[Summer Contest Entry 2012] Oppai, Megane, and Tsundere

"Wake up JM!"

"JM....wake up!"

"Rise and shine darling!"

Wha-what? I think I recognize these voices. They sound too familiar. I want to see whose voices am I hearing, but I'm too sleepy. I can't even open my eyes.


...THEN SOMEONE OPENS MY EYES...

"WHA-WHAT! WHERE AM I?!"

Then I saw two soft and squishy things bump into my face... these things seems too familiar.... a bit too familiar.... strange....

"BR-BREASTS? WTF! What are you three doing here!!! What are you doing in my room!!!"

"WHAT KIND OF QUESTION THAT STUPID!!!" they all answered in unison.


Oh now I remember. You may not believe me, but these three are my girlfriends. Hey! i know what you're thinking! You're thinking I'm a playboy! But guess what, I'm not!

It's very unusual and very lucky for a guy to have three girlfriends at the same time, but not for me. Let me tell you all how this quirky and messy life of mine turned into a riot(WELL SORT OF).

---

It all started last month, before the summer vacation started.

"JM! Come down here. I and your Dad want to talk to you."

"Coming Mom!"

Much as I don't want to, I have no choice. When Mom says she wants to talk to me, she means it.

"What is it Mom?"

"Your Dad and I plan to go to the province this summer vacation. Do you want to come along?"

"Why do you have to ask? If I say no, wouldn't you two take me along? Of course not, am I right? I have no choice but to go with you."

"You really are my son!" Dad said with a matching grin.

That fucking grin is what pisses me off everytime! I said to myself.

"So when are we leaving?"

"This Saturday. We already told our caretaker there that we're gonna use one of our vacation homes there. The one by the beach."


Saturday came faster than I expected. I did not realize that it was already time to leave.

"Do you really have to bring your laptop?" Mom asked me.

When I was packing my things for the beach, I decided to bring my laptop with me because I'm sure I'll gonna be bored to death there. Anyways, I'm not the type of guy who will enjoy the beach because of the girls there or will be fascinated by the view.

"Hey! This is your idea. I agreed to come along. Don't expect me to enjoy this vacation so much. As much as I don't want to go, but as you implied, I have no choice."

"Okay, it's up to you. But I'm telling you, you don't know what you're missing."

Upon hearing that, I just murmured to myself "I'm pretty sure I know".

The moment we are good to go, all the luggage are inside the car and so are we, the car won't start up. Dad tried again and again but the car was too lazy to start up.

"Ooooh! I guess the car is with me saying no to province vacation! I guess that will do it. Okay, we will stay at home for the vacation!"

"I don't think so kid!" Dad said. "Seems like I inserted the wrong key in the car's keyhole."

He inserted the other key. The car hummed.

"Aaaah, music to my ears!" Dad said while revving the engine up.

Fuck!

The trip was so long.So long that I fell asleep. The moment I woke up we were at the beach-house.

"We're here JM!" Mom called.

I stepped outside and I was captivated by the beauty of the scenery.

Before I knew it, it was already dark outside so I went inside for dinner.

After dinner, I brought my laptop with me, and looked for a comfy place by the beach. I plugged in my wireless broadband to my laptop and opened my web browser.

I opened my Facebook account for a while then I started to browse Fakku!. I logged in my account and started reading.(That's the reason why I brought my laptop along!)

As I was reading silently, a gentle sea breeze blew my way. It was so refreshing so I looked at the sea. I noticed a cute girl with glasses standing by the shallow waters. She's wearing a loose dress, probably because of the summer heat earlier. She's got quite a sexy figure. One more thing I noticed is that she's looking at me. She gave me a smile.

Oh how cute!A megane!(I learned this from Fakku!)

"Hi! I'm Kyla! You're?" the girl said

"JM! Nice to meet you! What are doing there by the way?"

"Oh, evening stroll. The breeze here is so calm. It's like the wind hugs me."

"Woah! She's even cuter up close!" I said to myself.

"What are you browsing there?" Kyla pointed at my laptop.

SHIT!! If Kyla found about Fakku!, she'll think I'm a.........

"Oh Fakku!"

Too late. She already saw it.

"How did you know about..."

"I browse it sometimes!" she said with a hearty laugh.

Incredible! A province girl who's a Fakku! user. If other guys knew about this, they would really think Kyla is a pervert..... but not me.

Days passed without me knowing it. My mind thinks only about Kyla only. Everynight I see her by the beach, we always had chats,laughters,and giggles.

---

Days and nights passed by. And for that period of time, Kyla was already close to my heart. And she's also the same to me.

One night, she asked me:
"JM, would you mind staying by my side no matter what?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"I'm just asking you.....uhhmm...do you want me to be your girlfriend?"

"Do you really have to ask? Hell yeah!"

So the other night she asked me to go with her.She said she will introduce me to her folks, but turns out her parents had left to attend something. The only person in her place was her cousin.

"Hi Maricar! By the way, this is JM my boyfriend!"

"Hello Maricar! Nice to meet you!" I said.

"Hello JM! You're so cute!" said Maricar.

I was so shocked because she suddenly pinched my chin and cheek.

"Say Kyla, would you mind sharing JM with me?"

After hearing that, the only thing that came to my mind was......


WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??!!"

"Sure thing Maricar!" Kyla giggled.

"Not you too!"

"What do you have against Maricar? Look, she's also beautiful but way sexier than me."

"It's not normal for a girl to share his boyfriend with others!!!!!!"

"Oh, is that so? We didn't know about about that. No really."

"Seriously?! Are you fucking kidding me?!!"

After that home visit, I rushed to my Mom and asked about this crazy custom. Turns out that sharing boyfriends between girls here is pretty normal due to the low population of boys here.

Oh man! In what trouble did I get myself into?!

It's not that I don't like Maricar at all. She's sexy,beautiful,has nice ass,and an OPPAI(also found about it on Fakku!). But I think she's a little bit crazy.

Thinking all about this predicament of mine makes me dizzy.....so dizzy.....that I'm so sleepy in an instant.....

The next day I immediately went to Kyla's place. The moment I opened the door and stepped a foot inside something hit me.....something hard,round and bony hit me.

"Wha-what? What was that now?!|"

"Who are you?"

As I stand up, a girl stood in front of me. She's about the same height and same body type as Kyla's.She has long blonde hair plus a killer stare.

"Eh?! Who are you?! I should be the one asking that! What are you doing in Kyla's house?!"

"Oh! So you know Kyla?" the girl said.

"Oh JM. You're early." Kyla said, coming out from her room.

"What was with that noise?" Maricar also came out from her room. "Oh darling! I miss you so much!"

"Get off me Maricar! Geez!"

"JM, I like you meet Bianca, she's Maricar's sister." Kyla said.

"Oh! So you're JM Maricar's been talking about. I'm sorry, I thought you were a burgler."








"A BURGLER!!! WHY YOU!!!!"

"Bianca,apologize to my darling!"

"Go to hell!" Bianca said while blushing.

"Why you little......."

Before I could finish what I was gonna say, Bianca kissed me.


I didn't say a word anymore, because I already knew where this is headed.

---

It's a strange custom alright. But if you look at it, it's not bad after all. Yes, this is a crazy experience, but a fun one too.

What in the flying fuck did I just read? Not once was that jumble of idiotic words and sentences was close to a coherent or a rational thought. Seriously what the fuck did I just read?

[size=12]im sorry...im just an amatuer so i cant really write a story well....yeah i agree with you sir...my work is dogcrap...[/h]

Dog crap doesn't even cut to it, this is truly an awful story it is extremely clitche'd with immature thoughts and stuff (was it necessarly to add "megane" and "oppai" in your vocabulary? (much less tell where you got them from? sound like you're proud of that))
To me, it looks like you ust opened random vanilla, harem doujins and just shuffled them together

If you remove the Weeabooisms or as I call it Japanese English like megane, oppai or even tsundere, it could have made for such an easy read.

I wouldn't call it incoherent. It is quite clear from the story that you are recounting how the protagonist bags 3 women from the provinces. So I will commend you on writing simply. I understood this entry quite well.

However, the style of writing which is dialogue heavy and uses a lot of short sentences is a little repelling because the reader is not made to sympathise with the protagonist of the story. Rather, readers may have to put up with the protagonist bragging to the reader about what he had learnt from Fakku and that he had bagged three women.

If I were writing this, I recount the events whilst poking fun at the 'Vanilla' and 'Harem' genres.

So, I would begin by remarking, "Life for me is getting up every single morning, bearing the agony of flesh being pressed on my face and having to deal with the risk of suffocation and brain damage as my body is deprived of oxygen.

Of course, the layman would think that having to wake up with 3 country bumpkins pressing their bosoms above your thorax is a ticket to heaven. This I agree to some extent. After all, if I were in heaven, I'd be dead!"


"No wonder people from the provinces have birth rates much higher than us people living in civilisation! They are eager to copulate, fornicate, mate, have intercourse, sodomise or penetrate any living being that has a hole! What do they think they are? Illustrated women with disproportionate body shapes in a shoddy adult comic that Fakku pirates by the barrel?!"

"Let me tell you this. An African man who had five wives who tried to rape him by going at him all at the same time died. Now, I think I face the same fate as him. I implore you, especially if you are a fan of these adult comic books, never trust the contents of these books! They are lies! The last time I checked, vanilla is an ice cream flavour, while those who have harems are dead because they contracted some STD or died of old age!"

Of course, I am not asking you to follow that style, but you may want to write in a way such that we can feel more for the protagonist.

Don't be so negative Jade. There is always room for improvement. We all have to start somewhere. After you have read whatever that is in the link below, you will feel better about yourself.

https://www.fakku.net/viewtopic.php?t=91238

thank you so much sir for the tips and pointers sir!!!!i will come back next year...and will storm you all with my awesome work next year!!!! thanks so much sir!!!!

I would like to seek your permission for a possible parody of that story. It would go something like this:

The reason why I bagged 3 women from the rural areas is because I have used liberal amounts of Axe Body Spray.

my same story....?a parody of what i wrote???

Sorry for the late reply. I expect myself to be rather preoccupied the next few weeks. If I can fit some time into writing a story or two, then the parody will be out, the parody of your entry that is.

Yes, I have a few ideas in mind. Chief of which bothers me is, whenever I read a manga on this site, I have no idea why the women are suddenly lascivious and throw away any sense of decency.That could be explained in more ways than throwing our hands in resignation and yelling "That is 2D logic!"

There is a need for me to think of needless things. This is where I make a fool out of myself.