Afraid of school shootings?

Do you have a child or close friend in school? Isn't nerve-wracking to send off your loved one off everyday when school shootings and other violence are becoming rampant throughout our nation? Well fear no more! Hi, I'm Billy Mays, and I'm here to sell you a BULLETPROOF BLANKET for your loved ones! These amazing things offer protection for your loved one in the case of a tornado OR a shooting. All your loved one has to do is just lay down on the floor like the useless meatbag he or she is and curl up under the blanket. Order now for a limted discount for two measly payments of $500 (plus sh/h).



But wait, there's more! Order within the next FIVE MINUTES and you'll recieve the deluxe editiom free! These blankets also have cup-holders and an A.M./F.M. radio. What are you waiting for? Order now! Just call 1800-123-R E T A R D or visit this article for more information. Order now!

So dumb you made it twice.

How bout i sell you a permanent bulletproof condom, so that you wont ever reproduce and have hunchback trolls help you create more dumb threads.

Buy me a new hdd or a better phone then uncle freaky.

Bullet proof blanket.... I can actually see some demand for that amongst the soldiers in a warzone.