Busybody's

I was watching this television show called "What Would You Do?" and it was a reality television show where they set up hidden cameras, and make a scene occur with actors and to see how the general public reacts. They don't do it just one time either, they'll do it again and again with different type of people as the actors to see if age/race/gender have anything to do with the reactions.

Some of them I thought to myself I would never be brave enough or think to step in and say something to stand up for the people, and some I was so emotionally distraught that I was bawling.

It made me wonder though, where the fine line of being a busybody and doing the right thing would cross each other.

One episode was a woman pulling her car on the side of the road and screaming at her kids to get out and to walk home because she was sick of them fighting and screaming in the car. People would rush over and tell her she can't do that to the kids and it was abuse and she should be ashamed of herself. The people literally made a barrier between the children and the mother. However, when the car was nicer, and the mother was dressed expensively the people still stopped to say something, but 10-20 feet away, not up in her face.

Then one that made me so emotionally upset was when an old woman was at the pharmacy counter and she was told her medication that she needed to survive was $140. She kept telling the pharmacist that there must be a mistake, that she only has $20 for her copay, that she's at the end of her social security that month and can't afford that. He tells her the insurance doesn't cover the medication anymore. Almost everyone stops and helps the woman out, even if it's just giving her $5 - however when it's a young woman who says she just lost her job, people aren't as courteous.

The one that made me think about how I wouldn't do anything was where they had a white woman, a black guy, and a white guy all trying to steal a bike by cutting the chains. I think by walking by if I saw somebody trying to break a chain to the bike in a park, I'd assume it was their bike and that they lost their key. I wouldn't automatically assume they were stealing it - so I'd be one of those people looking as they walk by.

I don't think I'd have the courage to tell somebody that they can't treat their kid that way - my mom LITERALLY did that to me and my brother before - she'd make it seem like we'd have to get out of the car, and we'd get so scared we'd stop what we were doing.

There was another episode where they had a woman, a black and white teenager, a threatening looking male, and a business man insulting a grocery bagger with down syndrome that he was retarded and shouldn't be working here. I most certainly would have said something.

It seems like the only time people say anything is when it emotionally reflects on them. I was offended because I work in retail, and I don't think you should treat somebody like that. I cried with the medication episode because my mom also struggles to buy her medication that she needs to survive, etc.

Are there any situations where you took it upon yourself to do something for somebody in need?

I'll spoiler mine so I don't make this post any longer than it already is.

sad story man i feel you.

about the medication part I think its cause everyone feels sad for an older person. Older people are more likely to get away with stuff, good or bad. but when it came to the younger person i think its because people feel a younger person still is able to fend for themselves.

About the crime thing, people don't want to have to stick around for the cops or risk their lives or etc. for other people when the even is not life or death.

Then again even if its life and death people still try not to get involved with crimes. (like that one about a good samaritan getting stabbed and no one called emergency)

I admit I typically ignore those situations. I often chuckle to myself when I see abusive parents in a store who are yelling or slapping their child(s) in front of everyone in the store. They apparently fail to realize that just one call to child services, with just a simple testimony of the caller claiming that they were being abusive, could be enough to get their child taken away from them, forever.

Abuse towards retarded people pains me though. I almost got in trouble because I stood up to a teacher about it in elementary school. We had a learning disabled person in my class. He was actually fairly smart, but he was horrible at reading. He was a very slow reader because he had to take his time to understand the words and then attempt to pronounce them. Well, one day we had a substitute teacher and he was having everyone take turns reading. Eventually he got to him and after about five minutes the teacher basically said 'Enough. I don't want to be waiting the whole class period just for you to read this single page."

I have no idea what came over me, but I stood up in the middle of class. I didn't know what I was going to say, but the sub knew what I was thinking. He basically called me out saying that I wasn't the teacher, he was, and that I should mind my own business.

Turns out someone must have said something about the situation because the next day I was called to the principal's office. I figured the teacher wrote me up over the situation, but instead the principal mentioned that someone complained to him about what happened with the teacher and that I was attempting to do the right thing, and that I wasn't in trouble. I'm guessing they refused to ever bring back that substitute too because I never saw him again.

I don't tend to care about this unless its like really bad. I mean people are too uptight about it nowadays. People cant tell the difference between discipline and abuse.

Another serious episode was a woman with makeup that she was clearly being physically abused walking into a restaurant clearly upset trying to hide it waiting for her so called boyfriend (who was also an actor) When she was white and dressed normally - people went up to her before the boyfriend got there, while he was yelling at her (quietly) at the table, and one big guy even stood up and pushed the actor back physically when he laid his arms on her.

When it was a black woman, people were hesitant, but when it got a little more physical they really stepped in (keep in mind the black guy looked like fucking Shaq - I'd be scared to confront him too)

But when the women were dressed in little dresses, and the men were dressed nicely and they were yelling at them how they were dressed and got emotionally and even grabbing, yelling at the girls - absolutely nobody did a thing.

It makes me wonder what I'd do, because I could be a moral crusader and say "Oh I would certainly step in" but I'm a 5 foot girl, standing up to a strong abusive male. A lot of other people said they were afraid to step in because they figured they'd make it worse at home for the girl.

Some others who said something to the guy that "There's a time and a place and now's not the time" as if doing it behind doors was okay.

From what you say, its more least likely for people to step in when the said person are wearing nice clothes. Got any ideas as to why? I can thing of reason why, but its all just speculation.

Like maybe they are afraind that the nicely dressed person will somehow get back at them. Maybe since its a nicely dressed person maybe the matter isnt as pressing as it would be with a person of less status. People always fear the worse due to speculation. Though at other times people just dont help at all.

It was actually very consistent with every situation. People are less likely to say something to a person better dressed then them because a sense of feeling under them.

It's easy to look down on somebody who you feel is beneath you and tell them to stop what they're doing, but it's difficult to tell somebody who has rank over you that what you're doing is wrong.

A psychologist was on the show talking about it on how people have a sense of 'fear' when it comes to uniforms or suits.

When a mother who was smoking with a car with scratches on it threw out her kids on the sidewalk - people were standing between her and the children that she was wrong and shouldn't have these kids.

But when the mother was in a high class SUV and in expensive clothing, they were 10-20 feet from her telling her off.

When teenagers were yelling at the person with down syndrome, they got really yelled at for it, but when a guy in a business suit was doing it, the person behind him was clearly upset, but only said 'yo man, I think you need to relax a bit' as he walked passed not wanting to have a confrontation.

I would think that I would tell the person off no matter the situation. Though I cant say until it actually happens. how about you?

If I were alone, no. I don't think I'd confront the man.
If I were out with Fpod and something like that went down, I'd talk to him on whether or not I should, I'd still be torn, because at the end of the night - who's going to get blamed for being told off? Him or her? Her. She'll just get hit for making him look like a fool.

But if I really thought something was out of control, I'd probably call the police department and tell them where they were (restaurant, etc) that I suspected domestic violence, or that it is occurring if he lays a hand on her in public.

I'd let the police handle it, because at least then she can be under protective watch or whatever it's called.

Most people don't do anything because they're afraid to get targeted themselves. "Better him than me"

I'll admit I'm afraid to confront somebody when threatening another person's safety. I wouldn't be comfortable doing that unless I knew I had a weapon on hand.

I keep Fpod's knife on me in my purse, and my grandpa showed me how to properly use it - but I don't think I'd be able to reach for it and use it before someone else got to me.

I would +rep everyone in this thread who's shown kindness or taken action if I could. It's a bit disheartening how degraded the current state of our society is. Perhaps that's just my inner idealist speaking though, the realist in me thinks that we'll never get to the state where acts of patience and sympathy are the norm.

I cross the line between being a busy body and taking action when I feel that I have fully understood the situation. If I see a mother roughly treating her child, I'd be hesitant to say something since I really don't know anything about the two. If it crossed normal boundaries though and progressed into actual violence (punching/kicking/etc.), I'd probably call for help and try to separate the two in the meantime. Unless the situation is severe enough to justify something like police intervention, I don't think I would take any action. There's just too many unknown factors to everything and I would hate to interfere.

Heh it's funny, my mom actually kicked me out of the car as a kid once and told me to walk home (I totally deserved it). Having that experience, I probably wouldn't step in to that kind of situation. Sometimes kids really are just brats. Strangers don't know that whole story though. All they see is the adult "bullying" a seemingly innocent child.

The fact that physical appearances had an effect on these scenarios though really is something to think about! I guess no matter how hard we may try to fight it, physical appearances really do play a vital role in our perception of people.

Not to derail the thread, but I think there's an interesting point to be made there: do you think that gun ownership/legal concealed weaponry in the US is a factor in reluctance to intervene? Or equally might having a weapon, like you say, make it more likely that people would involve themselves by the premise of safety?

I've always been facinated by this kind of thing. i personaly just like to observe and not get involved(probably because i'm a TV casualty).

there were a few occasions when i started doing something with out realizing it until i was already involved. if some one is in danger of or being harmed, i tend to move first and think second.

if it's something like i see someone stealing, i could care less, but that's because my 'nontradional' apearance has gotten me harassed and accused so many times. as for kids being hit by parents, i'd much rather see that than the savage little shits tearing the place apart while the parent does nothing at all. i think that is far more harmful to the child, at least the ones getting hit learn there are consequences for there actions. spare the rod spoil the child.

I don't think being armed gives an uninvolved stranger more incentive to get involved, but I do think that it's significant if the person causing the commotion was armed. As a stranger to the conflict, the last thing you want to do is get dragged into the issue any further beyond separating the two. You don't want to be submerged into some legal mess if you have to take action with your weapon, self-defense or not. (At least, this is my opinion. I wonder what Ziggy thinks?)

On the flip side, if the person who's causing the commotion is openly carrying a weapon, then that's obviously going to have a big impact on people's decision to get involved.

If this comes hand in hand with whether or not people should be legally allowed to carry weapons - then I'll answer that with I believe people should be legally allowed to carry weapons. Whether it's legal or not, the person who robbing/raping/hurting another person is going to have a weapon - but a law abiding citizen who is told they can't have a weapon won't have one. It's unfair if the government tells their citizens they can't protect themselves.

The reason I complained about the knife is because it's inside my purse, I'd have to dig for it.

Alright, but let's try that with another of your scenarios: a well-dressed man publicly abusing a girl - hell, anyone above a certain age - is a lot likelier to have a deadly weapon where it's legal to carry one. Would the thought that the abusive character you're confronting might well have a weapon make you more reluctant to confront them, as opposed to them almost certainly not having one?

Sorry if that's a little convoluted, it's 3:30am. I might try again later. :P