Having multiple sex partners. Level of right or wrong

I hear this topic come up a few times but not really talked about. How far can you go and call it harmless before saying it's a problem, and why does it happen? This came up because I overhear coworkers talking about some woman being a slut. I stayed away from that mess. It did make me thing of a good friend of mine that does sleep around a lot. I don't think anything bad about her but I wish she didn't jump in to so many beds. Why have so many sex partners? I never understood some people have so many. Now the number for "how many" changes from person to person. But when it's a new person every night I say that's to many.
Sex is the physical form of love and should be only shared with someone special. That's the standard now when when to have sex. So I don't get it when some say "it doesn't count if there is no love". It like saying a racecar diver doing warm-up laps doesn't count because they don't towards the laps of the race. Point is he's still going around the track. If sex with on love doesn't count then like saying adultery doesn't count.
The other part of it is the judgement of it all. For a while when a woman sleeps around she's called a slut or whore, but for a man he's called a stud or player. Now fields have changed as player is now used for both genders. And when a guys sleeps around a lot. Two questions pop-up 1) Can't he keep it in his pants for more then a day? 2) How the hell is he able to find so many women to sleep with him when the rest of us have a hard time just finding one girlfriend?

I would call it a problem when it starts to effect other parts of your life in a major way or when it is 'controlling' your life, same way you say about addictions basically, because just like you can be addicted to alcohol, nicotine, drugs or chocolate, you can be addicted to sex too.



Why you wish that? Isn't it her business what she does, how many times a week she has sex?



Well that is just your opinion. Why should a person only have one sex partner? I use the term 'sex partner' in the context of it being essentially like a 'friend with benefits', you are not lovers, you are not in a romantic relationship, you are just two people who like to have sex with each other for the pleasure of it.



Excuse me for saying this, but who the fuck are you to say that that is the standard? Who the hell are you to say sex should be only shared with single person who is special to you? The word 'love' is purely subjective, so to say "sex is the physical form of love" can mean almost anything. Sex is an activity which we humans get pleasure from, there is nothing wrong in trying to get it as much as you can (as long as the other party is as willing as you are).



I don't know who says that, but again the word 'love' is subjective so that can mean almost anything. I also don't understand what the question is getting at, what doesn't count?

Your race car analogy is horrible, because the purpose of warm-up laps is different from the purpose of the actual race. The same way people have sex for different reasons, there is no this 'standard' that you have to only have sex with your wife/husband.

And because your race car analogy is bad, it's illogical trying to equate it to adultery, it just doesn't make any sense.



There are multiple possible reasons to why women are called sluts and men studs, but i am not gonna go into those, because that is not a problem of sex, it's a problem of hypocritical society.



So fucking what if he can't? What is the problem?



Wow, is the whole point of this topic to vent about your jealousy of women not wanting to have sex with you? Because you can't get 'lucky' with the opposite sex, no one else shouldn't either?

Sex=/=love. Sex is a biological mechanism for reproduction one's genes. The fact humans are the few that can do this anytime in the month means sex is just a way of spurting sperm with eggs as many times we need to ensure your prodigies will be dominant. Don't confuse morality with basic human instincts.

No one should be tie down to one person at a time unless your ready to be committed when you can. Marriage is great but when you're young you need to be free to fuck as many people safely as you can until you find that genital that make you happy with and stick with them.

Also committed=/=sex also isn't mutually exclusive. You can fuck other people and still only make love to your partner. As long as their cool with it 100%. Cheating is bad. Weird i said that, but it true.

It's an open secret that female sex draws more. It is a lot easier for a girl, granted the same conditions, to score compared to a guy. For a stud, you have several who get none, and if he's rumored to be a stud, more girls will want him, to figure out just what does he have to offer to be so desirable. It's not hypocrisy, it's a fact of matter, therefore whenever you hear an individual saying "I've been with 10 people over the past 60 days" the tone changes completely going from male to female. There's loose men and loose women, but being a loose woman is easy, being a loose man is a luxury (?) few are allowed.

I agree about the multiple partners thing as long as you're talking about serious relationships, to me open steady couples (oxymoron) and DWM is a bunch of bs.

I take the stance of, it's none of my business, for an issue like this. Who you want to take company with is absolutely none of my business unless it directly affects me. In which case the answer is simple when people do things you do not like "there's the door, see yourself out."

The only way someone having multiple partners could possibly be any of my business is if I ended up being one of those partners and I contracted something despite using protection. Understandably I'd be very angry.

My only interest in the situation is when people cheat. I've wondered if there's a link between sexual freedom and adultery.

If everyone is an honest and consenting adult, have at it. I like my relationships more monogamous, and my fwb situations the same way. I'm a grown adult capable of my own decisions and deciding who I want to keep the company of. So if that's the lifestyle you like, by all means partake, I will not and do not expect me to be overly accommodating if you want a relationship with me and have had an large amount of partners.

Ouch, Coconutt I think I hit a never something. If I made somebody mad, my bad I did go a bit off on that rant, it was bring up some issues. The last line was meant to be joke, I see it didn't go so well. :P Let me clarify my mess a bit.


Why have so many sex partners? This is a bit broad question. But I trying to understand is why have one night stands or sleep with stranger you just met? I've had two one-night in my life.I did it because why not, and both felt pointless. The last one I felt a bit used never doing that again. But when it was with someone I cared about, it felt like it was worth something. I don't have a problem with multiple partners because of past boy/girlfriend. It's sleeping with whoever with a care for it. I think.

One of the things that got me was an article from reddit. It was a girl telling her boyfriend that she had close to a hundred partners and then he broke up with because of it. Drove me a bit batty on both sides because she acting like the past partners didn't matter. (which to me they do) That and there is a guy code rule to this.

Never hold a girl's past partners against her, and if you are the last partner she will ever be with then it doesn't matter.

Not really, it's more about jealousy, stubbornness, self-respect if you will. It's not something you control, if it bothers you it's a guts thing, it won't go away.

Concrete example, I once read a story that was kinda like this: guy dates girl who is starting to get over a bad break-up, she only allows condom during sex. After some time, they start getting into intimate discussions, and she opens up (not gonna mince words here): she was the cock sleeve of her ex-boyfriend who creampied her any time he wanted to, several times a day, she even had an abortion, but eventually he dumped her. It felt like reading cuckold porn backwards, and that's exactly the effect it had on the guy, because the mood got awkward, then awful, until he eventually gathered courage and told her he felt like shit after hearing what he did. By the same token, she took it the wrong way and felt like a slut. I wish I had it bookmarked, but the general consensus was "break up".

As for the guy with the hundred-woman, I don't know who on god's green earth told her it was a good idea or anything remotely good to say to a boyfriend if you plan on having a long term relationship with him. There's several reactions a guy can have to such a news, none of which I can think being positive.

There is no guy code on this. Never hold a girl's past partners against her? To say it bluntly, that "code" sounds like something and idiot would say. I'm going to be bluntly honest here, this is something that I would like my partner to be upfront about right away because I don't have time to waste on things like this. I have a career I'm trying to progress in, I have hobbies and friends that I give my attention to, I've been more careful lately to choose the people I want to be with to advance myself in all aspects. Someone who sleeps around does not have the same values as I have, so we aren't compatible. It's pretty much as simple as that.

If you want to be with someone who aligns with you, you need to hold out for that person. I want a girl who is passionate about her career, and her life. Someone committed to her progression and inspires others to do better in life. So unless that career oriented person happens to be a porn star, I don't know why I would want someone who sleeps around a lot in my life.



I would have broken up with her right away. Which I've pretty much said in my response to the other quote.

The main thing this comes down to is your preference in people. If someone having multiple partners bothers you, then don't associate with them. That's the beauty of life, you get an opinion and you get a choice.

I assume you meant to write "i hit a nerve" because otherwise your sentence doesn't make sense to me. If i am correct with my assumption, it's pretty sad for you to think that. I find it even more sad that you didn't address a single argument i made against you.



Once again, why not have multiple sex partners and one night stands if you enjoy sex?



Not everybody (thankfully) feel the same way you do.



Your english is pretty bad, just saying.

For sure having sex with somebody you care about, with that 'special' one, feels better than having sex with one night stands, but not everybody feels the same way. Some (maybe even many) people like to have sex just for the pleasure of it, and it doesn't matter to them whether that person is going to be your future wife/husband.



I have no idea what the hell you mean by this 'guy code rule,' never heard of it. And what you read on reddit is a personal story between two individuals you don't know and more than likely you don't know the entire context of the story either. So trying to draw some conclusions out of that story as if it applied to anybody else except the two individuals is pretty dumb imo.



Again your grammar is pretty bad so i am not sure what you are trying to say. All i have to say is given the things you have said, i don't think you are in the position to give any advice to anybody about relationships. Just my opinion.

there is no real right or wrong, if your smart and safe who cares what people label you, mabe they are jealous. personally its not bad to me

I just hope they use "protection", or else they will enjoy a life full of STDs.

i feel as long as they're sensible about it, protection is used and they're not in any danger there shouldn't be an issue. sex, whilst commonly coupled with 'love' doesn't go hand in hand with it. some partners have relationships without sex, some have relationships filled with sex and some have sex with many different people.

It does matter? Condom and the unique problem that may cause is solved, end.

Now in the case a person like that wants to have a romantic relationship, well... If the other person is fine with polygamy, then it is hardly a problem. If the other person isn't fine with polygamy, then it is a good idea to try to reduce sexual partners: eventually reducing them to 0, before engaging in a serious romantic relationship or during the firsts months if the partner is patient and liberal enough to give a time to adapt.

I'm not gonna mention sexual addiction or such because those also applies to people with a single sexual partner.

For guys, it is seen as something normal or even positive most the time. For girls, it is seen as something wrong and relevantly negative most the time. Actually it is quite common for people to have multiple sexual partners, but most girls hides that fact to avoid discrimination (and some guys are somewhat discrete if they are having too many, too). I understand when someone wants to hide it, but I think it is a bit sad when they feel forced to hide it to archive stuff as if it were a crime or something.

Now I don't have sex with nobody unless I'm in love, as I appreciate more its communicational prowess than anything, but that is just me. I don't mind getting flirt by or dating for a time a girl with many sexual partners (in fact, something quite common). The only thing I expect is that when I make official a relationship, calling that girl my girlfriend in front of everyone, I'm the unique partner by then (and this is because I request some seriousness at that point).

I request this because I want to be the most important romantic and sexual partner of that girl and I'm unable to feel that important for her if that girl keeps having so many sexual partners. I'm not really jealous at sightless, but I don't want to engage in a "competition" of some sort after certain point as I'm too emotional and sentimental and I often get really hurt with those things, I prefer to step aside if that is the case.

I'm not really sure why polygamy is illegal in places like Canada to start with. The only logical reason is for people who are forced to marry underage, but that really has nothing to do with polygamy and everything to do with being forced to marry underage. If everyone is a consenting adult, why do we stand in their way.

I know that negativity is there about women who sleep around, but Billy Connolly, one of the greatest comedians I've ever heard, said something about how he disliked virgins and loved "sluts" because they have experience. I think that's important to some degree in a relationship. If you don't have experience in your sexuality, you kind of fall short.

And for the last part, it's a good decision. I can't state it enough, everyone gets a choice, and everyone has a preference. Hold your standards and expectations for life. It saddens me when people settle for less in life.

Statistically speaking, women with more partners before marriage tend to cheat way more during marriage, and if you consider there's countries where dna tests are illegal (unless a judge rules otherwise, at which a wife can just say "no") thus violating the human rights of a man to raise his own offspring (also of the kid to know his true father), you sure would want to be careful. Paternity is one terrible minefield to walk through.

If i found out from a serious long-term girlfriend that she was a cum dump there would be hell to pay for wasting my time, double that with a side of fries if i found out indirectly.

I think that men should also inform their girlfriends(or boyfriends in some cases) if they were "players", because some women are not comfortable with it in long-term relationships. Sometimes being straight forward is better.

Hiding this sort of info aint cool. You reap what you sow.



Well, the guy had it cumming to him.

He caught her on a rebound after a "bad breakup", dafuq was he expecting. A virgin?

Its only bad when they dont have consent over it. There are "open relationships" that allow couples to have couples. Friends with benefits, actually open relationships where people agree to multiple partners (romantic or purely sex), and even ones where they have a relationship but the people in it all share each other. But when it gets bad is when you break the rules of the relationship it self. If she says "Hey get another GF" then its fine but if someone pulls the different types of "You're all mine" then going after others is bad. I been on both ends. Been cheated on, and it sucked. Been in one where there was other girls that my GF dated/had sex with (No joke!) as long as they were okay with me and didnt go behind my back i didnt care just as long as i knew the girls. Open is open just lay some laws and if there broken deal with it.

as long as all all the parties who are involved know that you are sleeping with other people, and you use protection, its perfectly fine, provided that everyone is ok with it.
I've had multiple partners before, but it tends not to last, since when i start dateing someone i stop hooking up with anyone else.

Basically right and wrong is best sized up as benefit and harm. Having multiple sex partners doesn't really benefit anything but the person and maybe the people who wanted the sex, but when you factor in disease and people who feel a bit wronged by someone just wanting sex, then you might say it does harm, you might say that if the person always uses protection, both partners are honest about diseases and what form of relationship it is as well as that there are others, there is no real harm. However, that is definitely not always the case, spreading of disease being the worst of the harm, but lies and deceit can also harm.

Basically it comes down to honestly and consent. The spread of disease is bad, but being honest about such can help you find others with the same. The most common being herpes, and the scariest being AIDS. The spread of such knowingly is worse in my book than lies about commitment. You can recover from commitment break ups, but disease just stays with you and may even kill.

The morality that you present isn't really sound. They aren't hogging up all the available people. An open and honest commitment with multiple partners has nothing wrong with it as a stand alone thing. In society it might have it's problems, especially if it is lopsided to just Men having many wives, leaving the extra men to becoming outcasts, like the lost boys of the Mormons that still practice polygamy. Another problem is the objectifying of women as possessions and a mark or success. But that wasn't really what you were talking about. You just need to not worry about the players and know there are plenty of girls out there, you just need to have the guts to ask them and know rejection happens a lot, so don't get your hopes up.