Cant handle the truth
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Lamz0r wrote...
GracefulDiscension. wrote...
Hmmm I'd tell him/her caz its better to know truth than live a lieI wouldn't agree on that so fast.
I'm actually in a situation where I have some tricky info about a few people that I'm certain they don't want anyone else to know about. Like, one of my friends cheating on his girlfriend on a regular basis for a long time. They're both my good friends and I've known them for a long time. So what am I supposed to do? Tell her that he's been cheating on her, thus breaking them up (although both of them enjoy their relationship) and losing my friends trust (he's the one who told me about that in the first place)? And she doesn't know, that's one thing I'm sure of.
This probably isn't one of those "most important" matters, like being cheated on by husband/wife, but what's more important for most of people than their realionships/work (well I'm still having problems with understanding this whole "I love you, you love me" concept, so I don't really know)?
Long story short, in most cases the saying "ignorance is a bliss" applies pretty damn well.
True but I'd want to know the truth even at the cost of my own happiness
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If I notice something detrimental, I give the transgressor time to fess up to it, because I don't feel it's good to deprive others of the ability to redeem themselves.
I am very clear about what I will say and do if something persists. I come up to someone no more than three times and ask if they have had time to think about it. I ask, "How much time do you think you'll need to make a decision?" If they tell me a time frame, I keep tabs and wait for that time to come; if they don't have a definite time frame, I give them one. If by the third time, they haven't thought about their actions or fessed up, I warn them and tell them the next day I will do something about it, because caring for someone is hard enough - just standing by and watching someone you care about getting hurt is intolerable. This gets people angry but then they end up fessing up to it themselves. Rofl.
Illusions and Love do not go together. It is liberating to be honest, because if the transgressed can understand and work around it, the dynamic of the relationship changes, often for the better. Also, it isn't good to be caught in a loveless and dishonest relationship for either party, even for the person doing bad things to the other. It is better to sever ties - even between son and daughter, or two married people. Sometimes the responsibility of happiness requires such hard measures.
I am very clear about what I will say and do if something persists. I come up to someone no more than three times and ask if they have had time to think about it. I ask, "How much time do you think you'll need to make a decision?" If they tell me a time frame, I keep tabs and wait for that time to come; if they don't have a definite time frame, I give them one. If by the third time, they haven't thought about their actions or fessed up, I warn them and tell them the next day I will do something about it, because caring for someone is hard enough - just standing by and watching someone you care about getting hurt is intolerable. This gets people angry but then they end up fessing up to it themselves. Rofl.
Illusions and Love do not go together. It is liberating to be honest, because if the transgressed can understand and work around it, the dynamic of the relationship changes, often for the better. Also, it isn't good to be caught in a loveless and dishonest relationship for either party, even for the person doing bad things to the other. It is better to sever ties - even between son and daughter, or two married people. Sometimes the responsibility of happiness requires such hard measures.
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Generaly, i'm brutaly honest, no regard for peoples feelings. the truth shall set you free. if i want to spare the persons feelings or think they might blame me, i try to slowly lead them into a revealation. let them think they figured it out on their own. but, i'm a very lazy, sadistic bastard, so if the truth is easier, or entertaining...
add:
it takes an honest man to lie well.
add:
it takes an honest man to lie well.
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I'm not sure about telling the person right away. I think observation and proper judgement is the key. White lies are there for a reason. If you think that by telling the truth can harm a person's way of life permanently then why do it? I guess it always depends on the situation.
It's quite easy to give statements like "never lie" or "telling the truth is always the best". You can easily say that because it doesn't really affect you personally. Once a situation comes in where telling the truth can change your relationship with a person forever, I think you will automatically lie to save your relationship.
This is all based on my own personal experience and I can definitely say that some people really can't handle the truth.
It's quite easy to give statements like "never lie" or "telling the truth is always the best". You can easily say that because it doesn't really affect you personally. Once a situation comes in where telling the truth can change your relationship with a person forever, I think you will automatically lie to save your relationship.
This is all based on my own personal experience and I can definitely say that some people really can't handle the truth.
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This is a very situational question. As in it should be handled based on each indviduals sense of right and wrong.
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J.D. wrote...
If I notice something detrimental, I give the transgressor time to fess up to it, because I don't feel it's good to deprive others of the ability to redeem themselves. I am very clear about what I will say and do if something persists. I come up to someone no more than three times and ask if they have had time to think about it. I ask, "How much time do you think you'll need to make a decision?" If they tell me a time frame, I keep tabs and wait for that time to come; if they don't have a definite time frame, I give them one. If by the third time, they haven't thought about their actions or fessed up, I warn them and tell them the next day I will do something about it, because caring for someone is hard enough - just standing by and watching someone you care about getting hurt is intolerable. This gets people angry but then they end up fessing up to it themselves. Rofl.
Illusions and Love do not go together. It is liberating to be honest, because if the transgressed can understand and work around it, the dynamic of the relationship changes, often for the better. Also, it isn't good to be caught in a loveless and dishonest relationship for either party, even for the person doing bad things to the other. It is better to sever ties - even between son and daughter, or two married people. Sometimes the responsibility of happiness requires such hard measures.
I Really like this advice. Need to make more posts tho before I can + rep :( I think the majority consensus is that we would all break the news to the person that should know the truth. I think the key point is timing and your approach depending on the personality that's been mentioned before.
OH! and the one thing I'd like to add to this topic is ABOVE ALL ELSE
After you break the news to this person (and assuming you really care about this person) that you ABSOLUTELY state at the end of breaking the news
"...but, I'll be here with you by your side, every step of the way." Or something along those lines.
I think this is the part where a lot of people flounder on or just skip.
Personally, if I can't be there for the person after I break the news to them to be able to support them through their hardship (i.e. - personal feeling of responsibility), then I'd rather take a real hard and long look through if i really want to tell that person the bad news. Doubly so if I care about them a lot.
It's easy to be the messenger, it's harder to be be the messenger and then the friend.
Of course this is all along the assumption that you care about the person, if not, meh I guess just tell them, then run for the hills. :P