The Song of Storms

Well, this is some of my Poetry. I wrote this one recently, and I'll admit it's definitely not some of my better work. I'll try and post a bit more of my literature, so it can be critiqued etc.(It's always good getting some feedback!)

The Song of Storms

Shattered, and torn asunder.
By this great rain.
It's fleeting, filled with thunder.
By this great pain.

A bleak, shrouded tranquility.
It's only a shadow in the dark.
The silence alone, leaving it stark.
Waiting for a rash fertility.

Disguised no longer.
Growing ever stronger.
Bellowing it's call.
Beginning it's fall.

Tearing the land apart.
For ages, leaving it scars.
Blacking out, even the stars.
Creating a new start.

The windmill of time starts anew.
Holding it's forgotten life true.

Shattered, and torn asunder.
By this great rain.
It's fleeting, filled with thunder.
By this great pain.

This, is the song of storms.

I used to have a teacher who once said: "Don't tell me, show me".
-This poem reminded me of him in that the words you used were perfect for portraying a viscous grand storm.
--I didn't like how the thing suddenly ended, though. Next time try to give a transition from chaos to serenity.

Good job, though. It felt, as my professor once put it, "Concrete... Real..."

Excellent. You really have a talent for poetry. Great Imagery, and brilliant form. I would love to read some of your other stuff. It's also great to see someone who knows how to use punctuation and grammar around here. Again, good stuff.

wahhh... this poem is overflowing. no i mean really, it gives off a bountiful aura. ^_^ but you are right, for some reason i feel that you have more to offer than this as your greatest poem at work. :3 also, after reading this i feel that i need a raincoat. XD lol.