Love
2
me and my big sis worked on this :3 (still kind of if-fy on the rhyming)
I'm quite a romantist
Dates, kisses, hugs -you get the gist
True love is probably the hardest thing to find
Even if it takes forever, I wouldn't mind
What disgusts me are those fake couples
Their love isn't as sweet as chocolate truffles
Chocolate is one of the symbols of love, you know?
That's why on Valentine's Day, there are chocolate giving fiends and foes
I'm not much of a sucker for sugar-coated words
To me, they're like rose-painted swords
Swords that pierce nothing but those that are easily swooned
All this I thought, during that bright full moon
Have you found out what love means?
Or was true love, something you've always dreamed?
Is it possible, like a boat, to steer it and easily row?
Yes, no, maybe so?
Love is precious, do not forget
If you mistreat it, you will regret,
Having played around, not truly caring
But, in order to love, you must be daring
I'm quite a romantist
Dates, kisses, hugs -you get the gist
True love is probably the hardest thing to find
Even if it takes forever, I wouldn't mind
What disgusts me are those fake couples
Their love isn't as sweet as chocolate truffles
Chocolate is one of the symbols of love, you know?
That's why on Valentine's Day, there are chocolate giving fiends and foes
I'm not much of a sucker for sugar-coated words
To me, they're like rose-painted swords
Swords that pierce nothing but those that are easily swooned
All this I thought, during that bright full moon
Have you found out what love means?
Or was true love, something you've always dreamed?
Is it possible, like a boat, to steer it and easily row?
Yes, no, maybe so?
Love is precious, do not forget
If you mistreat it, you will regret,
Having played around, not truly caring
But, in order to love, you must be daring
0
The part with chocolate was iffy, but don't forget that "words" and "swords" do still rhyme. It's a different technique, but it still fits.
-As for the poem itself, I gotta say it did have a nice quality to it, though I was a little confused on what the context was. Was the character warning us not to play around with love, or was he/she vaguely telling us about how he/she had done so and it ruined his/her experience?
I get the feeling that you're trying to find a niche for yourself in poetry. Like many writers trying to find their place in the art, you have yet to nestle into your talent. That being the case, you did very well here, even if it was with the help of your sister. Keep at the poetry and always look to evolve, even after you've found your comfort zone!
Overall: It was actually fun to read, and this is coming from a fellow writer who detests most poetry.
-As for the poem itself, I gotta say it did have a nice quality to it, though I was a little confused on what the context was. Was the character warning us not to play around with love, or was he/she vaguely telling us about how he/she had done so and it ruined his/her experience?
I get the feeling that you're trying to find a niche for yourself in poetry. Like many writers trying to find their place in the art, you have yet to nestle into your talent. That being the case, you did very well here, even if it was with the help of your sister. Keep at the poetry and always look to evolve, even after you've found your comfort zone!
Overall: It was actually fun to read, and this is coming from a fellow writer who detests most poetry.
0
@MegaTenLove
ehehe ^_^ thanks! i usually add a decription but i thought it was pretty decriptive itself. 60% of it was my feelings, the other 40% was about things i've seen in manga or real life events of relationships that turn out bad. but i've never been put into that situation (hmm...)
well anyway..
description:
i'm not sure about you guys, but i don't like fake loves. where you obviously know that the person is just playing around with you, but you can't help but love him/her. basically it's about true love and fake love. which have you experienced? one, both, or none? i myself, am not quite clear on the main idea of the content... (yeah, i know, kinda odd >.<) but i guess i think the main point would be... that i prefer true love to false? i guess. ^_^
ehehe ^_^ thanks! i usually add a decription but i thought it was pretty decriptive itself. 60% of it was my feelings, the other 40% was about things i've seen in manga or real life events of relationships that turn out bad. but i've never been put into that situation (hmm...)
Spoiler:
well anyway..
description:
i'm not sure about you guys, but i don't like fake loves. where you obviously know that the person is just playing around with you, but you can't help but love him/her. basically it's about true love and fake love. which have you experienced? one, both, or none? i myself, am not quite clear on the main idea of the content... (yeah, i know, kinda odd >.<) but i guess i think the main point would be... that i prefer true love to false? i guess. ^_^
Spoiler:
0
Zeronum2 wrote...
I will not display judgment because.... of my overtly critical behaviour.new avii zero? ^_^ looks CUUUTE!(loving the ears!!! so does shiro-chan's(windknight's) btw XD) overly critical behavior? i think criticism would help me learn more :3 feel free to flame at my poetry if you'd like.