[Winter Contest Entry 2022] Untitled
2
I'm happy that I actually managed to write something this year! I hope you enjoy and have a happy new year. :)
Untitled
I realized some time ago, that I was born to be alone.
I woke up in a haze to the sound of my alarm tone, and though it attempted to sound calming and serene, I was only alarmed by it. I swiftly pulled my hand to my phone to turn it off and then put all my mental exertion towards lifting my body up to the side of my bed. Another day had arrived it seemed, was I ready for it? Regardless of my readiness to accept this day, I reminded myself with a sigh that I would have to live through it anyway. And so I got up. I wondered to myself if this was all morning could ever be to me.
The wind caressed me with it’s cold touch, reminding me of the winter. I felt the vibrations of the road through the stiff tires and rigid frame of my bike. I was merely rolling towards where I needed to be, but the road was carrying me, allowing my mind to remain in it’s morning haze. My heart would quietly sing it’s painful song to me, but I tried not to take it for what it was saying, merely trying to ease it. “When I get into it and everything starts, you will calm and things will be fine again for a time” I thought to myself. As I arrived I felt a serene sense of calm and focus to the air around me, I’m here because I chose to be and because it’s right for me.
As I walked into the workspace, I saw the faces of my fellow humans around me, greetings exchanged casually and habitually. Perhaps they could be considered friends, some of them, I was not too sure yet. When does one become a friend? The thought resonated for a short while, but then evaporated into the sphere of thoughts that I’ve had. A feeling of slight discomfort materialized in my stomach, but I just shrugged it off, it was not useful now. As I found myself at my own workspace I sat down and took a quick glance at it. Everything was in it’s right place, stacked correctly and placed so that I could do the work. I slowly and habitually started the work. I slowly forgot everything else as I dove into it. Meanwhile I could feel the presence of my coworkers around me. But as I focused on the task at hand, it all just became a distant haze. I sneezed, then I went into a dream.
Surrounded by sandy landscapes and wavy patterns, small hills of sand piling up and down. I looked around. In front me was a once full reservoir of water, now dried out and gone. It’s almost like it couldn’t wait to evaporate into nothingness, leaving the ground around it dry and unfit for life. The small bit of grass that had grown around it, now withered to a dark pale brown, covered in dust of sand. In the distance I sensed a figure, only their silhouette was visible to me. A sense of desperation came over me, I called for them, but was met with no response. I began running towards it as my heart clenched, but they were walking away from me. And though I was running and they were walking, I could not get closer. I stopped and fell to my knees, I couldn’t get back up, my whole body was pulled down. It was dark and everything was heavy, but I couldn’t let go of it, though it was pulling me down. “Hey I think it’s time for lunch?”, I snapped out of the dream.
I was laying on my bed, felt like it had been a long day. “Got a lot of work done” I thought to myself. I had to sleep soon, had lots of work to do the next day as well after all. But the night began to feel heavy on my mind. I felt how empty my room was. I got up to take a smoke, opened the window and looked out as I lit up. The stars were once again visible that night. They were beautiful, shining brightly on the black canvas of the night. The stars, the moon, they were slowly passing me by. “Am I happy?”. As I finished my smoke I went back to bed, and fell into unconsciousness.
I woke up in a haze to the sound of my alarm tone, another day had arrived. I thought to myself “I realized some time ago, that I was born to be alone”.
Untitled
I realized some time ago, that I was born to be alone.
I woke up in a haze to the sound of my alarm tone, and though it attempted to sound calming and serene, I was only alarmed by it. I swiftly pulled my hand to my phone to turn it off and then put all my mental exertion towards lifting my body up to the side of my bed. Another day had arrived it seemed, was I ready for it? Regardless of my readiness to accept this day, I reminded myself with a sigh that I would have to live through it anyway. And so I got up. I wondered to myself if this was all morning could ever be to me.
The wind caressed me with it’s cold touch, reminding me of the winter. I felt the vibrations of the road through the stiff tires and rigid frame of my bike. I was merely rolling towards where I needed to be, but the road was carrying me, allowing my mind to remain in it’s morning haze. My heart would quietly sing it’s painful song to me, but I tried not to take it for what it was saying, merely trying to ease it. “When I get into it and everything starts, you will calm and things will be fine again for a time” I thought to myself. As I arrived I felt a serene sense of calm and focus to the air around me, I’m here because I chose to be and because it’s right for me.
As I walked into the workspace, I saw the faces of my fellow humans around me, greetings exchanged casually and habitually. Perhaps they could be considered friends, some of them, I was not too sure yet. When does one become a friend? The thought resonated for a short while, but then evaporated into the sphere of thoughts that I’ve had. A feeling of slight discomfort materialized in my stomach, but I just shrugged it off, it was not useful now. As I found myself at my own workspace I sat down and took a quick glance at it. Everything was in it’s right place, stacked correctly and placed so that I could do the work. I slowly and habitually started the work. I slowly forgot everything else as I dove into it. Meanwhile I could feel the presence of my coworkers around me. But as I focused on the task at hand, it all just became a distant haze. I sneezed, then I went into a dream.
Surrounded by sandy landscapes and wavy patterns, small hills of sand piling up and down. I looked around. In front me was a once full reservoir of water, now dried out and gone. It’s almost like it couldn’t wait to evaporate into nothingness, leaving the ground around it dry and unfit for life. The small bit of grass that had grown around it, now withered to a dark pale brown, covered in dust of sand. In the distance I sensed a figure, only their silhouette was visible to me. A sense of desperation came over me, I called for them, but was met with no response. I began running towards it as my heart clenched, but they were walking away from me. And though I was running and they were walking, I could not get closer. I stopped and fell to my knees, I couldn’t get back up, my whole body was pulled down. It was dark and everything was heavy, but I couldn’t let go of it, though it was pulling me down. “Hey I think it’s time for lunch?”, I snapped out of the dream.
I was laying on my bed, felt like it had been a long day. “Got a lot of work done” I thought to myself. I had to sleep soon, had lots of work to do the next day as well after all. But the night began to feel heavy on my mind. I felt how empty my room was. I got up to take a smoke, opened the window and looked out as I lit up. The stars were once again visible that night. They were beautiful, shining brightly on the black canvas of the night. The stars, the moon, they were slowly passing me by. “Am I happy?”. As I finished my smoke I went back to bed, and fell into unconsciousness.
I woke up in a haze to the sound of my alarm tone, another day had arrived. I thought to myself “I realized some time ago, that I was born to be alone”.
3
A fairly somber story. I think there was a bit of a jump between the paragraph about the dream and the one after that. Not bad overall.
2
Xenon
FAKKU Writer
I tend to enjoy stories that lend a bit towards a sense of introspection. Internal monologues, thought processes, etc. It helps me as the reader to get into the mind of the character, and with this piece I feel that you did a good job of establishing that internal conflict the main character has within themselves when they're merely going about a standard day's beginning to end. It is a bit melancholic, but hopefully with drive, ambition, and desire, this character will be able to find the companionship they desperately seek. I think that is a feeling that is very easy for the average reader to relate to. I found it fun to imagine the environment of the dream, or vision perhaps, and its abstact properties, wondering the symbolism of it all. Does the reservoir lost to drought represent the character's mental strength? Does the dying grass represent their waning will? Does the silhouetted figure represent the companion they desire? Does their body being pulled down represent forces outside their control holding them back? I think there is a lot of meaning one could derive from it all, and it shows the uniqueness of their struggle. I can only hope that they will overcome it and that the struggle would have been worthwhile in the end. Excellent work on this entry this year. It was a pleasure to read.
One suggestion for literary improvement is to examine your use of possessives vs. contractions when it comes to the word "its" or "it's":
I feel that a lot of people easily make this mistake because it's simple to assume that when possession is intended, one should attach an aposthrophe like they would to a name or subject. For example, "Here is Zubaru." "Here is Zubaru's entry to the winter contest." When it comes to possessive pronouns, they never use apostrophes to indicate possession: its, yours, ours, hers, his, etc. "It's" is quite special in establishing this minconception, because it is solely to be used as a contraction. It is always a stand-in for "it is." So, an easy way to know which one you should use is if the sentence does not sound like it makes sense by substituting "it is." From the example above: "The wind caressed me with it is cold touch." "My heart would quietly sing it is painful song." Of course, this reads incorrectly. Thus, we can naturally come to remove the apostrophe, as a contraction is not correct for these sentences. However, to quote a later sentence: "It’s almost like it couldn’t wait to evaporate into nothingness," "It is almost like it couldn't wait to evaporate into nothingness," the "it is" sounds appropriate, and so a contraction is the intended tool with that case. Your writing is pretty strong, so I hope that this will aid you to make it even stronger in the future. Once again, well done with your entry.
One suggestion for literary improvement is to examine your use of possessives vs. contractions when it comes to the word "its" or "it's":
ZubaruMidori wrote...
The wind caressed me with it’s cold touch, reminding me of the winter. I felt the vibrations of the road through the stiff tires and rigid frame of my bike. I was merely rolling towards where I needed to be, but the road was carrying me, allowing my mind to remain in it’s morning haze. My heart would quietly sing it’s painful song to me, but I tried not to take it for what it was saying, merely trying to ease it.I feel that a lot of people easily make this mistake because it's simple to assume that when possession is intended, one should attach an aposthrophe like they would to a name or subject. For example, "Here is Zubaru." "Here is Zubaru's entry to the winter contest." When it comes to possessive pronouns, they never use apostrophes to indicate possession: its, yours, ours, hers, his, etc. "It's" is quite special in establishing this minconception, because it is solely to be used as a contraction. It is always a stand-in for "it is." So, an easy way to know which one you should use is if the sentence does not sound like it makes sense by substituting "it is." From the example above: "The wind caressed me with it is cold touch." "My heart would quietly sing it is painful song." Of course, this reads incorrectly. Thus, we can naturally come to remove the apostrophe, as a contraction is not correct for these sentences. However, to quote a later sentence: "It’s almost like it couldn’t wait to evaporate into nothingness," "It is almost like it couldn't wait to evaporate into nothingness," the "it is" sounds appropriate, and so a contraction is the intended tool with that case. Your writing is pretty strong, so I hope that this will aid you to make it even stronger in the future. Once again, well done with your entry.
2
xninebreaker
FAKKU Writer
The 'cycle' theme is strong here. The story felt rather monotone, but if we consider the mc stuck in an also monotone cycle, then we could consider it rather fitting. Solid entry even if it is a bit melancholy.
3
I felt the routine, and I completely disliked that. I don’t mean as in this story was bad or that I hated it. In fact, my opinions of it are quite the opposite. I disliked how routine it felt because I was able to connect with it so well. It might just be for me, but being able to relate to a story so strongly really rings with me. For the most part, I love where I am in life, but there are times where I question what I have. Do I deserve what I have? Did I earn? Do I deserve more? Less? These are questions that hit me particularly hard on exceptionally rough days at work. Once I ask them, the next several days feel a bit like a routine that I repeat regardless of whether I enjoy it or not.
I can’t say objectively if this was a great story, but I can say subjectively that it was a great story to me.
I can’t say objectively if this was a great story, but I can say subjectively that it was a great story to me.