[Valentines Contest Entry 2017] Promise of The Two

Masayoshiii Gone

So, I decided to do something that I have not attempted in a very long time - poetry.

It's also my first time writing something that is meant to be romantic, rather than just containing bits of romance on rare occasion.

I decided to take this seriously, despite writing two things I'm not used to.

...

That being said since this is a poem, I will be expecting to be torn apart by veterans of poetry who actually know what they're doing.

This is the first poem I've written in about 8 years?

My memory is faulty, but that seems about right.

[size=18]Promise of The Two[/size]

Spoiler:

If only we could understand
the weeping of hearts across the land.

We would not try to criticize
the world seen through another's eyes.

Yet we placed the hardships of yearning on trial,
but The Two only returned to us glares of denial.

As scorn and hatred were flung their way,
the promise they shared began to decay.

The warmth of the hearth brought forth desire,
only to be snuffed by a hurricane of ire.

When torches ablaze were thrown to their abode,
they parted with tears and created a code.

The winds of change blew their paths astray—
it warned them to stay very far away.

One fell into despair and the other took ill.
One willingly lied while the other had to kill.

As the night fell for one and day dawned for another,
the owl was forced to end their own brother.

Although he struggled as he breathed his last,
he forgave his sibling for their decisions and past.

The dangerous ambitions that tore them asunder
had yet to bear fruit or treasures worth plunder.

The Two changed course and traveled once more,
one sailed by ship and one walked ashore.

To myriad towns and ports, they would arrive,
each learned much on their fantastical dive.

The journey of the two continued for years,
but they never forgot their greatest fears.

They vowed for reunion after each played their part,
yet one could not contain the worries of their heart

They searched for the other with abandon and haste,
but put all of their combined efforts to waste.

When they finally met a great tragedy occurred,
breaking their code ended with them murdered.

Even as their bodies became lifeless and cold,
a miracle occurred, but to call it so would be bold.

A light from the sky descended upon the snow,
a gallery of spirits, with angels in tow.

As consolation for their horrible fate,
they were given a chance to forget their hate

The Two did so and forgave evil men,
guilty of slaughtering them before then.

The song of ancients brought life to their eyes,
and many witnesses gathered around with surprise.

The marvels of a single promise they shared,
gave a second chance to The Two, who cared.

With a code of righteous conduct and valor,
they rose together and left with honor.

Their oaths fulfilled, they announced their love,
and married with witnesses from below and above.

Their spark was small yet eternal in length,
they faced new days with courage and strength.

Thank you, and give me your feedback and criticism!

d(^_^)(^_^)d

7 years ago

Yet we placed the hardships of yearning on trial,
but The Two only returned to us glares of denial.

This stanza sounds cool I guess, but I don't really know what it means.

As the night fell for one and day dawned for another,
the owl was forced to end their own brother.

Although he struggled as he breathed his last,
he forgave his sibling for their decisions and past.

The dangerous ambitions that tore them asunder
had yet to bear fruit or treasures worth plunder.

I have no idea what's going on here at all.

Even as their bodies became lifeless and cold,
a miracle occurred, but to call it so would be bold.

How would it be bold? Seems like a miracle to me.

When torches ablaze were thrown to their abode,
they parted with tears and created a code.

Why was their home burned down?

When they finally met a great tragedy occurred,
breaking their code ended with them murdered.

My first thought was they killed each other. This whole poem is sparse on details. It would help for this part in particular if I knew what the code was. I don't have any knowledge of it, why should I care that they break it?

You don't need to spell out everything, but in this particular poem, I feel it could benefit from more specifics on the narrative.

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