War Captives
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I just want to put this out there before you start reading, this is a very very very dirty sex story and also really dark, if you don't like that kind of material, the back button is to the upper left. Were talking rape, death, violence..... lol sorry when I write at 3 AM crazy shit tends to turn up on the document and I'll be like "WTF did I just write?" when reading it the next morning ;)
Okay cool now that we have eliminate the sensitive ppls lets begin. :D
The burning of a defenseless village, that about sums up the setting. There is no such thing as a civilian in this war, and today are story opens on a young 16 year old girl, who will see and live more then a thousand humans ever should. I will not give away anymore, I welcome you to, War Captives.
1-Tragedy-
oooookay.. so thats what I've got so far on this one. Am I going to far? or not far enough? (evil laugh)
I will continue to add chapters to this upon request, tell me what you think:
Okay cool now that we have eliminate the sensitive ppls lets begin. :D
The burning of a defenseless village, that about sums up the setting. There is no such thing as a civilian in this war, and today are story opens on a young 16 year old girl, who will see and live more then a thousand humans ever should. I will not give away anymore, I welcome you to, War Captives.
1-Tragedy-
Spoiler:
oooookay.. so thats what I've got so far on this one. Am I going to far? or not far enough? (evil laugh)
I will continue to add chapters to this upon request, tell me what you think:
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Problems I noticed:
Some sentence structure was off.
Logic problem: You don't need to take your clothes off to run away from a fire.
Could've used better description, and felt rushed at time.
Paragraphs should be seperated by a blank line.
A bit too short.
That's really allI could notice though,it was pretty good for a start.
Some sentence structure was off.
Logic problem: You don't need to take your clothes off to run away from a fire.
Could've used better description, and felt rushed at time.
Paragraphs should be seperated by a blank line.
A bit too short.
That's really allI could notice though,it was pretty good for a start.
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Quadratic wrote...
Problems I noticed:Some sentence structure was off.
Logic problem: You don't need to take your clothes off to run away from a fire.
Could've used better description, and felt rushed at time.
Paragraphs should be seperated by a blank line.
A bit too short.
That's really allI could notice though,it was pretty good for a start.
well that's also my opinion of this 3_3
and quad, ur new pic is.... um............ >3>"
wow....
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Quadratic wrote...
Problems I noticed:Some sentence structure was off.
Logic problem: You don't need to take your clothes off to run away from a fire.
Could've used better description, and felt rushed at time.
Paragraphs should be seperated by a blank line.
A bit too short.
That's really allI could notice though,it was pretty good for a start.
1- your right, I need to edit this a bit
2- To avoid your clothes catching on fire? does that make no sense?
3- Probably, I will fill the gaps
4- If a line is blank then its not a line
5- This is only chapter 1
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Girlfountain wrote...
Quadratic wrote...
Problems I noticed:Some sentence structure was off.
Logic problem: You don't need to take your clothes off to run away from a fire.
Could've used better description, and felt rushed at time.
Paragraphs should be seperated by a blank line.
A bit too short.
That's really allI could notice though,it was pretty good for a start.
1- your right, I need to edit this a bit
2- To avoid your clothes catching on fire? does that make no sense?
3- Probably, I will fill the gaps
4- If a line is blank then its not a line
5- This is only chapter 1
The clothes catching on fire bit would work, if you went into more detail about the fire.
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Quadratic wrote...
Girlfountain wrote...
Quadratic wrote...
Problems I noticed:Some sentence structure was off.
Logic problem: You don't need to take your clothes off to run away from a fire.
Could've used better description, and felt rushed at time.
Paragraphs should be seperated by a blank line.
A bit too short.
That's really allI could notice though,it was pretty good for a start.
1- your right, I need to edit this a bit
2- To avoid your clothes catching on fire? does that make no sense?
3- Probably, I will fill the gaps
4- If a line is blank then its not a line
5- This is only chapter 1
The clothes catching on fire bit would work, if you went into more detail about the fire.
Im not to sure what you mean about that... the village is being burned down, what do I add more lol
Also I might make this double spaced, tell me if that would help