Depression is treated as an illness, as if something's wrong with you, when it's just the natural state you reach when you bottle up your emotions for too long, or you feel as if some of the lies you're told about yourself are true.
I may only be 22, and some would say I'd have no reason to have developed depression, but if you bottled up every negative emotion for years, only releasing small fragments of them under extreme duress, then you're gonna have a bad time.
Doing this can lead to things that didn't used to set you off cause you to blow up at whoever's nearby, causing you to hate yourself for getting angry, but getting angry over how much you hate yourself, causing an infinite spiral of depression.
It ends up making you wonder why you exist, why you cause everyone you love so much pain and sorrow, why you haven't just ended their suffering by taking yourself out of the picture.
Yet, when you finally set your mind to do it, nothing happens.
The gun in your mouth jams after pulling the trigger, even after you cleaned it thoroughly and replaced the rounds.
The rope or branch snaps, even if it was brand new or previously holding something heavier than you.
You pass out before being able to strangle yourself.
Your blood coagulates before you can bleed out.
The sharpest knife you have can't pierce your sternum and the smallest can't fit between your ribs.
You ingest toxic chemicals and just end up with food poisoning.
You piss off three different kinds of deadly spiders, then become immune to their venom.
You try to die by every means you can think of, yet something always foils your plans.
I guess you could say I'm getting just what a monster like me deserves: my own living hell.
There's plenty of women who don't care if you're depressed, yet only a few are willing to truly listen, but if you're the type who believes doing so would only be a burden to them, then you can understand how a guy like me ends up losing every gal I fall for.
What's the point of letting someone love you, if all you're going to be is a burden, whether they disagree with you or not?
Pushing away those you love is hard, but letting them see the monster you truly are is even harder.
I know what I'm about to say is hypocritical, but, even though it's failed me in the past, it may help someone else.
You need to trust them enough to show your darker side.
Just believe that they'll accept all of you and love you for who you are, and you should be fine.