I can't read James Joyce anymore

ShaggyJebus · 2009-09-01T18:05:50+00:00

WARNING: THE CONTENT BELOW MAY MAKE YOU THROW UP. I AM NOT KIDDING. James Joyce, acclaimed author, at one point stays in Dublin while his wife is in Italy. While there, the two write love letters to one another. Except the letters aren't really about love. They're about fucking. Dirty, dirty fucking. This site has the letters: http://johnhamilton.us/2/jamesjoyceletters.htm Read them and forever ruin your image of James Joyce. The following are samples of some of the letters. " . . . my tongue licking ravenously up your rank red cunt." Spoiler:My love for you allows me to pray to the spirit of eternal beauty and tenderness mirrored in your eyes or fling you down under me on that softy belly of yours and fuck you up behind, like a hog riding a sow, glorying in the very stink and sweat that rises from your arse, glorying in the open shape of your upturned dress and white girlish drawers and in the confusion of your flushed cheeks and tangled hair. It allows me to burst into tears of pity and love at some slight word, to tremble with love for you at the sounding of some chord or cadence of music or to lie heads and tails with you feeling your fingers fondling and tickling my ballocks or stuck up in me behind and your hot lips sucking off my cock while my head is wedged in between your fat thighs, my hands clutching the round cushions of your bum and my tongue licking ravenously up your rank red cunt. I have taught you almost to swoon at the hearing of my voice singing or murmuring to your soul the passion and sorrow and mystery of life and at the same time have taught you to make filthy signs to me with your lips and tongue, to provoke me by obscene touches and noises, and even to do in my presence the most shameful and filthy act of the body. You remember the day you pulled up your clothes and let me lie under you looking up at you while you did it? Then you were ashamed even to meet my eyes. "The smallest things give me a great cockstand . . . " Spoiler:Have I shocked you by the dirty things I wrote to you? You think perhaps that my love is a filthy thing. It is, darling, at some moments. I dream of you in filthy poses sometimes. I imagine things so very dirty that I will not write them until I see how you write yourself. The smallest things give me a great cockstand - a whorish movement of your mouth, a little brown stain on the seat of your white drawers, a sudden dirty word spluttered out by your wet lips, a sudden immodest noise made by you behind and then a bad smell slowly curling up out of your backside. At such moments I feel mad to do it in some filthy way, to feel your hot lecherous lips sucking away at me, to fuck between your two rosy-tipped bubbies, to come on your face and squirt it over your hot cheeks and eyes, to stick it between the cheeks of your rump and bugger you. And, last but not least, " . . . fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside . . . " Spoiler:My sweet little whorish Nora I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways. Yes, now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. It was the dirtiest fucking I ever gave you, darling. My prick was stuck in you for hours, fucking in and out under your upturned rump. I felt your fat sweaty buttocks under my belly and saw your flushed face and mad eyes. At every fuck I gave you your shameless tongue came bursting out through your lips and if a gave you a bigger stronger fuck than usual, fat dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also. It gave me nightmares.

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Waar FAKKU Moderator

15 years ago

seems awfully weak willed to not be able to put something behind you and forget it...

neko-chan

15 years ago

Yeah I guess so... but every deals with that to a degree. You ever get a song stuck in your head? Well I got james joyce sex habits stuck in my head.

Waar FAKKU Moderator

15 years ago

neko-chan wrote...

Yeah I guess so... but every deals with that to a degree. You ever get a song stuck in your head? Well I got james joyce sex habits stuck in my head.

understandable, but in the same respect, that song can be forgotten pretty easily and i don't allow the song to affect my opinion or my daily life; only logic has that power over me.

neko-chan

15 years ago

I think james joyce love of sputtering farts will take longer, but it too will disapear into the depth of my mind. But that thought will be rekindled when I stumble upon what transpired it in the first place.

Remember that song "This is the song that never ends - it goes on and on my friends?" Yeah, some people started sing it not knowing what it was and now they continue sing it forever just because.

I stopped sing that song along time ago. But if I heard it today I would start singing it again. Heck, I'm sing it now.

Point being, despite ShaggyJebus attempt to be humorous, knowing such a thing about the author of a written work will still change your look upon the book. It may not deminish your respect for it, but it will change your perspective.

The Jesus

15 years ago

Everyone fucking farts and guys can tolerate pussy farts. Stop being fucking bitch and enjoy the sick mother fucker's literature.

lemiel

15 years ago

This is why I love Joyce

Black Jesus JC

15 years ago

The first 2 pages of this thread made me lol(literally. I swear to god i could not stop laughing). And then this thread started getting serious...and then the thread was ruined

I demand more fart jokes

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