Young Love! (Summer Contest '12) (720 words 3555 characters)

I was young and so full of life, all I could think about was having fun and drinking not a care in the world. Life was good...

I got off the plain thinking to myself "finally school is behind me". The island was humid but it felt great and I was enticed by the beautiful women I saw on the beach. Then my friend gave me a nudge getting me back to my senses, he said to me "stare hard enough and they'll burst into flame." I was flushed because I knew the flight attendants had heard his remark.

We got up to the receptionists desk at our hotel, and got a complementary meal for two at the restaurant in the hotel (they may have thought we were a couple I think). We got unpacked and headed straight for the beach, my friend jumped straight into the surf, I set up a place to sit down in the sun. I was putting up an umbrella when I saw a girl and she was without a doubt the prettiest girl I had seen (pardon the cliche). I was shy to talk to walk up to her and I when I finally did say "hi" I got the shivers and couldn't say anything else I looked like an idiot. She finally said to me "well it was nice meeting you, maybe we can continue this tomorrow".

My friend finally came in from swimming and we both went to the bar at the hotel and got some liquid courage in our systems and decided to start singing karaoke (it wasn't a karaoke bar). We wecre finally cut off and had to crawl our way to our bedroom. I still had that girl in the back of my mind and I knew I couldn't talk to her, then I remembered I could go on my favorite website and go to their "Love, Romance, and Relationships" section. I made a thread explaining everything and my awkward shyness, then I went to bed.

When I woke up I checked to see if I had any replies in my thread, most replies were "just rape her", pretty much immature and responses. I saw a few that told me to explain my shyness, "it will be done" I thought. We got down to the beach and of course my friend ran straight into the water (boy loved his water). I saw her across a few umbrellas and I finally walked up to her, she was also there with friends and they both looked at me and chuckled. I went bright red and was sure they had talked about me, I finally asked to talk to her and explained that because she was so pretty I was tongue twisted the other day and I asked her out, the complimentary meal in the back of my mind. She turned to her friend and you could tell they were talking telepathically. She turned to me and said "I'd love to!" we settled on a time and I told her to come to the hotel.

I was dressed to impress, my friend was making fun of me about "love in the air". I went to the restaurant and waited for her to come, and I kept waiting and when I was about to leave she stepped in and my jaw dropped. I was in love. I asked her if she had trouble finding the place and she said "no, I have been outside for a while, I also really like you and got nervous". I was shocked and giddy. The date went well and I learned a lot about her.

The plane was boarding and me and my friend knew we were going to miss the island, he had a romantic encounter with my dream girls friend (we can discuss that later). I was going to miss that girl, then I looked up from my skymall, and there she was and she sat right next to me across the isle. I knew we were going to get off at the same place, and we did. Two years later we were engaged and having a double wedding with our best friend.

Love was in the air that vacation and it still is. I can't wait for our kids to become best friends as well.

Basic but I don't by any means intend that in a negative way. Love stories don't need to be some kind of time-and-space-bridging story of a bond forged in some ridiculous crucible. It can just as easily be two people with chemistry and just the right amount of shyness (oh and a pinch of luck at the end there on the plane).

The writing was also informal enough that the 4th wall breaks that popped up along the way were not only A-OK, but they added a splash of comedy. Prime example was "boy loved his water".

I am going to probably continue this story with a more detailed aspect, also go into detail on the "friends" love interest.

I agree with the first comment that the plot and the transitions were fast. Are you in a hurry when you were writing this? The shifting from a situation from another is so quick. You must've inserted a moment where the readers can relax and contemplate after an event; let them chew and digest whatever you're giving 'em.

Also, to give us more of what the protagonist feels, you should have described the girl in the story even more (more details on her appearance, her attitude, etc.)

Also, with hundreds of remaining words? I'm sure you can do a lot with that.
Good Luck!

I could add more, but I wasn't sure the word count also I was pretty tired.

Actually, I agree that you should add to this. The story, while the central events are solid, they could use some more detail. For example, you say that they went on a date, but why not describe it? The same can be said for other events, but that's the one that stuck out the most.