Am I the mistress?
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Hello FAKKU! currently I have met someone that i really like, lets call her Jane. Jane and I had numerous classes together last semester and we grew really close. One day Jane and I went out to enjoy the night visiting numerous bars. That same night Jane invited me into her house and we ended up having sex. At the time i did not know what to make of it (one night stand/relationship?) and could not muster the courage to ask. One week later I officially asked her out and she declined saying that she had recently starting seeing someone. It hit me pretty hard since I really enjoyed Jane's company. Since Jane and I were in the same classes I attempted to not make things awkward and succeeded. One day after studying we went out to the bar for drinks. At this time we talked about each other. Jane confessed to me that she declined because in reality she really did start seeing someone and was not a lie to simply make it easier to reject me. Turns out if I would have asked her out sooner Jane said we would be going out. After the bar closed I took Jane to a nearby park and we talked while she sat on my lap grinding really hard on me. I looked at Jane for a moment and it turns out she was pretending like she was not doing anything out of the ordinary. We end up making out at the park and once again Jane takes me to her house except this time we did not have sex and only made out. At this time I had already recovered from my unrequited love only to have them resurface. I really like Jane and would like to be more than friends. Jane is currently in a relationship but I do not know if things are going too well. Recently I invited Jane over to my house for Netflix. Jane said she would Love to do that, but that she currently was at her parents house and could not make the trip. I have set a date and Jane agreed. I do not know if I should make a move or just let things be. I feel like she is putting me on reserve and feel somewhat like a mistress. Fellow FAKKU! members what do you make of the situation I currently find myself in?
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Misaki_Chi
Fakku Nurse
You're the other person if she's in a relationship no matter how you try to spin it. Though she sounds pretty confused herself since she is in a relationship while fooling around with you. It's also selfish on her part to toy with both of you like this since she's basically getting her cake and eating it too. I would say do one of two things; if you like this girl and want more from her then just being the other person, you need to be very honest and direct about this. I will warn you though, since she is open about having a relationship and fooling around on the side could lead to trust issues. Even if you two did end up together you've seen she has the affinity to wander so you'd have to be open to the idea she could cheat on you or both have to learn to commit.
The other option would be to cut all ties and start fresh. Even if you were to use this solely for physical purposes, it's shitty to screw around with someone while their in a relationship. The other person doesn't deserve this and you don't either. Just because she's cool with this doesn't mean you should be too. This would only be fun for as long as it lasts.
In the end it's your decision what you want to do with all of this and honestly I would get out of this mess. I wouldn't feel regret for not dating her when you did, again you see she is more then content with doing things with you while having someone else in her life. If anything you could have been in the same predicament. Regardless of her reasons or feelings, there is no reason to have more then one person in your life unless you're in an open sort of relationship, but even those can be dramatic if handled poorly.
The other option would be to cut all ties and start fresh. Even if you were to use this solely for physical purposes, it's shitty to screw around with someone while their in a relationship. The other person doesn't deserve this and you don't either. Just because she's cool with this doesn't mean you should be too. This would only be fun for as long as it lasts.
In the end it's your decision what you want to do with all of this and honestly I would get out of this mess. I wouldn't feel regret for not dating her when you did, again you see she is more then content with doing things with you while having someone else in her life. If anything you could have been in the same predicament. Regardless of her reasons or feelings, there is no reason to have more then one person in your life unless you're in an open sort of relationship, but even those can be dramatic if handled poorly.
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Misaki_Chi wrote...
You're the other person if she's in a relationship no matter how you try to spin it. Though she sounds pretty confused herself since she is in a relationship while fooling around with you. It's also selfish on her part to toy with both of you like this since she's basically getting her cake and eating it too. I would say do one of two things; if you like this girl and want more from her then just being the other person, you need to be very honest and direct about this. I will warn you though, since she is open about having a relationship and fooling around on the side could lead to trust issues. Even if you two did end up together you've seen she has the affinity to wander so you'd have to be open to the idea she could cheat on you or both have to learn to commit.The other option would be to cut all ties and start fresh. Even if you were to use this solely for physical purposes, it's shitty to screw around with someone while their in a relationship. The other person doesn't deserve this and you don't either. Just because she's cool with this doesn't mean you should be too. This would only be fun for as long as it lasts.
In the end it's your decision what you want to do with all of this and honestly I would get out of this mess. I wouldn't feel regret for not dating her when you did, again you see she is more then content with doing things with you while having someone else in her life. If anything you could have been in the same predicament. Regardless of her reasons or feelings, there is no reason to have more then one person in your life unless you're in an open sort of relationship, but even those can be dramatic if handled poorly.
LOL yeah I feel shitty for what I am doing and you are right about the potential trust issues. Honestly speaking this is the first time I have slept with a woman that is currently in a relationship. It does not feel right and it is not the type of person I want to be.I guess I just tried to forget the fact that she was in a relationship to make myself feel better about what I am doing. I find it unfortunate that we have some classes together the following semester. Thank You for your concise response as it has given me a new way to look at the situation I find myself in.