Trying to write a fantasy story

Well...here goes!!!

PLOT

Nearly fifty thousand years ago,When the world was still whole,it's people lived peacefully alongside each other,with one half of the world heavily relying on machines and magitech, while the other relying on magics and magical relics.

Thousands of years later,with the appearences of a new kind of magic users,later known as the "Hexagon" because of their unique ability to control the six elements of fire,water,earth,wind,darkness and light,the people of the world feared these new magic users and even began discriminating them.

Countless years later,the world is mysteriously separated into two with the moon in between.The two worlds remain strangely unconscious of each other for more than two thousand years.And so begins the story of young Matthew Braveheart,a country boy of the Flame kingdom,who unknowingly possesses the thought-to-be-extinct power of the "Hexagon",and a keepsake sword from his deceased father,in a journey of revelations of his family history,the truth of the two worlds,his own powers,the keepsake sword and many more in this story shrouded in mystery.

The whole magic + science thing kinda gave a a thought about negima, the special "hexagon" piqued my interest...
but how is the techno half-world connected to this? Anyway, the plot could use some originality, though it does have an interesting start. This is my just my oppinion.

Negima? Whats that? Is it similar to my story? Thanks for the opinion by the way! :D

Negima's a manga that revolves mostly on magic, but has a twist of science in the later parts. it revolves on a mage named negi, who teaches magic in an magic academy w/ 31 girl protagonists. In chapter 37, that magic academy is attacked by soldiers from the future, with negim's great great great grandaughter leading them. So it's a battle of magic against science....
and ur welcome, I love being an active member here in fakku... ^_^

Thank god, I thought that my story was very similar to negima! Thanks for clearing that up! :D

I like where this is going, got me thinking if the Hexagon are good guys, bad guys or a split between them. Plus seeing if the Magic and Machine people work together against the Hexagon or if they are all separate factions. Wonder if the moon is the main base for the bad guys.

Damn, now you got me hooked on all these possibilities and speculations!

I don't understand how the Hexagon faded in the first place that would require Braveheart's resurgance. They were discriminated against for having too much power? Did they not control it or use it judiciously? Of the two "worlds" why would the one reliant on magic and relics discriminate against these Hexagons instead of deifying them?

As far as discrimination goes, just separating the Hexagons from "standard" society and otherwise treating them as second-class citizens somehow caused them to all disappear? Did you mean to use the term genocide?

Hexagons aside, too much that has happened is unexplained; it simply comes to be, and you're using the crutch of everyone forgetting to gloss over it. If you want to do that, don't throw the whole malformed history of your setting in the exposition.

The "Flame Kingdom" is also blurry. Is this in tech or magic world? Why is it called the Flame Kingdom in whatever world it is in?

If all these are addressed within the work itself, then disregard what I've written, but I'd highly recommend you just post what you have. Please don't come here and shove a half-explained plot on the page; it leaves too many holes and questions. It also doesn't help that the reader knows way more about the world than the character that actually exists within it.

Intresting xd
you need to go into more detail on a few things
like for instance The Falme Kingdom like jericho said

i would gladly read it, im an avid fantasy lover so i would most probaly enjoy it

Hmmm, your plot seems half-baked.

you should go make it whole-baked then. :U least u got a story to work with. -3-

...Are you telling me to whole-bake his plot? Challenge accepted.

In the time before time, there was always magic. At the very core of the planet, this magic radiated like the scorching Sun. It's essence poured itself into every fiber and being of the planet, shaping the land, the oceans, the trees and the sky. Everything drew it's life force from magic.

Over time, there came to be a group of beings that learned how to control this magic. However, they lacked the ability to naturally control magic with their bodies like we do, and they were known as "Tetrans", but in history class, you most likely call them, "The Firstborn". Their initial "Machkineas", as they call it, were crude, and rudimentary. But over time, what they lacked in their bond with magic, they gained in their brains. They became more and more intelligent, and their Machkineas grew more and more grand, but at the same time, you could say they became more logical and cold. I remember when they used to throw booming festivals that lasted throughout four days and four nights, but, that has long, long past.

After Tetrans, there came us, the "Earthings". Appropriately, we're also called "The Secondborn", but only to Tetrans. We were born with the natural gift of being able to communicate with magic. We can conjure fire, shape the earth, whip winds, and guide the tides. Some of us are even attuned to the Sun and the Moon. Fire, Earth, Wind, Water, Light, and Dark, these are the different schools in our way of life. I do not mean to be discriminate towards the Tetrans, as I find their Machkineas very delightful and I am amazed at how they work, but I do not believe I would be able to bear living without feeling the planet as we do. They may feel the planet with their brains, but we feel it with our hearts. And that, child, is something to always be proud of.

At first, Tetrans and Earthings got along quite well. We would help shape their cities and docks in return for their Machkineas that made life easier and provided entertainment. We would live in communities and our children would play together. I say this with a heavy heart, child: this era was known as the "Golden Age", and it is long gone.

And then, They came. They were unsatisfied with this lifestyle, and sought to destroy it. Their organization was known as "The Church of Earthingtology", and I am ashamed to say that the organization was made entirely of Earthings who hated Tetrans. This organization was led by an enigma known only as Horus. Horus was born with the ability to attune to all six elements! Never before was this even possibly heard of! His lieutenants were just as fearsome, known as "The Hexagon"; six individuals he gathered, each with the formidable ability to command armies as well as each separate element. The Tetran population was devastated, and those who tried to help them were eliminated as well. Eventually, the High Magister of the Earthings and the Prime Machkinear of the Tetrans formed an alliance to stop The Church of Earthingtology.

They were partially successful. I say "partially", because although The Church of Earthingtology, Horus, and The Hexagon have not been sighted in millenia, we have lost our dear friends, the Tetrans. What happened in that final battle, even I do not know.

Um, mister, who are you?

Oh ho! It has been an eternity since anyone has asked me that. Pay no heed to me, young Matthew Salamheart, for we shall meet again in the future. When the Moon and the stars have aligned, indeed, on your eighteenth birthday, the fate of our world shall lie in your hands.

...You're crazy, mister.

Shut up and go back to school.

that's partly what I was aiming for! to make you wonder about the possibilities! :D

Well,most of the history IS related to the plot,so I can't reveal much yet! :D
Be patient while I sort out the whole story in my journal kays? :)
By the way, I haven't got proper names for the elemental kingdoms yet, so Iam just using 'flame kingdom' in the magic side of the world.
Help is appreciated if anyone can help me figure out names though!:D

why dont you name the kingdoms over the element and some sort of treasure/magic item or something .. that normally helps come up with names
eg
Fire Ruby Fort
Shining Sword Palace..
shizz like that, sounds cwl and normally helps give ideas xD
for example since i called one fire ruby fort if u get stuck on ideas you could do the whole "oh no the rubys been stolen" story xD

Oddly coincidental... but I planned to add an idea similar to the stolen ruby concept! Thanks Drag0n! I'll keep those ideas in mind! :)

I'd recommend keeping this off the boards until you actually have everything sorted and ready to push out in narrative form. You say the plot is entwined with the history, and if that's the case don't try telling us the history, because it comes off as malformed. As I said earlier, it usually works well in a Fantasy story to have the reader just as ignorant as the protagonist of everything, which helps the reader establish empathy and so forth.

I know you're just trying to give us an idea of everything, but if you yourself don't have the whole thing sorted it probably isn't prudent to show to us yet, right?

As far as names go, I'd say don't use elemental names for cities, as the elemental name alone sounds lazy and adding anything else makes it sound like a level from Sonic. When you figure out the architectural style you want for everything and the common root of the words you use you can start working with names.

Thanks a ton for your advices Jeri! I'll work hard to make an interesting story! :D