I'm calling it quits

I turn 28 next week, I've never had a girlfriend, and I don't intend to in the future (like I had a chance) and the small city I live in is mainly filled with old people, druggies, bums, and the mentally ill. Hopefully my tax return in the next few months is pretty good, and I'm gonna go buy me a sex doll, because why the hell not?

Even though I didn't lose my virginity, at least I collected these accolades.

- Made out with a cute neighbourhood girl when I was 8
- Had my prepubescent dick inside a prepubescent vagina, I think I was 10 or 11
(I don't count this as losing my virginity because all we did was stay stuck together, plus my balls couldn't produce jizz yet).

Doesn't Canada have escorts?

Are escorts even legal?

Wiki said you can't pay for sex but she can sell her body for money... so maybe.

2 more years and you become a wizard

Hopefully I gain magical powers then.

Masterly of the quick fap.
Macgyvery of sex toys
Creepshot telekinesis

I do believe they are, since I've seen them advertised in the paper (a few years ago before I completely distrusted the mainstream media).
Look it up but I am positive it is.

I know I've read stories about 'massage parlors' that were in Canada. So if it isn't legal, nothing is really done about it.

This was a few years back, so I dunno though. I think it was set up where you can't technically pay them for it, but you can 'tip' them and they can perform the service without it being illegal or something.

I should probably start looking to get laid, it's been a while.
Problem is over the years of people I trust mistreating me, I've developed a dislike of people.
Predicaments.