issues going on. I felt like I was seeing a little crack of the world after being forced shut-in for 18 years of my life in a cramped up studio. I had this nice foreigner woman who kinda became a nanny to me while I was kind of a translator for her for she was terrible in Spanish. She became my emotional support when I had no idea how to act aroud people and generally behaved like an uncantrollable animal with no manners and an odd way of speaking. While I never found her attractive, a lot of classmates did, she was fit and had a great personality. I thank God I never tried makig a move on her, for she was the only woman I've ever met in my life that I'd rather keep as a friend than attempt to be in a relationship with and ruin the connection we had.
The story picks up some months before I got expelled for having harbored resentment towards a professor and calling out a secretary as a whore for defending him. Alas, he took to pointing me out as a retarded individual or some subhuman every chance he had. My mistake I see was not having confronted him, not ever.
This classmate, she knew me, perhaps she pitied me. But the way I look at it, she merely needed a ride to move away to America (I had not moved to florida and was instead residing in a 3rd world spanish country), she was native Indian born in ghetto, nice olive skin, skinny figure, but had just finished her 2nd pregnancy. She was 25 I think, 6 years older than me. Her kid was like 5 or 6, very sweet and obedient, almost feared his mother, I kind of saw myself in him sometimes- I would've tried raising him if the circumstances had been different. She gave me this sense of fear about some ex of hers following her around and how she needed a place to live in and asked me if she could live with me. I could've taken her in if I would've decided to move out of my grandmothers when I had barely started my 1st job, working 38 hours for 148 dollars a week. I knew my grandmother would never take her in, and then I worried what would I do if her ex came knocking on the door. Just another drug dealer on coke who thinks he's some kind of sicario, some kind of Chapo or other major known figures venerated to almost god levels in these ghettoes.
I rejected and avoided her, we even went out once, ate some food, but something was always off, I knew it, even if I would've taken her in, built a family with her, she would've dominated my decisions, I would've merely swapped my parents for some bossy woman who might have pity but never really true attraction for me as she did to her exes. I still worry about how her kid might be doing.
Then, the next woman. I eventually became in a relationship from another classmate, but this was out of mutual pity. She was a genuine 2/10, but had the heart, wisdom,and compassion of an 11/10. Again she was older than me, had been only with 3 other men in her life, one who'd raped her, another who abused her, and finally just a threesome with a friend of a friend. I feel still grossed out.
now, I don't feel ashamed for leaving her truth be told. We'd look like some sort of wierd couple, a total mismatch. I guess I only decided to be with her to have sex for the first time. This was a mistake and I eventually felt horrible after the relationship didn't last a mere week for I broke it up. I still think "What if I made a family with her?", sure that would've been easy to accomplish, but would've not been rewarding for me.
I eventually spent months judgeging myself as a selfish cunt, until I eventually realized that maybe it's not that I'm a bad person, it's that everyone will care for themselves, and I am not any better. We are selfish as good and compassionate humanity can be at some points.
Cutting the chase I will resume the last 2 stories quicker.
This girl I met at church before I moved away, we eventually connected and got along better in the last week before I left, she was around 4 years younger than me. Fast forward I try to force her to be in some long term relationship with me and she agrees for 24 hours and then apologizes and retracts. But that didn't stop her from talking about other boys who she liked or tried dating, or telling me of guys woth screenshots of how they offered to help her having sex for the first time. This in turn sickened me of her bullshit and I like in most of my problems, ran away from them.
6 months later I'm still in contact with her older sister whom I get along with just fine and she begs me to come back into her life. I agreed and it all degraded into me being a cuck hearing how she wanted to date this and that guy. Eventually I had become tired of the bullshit and told her that I wasn't going to put up with that shit as a man. She told me she only liked me as a brother, and after one last phone call, I never talked with her again. Not a single message. You see my friends, being in a position of a brother will cause you a lot of harm to yourself, more so to your ego. My advice is never hear a woman out on her relationships if you find her attractive or want her. It will be a waste of hours of caring and worrying for someone who will never want you.
Finally was this small Haitian girl I met, she was only 1 year younger than me. She pretty much asked me for my number, we set up a date to go to an attraction park. She made me wait 3 hours outside, then we have what felt like a nice day, tried kissing her, she pulled away, then we kept going like if nothing had happened.
I then noticed her being dropped off by different black guys at work, and I can assure you none of them were uber. After 2 or 3 more dates she started making snappy remarks, nasty comments, and sarcastic laughs. But always found a way to call me to give her a ride interrupting my sleep from working 2 jobs. Eventually I learned something that proved me that all I thought about myself being strong and smart was worthless- I "borrowed" her 100 dollars to pay a bill, and she never gave them back. Beta As Fuck my friends. Then after that she would no longer have any time to go out. Excuses excuses. Never, ever borrow a woman money unless she's directly blood related to you or has given you sex already. I learned that the hard way.
So all in all in these relationships I learned something, I learned how women ask for attention with no rewards, I learned how some women are just as broken as you are, I learned how some women will just use you as a stepping stone, and finally I learned some ways that some women destroy men. Sure the women suffer from childbirth and raising- but men through time immemorial worked, fought, bled, killed, worked, and sacrificed themselves as beasts of burden to protect them. I simply refuse to be lied, which eventually led me to the acceptance of buying prostitutes as a way of life, to know the warning signs of bad women, and to learn that I am just as imperfect as anyone else.
While most of you will struggle to make sense of my coherence, that's just the way I talk and think, always been that way. I jump from here and there, then keep going and try to patch it through.
Then, enlightenment. One thing that a lot of people aren't noticing, is that a lot of men are either giving up on dating, or suddenly becoming gay. This doesn't seem like a farfetched theory when I've met people who became gay after failed relationships. I used to have this boss who went through a divorce after losing custody of his kids, losing his money, and being humilated by his ex-wife, went around claiming women are disgusting and eventually dating strictly men in resentment.
Then I found this article and it also makes some sense into why a lot of young men are becoming gay, it is simply a need, an alternative, just like farmers and bestiality in isolated locations. Sure there are some people who are born attracted to the same sex, or feel attraction to both, both lost importantly, there are some people who through bad experiences became hateful of the opposite sex, and that's what I think we're experiencing as a whole in this new society. Hence, for a lot of new young men, homosexuality will be their way of saying "I'm tired of my virginity" in a midst of terrible women.
Finally, here are 2 links which are relevant to this conclusion of a distorted mess of an essay I've decided to post. Thank you for reading and I hope to hear some feedback, have a great time folks.
http://www.rooshv.com/american-men-who-choose-homosexuality
Finally, google the book "The Predatory Female".
3
leonard267
FAKKU Non-Writer
How on earth is this not getting responses and snorts of derision?! Also, I am glad I am smack in the middle of Southeast Asia instead of some third world hellhole like Murika after reading it!
Come up with some more!
Come up with some more!
1
I was that guy who totally gave up on dating
2D waifu master race, no need for 3DPD :D /
On a side note, this essay is eye-opening. It was easily understood and gave me a persuasive explanation on why people gave up on relationships: all of their past experiences are horrible and they met people even more terrible than Eldritch Abominations!
...and the result for it was either gave up on relationships or turn to homosexuality.
Since I found the idea of loving another man repulsive, I would safely stick to having a completely sexless life and it was pretty great so far, thanks for the advice that affirms me my path was ok.
2D waifu master race, no need for 3DPD :D /
On a side note, this essay is eye-opening. It was easily understood and gave me a persuasive explanation on why people gave up on relationships: all of their past experiences are horrible and they met people even more terrible than Eldritch Abominations!
...and the result for it was either gave up on relationships or turn to homosexuality.
Since I found the idea of loving another man repulsive, I would safely stick to having a completely sexless life and it was pretty great so far, thanks for the advice that affirms me my path was ok.
3
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
Really interesting to read about your life experiences, Manes. Allow me to say that I can sympathize with your plight, however I hope you realize that the problems you ran into are likely the result of a few troubled individuals who had their own circumstances or may not have been attracted to you in the first place. Instead of taking the sample size of a few and transposing it onto the entirety of the female population, consider this to be your weeding process in finding those more worthwhile of your time and effort. Try some dating websites so you can narrow down a search to those who share common interests.
Additionally, if you do decide to look towards homosexuality, do consider that you may have an even more difficult time of finding contentment, as gay men may be more vain than women. A gay friend of mine was telling me in college that he felt bad for a mutual friend of ours who was considering if he was gay and wanting to be open about it, and my friend said that he would have no chance in the gay community because he wasn't attractive and didn't exercise or have muscles. This is not to say that all homosexual communities are this way, but I'm merely pointing out that if you try to seek solace from the gay community because you feel that you don't want to bother with the female population, you're likely to be disappointed since you will still have to work even harder on your appearance to improve your image and appear desirable, since men tend to be more visually-driven. So, instead of buying flowers, you'll be buying a gym membership to get swole. This can have positive effects on your personal social image, however. If you're still enticed, try to hang out at your local gay bar and feel the scene out.
Anyway, that commentary aside, I just wanted to say that you should avoid what you did here in this passage:
The correct term to use is "lend" and to have "lent." Borrowing is the process of taking funds and resources for yourself. Lending is the process of giving resources out to others. Reading what you wrote, I thought that you stole 100 dollars from her to pay a bill.
Other than that, nice entry.
Additionally, if you do decide to look towards homosexuality, do consider that you may have an even more difficult time of finding contentment, as gay men may be more vain than women. A gay friend of mine was telling me in college that he felt bad for a mutual friend of ours who was considering if he was gay and wanting to be open about it, and my friend said that he would have no chance in the gay community because he wasn't attractive and didn't exercise or have muscles. This is not to say that all homosexual communities are this way, but I'm merely pointing out that if you try to seek solace from the gay community because you feel that you don't want to bother with the female population, you're likely to be disappointed since you will still have to work even harder on your appearance to improve your image and appear desirable, since men tend to be more visually-driven. So, instead of buying flowers, you'll be buying a gym membership to get swole. This can have positive effects on your personal social image, however. If you're still enticed, try to hang out at your local gay bar and feel the scene out.
Anyway, that commentary aside, I just wanted to say that you should avoid what you did here in this passage:
I "borrowed" her 100 dollars to pay a bill, and she never gave them back . . . Never, ever borrow a woman money unless she's directly blood related to you or has given you sex already.
The correct term to use is "lend" and to have "lent." Borrowing is the process of taking funds and resources for yourself. Lending is the process of giving resources out to others. Reading what you wrote, I thought that you stole 100 dollars from her to pay a bill.
Other than that, nice entry.
2
high_time wrote...
I was that guy who totally gave up on dating2D waifu master race, no need for 3DPD :D /
On a side note, this essay is eye-opening. It was easily understood and gave me a persuasive explanation on why people gave up on relationships: all of their past experiences are horrible and they met people even more terrible than Eldritch Abominations!
...and the result for it was either gave up on relationships or turn to homosexuality.
Since I found the idea of loving another man repulsive, I would safely stick to having a completely sexless life and it was pretty great so far, thanks for the advice that affirms me my path was ok.
If you want affection, get a pet.
If you want sex, get a prostitute
If you want friends, talk around and know your coworkers, ask your coworkers if they'd want to hang out.
There's more than 1 path to get through life. Giving up altogether though may serve as a defense mechanism, will hurt you on the long run. Care about yourself, break through, rise above buddy, never be afraid to give the whole world the finger. Learn to love yourself buddy.
@Xenon, I appreciate your viewpoint buddy, and it is very reasonable, yet I feel I don't wish to beg around for a relationship like a beggar and his coin cup.
1
Manes wrote...
high_time wrote...
I was that guy who totally gave up on dating2D waifu master race, no need for 3DPD :D /
On a side note, this essay is eye-opening. It was easily understood and gave me a persuasive explanation on why people gave up on relationships: all of their past experiences are horrible and they met people even more terrible than Eldritch Abominations!
...and the result for it was either gave up on relationships or turn to homosexuality.
Since I found the idea of loving another man repulsive, I would safely stick to having a completely sexless life and it was pretty great so far, thanks for the advice that affirms me my path was ok.
If you want affection, get a pet.
If you want sex, get a prostitute
If you want friends, talk around and know your coworkers, ask your coworkers if they'd want to hang out.
There's more than 1 path to get through life. Giving up altogether though may serve as a defense mechanism, will hurt you on the long run. Care about yourself, break through, rise above buddy, never be afraid to give the whole world the finger. Learn to love yourself buddy.
@Xenon, I appreciate your viewpoint buddy, and it is very reasonable, yet I feel I don't wish to beg around for a relationship like a beggar and his coin cup.
thanks for info