[Summer Contest Entry 2012] The summer of love and loss
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What was the best part of my summer you ask? Was it watching the vibrant sun rise over the tents and cottages; casting shadows along the path? No, it was something so much more, something that I could never have. For five days in July, I was forced by my parents to leave the comfort of my stuffy, small, but comfortable room for a five day trip to Lake of the Ozarks, A large lake in central Missouri. For any other normal teenager this would have been fantastic time in their lives, but for me it was horrible.
If you didn’t know anything about me, my name is John Gump and I had been forced to the confinement of a wheel chair since an early age. The disease that permanently destroyed my legs also completely killed off my confidence in life. I had become a shut in, hiding away from society because I was scared that I was going to be judged for what I looked like, not for who I really was. Naturally, because of the lack of friends I had, I quickly started spending more time on my computer then wheeling around outside. When I wasn’t doing homework, I would usually be lurking around Fakku reading peoples stories in the writing and fan fiction section. My addiction to the website quickly spiraled out of control. Much to my dismay my parents felt that I really needed to spend more time outside, so what better way to do that then spend five days at the Lake of the Ozarks with no computer.
As our families old Dodge Caravan pulled up to the rental cottage, I unfolded my wheel chair and dropped into it. I smelt the aired sighed and said “five days without my computer, kill me now.” My mother turned to me giving me a sour expression and seized my wheel chair handles; pushing me past the brown cottage under the trees onto the dock next to the beach. The sun was blazing in the sky causing my pale white skin to tighten up. As I gazed upon the expanse of the beach I noticed all the teenagers having fun playing tag, lawn darts, and volley ball. “How could you not love this place John, there is so much to do.” my mother stated with excitement. My mom began to rant about the different things that I could do, but I zoned out, someone caught my eye. From across the beach I noticed a girl. Her red hair shimmered in the reflection of the water. Her bathing suit was an orange colored two piece. Her eyes were deep blue. “I had never seen someone so beautiful before. “I had thought to myself. I had never felt this most intense feeling of desire for someone before. “I had to get to know her.” Just as I was getting a good view, my mother started wheeling me away back to the cottage.
When we finally got back Dad had started dinner. We had just sat down at the table when my father asked “So how did the beach look John, any hot chicks?” I froze up, my cheeks turned red. “ uh ummm no I didn’t see anyone, back off Dad.” My father looked at me with a sneer “alright I will leave it at that, but take some advice from your old pop, don’t be afraid to go after her or she will be gone, forever.” For the rest of the dinner I sat in silence trying to imagine what my next move would be to at least figure out her name.
As the first day turned to night; I wheeled around the lake seeing if there was any to do. It was a quiet night with nothing really going on. This was my first time away from the city and couldn’t believe how big and bright these stars are and how small we are. I thought to myself “Out of all the guys in the world, heck universe; why would that girl even be slightly interested an introverted creep who spends all his time on the internet.” But just as I thought that I was knocked right out of my chair.” “OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY!” the mysterious figure exclaimed. After shaking all the sand out of my hair, I looked up and realised that it was her, the beautiful girl I saw earlier. She had walked right into me. She frowned and said “I was on my way to the beach and didn’t even notice you; I am so sorry, let me help you up.” As I readjusted myself in wheel chair I got a good look at her, she was just as beautiful as I remember. Her body was perfect in every way. I zoned out, taking in the beauty that just given me a good knocking. I was quickly broken out of my trance, as she placed her hand out and said “oh I forgot, I’m Sam what’s your name?” I shook her and hand said “Oh I’m John uh, John Gump.” She smiled with glee and said “Like the movie Forest Gump? That’s hilarious; well anyways I was on my down the beach to build a campfire next to the lake you want to come help?” With excitement I said “yah sure.” I had been given and chance and thought now would have been a great time to seize it. Sam wheeled me down into the forest and we collected some wood. We brought them back to the beach and laid them down. Apparently Sam had some form of survival training as she got the fire started within five seconds. We sat in silence and listened to the fire crackle for some time. I watched as the light of the fire bounced off of her body; she looked elegant as the wind moved her hair. She noticed me staring at her and asked “John, watcha looking at?” I turned red “oh umm uhh well I was” Before I could even get a word out, she dropped into my chair and onto my lap. Sam looked at me with a smile and said “I want to make up for knocking you out of your chair.” Sam grabbed me by my arms and our eyes locked. We stared at each other for what felt like hours but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. She leaned in placing her lips on mine, running her hands through my hair. Sam looked into my eyes and stated “John don’t ever forget about me, I want us to remember tonight.” I looked at Sam’s beautiful blue eyes and told her “this was the best night ever.” We sat in each other’s presence for the rest of the night, enjoying the heat of the fire and the comfort of the cool summer night. Before we parted she pointed where her cottage and stated “come and visit me John, I don’t want this to be a one night stand.” I nodded and promised her that nothing would come between us.
For the next couple days, my parents kept me super busy with activities around the lake. We went kayaking, fishing, and even nature painting. As exciting as that sounds, I couldn’t get Sam out of head. I knew that on the final day I had to do something about it. Even though we only spent one night together Sam meant the world to me. She was the light of my life. She was what made my summer awesome. I decided that on the final day at Lake of the Ozarks that I would confess my love to her.
I couldn’t sleep all night, I realised that if I wanted her; I needed to tell her. As soon as the sun began to lighten up my bed room, I dropped into my chair and wheeled out onto the path down to her cottage. “This was going to be it; I was finally going to be with someone that understands me.” My heart was beating; I had that feeling of butterflies in my stomach, but I was assured that this was going to work out. I didn’t know what I was going to say but I felt that when the time would come, I would say the right thing. All I could think about was the night by the fire. I approached her cottage but noticed something there were no vehicles in the driveway and the whole house was dark. There was only a note, stating †˜you broke the promise, how could you of lied to me?’ She had gone, the cottage was empty, the summer rain began to pour and my love was swiped. Tears began to roll down my face. The sun had gone, the clouds had moved in and as far as I was concerned my summer was over.
If you didn’t know anything about me, my name is John Gump and I had been forced to the confinement of a wheel chair since an early age. The disease that permanently destroyed my legs also completely killed off my confidence in life. I had become a shut in, hiding away from society because I was scared that I was going to be judged for what I looked like, not for who I really was. Naturally, because of the lack of friends I had, I quickly started spending more time on my computer then wheeling around outside. When I wasn’t doing homework, I would usually be lurking around Fakku reading peoples stories in the writing and fan fiction section. My addiction to the website quickly spiraled out of control. Much to my dismay my parents felt that I really needed to spend more time outside, so what better way to do that then spend five days at the Lake of the Ozarks with no computer.
As our families old Dodge Caravan pulled up to the rental cottage, I unfolded my wheel chair and dropped into it. I smelt the aired sighed and said “five days without my computer, kill me now.” My mother turned to me giving me a sour expression and seized my wheel chair handles; pushing me past the brown cottage under the trees onto the dock next to the beach. The sun was blazing in the sky causing my pale white skin to tighten up. As I gazed upon the expanse of the beach I noticed all the teenagers having fun playing tag, lawn darts, and volley ball. “How could you not love this place John, there is so much to do.” my mother stated with excitement. My mom began to rant about the different things that I could do, but I zoned out, someone caught my eye. From across the beach I noticed a girl. Her red hair shimmered in the reflection of the water. Her bathing suit was an orange colored two piece. Her eyes were deep blue. “I had never seen someone so beautiful before. “I had thought to myself. I had never felt this most intense feeling of desire for someone before. “I had to get to know her.” Just as I was getting a good view, my mother started wheeling me away back to the cottage.
When we finally got back Dad had started dinner. We had just sat down at the table when my father asked “So how did the beach look John, any hot chicks?” I froze up, my cheeks turned red. “ uh ummm no I didn’t see anyone, back off Dad.” My father looked at me with a sneer “alright I will leave it at that, but take some advice from your old pop, don’t be afraid to go after her or she will be gone, forever.” For the rest of the dinner I sat in silence trying to imagine what my next move would be to at least figure out her name.
As the first day turned to night; I wheeled around the lake seeing if there was any to do. It was a quiet night with nothing really going on. This was my first time away from the city and couldn’t believe how big and bright these stars are and how small we are. I thought to myself “Out of all the guys in the world, heck universe; why would that girl even be slightly interested an introverted creep who spends all his time on the internet.” But just as I thought that I was knocked right out of my chair.” “OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY!” the mysterious figure exclaimed. After shaking all the sand out of my hair, I looked up and realised that it was her, the beautiful girl I saw earlier. She had walked right into me. She frowned and said “I was on my way to the beach and didn’t even notice you; I am so sorry, let me help you up.” As I readjusted myself in wheel chair I got a good look at her, she was just as beautiful as I remember. Her body was perfect in every way. I zoned out, taking in the beauty that just given me a good knocking. I was quickly broken out of my trance, as she placed her hand out and said “oh I forgot, I’m Sam what’s your name?” I shook her and hand said “Oh I’m John uh, John Gump.” She smiled with glee and said “Like the movie Forest Gump? That’s hilarious; well anyways I was on my down the beach to build a campfire next to the lake you want to come help?” With excitement I said “yah sure.” I had been given and chance and thought now would have been a great time to seize it. Sam wheeled me down into the forest and we collected some wood. We brought them back to the beach and laid them down. Apparently Sam had some form of survival training as she got the fire started within five seconds. We sat in silence and listened to the fire crackle for some time. I watched as the light of the fire bounced off of her body; she looked elegant as the wind moved her hair. She noticed me staring at her and asked “John, watcha looking at?” I turned red “oh umm uhh well I was” Before I could even get a word out, she dropped into my chair and onto my lap. Sam looked at me with a smile and said “I want to make up for knocking you out of your chair.” Sam grabbed me by my arms and our eyes locked. We stared at each other for what felt like hours but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. She leaned in placing her lips on mine, running her hands through my hair. Sam looked into my eyes and stated “John don’t ever forget about me, I want us to remember tonight.” I looked at Sam’s beautiful blue eyes and told her “this was the best night ever.” We sat in each other’s presence for the rest of the night, enjoying the heat of the fire and the comfort of the cool summer night. Before we parted she pointed where her cottage and stated “come and visit me John, I don’t want this to be a one night stand.” I nodded and promised her that nothing would come between us.
For the next couple days, my parents kept me super busy with activities around the lake. We went kayaking, fishing, and even nature painting. As exciting as that sounds, I couldn’t get Sam out of head. I knew that on the final day I had to do something about it. Even though we only spent one night together Sam meant the world to me. She was the light of my life. She was what made my summer awesome. I decided that on the final day at Lake of the Ozarks that I would confess my love to her.
I couldn’t sleep all night, I realised that if I wanted her; I needed to tell her. As soon as the sun began to lighten up my bed room, I dropped into my chair and wheeled out onto the path down to her cottage. “This was going to be it; I was finally going to be with someone that understands me.” My heart was beating; I had that feeling of butterflies in my stomach, but I was assured that this was going to work out. I didn’t know what I was going to say but I felt that when the time would come, I would say the right thing. All I could think about was the night by the fire. I approached her cottage but noticed something there were no vehicles in the driveway and the whole house was dark. There was only a note, stating †˜you broke the promise, how could you of lied to me?’ She had gone, the cottage was empty, the summer rain began to pour and my love was swiped. Tears began to roll down my face. The sun had gone, the clouds had moved in and as far as I was concerned my summer was over.
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Review #8
The Good: It's about a disable kid and it's well done. This could have easily turned into some random sex scene (depending on your writing style), but it didn't. It was just an innocent guy liking a girl. It worked out well for me. I like the fact that you tried to something different. Out of all these people, I'm going to assume (but don't hold me to it), that you're the only one who did a love story about a guy in a wheelchair. For that, I admire your bravery.
Grammer: Alright, a few issues here and there.
The Okay: I'm a little confused. They stare at each other and that's it. From the "one night stand" part, I figured they had sex, but it's not really explicitly stated, so I feel like they just didn't. Look onto "the Bad" side for what I assume actually is sex.
The Bad: They had... sex? If you're going to add sex, add sex. If you're going to refer to sex, then refer it. Don't just say, they looked at each other for what seemed like hours. The only way I ever knew it was sex was the one night stand part. Then again, that immediately pins this girl as a giant whore. She's so unreserved that she opens her legs for any guy she runs into? I don't know about you, but that seems like a giant unattractive feature of a girl. They meet for a minute and BAM! Sex. It's not that he made any effort or that he's a handsome playboy, he's a disabled, introverted kid. That in of itself is unattractive (let's be honest here). Then a gorgeous girl just wants sex? The premise made it entirely unbelievable. On a side note, if you're going to have dialogue, please create a new paragraph unless it breaks the train of thought. Even if it's an introspective monologue, that also deserves it's own paragraph. If you don't do it that way, the story is just harder to read.
The Good: It's about a disable kid and it's well done. This could have easily turned into some random sex scene (depending on your writing style), but it didn't. It was just an innocent guy liking a girl. It worked out well for me. I like the fact that you tried to something different. Out of all these people, I'm going to assume (but don't hold me to it), that you're the only one who did a love story about a guy in a wheelchair. For that, I admire your bravery.
Grammer: Alright, a few issues here and there.
The Okay: I'm a little confused. They stare at each other and that's it. From the "one night stand" part, I figured they had sex, but it's not really explicitly stated, so I feel like they just didn't. Look onto "the Bad" side for what I assume actually is sex.
The Bad: They had... sex? If you're going to add sex, add sex. If you're going to refer to sex, then refer it. Don't just say, they looked at each other for what seemed like hours. The only way I ever knew it was sex was the one night stand part. Then again, that immediately pins this girl as a giant whore. She's so unreserved that she opens her legs for any guy she runs into? I don't know about you, but that seems like a giant unattractive feature of a girl. They meet for a minute and BAM! Sex. It's not that he made any effort or that he's a handsome playboy, he's a disabled, introverted kid. That in of itself is unattractive (let's be honest here). Then a gorgeous girl just wants sex? The premise made it entirely unbelievable. On a side note, if you're going to have dialogue, please create a new paragraph unless it breaks the train of thought. Even if it's an introspective monologue, that also deserves it's own paragraph. If you don't do it that way, the story is just harder to read.
