The Christmas Portal
I was looking forward to the day ahead. A relaxing Christmas afternoon, and the time to enjoy another holiday’s worth of new loot. Gifts from other people always had the potential to be disappointing. A poncho from grandma. Gift cards to useless stores from aunts and uncles. That sort of thing. A gift from myself to myself however… That was always sure to be a hit.
This year it was a brand new top of the line VR headset. My old one had been creaking and groaning from overuse, but now I’d be able to spend all day in higher resolution, higher framerate bliss. For games you understand. I would never use my headset to consume any content of an unsavory nature. Christmas is the best holiday. Guilt free self gifting.
Strapping on the set, I knew at once that something wasn’t right. Disorientation meant it took a second to figure out what. I was seeing my own bedroom, somehow projected through the headset displays. That wasn’t the strangest thing though. On my floor a few feet away sat a pulsating ring of red and green lights. The… hole disappeared as soon as I pulled off my headset, but it was back and as bright as before in VR. I’m sure you can understand why I was more than a little freaked out. Was it perhaps a Christmas easter egg? But how--
Gripped by curiosity, my feet had several steps closer. Some kind of white powder was blowing in through the hole. As I leaned to peer through, vertigo grasped both mind and body. Falling through gusts of frigid air, I lost consciousness for a moment.
Cold lucidity returned as my body reacted to the change in temperature. I was lying face down in a huge pile of snow as a raging blizzard blasted icy particles across the sky. My normal indoor clothes immediately felt like inadequate rags. Staggering to my feet, I looked around. Apart from some vague shapes in the distance there was nothing to be seen. That was what I thought at first, but a few seconds later a humanoid form began to materialize out of the blizzard.
The newcomer was very short, with a thin frame, and clad in a coat of red and green with fluffy white trim. He also had exceptionally pointy ears. I tried to control my shivering enough to form words. “Who, who are you?”
“Me? You’re the one who’s got some explaining to do. This is a Class 4 restricted area y’know. Did you think you’d just be able to sneak in now that the rush is over?” The cold was so bitter I already had both arms wrapped around myself. The stranger wore a floppy pointed hat in addition to his coat. Envy only made me colder.
“I don’t know… I didn’t sneak anywhere. There was a hole in VR, and I…” Reaching up to remove the headset, it was nowhere to be found; on my face or otherwise. Mind reeling, my shoulders hunched lower. “Where the hell is this?” The little man seemed not to have the least concern for my well being as he raised what looked like a block of fudge with a candy cane stuck in one end to his mouth.
“Come in HQ. This is patrol ID #6283 on route delta. I’ve got some sort of intruder here who appears to be disoriented.” A crackly voice came from the fudge, and I noticed a few small gumdrops stuck to the unit’s side. “Roger that HQ. There’s a chance he could turn violent. Requesting backup before I proceed.” He looked at me. “Don’t make any sudden movements. Are you carrying any weapons?”
“What? No. I don’t even know how I got here.” In the next few minutes of waiting, he did not respond before another identical looking man appeared out of the blizzard. The two of them motioned for me to walk ahead of them towards the structures I could see in the distance.
After a minute of walking, visibility improved, and I could make out several ramshackle buildings constructed of some light brown material. My captors, impatient and surly, shoved me onward. Feet cold and sluggish in the snow, I stumbled to the doors with the last of my strength. Flashing green and red lights cast a piercing glare across my face as the gates rattled open.
At least it was warmer inside. The bleak hallway was lit only by multicolored strings of lights along the upper corners, and had light brown walls that looked like cardboard. Weakened from our trek through the snow, I staggered, leaning against one wall for a few seconds. The texture reminded me of graham crackers.
My captors led me to a small cell; disappearing after locking me inside. Once they were gone, I grabbed hold of the candy cane bars, but they were thick as Christmas tree trunks and would not yield. Slumped in one corner, I could only wait.
It was about half an hour later when some guards returned to lead me away. They looked so similar to the first two that I couldn’t tell whether they were a different pair or not. I ended up in a cramped room with a bare table. The floor was tiled with little cinnamon candies. After I sat, another elf -- much more rotund if just as short -- entered through a back door. I was directed to sit opposite him at the table before the elf official cleared his throat. His hat held a golden tassel on its tip.
“So, you were caught trying to infiltrate the facility's environs. What do you have to say for yourself?” Throat parched, it took me a moment to find my voice.
“Listen, I don’t know what any of this is about. One moment I was in my bedroom, and the next there was this strange glowing hole on my floor. I fell in and ended up outside here.” He frowned.
“A hole? That led here? You realize how outlandish that is, and how suspicious your story makes you sound? Anyone would think that you chose this moment to try and sneak in here. Are you saying it’s coincidental that you showed up right after the big day? While half the staff are sleeping off a hangover?”
“The big day?”
“Right after Christmas! One of the only times each year when we get to relax for a while.”
“Like I said, I didn’t mean to end up here, honestly. If there’s any way you can just send me back, this whole situation can be sorted out.” The officer considered me.
“This hole that you mentioned. What did it look like?”
“It was, um… circular, and it had red and green lights around the rim.”
“And this portal showed up without warning?”
“That’s right.” The officer gestured over one of his subordinates; whispering in the elf’s ear. He turned back to me.
“We’re going to discuss your situation. You’ll wait in the adjacent room.” He indicated a side door, as one of the guards came to pull me upright. Herded into the small space that appeared to be for storage, the door was soon slammed shut behind me. Sitting on the floor, I wasn’t sure whether to be hopeful or despondent. My thoughts turned to potential means of escape.
The room didn’t contain much, but I noticed a few boxes and a ventilation duct up near the ceiling. It might just be crazy enough to work. Moving the boxes as quietly as possible, I climbed up to the vent. The grille covering it was made of interwoven pine twigs. The smelled great, but had to go. Yanking the twig cover away there was just enough room for me to squeeze into the duct. It led back above the interrogation room’s ceiling; I’d have to be careful.
Shuffling elbows and knees bit by bit, I made my way forward. Above the room, I could catch snatches of their conversation. “...telling the truth?”
“One of the portals got misconfigured?”
“We might have to report this to SC.”
“I don’t want to be the one to tell him.”
Portals. That must be how he did it each year. There’d be no other way to visit all those houses in one night. Reaching a hallway at least fifty feet away, I tried to listen and peer through the vent cover to detect any guards.
High pitched shouts came from the rooms and halls behind me. They must have discovered my escape. Pushing at the vent cover, I managed to clamber out into a narrow hallway. This area obviously seemed like a disused part of the facility. The graham cracker walls had bits nibbled out here and there, and I saw a few piles of shabby tinsel in darkened corners.
Running to the nearest door, I found it was stuck and wouldn’t budge. Rushing onward, a sign caught my eye. One door held a plaque that read †˜Decommissioned Portals’. Jiggling the handle told me it was locked as well, but it was then that I took a second look at the door itself. Solid and unyielding, I couldn’t figure out its material at first. With a deep breath, I took a lick.
Toffee. The doors were made of hard toffee. It might be my best chance. Backing up a bit, I raised my foot and lashed out, striking the door with my heel. There was a crunch which resounded down the hallway. I heard more shouts. Again my foot came up and struck out. Another crunch, but the door held. Sweat was beading on my forehead. A third assault did the trick; breaking open a hole that I reached through to grab the inside doorknob. Once through, I found the light switch and witnessed row upon row of pale gray hoops on lines of shelves. They hadn’t even been put away neatly, just haphazard piles gathering dust. Some were obviously damaged.
Heart pounding, I ran to the nearest pile. Touching one of the hoops made it blaze to life in UV purple. It went dark in a shower of sparks half a second later. Another activated at my touch; appearing stable with the lurid red and green that I had seen before. That was when I heard feet in the hallway outside. The portal’s center was dark and murky as I whacked the side hoping for some change. Nothing.
Maybe it was voice activated. “Take me to my bedroom.” Miraculously, the center shimmered before showing me just that familiar sight.
“Stop right there!” I whirled as several elves burst through the doorway. Looking downright murderous, three of them held slingshots at the ready; loaded with chunks of broken glass Christmas ornaments. “Don’t try anything stupid!” The biggest one shouted. “That portal could tear you apart in an instant.”
I am not a very brave person, and thus it was fear rather than courage that made me fling myself backwards through the portal and hope for the best. It worked, though a shower of sparks sprayed outward as I made my escape and the unit overloaded. There was more vertigo, but a moment later I was gazing at my familiar walls and ceiling.
There was no portal in sight, and thankfully no murderous elves. My VR headset lay on the floor just out of reach. Rolling away from it, I sat upright. A deep breath. “Maybe I’ll just… go outside for a bit.” It was a worthwhile idea, but the cold gave me second thoughts. In the end, my day concluded with a much needed, long, hot bath.
