The Prose Of Diane L. Leone

Silence speaks of answers in the absence of lies

Imagine a world without lies. A world where there only exists absolute truth. Would it be an improvement to the world which we live in right now? There would be no reason to hide anything from anyone. Masks would be non-existent. Intentions would be automatically known and foreplay would also be completely useless.

Masks, the social and personal curtain that people cover their selves with. People lie for the simplest to the most complex reason that anyone can comprehend. It is even divided into different sub categories. Rationalizations are lies that make the liar feel better. White lies are lies that make other people feel better.

Yet as complex and sometimes pathologic lies are truth is the opposite of it, literally and philosophically. Once truth is obtained it ends there. Unlike lies which most likely would end up in another lie, in truth once it is said ease and freedom follows. Reality is lies are more of a burden that they are beneficial. As they say how long can one keep a lie going? There is nowhere else to go but deeper and only truth shall be the answer and salvation.

Masks are needed for survival, but they are also our entrance to oblivion.

One little lie will always lead to another…

Yet in truth, it will always lead to answers.

CP Agoncillo

Autumn leaves fall amidst the rain
Across the sea my heart is lost once again

The sun shone bright that day. Although it seemed like any other normal Sunday afternoon. That day was the first day that I met him. There were a lot of kids at the library that day. Yet as I wandered through the aisles there I saw him reading alone at the back. I slowly approached him taking careful steps while clutching a book behind me. I soon then found myself standing near him across the table where he was sitting. For a while I just stood there watching him read a book in awe, I didn’t realize then how innocent and pure the scene was in front of me was. In front of me sat a boy a few years younger that I. His eyes fixated on the book refusing to blink, he just continued to read the book in amazement. He then suddenly leaned back against his chair while raising the book towards the ceiling.

“Dai Suki!” the boy screamed as he fell backwards from his chair. Without taking his eyes off the book he sat down. I then slowly approached him and asked him.

“What was that?” I just kept staring at him smiling finally taking his eyes off the book he peeked towards my direction and saw me smiling while staring at him.

“Kome… I mean I’m sorry… It’s just that I really enjoyed reading this book…” He stared at the book and started reading once again. I then lightly laughed and smiled then removed the chair that fell and sat behind him. I too opened the book that I held. We just sat there for hours I then eventually leaned against him and fell asleep. I could only describe that meeting in the words I whispered as I fell asleep.

“Innocence…”

A crimson sky filled the afternoon that day. Seemingly burning the sins of the world as the sun shone bright that day. The girl could be seen standing at the side of the road. Her face was covered with dirt and clearly she was favoring her left arm for a reason. She remained silent as she stood there; people were running and rushing behind her. Different lights flashed and someone suddenly approached her from behind. She didn’t bother to look at the person that was clearly talking to her. Her face remained expressionless and her eyes blank. She bit her lips in disgust until blood started to trickle down her face.

She remained motionless over the event. She slowly looked up towards the sky.

“The sky… It’s burning, I feel as though it’s drowning me in an endless sea of flames” She whispered. She then looked to her hands and saw blood flowing from the scrapes that she suffered. She wanted to cry that moment. But she couldn’t no matter what she did.

She tried to squeeze the wound she suffered. She elicited so much pain to make her fall to her knees but not a drop of tear fell from her eyes. She could barely remember the events that just transpired. She tried so hard to recall what happened but to no avail. She then clasped her fist tighter. She slowly opened her hand and raised a locket from her hand. It was a blood stained locket that she found moments ago. She never bothered opening it to see what was inside. She just took it and wore it around her neck. She then raised herself from the ground. Limping, she then went home. All this time she was under the crimson sky. That made her feel like the embers within the wind was suffocating her very soul. She bit her lips once more and looked up.

“This day… Today… The sun lost its shine”

Angels wept amidst the afternoon sky. A dying ember slowly fades away. Screams could be heard all around as the world weeps the passing of flesh in its simplest silence. Eyes slowly stare at a weeping girl. Yet no tears fall from her eyes, eyes that used to shine like the stars are now filled with emptiness and loneliness. She holds her wound tighter to elicit some feeling, some pain would be welcome yet she fails in misery.

She bites her lips; she scorns her soul still no tears fall as if she felt no remorse at all. Smoke rises from the earth to signal the tears of the world. Now she wanders aimlessly seeking for answers as screams come and go. She staggers and falls not once to the ground seeking for absolution from the world without sound.

Slowly she looks up to the sky and greets the world. The night shall soon fall as the ember passes its soul. Disbelief fills her eyes now, she opens her mouth yet no sound comes out. Her mind remains blank as she raised her blood covered hands to reach for the sky calling the angels above. Is it destiny? Is it fate? Is it the hand of god that made this day?

She finally loses her last drop of will, fainting from the burden that consumes her soul from within. She holds now a locket to remind her of that day. A day when questions filled her but no answers came.

The world stopped but only for a while. Nothing will ever be the same and no answer shall come to the wise. Only silence and anguish shall fill the air as the ember of the afternoon turn to the crimson twilight. A cursed day indeed. For the sun has lost its smile, unknown to the world it breathes with death at its call. A Sunday afternoon called the Crimsons Fall.

-----

A few moments after, after the smoke and haze that used to fill the air has cleared. A small boy stares at the pavement below, his eyes fixated at a spot where a fair amount of blood used to be. All that remains now was a faded stain of what it used to be. The boy then slowly crouched and touched the blood on the floor.

A few people came and touched the boy on his shoulder. He asked himself why they kept on passing by him, staring at the stain on the ground then they lightly touched him. Was it a sign of understanding? How could they ever understand what he was feeling that moment? Was it a sign of them sharing the feeling that he felt? How could they share something that they know nothing about? These questions filled the mind of the child but no answer has yet to be found.

The boy then clutched the book he held in his arms tighter. He stayed there for hours even after the lights of the city have dimmed. He slowly stood up and made his way towards a tree behind him. He sat down and leaned against it.

“I really wanted to show this to you Eira” the boy whispered.

“Should I cry?” he asked himself. He then looked towards the sky and saw that the sun has already set. He stood up and made his way to his home. Standing in front of the only mansion in their town he slowly opened the gates.

Before he entered something near their house caught his attention. He was surprised because usually nobody even passed by their house. He turned and walked towards it and said…

“Star…”

-----

The boy was now inside the mansion. Complete darkness enveloped the rooms; the halls themselves remained silent as if tuning themselves to the boy. He sat alone at a corner of the house. A small amount of light provided by the moon passed through the small window above him. High shelves of books surrounded him. Two cloths side by side stood in front of him covering something. Books were neatly arranged at the shelves; although the room remained motionless the boy could hear and feel his heartbeat resonating throughout the room.

His heart beat faster and stronger with each passing moment. He could hear the silence breaking and his pulse echoing through the walls. Passing through the shelves and rebounding back towards him. The boy felt like he was suffocating within the room he was in. An immense pressure started welling from inside of him. Although his heartbeat was the only thing he was supposed to hear. He suddenly started hearing screams from inside of his mind. Getting louder with each passing moment, he then slowly clutched his temples and tried to close of his ears from the tormenting screams. Eira, he could see her smiling inside his head. But she was screaming Eira was suffering.

The child then took the book he took home and held it close against his chest. He then turned his sight forward and saw someone walking towards him. Slowly walking closer, decreasing the gap between them with each step. The boy’s eyes suddenly gleamed of hope. Clearly he was already crying but he slowly raised his still trembling hands and reached out towards the direction of the person walking towards him as if asking for help. As if an angel has come to save him from the loneliness that he felt inside of him he reached out his hand and said.

“Eira…”

-----

“Eira help me please” the boy cried as he slowly tried to reach the woman called Eira walking towards him. He remained crouched on the corner but his arms he kept stretching almost to the point of them breaking.

“Eira please…” the child begged.

The woman now only a few feet away then crouched, maintaining her distance enough so the boy couldn’t reach him. Simultaneous with the boy blinking the woman suddenly closed the gap between them. Moving almost instantaneously she was now close enough to lean her head at the side of the boy and slowly she whispered something to his ear.

“No… you should suffer my dear…”

Those words pierced through the boy’s soul. He then closed his eyes and when he opened them he saw the woman he called Eira walking away from him. Slowly her visage started to fade. The boy then tried to stand from his position but he was cut short as Eira stopped walking away from him.

“Ei…” the boy started and he raised his hand again to reach out for her.

She then turned her head and faced the boy. As she slowly opened her mouth it seems as though she was mouthing something for him. She repeated mouthing that same word in silence. The boy knew what she was word mouthing to him. He understood what she was saying; she then smiled and started walking away from the boy once more. Before her figure completely faded into the darkness she gave her final words.

“You’re all alone now… my dear…”

It really is the sweetest dream whenever I’m with YOU

Tears fall never ending like the rain
Drowning my sorrow into nothing again
Used to the cold nights alone
Yet all I wanted was a hand to hold

Every fight is killing me
Scarring my soul each time it cuts deeper
Slowly suffocating me softly
Can’t we just say it’s all over?
Because I’m tired of all these lies

Slowly in your hands I suffocate
Drowning in this battle of love and hate
I don’t want to be the one who always cries at night
No one else remains to speak to of your thousand promised lies

I just want to end it all and find a single truth
Running away from all this pain
Running away from you
I just can’t see a tomorrow where there’s a me and you

Though it hurts after all these years
I’ll bleed out the words goodbye to you
Though I love you goodbye to you

Seven years passed since that day. Seven slow moving years that fate has forced towards the world of the child, from that day nobody knew what happened with the child. From the late afternoon that he went home carrying the book he got from the library the child seems to have been swallowed by anonymity itself.

A woman is now seen sleeping at her room. She woke up as she fell from her bed to the floor. A loud thud echoed through her house as she impacted the floor with her own body. She then opened her eyes once more and stared at the floor.

“It’s that dream again…” She started. She then slowly raised herself up, she was now directly facing the mirror and she saw her reflection staring right back at her. That same dream, a dream where a person crying was the only thing she could see in her dream. A child endlessly crying and asking for help, all that there is no more, no less.

She then moved her right hand and held her left arm tightly. That was where she was injured before. She just stared at herself for a few moments then she slowly made her way towards the dresser where the mirror was. She touched the reflection staring back at her. To this day her memories of an eventful day long ago remained unclear. Long ago she already decided to move on from that moment in her life and move on from what happened, even if she could not remember it entirely, she just continued living her daily life. She was never the one to dwell in incidences such as that. The fact that she could barely remember it she even questions if it indeed really happened. She just shook her head and decided that it was all a bad dream.

-----

Her room was simple and quaint. The walls were painted with a soft color of blue. Cream curtains would flutter across her room like the wings of a butterfly. Peaceful and calming colors were abundant. Reflecting her not only as a human but also as an individual.

No posters were hung at her walls. Only a few plaques of commendation and recognition from her school when she still studied. It was a typical room of a 24 year old woman.

Pictures abound in great numbers. But most of them if not all only contained one or two individuals. The other person, someone close to her, a person whom she cherishes and admires with great depths. Her name was inscribed in one of the walls. It read: Alta Camellia L. Leone, Alta, she always thought her name sounded weird considering their descent but she loved her name, she loved everything about her. This was a woman highly confident and has achieved greatness in her own quiet nature. She was a woman who loved to help other people. Although she was one who quickly forgets past glory and mistakes altogether she was never one to stop and allow her life to stagnate.

Driven and determined, confident and alluring.

She walked around her room once again. Something that she rarely has the time to do, given her busy schedule. Studying to be a doctor yet at the same time reaching out to the poor people of her community. This was Alta, simple in her own beauty yet incomparable when light shines. She smiled as she prepared herself for her day. She immersed herself in her bath tub and for the few moments of respite that she had she allowed herself to be swallowed within the peace of conformity.

“Alta… Come to me… Alta…”

-----

She felt an arm embracing her, holding her by her neck as the voice called to her repeatedly. Over and over the voice repeated those words and she seemed to be mesmerized by it. Slowly her body relaxed itself and she slid lower down the tub. She could feel the warm arm still embracing her neck. Feeling more at ease she slowly closed her eyes as her whole body lost all remaining control she had on her own.

All of a sudden the arm that caressed and embraced her abruptly tightened its grip as if it was choking her. An immense pressure welled from inside of her body. But her body refused to struggle from the pressure. She just felt like she was being ground towards the floor of the tub and though normally she would struggle to free herself all desire and will seemed to have escaped her entirely.

Someone then quickly rushed inside of the bathroom and pulled her out from the tub. Her body remained flaccid and motionless. She slowly opened her eyes and saw a familiar face screaming and shouting. Though as this happened she couldn’t discern what the person was saying. She then felt something warm running down her face. Her once lifeless body then raised her hand and held the figure that held her. She slowly held the cheek of the person that pulled her up.

It was her sister, Terra; Warmth Alta could feel her sisters’ warmth, her tears falling from her sisters eyes then running down through her own cheek. That was the first feeling she had since she felt that arm strangle her. She’s crying Alta thought to herself. Although some amount of strength returned to her she could still feel life fleeing from her body.

“Terra I’m sorry” was all she could say before she closed her eyes and lost her entire will to the silence inside her heart.

-----

Alta then slowly opened her eyes and though her vision was still a little blurred, she tried her best to focus her eyes. She saw that she was now in a different room. She was clearly not at their home anymore. She slowly turned her head and saw her sister Terra sitting next to her bed asleep. Alta then tried to extend her arm and shortly after she was then able to reach her sisters cheek. She softly brushed aside Terra’s hair and gave a soft smile as her sister lightly cooed.

After a few moments Terra too opened her eyes and she saw her sister staring at her smiling. She too then raised her hand and clasped Alta’s hand that held her cheek. She smiled back seeing her sister improving. Though a lot of questions still remain inside her mind, questions that wish to breakthrough and immediately ask her sister, Terra kept her silence and just stared at her sister smiling at her.

Silence ensued between the two. Seemingly, no words were needed between the two as they remained in absolute calm. Other than the occasional beeping of the medical apparatuses’ that were hooked to her sister neither words nor any form of sound was heard from the room. Alta then sighed and broke the silence between them.

“I was dreaming… I felt so comfortable and at ease…”

She then paused, Terra just sat there quietly and attentively listening to her sister. Alta then continued after the moments of silence that ensued from the first words that she spoke. But what she said after confused her sister more than it clarified the mysteries that happened earlier the day. Still her sister continued smiling as she spoke…

“I could almost feel the snow burning my soul…”

-----

Once more only silence remained between the siblings. Now Terra couldn’t even stare at her sister anymore. She had so many questions for her but still she kept herself from asking even one. After a few more moments she smiled and stood up.

“I’ll go home for now…” was all Terra could say to her sister. She slowly walked out of the room taking one last look at her sister as she closed the door behind her. Alta was still staring at the ceiling. Terra thought that for now the best thing for her sister would be to rest and regain her strength.

Terra L. Leone, was a girl who still in college. She was a few years younger than her sister. The two siblings could never have been so alike. Before they were really close, they did practically everything together. They spent their vacation time together and if her sister wasn’t volunteering they would be hiking up the mountains or traveling to distant countries. But only after the accident her sister was involved in seven years ago did things start to change. After her sister disappeared for seven days after the accident she suddenly reappeared at their front door. She could never forget that sight. Her sisters’ clothes were tattered and filthy; she clearly had some minor wounds on her body. But even after completely disappearing for seven days the one thing that she expected to her sister to be never manifested itself. Her sister wasn’t traumatized. Her eyes were clear, she even tried to smile.

For someone who was involved in such an accident and at her age should have clearly shown at least some signs of distress. But the fact that her sister was alright quickly erased those questions inside her heart or at least buries them enough to not surface for the next seven years. Her sister’s change came slowly like a paper airplane gliding through the sky, its descent wasn’t abrupt, it continued to fly gracefully through the air but unknown to all its fall was coming, gradual it may be but inevitable nonetheless.

Even though it’s pretend can’t you say you Love Me Again?

Empty shadows passes by,
Lonely hearts echo through the night
Many have fallen, few remain standing
The songs of November have long since been forgotten

At the edge of desolation,
A lonely heart remains standing

Forever seeking respite from the dying

The lonely soul reaches out to the dead
Shuns the living but saves the dying

The world has stopped moving,
The lives have stopped breathing
But the embers of the fallen remain burning and living

Shall fate stop the hands of time?
Swallow the darkness within the hearts of man?
Or shall the lonely be the savior of the forgotten

Forever living, Forever dying

Forsaken in loneliness, Empty and dying

A beautiful smile is worth a thousand lies

Terra was sitting by one of the chairs situated outside of the coffee shop. For all her fondness of seclusion she was never the one to literally hide from the crowd. The sun shone brightly that morning. If it wasn’t for her sister being confined to the hospital since yesterday she would personally say that it would have been indeed a perfect day. She brushed aside the questions that she had inside of her regarding her sister Alta.

The coffee shop was like any other mom and pop establishment in their area. Although the central district was highly urbanized their area is more rural compared to other areas of their city. A few other patrons came and passed her by. Terra giving the occasional smile of greeting to the others that she knew. That coffee shop has always been a sanctuary for Terra. A haven when all the pressures of society would crash upon her and at times when the weight would become too unbearable she would find herself drinking coffee at that place to try and find some sense in all of the things happening around her. She then started thinking of her sister again.

“Different yet the same, together yet apart…” She whispered to herself. Alta and Terra, the siblings have always been the center of comparison around them. She was always known as Alta’s sister. Successful in her field, a humanitarian, Alta to everyone was the perfect individual. Despite her short physical stature her sisters’ heart was immeasurable. Driven, motivated, successful and beautiful sometimes even Terra is convinced that her sister was indeed perfect.

This was like any other typical day for her. Most of her life Terra has lived separated or at least she tries to separate herself from society. The less people noticed her the more she enjoyed her personal seclusion. She was happy, the simpler her life was, the less that people noticed her. Apparently the only time people would even notice her was when she was with her sister. But she didn’t mind. Terra loved her sister more than anything else in this world.
Her problem if indeed it is not comparison but distinction. She knew from the beginning that she would always be compared to her sister. But the challenge for Terra was to overcome that hurdle and distinguish herself from her sister. She has always lived behind her sisters’ shadow but despite that she has always been supportive of her sister and she will always be there for her. Jealousy isn’t the factor that keeps on trying to drive a wedge between them, but Terra has seen the situation as her own inability to do something or achieve something that would differentiate her with her own sister.

-----

“…” Terra sighed and as she slowly raised her head towards the sky she saw something peculiar with the building across her.

Her eyes focused on what she saw. She suddenly dropped the coffee cup she was holding and rushed towards the building on the other side of the road. She then made her way through the elevator and immediately pressed the button for the roof access. Her heart pounded her chest with each beat getting heavier and faster than the one before it. She was sure with what she saw; someone was going to fall from the building. Someone was by the edge of the roof ready to fall anytime. When the elevator sounded, signaling that it was already at its destination, Terra’s heart seemed to stop simultaneously with the sound of the elevator. Then her world seemingly slowed down its pace. The sun pierced slowly through the elevator door as it opened. Caught between the rush unexpectedly it moved quite slowly. The door now fully opened Terra focused her eyes towards the other side of the roof. She was right someone was indeed standing at the edge. She dropped her bag and ran towards the person.

Her legs felt heavier with every step she took. What seemed like an eternity to her mind as she raced towards the edge was only a few seconds to reality and everyone else. When she was finally close enough her legs were suddenly grounded and she couldn’t take another step forward. As she stopped the person in front of her turned around and held out something towards her smilingly saying…

“Coffee?”

-----

Terra couldn’t move from where she stood. She couldn’t discern whether she was confused or surprised. She then took her eyes off the coffee that the person in front of her was handing and she focused her sight higher. She suddenly blushed, there in front of her stood a man almost falling towards the edge of the building holding a coffee cup smiling towards her.

Tilting his head a little towards the left giving a puzzled look towards Terra he smiled once more and spoke.

“Here you go…” repeating his offer for her to take the coffee from him. Puzzled she walked slowly towards him and took the cup from his hand. He then turned around and sat at the edge of the building. Terra moved closer to him and sat behind him.

“What are you doing…?”

“Double mocha…” the man started as he cut Terra from her sentence before she could finish.

“Double mocha with mint… just like the one you spilled when you ran towards here…” he said as he pointed towards the coffee shop below them where Terra was a few minutes ago. The wind suddenly blew hard and continuously. The man just remained sitting there smiling as he sipped the coffee he held in his hand.

“Ask it already…” he said to Terra smiling. The wind blew harder than before. Blowing so hard that Terra felt like she was being carried away by the gust. The man in front of him just kept his composure and his smile. He took something out of the pocket inside his coat. It was a leaf, he slowly then released it and watched as it was carried away by the winds around them. He stood up and headed towards the elevator. Terra just remained where she was and she looked back and she saw him one last time before the elevator door closed. He smiled as he mouthed a word which she repeated…

“Chaos?”

-----

Back at the hospital, Alta was still staring at the ceiling of her room. Even then everything around her still felt different. She still felt like she was asleep and that she was still inside of a dream. She slowly closed her eyes and felt the warm hand creeping around her neck like before. But when she finally closed her eyes completely the hand once more tightened its grip around her. She started feeling the immense pressure around her once more.

Feeling like she was drowning, Alta tried to move her body but her arms, her legs, every part of her felt paralyzed. Struggling to break free from the immense weight her whole body was bearing, tears started flowing from her eyes. She was afraid. This was the first time her body and her mind has felt terror such as this.

“Are you afraid to die?” after hearing this voice inside her mind she suddenly was able to open her eyes. A blurred figure stood above her. She was still unable to move her body but a hazy figure of a person reached out towards her face and wiped the tear that fell from her eyes. As the person ran his finger across her face wiping her tears. Alta felt an unexplainable terror inside of her. She feared not only for her body but also for her life. After the initial moments of terror, her eyes felt heavy then she closed them once more.

Alta could then hear a soft voice as if trying to wake her up. She opened her eyes then slowly the sound of a laughing child that she could hear faded until silence was the only thing surrounding her once more. She felt heavy drops of sweat running towards her forehead and her neck. This wasn’t the first time in her life she felt fear. Amidst the everyday trials and challenges that she faced and overcame she felt fear in most of them especially if it was the first time she was doing something. Traveling to a place for the first time, helping other people in times of natural disasters she has constantly faced fear and overcome each and every moment and challenge that she faced. But the feeling that she just felt was different. There was an uncertain feeling along with the terror and fear that was naturally there. She couldn’t quite figure out what that exact feeling was at that moment but that feeling of uneasiness continued to hound her.

-----

Each time she tried to close her eyes, that feeling of fear, the previous feeling of warmth which then would suddenly suffocate her would return. Alta then stood up and even though she still felt dizzy and her balance still hasn’t completely returned she made her way towards the lone window on her room. Realizing it was already night time she looked around her and saw that the lights of the building that surrounded the hospital were already lit. Cars cluttered the streets and throngs of different people clad in different colored clothes flooded the streets below her.

“Irritating aren’t they?” a voice coming from behind her said. Alta didn’t look back but saw the reflection of the person that spoke to her through the window she was facing. Someone was inside of her room, a heavily clad man sat there holding something. He looked down and kept staring at the floor as if waiting for a response from her.

“Irritating aren’t they Alta?” he repeated his words this time including her name implying a direction for the words that he spoke.

Alta slowly turned around and slowly walked towards the man sitting at her bed. After a few steps she stood beside him and she tried staring at his face but he quickly evaded and turned his face towards the other side.

“What do you mean?” Alta started.

“They’re noisy… the buildings, the cars, the humans… everyone around us… They’re irritating…”

“How could you say that?”

“They’re not like us… We’ve been talking for seven years now even without a single word ever being said…” the boy replied and then smiled as he left. He waved Alta goodbye and left the hospital. She looked around and saw that the man left something behind.

“Apple?”

The sweetest words are heard only in absolute silence

Can I close my eyes
To this reality that keeps on haunting me
To this feeling inside my heart
That keeps on wounding me

Turn my back to everything that's real
Letting go of all these painful things I feel

Can't you stay for one more day
Lie to me through the words you'll say
Promise me we'll always be
Together forever you and me

I'd rather close my eyes for good
Lie to myself and be blind to the truth
Than even think of a day without you
Where the skies will never be as blue
Where everything I feel will never feel true

But what can I say? What can I do?
I can still feel your hand in mine
But now it's time to say goodbye to you
Though I still dream of a forever with you

It's come to a time where we have to part ways

Still I ask can't you lie to me for one more day?