"The Tyrant"
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The Tyrant
“Prologue”
The Tyrant…that wasn’t always his name. He was like you and me, a human, and his name was Tyro. But before I get into his history, ill tell a little about this titan of gods before he became one. If you didn’t know about him.
The Tyrant is known as The Tyrant because not only of his name being closely related, but by his massive size that he is able to become. Also by the raw power that he wields. He has destroyed cities with one swipe of his sword, and that was when he was in his human form. His eye’s are a sharp blood-thirsty red, pale skin, and short spiky black hair with two red tipped bangs hanging over his eye’s down to his mouth. His smile is as if he is always grinning with huge fangs, but also when you see his face you feel this enormous power, and you feel pure evil coming off of him. And when he breathes a cloud of orange mist forms from his mouth.
The Tyrants armor is black with a red trimmed dragon spouting fire from its mouth. he wears a small shoulder plate on his left arm with a arm guard going down his arm, acting as a shield while holding his sword in his right, this also was black with red trim. His sword sits on his back, so when he grabs for it and takes it out, it goes into the air as if slicing the air itself. The swords sheath is also black with a red trim on it. The swords hilt is again black but the bottom and top part are red the sword is made of some type of metal that only the blacksmith knows what type that is. When e holds he swords it shimmers a light red. They call the sword “Tyrants Fang”. The rest of his armor is essentially the same. If you happen to see him up close he gives off a slight black and purple aura, and when he walks he leaves a black and purple fire on his footsteps.
He has a wife and a child but while he was asleep one day in his kingdom they left him in fear of his power that one day he would destroy them and the entire world with his destructive power. Because of that when he awoke he went on a devastating rampage destroying almost every city on the planet. After he was done he disappeared, and no one knows how or why.....
__________________________
ok well this is the prologue lol as u can tell...
umm yea it looks short on here but ehen i had it on paper it was like 2 pages long lol but yea im hoping that you guys will like it =]
and i repeat ive never written a story before..
“Prologue”
The Tyrant…that wasn’t always his name. He was like you and me, a human, and his name was Tyro. But before I get into his history, ill tell a little about this titan of gods before he became one. If you didn’t know about him.
The Tyrant is known as The Tyrant because not only of his name being closely related, but by his massive size that he is able to become. Also by the raw power that he wields. He has destroyed cities with one swipe of his sword, and that was when he was in his human form. His eye’s are a sharp blood-thirsty red, pale skin, and short spiky black hair with two red tipped bangs hanging over his eye’s down to his mouth. His smile is as if he is always grinning with huge fangs, but also when you see his face you feel this enormous power, and you feel pure evil coming off of him. And when he breathes a cloud of orange mist forms from his mouth.
The Tyrants armor is black with a red trimmed dragon spouting fire from its mouth. he wears a small shoulder plate on his left arm with a arm guard going down his arm, acting as a shield while holding his sword in his right, this also was black with red trim. His sword sits on his back, so when he grabs for it and takes it out, it goes into the air as if slicing the air itself. The swords sheath is also black with a red trim on it. The swords hilt is again black but the bottom and top part are red the sword is made of some type of metal that only the blacksmith knows what type that is. When e holds he swords it shimmers a light red. They call the sword “Tyrants Fang”. The rest of his armor is essentially the same. If you happen to see him up close he gives off a slight black and purple aura, and when he walks he leaves a black and purple fire on his footsteps.
He has a wife and a child but while he was asleep one day in his kingdom they left him in fear of his power that one day he would destroy them and the entire world with his destructive power. Because of that when he awoke he went on a devastating rampage destroying almost every city on the planet. After he was done he disappeared, and no one knows how or why.....
__________________________
ok well this is the prologue lol as u can tell...
umm yea it looks short on here but ehen i had it on paper it was like 2 pages long lol but yea im hoping that you guys will like it =]
and i repeat ive never written a story before..
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It looks like your prologue is an Explanation of The Tyrant's looks and background...hmm... no typos? aww shucks!
Waiting for your 1st chapter^^
Waiting for your 1st chapter^^
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Uzumaki101 wrote...
It looks like your prologue is an Explanation of The Tyrant's looks and background...hmm... no typos? aww shucks!Waiting for your 1st chapter^^
well let me say thank you...ill type up the first chapter 2day but umm i wanna know...was the prologue bad or wat i need to know...and yes no typos if im writing a story im not going to be messing up lol
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biglw17 wrote...
Uzumaki101 wrote...
It looks like your prologue is an Explanation of The Tyrant's looks and background...hmm... no typos? aww shucks!Waiting for your 1st chapter^^
well let me say thank you...ill type up the first chapter 2day but umm i wanna know...was the prologue bad or wat i need to know...and yes no typos if im writing a story im not going to be messing up lol
Nope. Nothings wrong... yet :twisted:
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Chapter 1 “Beginning”
“Tyrooo…”
“What is it brother”
Tyro is about six foot muscle build, because he works and trains everyday sense he was five years old, for what reason he does not know, but his father said that when he is older he will tell him. However, unfortunately, he died when he was ten, during war. Tyro is a little quite and finds things rather annoying, but he will still do them. His best quality is that he is strong and confident when he needs to be, and works hard when he does. Tyro has short spiky black hair with two slightly long bangs that goes over his eyes, which are bright brown. Like most poor family’s he battered gray cloth clothes, with cloth shoes.
“Mom wants us”
“For what….?”
“How should I know….but I wanna know something?”
“……..well are going to ask”
“Oh yea, right, Hashanah but umm, why do you always hang out at this cliff?”
“Because this is where I like to think”
“Oh….I see”
*tyro gets up and wipes his self off*
“Today I was thinking about a weird dream that I had this morning…”
“Oh…what was it about?”
“I don’t know…all I know is that it was strange”
“……”
“……”
“Well anyway let’s go”
“Right!”
Phyro…, Tyro’s younger brother by three years so that makes him 13. He is about five foot six a little less muscular then Tyro because he does not train, but he is still strong for his age. If you know him then you know how kind he is to everyone. Everyone in the village like’s him a lot. Phyro wear’s the same thing as Tyro but it is a little cleaner because he forgets to clean it or give it to his mother.
Two minutes after they leave, they reach there cottage, it’s not much but its home they always say….
“Mom we’re home…” Tyro shouts
“Yea I got Tyro so what do you need us for?”
“Oh yes Tyro, Phyro, I need you to go to the market and pick me up some food for dinner tonight.”
There mother is very slender and about five-foot seven, with long black hair that goes about midway towards her back. She also wears gray cloth clothing, but in dress form and cleaner then her kids. At the moment she is wearing a plain white apron with some stains from making food. She is about forty years old but looks twenty-eight, thirty, meaning she is still very beautiful.
“Alright what is it that you need us to get” says Phyro.
“Hmm….I need two tomatoes and a head of cabbage, I’m making my special soup for Tyro because well he’s eighteen now right?” She says while grinning.
Tyro smiles and says
“Sure I guess”
“Okay then we’ll be back in a bit”
Phyro shouts while he and Tyro leaves.
“Okay be safe….”
The two of them are off. It takes about ten minutes to get there. They have
Walked there many times before sense they where little with there mom so there they know where everything is, and what is there, but today seemed a little off.
“Tyro?”
“What?”
“why is it so dark…it’s still early?”
“Hmm I don’t know it is weird…maybe it’s going to rain, so that means we need to hurry up…okay?”
“Right”
“Tyrooo…”
“What is it brother”
Tyro is about six foot muscle build, because he works and trains everyday sense he was five years old, for what reason he does not know, but his father said that when he is older he will tell him. However, unfortunately, he died when he was ten, during war. Tyro is a little quite and finds things rather annoying, but he will still do them. His best quality is that he is strong and confident when he needs to be, and works hard when he does. Tyro has short spiky black hair with two slightly long bangs that goes over his eyes, which are bright brown. Like most poor family’s he battered gray cloth clothes, with cloth shoes.
“Mom wants us”
“For what….?”
“How should I know….but I wanna know something?”
“……..well are going to ask”
“Oh yea, right, Hashanah but umm, why do you always hang out at this cliff?”
“Because this is where I like to think”
“Oh….I see”
*tyro gets up and wipes his self off*
“Today I was thinking about a weird dream that I had this morning…”
“Oh…what was it about?”
“I don’t know…all I know is that it was strange”
“……”
“……”
“Well anyway let’s go”
“Right!”
Phyro…, Tyro’s younger brother by three years so that makes him 13. He is about five foot six a little less muscular then Tyro because he does not train, but he is still strong for his age. If you know him then you know how kind he is to everyone. Everyone in the village like’s him a lot. Phyro wear’s the same thing as Tyro but it is a little cleaner because he forgets to clean it or give it to his mother.
Two minutes after they leave, they reach there cottage, it’s not much but its home they always say….
“Mom we’re home…” Tyro shouts
“Yea I got Tyro so what do you need us for?”
“Oh yes Tyro, Phyro, I need you to go to the market and pick me up some food for dinner tonight.”
There mother is very slender and about five-foot seven, with long black hair that goes about midway towards her back. She also wears gray cloth clothing, but in dress form and cleaner then her kids. At the moment she is wearing a plain white apron with some stains from making food. She is about forty years old but looks twenty-eight, thirty, meaning she is still very beautiful.
“Alright what is it that you need us to get” says Phyro.
“Hmm….I need two tomatoes and a head of cabbage, I’m making my special soup for Tyro because well he’s eighteen now right?” She says while grinning.
Tyro smiles and says
“Sure I guess”
“Okay then we’ll be back in a bit”
Phyro shouts while he and Tyro leaves.
“Okay be safe….”
The two of them are off. It takes about ten minutes to get there. They have
Walked there many times before sense they where little with there mom so there they know where everything is, and what is there, but today seemed a little off.
“Tyro?”
“What?”
“why is it so dark…it’s still early?”
“Hmm I don’t know it is weird…maybe it’s going to rain, so that means we need to hurry up…okay?”
“Right”
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ok here's the first chapter hope u like it =]
i havent started the second chapter yet but i have a concept of how its going to go so yea =]
i havent started the second chapter yet but i have a concept of how its going to go so yea =]
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The beginning was short, and there were several gramatical issues. But I think you could make something interesting out of what you've set up, but I need to wait and see.
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A good start. But like Catcher said, it's pretty short. And a few typos^^
like...
sense=since
hmm... that's the only thing I found that needs to be undone.
OH! I take back what I said about the prologue not having Typos? I actually found two!
Other than that, i'm waiting for chapter 2^^
like...
sense=since
hmm... that's the only thing I found that needs to be undone.
OH! I take back what I said about the prologue not having Typos? I actually found two!
biglw17 wrote...
When he holds his swords it shimmers a light redOther than that, i'm waiting for chapter 2^^
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hmm ok then thank u for that and if u want it longer ill start doing that for chapter 2 and so on im prob going to start it tonight cuz i went to sleep at like 4:30 in the afternoon nd im not going to sleep 2night but thank u =]
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Uzumaki101 wrote...
A good start. But like Catcher said, it's pretty short. And a few typos^^like...
sense=since
hmm... that's the only thing I found that needs to be undone.
OH! I take back what I said about the prologue not having Typos? I actually found two!
biglw17 wrote...
When he holds his swords it shimmers a light redOther than that, i'm waiting for chapter 2^^
Lol...Uzumaki what's with the looking for errors thing with you...... Well no matter....
On with the comment...
Uzumaki mentioned the typos which i did notice as well especially chapter 1 it was annoying and confusing. The intro was good. The Tyrant's description was well written, the sword was well described too. I also agree with Catcher that this has a potential to be a good story with what you set up....
You're chapter 1 was a bit....lousy i should say. The chapter was too short and no significant events happen. Chapter 1 should give an impact as it is the starting of the story. Chapter 1 is important as it helps sets up the base of the plot and how is it going to go. Your chapter 1, however, is very short and not very well written..I couldn't see any significant events unfolding except 'The night that came early' part in your story so i hope you will lengthen it.
If you are not gonna lengthen it then i hope your chapter 2 would be better.....
But i have to credit you...The description were very well written. Most stories have quite poor descriptions so i feel annoyed when it was described so lousily. Your's on the other hand made me imagine it perfectly of how Tyro/Tyrant and his family members would look like.
Rated 7.0/10.9 Your intro saved you from a 4.0/10.0
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umm wow umm thank you for all that u said ill take that into consideration..and when it come to describing ppl it tends to be my strong point cuz i was first a drawer and i am very picky with my details on every point of the persons body..and i hate it when ppl don't describe ppl enough or right..
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biglw17 wrote...
umm wow umm thank you for all that u said ill take that into consideration..and when it come to describing ppl it tends to be my strong point cuz i was first a drawer and i am very picky with my details on every point of the persons body..and i hate it when ppl don't describe ppl enough or right..seconded i really hate it when writers never describe their characters proplerly/sloppily. It tends to give a negative point of view to the readers. That's why one of the most important part of story-writing is description, which you wouldn't have any problem as you were an artist in the 1st place. Good for you....(a little jealous lol)