Poem (?) Passage (?) "Caramel hills and valleys"

A low sun, scraping across hills and valleys catch every bump and voluptuous mound. My eyes drink this caramel landscape dotted with drops of labor as if I was blind till now. As with all praised perfection there is always a strangeness; details forgotten but more important than we may ever know. A scratch here, a mark there; as if to exemplify symmetry is not always perfection. Drowning in pools of darkness I let them saturate me. My image in them a fantastic example of the truth of the matter. I am infected by her. She clouds my vision. I see her in all things. The arching of her back, the sounds of her sighs, the taste of her flesh and love, her very existence surrounds me.

Caramel hills and valleys beckon
I hear their call and obey
Lest my soul bare such transgression
Lest such a toll I pay

For cupids arrow struck me down
The fabric of my being torn away
there is but one person I have known
Who could keep such ruination at bay

She is my color and I am her canvas now.

---

So I don't know what to call this. I dreamt of a woman, her visage alone would drive me to madness. I had something to say about it.

I'm looking to work with this~ if you have anything to share to make it sound sexier, hotter, more beautiful on the tongue I'd be much obliged.

I noticed two errors I thought I'd point out:



Other than those, I enjoyed this one. It flows quite well and there's this genuine feel to it, as if being spoken in a very solemn way. I rather liked that.

Keep it up.

Oh, damn. It's not a boast but I usually don't let those happen. Thanks for the catch~

Wow this 1 was...lol happy u said u dreamed of a woman not know dis woman other den da creepy vibes still awesome as usual

Thanks man. It's hard for me to not sound creepy when I try to write like this.