No Hibernation

She's lost in the crowds
Her Mama and Papa aren't there
She shouts and shouts

Standing with only a bear in hand
Tears sit at the corners of her eyes
She can no longer just stand

She does not care
Crawling, tears rolling down her cheek,
She's not scared

Her pretty dress, covered in dirt
But she's not going to wait for Mama and Papa,
Because she'll find them first

Been a while since I've read something of yours, Zeph. Not as good as others from you I've read, but still a ways ahead of many I know (including myself) in poetry.

EDIT: I think the rhyme scheme hurt more than helped, and that may be why I don't personally like it as much.

Yeah, I'm still figuring out what I want my writing to be like. It's been really hard lately. For a long time actually.

Writer's block. UGH.

Lol, but in any case, thanks for the criticism and thanks for reading my poem.

A peculiar arrangement. I'm trying to find the drive and background for it. Is it a poem in a specific layering or just an artistic way to exemplify a scenario? I can't really judge it with such limited knowledge, but it seems to be interesting, to say the least.

I always come off preachy on these forums, but in reality I just want to help. (preface)

I think what's been making it so hard for you is that you're trying to decide what you want your writing to be like instead of simply being guided by genuine inspiration and having a unique voice/style because of it.

I love to feel the feeling behind the words when I read, and it honestly doesn't happen for much that I read on here. Even the surge of emotion I feel in my own works falls flat when I read it over and even I the writer can only feel a fraction of what I put into it (and if I know how I'm supposed to feel and feel that little then what do the readers feel?). The point to this paragraph is that your poems used to evoke the emotions you intended.

I don't know if you were trying to dictate your own style back then too or what, but I think it's worth looking backwards to move forward.

As a kid, I remember getting lost and having to wait for my parents to find me. As I grew older, I got tired of just waiting and not doing anything (hibernation/inactivity). The poem's about going out there and not waiting to be helped.



Alright. I'll give it a go. I can see what you're talking about. I'm probably thinking too much instead of relying on, as you said, genuine inspiration and feeling.

Thanks again. ^^

heh, the previous works were better, but this one is so like the current you. I like it.