Mournings Glow
1
Gloomy story about jelousy, torment, and animal abuse. Sorry for the bit of length but I hope you find finishing it worth it afterwards.
Leaving a public hospital, a ruffled man shaking with his every footstep was stumbling through the larking lot. Entering his rusty car, Ted turned it on with some music to drown away his voices tormenting him, driving from the cold city to the golden fields where he lived. He parked the car outside a wooden home, its paint buffing and cracked, the windows broken, and its scent of the damp, rotting wood could be sensed from afar. He breathed in, the plants and rose shrubs his wife planted had all withered, he failed to keep them alive. The sunset's heat burned on his back. Looking at the sunset, one could realize how far away from society this place was, it made you feel small with its infinite horizon of farmers harvesting wheat before the snow came. He glanced one last time before the days end started and entered his dying home.
The man reflected on some hours ago. He had been in his last visit to the hospital. He could no longer pay for his brain-dead's wife body, no bank would lend him more money, he would soon has no roof to live under, no place to hide from the world. Her family wouldn't pay a cent for her.
"Mr. Theodore, we will be removing her life support the day after tommorow. She will choke, tremble a bit, but she wont feel a thing. She will still die in a dignified, humane way, I promise you that.", the doctors comment rang through his head like a trains mighty horn.
"Who was she to decide what deaths were humane?", Ted asked to the emptiness of the shack.
He collapsed in his chair in a complete mess while sobbing. His old dog rose his nose opportunistically expecting food or affection, it wasn't human to undertand those emotions anyway. The dog was Aché, he belonged to his wife. After what felt another lifetime in pain and gasps for breath, he opened his eyes again and his vision mardowed into the gleeful gaze of the animals dark eyes.
"DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME IN THAT WAY, DEMON!", he roared at the animal as he punched its face.
Aché yelped and cowered away after the blow. The man was envious of all the time and attention his wife had given the animal rather than being with him. How she had preffered raising the animal rather than having kids with him had stung deep in his soul. He was now all alone with an animal which destroyed his life.
He went upstairs running and bunkered himself in his room. He opened his closet and gently picked a piece of clothing which belonged to his wife. He had rubbed it onto her skin and sweat a month ago. It had a mild scent of generic body wash and her deliciously sweet sweat. Sure sweat is sour and bitter, but the fact is was from the woman he idolized made it the most desirable sweat in his world. He avoided touching it except by the edges, trying to keep it smelling of her essence as much as possible. All he wanted from her was a little touch, a little tenderness, and hearing he was loved from her gentle lips. He had rarely recieved a bit of that from her. A bit of his spit reached the pink clothing he held so dear while he had been crying.
"NO! DAMN! NO! GOD! I RUINED IT! I RUINED IT! I RUINED IT! NO! NO!".
He began hitting his own legs and chest as a punishment in a primitive attempt to reverse time. Giving up and accepting that the piece was ruined, he pressed the soft clothing to his neck and let himself feel weaker and weaker before falling asleep.
The man was in a dream, he was beside his wife and they began to waltz in a sandy field at night.
"Ted, remember last friday, you made me a promise"
Mona grabbed his head gently with her thin fingers and whispered inaudibly on his ear. She walked backwards sadly and Aché appeared out of nowhere, jumped on her, and devoured her in a second.
Bloodshot-eyed, Ted awoke in the late morning, in five seconds he remembered all the horrible things in his life. He glanced to a movement in the corner found the dog with a shoe of his wife in its drooling dirty mouth. The man rose in a flash and the animal fled in fear from the room through a big hole in the rotting walls. He followed the fleeing critter through the house and jumped on it. Grasping tightly onto its soft neck, he looked deep into Aché's eyes which rolled upwards. The 'devil' showed the universal emotion of fear, the man felt the human emotion of pity of this weak animal. Aché wouldn't die, it was taking too long, the neck felt similar to a persons too, his conscience didn't let him kill it. He let go and stared at the animal, now gasping and coughing, unable to stand up.
"Look at me while I talk, I'll kill you, I promise you!", Ted hollered while sobbing.
He walked to the kitchen for a 'breakfast'. He pulled out six beers and drank them in a desperate thirst, then another six when feeling wanting to throw up from the sensation of fullness. An hour passed while he was drowning in a torment inside his head.
"You have one voicemail *beep* Ted, Mona, she- a doctor - a doctor told us that another doctor had- two people beside Nona's bed- A nurse and a man-", it was the voice of his mother-in-law crying.
Drunk, Ted eyed the machine coldly while sweating plump droplets. He clumsily stumbled forwards and grabbed the machine and slammed it to the ground, silencing her false whimpers and cracked sentences. He concluded that she was trying to make her live longer. She was expecting him to have more money to keep covering the costs. He was broke, jobless, and foodless. His mortage was signed last month to cover her last week of life. He couldn't do anything anymore.
Ted saw a knife at the edge of his eye, and a dangerous idea struck him. He smiled wildly, in an almost childish way and walked upstairs again. He whistled the same calling he made to the animal since it was a pup. Its whimpers made him find it in the bathroom. He hid the knife behind his back and approached the animal. Aché growled and showed its teeth.
"I really got to like you, you know. I thought you were a friend, my best friend, my only friend. Hell, now I expect anything. That whore slept with you didn't it? Maybe she gave you blow? That why she never let me be with her? I hate you, you took her away from me. Your existance ruined my reason to live you know?", he said, his rage increasing.
He pulled out the knife and lunged the animal. The blade slipped clumsily and cut through some skin, the animal realized what was happening and tried to run with its last strength, but not before the blade dug suddenly deep between its ribs. Aché's yelps rang togther with the mans warrior-like screams and the animal began to twist around the floor with its eyes opened wide. The blade was moved and the wound enlarged with the sudden twisting movements of the animal. A shower of bright red began to cover his bathroom. The man felt a pleasure, an empowerment, and satisfaction. His hands, face, clothing, walls, curtains, all covered in thick dark red blood. When the yelps died out, difficult coughs followed, and when chest stopped rising and falling, the animals life ended.
Glow Ending:
Staring at the corpse while giggling, he threw up on the floor from the excitement and continued laughing. Looking in the mirror, he met a new man, a red man freshly born with freedom. He would move away from the country, where he would be loved, and he would compete with no animal for love ever again. Half-way through taking a shower beside the dead animal, the water was cut by the company. Chuckling, he walked naked to his room to sleep while imagening being with his wife one last time.
Chirpings and passing trucks horns awoke him, no more nightmares haunting him. Pained and hungry, but somehow energetic, Ted clothed himself and began packing his case, looking older and colder. He paused for a moment and held his dear wifes clothes, taking one last deep breath on them before letting them fall, as if giving them goodbye. The sun shined so brightly that moment that he left the bedroom quickly with a longing to be outside.
Ted grabbed his last savings, turned on his noisy rusty car and pushed on for a new future. A future that the bank would never take.
Mournings Ending:
The man began to felt regret, a fear of god and his own humanity, he began to realize that all his emotions and wild thoughts had been irrational and probably impossible, maybe. Pulled out the blade and a last splurt of blood spilled from the carcass. He hugged it tightly and cried desperately. He kissed his animals nose and scratched its ears. just like he did when the animal was young. He forgot about his wife as he looked into the animals eyes. They looked so innocent despire having lived its last moments in utter horror. He fell onto the floor kissing the damp red-soaked body of his best friend, wishing to die of starvation from his guilt. He gave one last glance to the late mornings special glow and fell unconscious from drunkness.
Well, the man was jelous because his wife had been more affectionate to a dog than him. He was hungry for affection. He always loved her, wanted her attention, but she never gave enough of it. Why would you love someone who doesn't love you in the same? I have no idea. Why want to continue in a love-less marriage? Fear of being alone, I assume.
Being drowned in debts, probably in his thirties, and alone makes everyone insane. He looked for someone to blame. Naturally, he found his competition, the dog, which he saw as demonic, intelligent but not human and incapable of understanding even its own emotions. He overestimated it and went into a violent outrage. He lost his control when he got drunk.
I lost train of thought half-way through and pushed on without the same fervor after he ruined the clothing with saliva, then I got bored and tired. I'm curious if someone noticed it.
Was Nona Mona the patient in White Glow? Noone knows.
Note that Nona is Anon reversed, lack of inspiration for a name yet still sweet. I'll change it to Mona, sounds a bit like a new shortened version of Monica, a spanish name. Mona also means monkey in Spanish, fun that I didn't think about it until now.
Also, two different endings better than one. Live with your favorite one, either happened. If only movies and videogames gave us more alternates for which all are right, I'd be most pleased.
Thanks for reading something so long (around a third longer than White Glow) and glum in this festive season.
--------------------
Leaving a public hospital, a ruffled man shaking with his every footstep was stumbling through the larking lot. Entering his rusty car, Ted turned it on with some music to drown away his voices tormenting him, driving from the cold city to the golden fields where he lived. He parked the car outside a wooden home, its paint buffing and cracked, the windows broken, and its scent of the damp, rotting wood could be sensed from afar. He breathed in, the plants and rose shrubs his wife planted had all withered, he failed to keep them alive. The sunset's heat burned on his back. Looking at the sunset, one could realize how far away from society this place was, it made you feel small with its infinite horizon of farmers harvesting wheat before the snow came. He glanced one last time before the days end started and entered his dying home.
The man reflected on some hours ago. He had been in his last visit to the hospital. He could no longer pay for his brain-dead's wife body, no bank would lend him more money, he would soon has no roof to live under, no place to hide from the world. Her family wouldn't pay a cent for her.
"Mr. Theodore, we will be removing her life support the day after tommorow. She will choke, tremble a bit, but she wont feel a thing. She will still die in a dignified, humane way, I promise you that.", the doctors comment rang through his head like a trains mighty horn.
"Who was she to decide what deaths were humane?", Ted asked to the emptiness of the shack.
He collapsed in his chair in a complete mess while sobbing. His old dog rose his nose opportunistically expecting food or affection, it wasn't human to undertand those emotions anyway. The dog was Aché, he belonged to his wife. After what felt another lifetime in pain and gasps for breath, he opened his eyes again and his vision mardowed into the gleeful gaze of the animals dark eyes.
"DON'T YOU DARE LOOK AT ME IN THAT WAY, DEMON!", he roared at the animal as he punched its face.
Aché yelped and cowered away after the blow. The man was envious of all the time and attention his wife had given the animal rather than being with him. How she had preffered raising the animal rather than having kids with him had stung deep in his soul. He was now all alone with an animal which destroyed his life.
He went upstairs running and bunkered himself in his room. He opened his closet and gently picked a piece of clothing which belonged to his wife. He had rubbed it onto her skin and sweat a month ago. It had a mild scent of generic body wash and her deliciously sweet sweat. Sure sweat is sour and bitter, but the fact is was from the woman he idolized made it the most desirable sweat in his world. He avoided touching it except by the edges, trying to keep it smelling of her essence as much as possible. All he wanted from her was a little touch, a little tenderness, and hearing he was loved from her gentle lips. He had rarely recieved a bit of that from her. A bit of his spit reached the pink clothing he held so dear while he had been crying.
"NO! DAMN! NO! GOD! I RUINED IT! I RUINED IT! I RUINED IT! NO! NO!".
He began hitting his own legs and chest as a punishment in a primitive attempt to reverse time. Giving up and accepting that the piece was ruined, he pressed the soft clothing to his neck and let himself feel weaker and weaker before falling asleep.
The man was in a dream, he was beside his wife and they began to waltz in a sandy field at night.
"Ted, remember last friday, you made me a promise"
Mona grabbed his head gently with her thin fingers and whispered inaudibly on his ear. She walked backwards sadly and Aché appeared out of nowhere, jumped on her, and devoured her in a second.
Bloodshot-eyed, Ted awoke in the late morning, in five seconds he remembered all the horrible things in his life. He glanced to a movement in the corner found the dog with a shoe of his wife in its drooling dirty mouth. The man rose in a flash and the animal fled in fear from the room through a big hole in the rotting walls. He followed the fleeing critter through the house and jumped on it. Grasping tightly onto its soft neck, he looked deep into Aché's eyes which rolled upwards. The 'devil' showed the universal emotion of fear, the man felt the human emotion of pity of this weak animal. Aché wouldn't die, it was taking too long, the neck felt similar to a persons too, his conscience didn't let him kill it. He let go and stared at the animal, now gasping and coughing, unable to stand up.
"Look at me while I talk, I'll kill you, I promise you!", Ted hollered while sobbing.
He walked to the kitchen for a 'breakfast'. He pulled out six beers and drank them in a desperate thirst, then another six when feeling wanting to throw up from the sensation of fullness. An hour passed while he was drowning in a torment inside his head.
"You have one voicemail *beep* Ted, Mona, she- a doctor - a doctor told us that another doctor had- two people beside Nona's bed- A nurse and a man-", it was the voice of his mother-in-law crying.
Drunk, Ted eyed the machine coldly while sweating plump droplets. He clumsily stumbled forwards and grabbed the machine and slammed it to the ground, silencing her false whimpers and cracked sentences. He concluded that she was trying to make her live longer. She was expecting him to have more money to keep covering the costs. He was broke, jobless, and foodless. His mortage was signed last month to cover her last week of life. He couldn't do anything anymore.
Ted saw a knife at the edge of his eye, and a dangerous idea struck him. He smiled wildly, in an almost childish way and walked upstairs again. He whistled the same calling he made to the animal since it was a pup. Its whimpers made him find it in the bathroom. He hid the knife behind his back and approached the animal. Aché growled and showed its teeth.
"I really got to like you, you know. I thought you were a friend, my best friend, my only friend. Hell, now I expect anything. That whore slept with you didn't it? Maybe she gave you blow? That why she never let me be with her? I hate you, you took her away from me. Your existance ruined my reason to live you know?", he said, his rage increasing.
He pulled out the knife and lunged the animal. The blade slipped clumsily and cut through some skin, the animal realized what was happening and tried to run with its last strength, but not before the blade dug suddenly deep between its ribs. Aché's yelps rang togther with the mans warrior-like screams and the animal began to twist around the floor with its eyes opened wide. The blade was moved and the wound enlarged with the sudden twisting movements of the animal. A shower of bright red began to cover his bathroom. The man felt a pleasure, an empowerment, and satisfaction. His hands, face, clothing, walls, curtains, all covered in thick dark red blood. When the yelps died out, difficult coughs followed, and when chest stopped rising and falling, the animals life ended.
Glow Ending:
Staring at the corpse while giggling, he threw up on the floor from the excitement and continued laughing. Looking in the mirror, he met a new man, a red man freshly born with freedom. He would move away from the country, where he would be loved, and he would compete with no animal for love ever again. Half-way through taking a shower beside the dead animal, the water was cut by the company. Chuckling, he walked naked to his room to sleep while imagening being with his wife one last time.
Chirpings and passing trucks horns awoke him, no more nightmares haunting him. Pained and hungry, but somehow energetic, Ted clothed himself and began packing his case, looking older and colder. He paused for a moment and held his dear wifes clothes, taking one last deep breath on them before letting them fall, as if giving them goodbye. The sun shined so brightly that moment that he left the bedroom quickly with a longing to be outside.
Ted grabbed his last savings, turned on his noisy rusty car and pushed on for a new future. A future that the bank would never take.
Mournings Ending:
The man began to felt regret, a fear of god and his own humanity, he began to realize that all his emotions and wild thoughts had been irrational and probably impossible, maybe. Pulled out the blade and a last splurt of blood spilled from the carcass. He hugged it tightly and cried desperately. He kissed his animals nose and scratched its ears. just like he did when the animal was young. He forgot about his wife as he looked into the animals eyes. They looked so innocent despire having lived its last moments in utter horror. He fell onto the floor kissing the damp red-soaked body of his best friend, wishing to die of starvation from his guilt. He gave one last glance to the late mornings special glow and fell unconscious from drunkness.
--------------------
Well, the man was jelous because his wife had been more affectionate to a dog than him. He was hungry for affection. He always loved her, wanted her attention, but she never gave enough of it. Why would you love someone who doesn't love you in the same? I have no idea. Why want to continue in a love-less marriage? Fear of being alone, I assume.
Being drowned in debts, probably in his thirties, and alone makes everyone insane. He looked for someone to blame. Naturally, he found his competition, the dog, which he saw as demonic, intelligent but not human and incapable of understanding even its own emotions. He overestimated it and went into a violent outrage. He lost his control when he got drunk.
I lost train of thought half-way through and pushed on without the same fervor after he ruined the clothing with saliva, then I got bored and tired. I'm curious if someone noticed it.
Was Nona Mona the patient in White Glow? Noone knows.
Note that Nona is Anon reversed, lack of inspiration for a name yet still sweet. I'll change it to Mona, sounds a bit like a new shortened version of Monica, a spanish name. Mona also means monkey in Spanish, fun that I didn't think about it until now.
Also, two different endings better than one. Live with your favorite one, either happened. If only movies and videogames gave us more alternates for which all are right, I'd be most pleased.
Thanks for reading something so long (around a third longer than White Glow) and glum in this festive season.
2
Glow ending's better it for no reason other than that it's the only part of the story that has any kind of glimmer of hope.
It makes sense after seeing this, but I didn't really get that he was drunk in the story. You mention that he drinks the beers, and that's pretty much it.
I feel like you should have given the dog a name considering how important it is. Looking back though, I realize that the guy doesn't have a name either so whatever. Where is he at the beginning when he gets in the car, by the way?
This was very gloomy disturbing. Sorry to say, but it's not entirely error free. There are some things here and there, but other than that I think this is solidly written.
He lost his control when he got drunk.
It makes sense after seeing this, but I didn't really get that he was drunk in the story. You mention that he drinks the beers, and that's pretty much it.
I feel like you should have given the dog a name considering how important it is. Looking back though, I realize that the guy doesn't have a name either so whatever. Where is he at the beginning when he gets in the car, by the way?
This was very gloomy disturbing. Sorry to say, but it's not entirely error free. There are some things here and there, but other than that I think this is solidly written.
0
d(^_^)(^_^)d wrote...
Glow ending's better it for no reason other than that it's the only part of the story that has any kind of glimmer of hope.Indeed, I loved Glow far more because he stayed insane and still surpassed himself. He cut his ties and went free rather than waste away.
it's not entirely error free.
I just sewed up some plotholes, added a dream scene, threw in names, fixed grammar, and stil keep finding errors. "teet" instead of "teeth", "If" instead of "of", "whetmn" rather than "when the", list goes on.
This was very gloomy disturbing.
Halfway through I remembered Poe's The Black Cat, but his MC saw it as an evil he feared and he killed others by acident for it, Ted however, killed the animal out of vengeance with no secondary incidents because he had no neighbors to hear.
Thanks for reading it.
1
Your welcome. On errors, it's unsurprisingly easier for people to spot errors in things that others have written. I know how you feel. You read it over and over again. "Okay! Good to go." And then someone finds something wrong in the first paragraph.
