Valentine's Day Writing Contest Entry
0
I guess I have bring out the teacher side in me (again).
I cannot grade this as a story, for what I believe it to be is the description of one scene, over a short period of time. An descriptive essay is what you have wirtten, and strictly speaking, it cannot be considered prose (which s why you got -4?)
What you have wirtten sorely lacks plot, character development, and even the ending was not satisfactory, by comparing it with other parts of your writing.
Since you have already begun down on the path of simple description, brush up upon it (it needs at least around 200 more words) to make it a more viable description of the scene. Add a clear contrast of feelings before and after the male lead meets the female, and abuse the third-person writing format: talk about the female lead's thoughts as well.
You have a decent and unqiue writing style, and I could 'borrow' a few of those methods you have used as well. However, if the main substance of prose is not there, at least make the description superb.
(Hope I did not troll or hurt you or anything like that XDXD)
I cannot grade this as a story, for what I believe it to be is the description of one scene, over a short period of time. An descriptive essay is what you have wirtten, and strictly speaking, it cannot be considered prose (which s why you got -4?)
What you have wirtten sorely lacks plot, character development, and even the ending was not satisfactory, by comparing it with other parts of your writing.
Since you have already begun down on the path of simple description, brush up upon it (it needs at least around 200 more words) to make it a more viable description of the scene. Add a clear contrast of feelings before and after the male lead meets the female, and abuse the third-person writing format: talk about the female lead's thoughts as well.
You have a decent and unqiue writing style, and I could 'borrow' a few of those methods you have used as well. However, if the main substance of prose is not there, at least make the description superb.
(Hope I did not troll or hurt you or anything like that XDXD)