Lost a cucumber up my girl's ass today...

My girlfriend is always complaining that my penis is too small for her, like we'd be fuking and she'd be like "i dont even feel anything we should break up". Now i love her dearly and i cannot lose her, she is a legit 6/10 and shes the best ive ever had, shes so hot that i usually ejaculate in her within 40, sometimes up to 50 seconds.

But i know i cannot satisfy her anymore and when were in public she starts to drift off and talk to other guys while touching their arms. This hurts my feelings a lot and ive mentioned this to her before but she just says "dont worry about it", well earlier today we were both shopping for some food when i saw an abnormally large cucumber, maybe 6 inches long...just massive.

When i finally pulled my girlfriend away from his other dude she was talking to i began to point to this cucumber that ive got in my cart...she started laughing and saying how she wishes my penis was atleast as big as that, then the guy she was flirting with in the store overheard this and began to laugh. But my goal tonight was to prove her wrong, when we got home i washed and hid this cucumber away and i went for my daily girlfriend hug but when i got close to her she cringed and brushed me off.

I want her to love me so bad though and none of my family knows because she is my second cousin but only related by marriage. So anyway were in bed now just watching tv when i pull the cucumber out and smack her in the thigh with it, shes was like "wut the hell" but kind of in a playful tone, i dont want to get her mad because shes kinda aggressive.

So im like "honey i know i cant satisfy u with my 3 incher but i know this cucumber can make u just as happy, let me pleasure u with it please i just want to watching something inside u since u wouldnt let me have sex in a month". She kind of rolled her eyes, got naked and she turned around, her butt smelled kind of bad but thats because shes on no shower for the last week, whatever.

I opened up her buttcheeks and cleared out the toilet paper pieces and began to lick her ass to get her wet, she made noises kind of like "mhmm mmm" next thing i know this cucumber is all the way in and shes moaning pretty hard, the cucumber is getting brown and shes squirming hard, omg i cant believe im finally pleasuring my girlfriend, so this is wut it feels like to be a alpha male with a cucumber size cock.

Shes yelling "omg deeper deeper it feels so gooooooddd!" So im like ya baby! take this cock! im jamming this thing in her hard when it gets slippery from all the feces particles and i lose control and the cucumber disappears! FUK! Now shes gonna break up with me for sure! She asks me why i stop and i said "i dont know how to tell u this but i lost control, the cucumber is inside u and ur gonna have to push it out!" She starts freaking out and running around the room, so im like honey lets pretend that this is our child and u have to push him out!

She starts to cry and yell at me saying how im the worst decision of her life and then she gets into a squat position and begins to strain hard and her head and thigh veins become visible and she screams at the top of her lungs and this cucumber falls out! her poo hits my face but anyway yes success! I wash it off and eat it, cant let food go to waste there are children starving in the world.

Pic related, also the best girl.

8/8 fairly accurate.

I'm 6 inches limp.

She supposedly masturbates in public with a cucumber.

Yes.

Who is this urethra usurper, and where is she from?

tl;dr

>gf

it's like these guys are serious

It's not the him having a girlfriend part I find hard to believe, or even that she's unsatisfied with their sex life...

It's the fact that, despite everything, she let him fist her with a fucking vegetable.

Now that's where I call bullshit.

Also call bullshit on him eating her shit without puking.

I couldn't even give my ex normal oral without gagging.

And she had 'okay' hygiene.

If its any consolation, my ex was a whale.

@sneakyone pls respond

She is from Shimoneta, its airing this season, pretty funny too, you guys should watch it.

Fuwa Hyouka from that Shimoneta to Iu Gainen ga Sonzai blah blah I think Tak linked the manga a while ago. The one about Japan hating perverted stuff so no one knows about sex and a girl wears panties on her face to rebel. They made an anime this season.

Bodymelting. I just watched it.

I lol'd

fucking on it now, thanks bruh

Shimoneta is probably the worst anime of this season so far.

Actually that goes to Bikini Warriors. I'm still watching them

I've seen the first episode and read a bit of the first chapter of Shimoneta. I can't imagine the latter being the worst because Bikini Warriors exists, and it's not even trying to be anything other than pandering. At least Shimoneta tries to bill itself as a comedy.