Hypothetical question on fatherhood and family

I got to thinking after seeing this thread.

Let's say that your girlfriend for some length of time (for simplicity's sake) calls you up and tells you that she's pregnant. What would you do in this situation? Would you do what society tells us is the morally right thing to do by doing whatever you can to support the woman is the mother of your child and, when it is born, that child as well? Or would you try to find some way out of it? Now me personally, if I knew that a woman was carrying my child, my flesh and blood, I would try to do everything to the best of my ability to support them.

If this is in the wrong section someone feel free to tell me and I'll try to figure out how to move it to the appropriate section.

Anyway tell me your thoughts on this subject.

I'd like to be on Maury.

Ah, that is so difficult. I can't talk for what other's should do, but I know that I'd completely provide and support the child, and if the situation was right and she'd have me, I'd probably marry the girl too.
But I see a lot of guys having unplanned children, and most of them pay too support the kids, and some will be involved in their lives, but it is so unfair that before these kids even had a chance they never expirenced their parents together.
Of course their are plenty of happy families with step-parents and children so it all depends on the situation.

Well i think it depends on what age you are. If you hooked up with the girl when you were say 15 and she got pregnant at 17 then you have to think about the consequences that having a child at that age. Firstly, most people at 17 dont have a job that can support a whole family. Also, they still might be in an educational course e.g. college or university. Another point to think about is how it is fair to raise the baby in the situation that you are both currently in - You wouldnt have a proper job and you would have to take benefits to raise your child. Your education would be in peril as you have to spend years tending to the child.

Now if that happened to me at that age, i would suggest to have the baby aborted because neither of us are ready for that. However, if my girlfriend wanted to keep it then i would respect her wishes and do everything i can to support her.

However, if i were to have the baby when i am in my mid twenties or thirties then i would definately keep the baby because by that time i would have had a good job with good wages and would be in a very comfortable position to raise said child.

I wouldn't try to runaway (Otherwise I would be contradicting what I said in the Do you like seeing Girls getting pregnant? Thread.) but I would try what I can for the women and the child, because it also becomes my responsibility to help take care them. Plus becoming a father would give another reason for me to live, to see how the child grows (We can only teach and help them, but ultimately what they decide for their future is in their free will).

I have a four-year-old sister who I've taken care of since the age of 15. I would take responsibility for the most part. Besides, my parents probably wouldn't mind a grandchild and my sister would have a playmate eventually... Financially though, I'm pretty fucked as it is.

If I get into this type of situation I will help her raise our child in the best way I could. Because the instant she got pregnant, I become a father. I owe the child my responsibility, and just like my father, and my grandfather, I will be a responsible father.

I couldn't really say I've never been in this situation before, and until I am I don’t think I could answer this question accurately. I’m not mature or self sufficient yet though I could gather myself together if I needed to, I just don’t want to. Though I don’t know if I would, I do hope that I would do the “right thing” and help support my child, but I really can’t say until I’m in the situation.

It depends on many aspects. First, wages. Because taking care of a child has a cost, and if I can't do it properly, I will try to avoid this at almost any cost (abortion if possible, or maybe ... leave her, in some way), if I can, and if I think our relationship will last long, I'll gladly take care of our child.
The main point is not to know if we wanted it or not, but more if we could take care of it properly or not. But I guess it's my practical way of thinking. And of course, I won't be sure of what I'll do before this happen.

Since neither of us would want a kid, ever, it'd boil down to an abortion.
I wouldn't run off in any case though, what would that solve? I'd still have to pay child-support, not to mention how it would be a douche move.

I don't see why people would have an abortion just because they couldn't afford a baby. My parents had me before they graduated high school, so my mom dropped out while my dad worked like hell after school. Before I was born, they were regular kids, my mom worked at a fast food place and my dad did construction work part time and played soccer at school.
My mom got her GED at 19, two years after I was born. So my dad could support us, he joined the military since they provide for your family's medical. My mom found programs like WIC and for a little while we would live off that.
And I am SO glad that they didn't decide to abort me, cause then I wouldn't be living with the girl of my dreams in Japan while serving the in military like my dad. My sister's would of never had a big brother either.
It was hard at the begining for them I'm sure, but cause they worked through it, my parents are well off and have a big happy family with 3 kids now.

Might have something to do with people not wanting their lives ruined by having to break their backs to support an unplanned family.
And in that respect, that story of yours isn't exactly helping your case, you know?

I know the consequences of fucking some one, so I would be there and provide for both of them.

How so? my family turned out great. My point was it would be hard at first sure, but it isn't like there isn't a way to make it work. And because we are on the topic of FATHERS i'm more specifical refering to the fact that my dad did whatever it took to provide for me, even though it'd be easier to of just left my mom, a girl he only dated for a few months.

But he stuck with it, and I can honestly say that even being poor growing up and getting like two or three presents (two of which were usually clothes) on christmas, I had a great childhood.

The thing about not having enough to provide is malarky. So only rich and middle class people should have babies?

I'm only against stupid people having babies. And I'm not trying to be funny with that one either.

I don't have much to add to this topic however, since I am not going to be a father any time soon.

It may have turned out great, but I for my part wouldn't want to have been in your parents' boots at the time. If it's my (and my partner's) personal happiness versus an unborn fetus, my happiness wins. Always.


Now you're just making things up. Nobody ever said that.
But, not everyone who can have a baby should feel obliged to have one. I find it a totally rational and understandable decision to not procreate until you have the necessary means to do so comfortably and without struggling for survival.

I don't believe this is the point Gibbous was trying to make. I believe his point was that not all people wish to struggle like your parents did in order to attempt to provide for a child they did not want, at least not at that time. The fact that your parents did try and also succeeded is great to hear, but that does not imply that it always or even often happens that way.

It is a matter of if you wish to take a chance in not only ruining your own life, but that of the mother's and the child's. A chance that, depending on the situation, could be highly against you. It is a task that even if you should succeed in providing for the mother and child, it is not to say your life will be well. Would the child be happy living that way? Would the mother? What about your self? Is it right to do this thing for the hopes that it will all work out? Not everyone is so optimistic.


To end this post, I'd like to apologize in advance to anyone I may have offended, and to Gibbous for trying to state his point for him, if that does indeed bother you. I've not slept well lately, and my inner bastard is somewhat more apparent.


Edit: I left my computer after clicking to post this. I came back about ten minutes later to see it still loading.

It didn't bother me at all. I was delighted. Your inner bastard needs to come visit more often.

@ Gibbous, I have to agree with what Razama said. Just because a young couple decides to keep and support an unplanned child it doesn't mean that their lives are ruined. Most young families are going to have a rocky start. It's one of the most trying times in a person's life, regardless of whether or not they have the means to support that family. But I do understand what you're saying that some people might feel that they're not ready for as big a responsibility as raising a child.

To answer the topic question:

I do not think there is enough information in the question to provide a truthful and reasonable answer, at least not a personal answer.
There are many variables of the situation that could tip the balance for one possible choice or another. For example:

How long have we been dating?
How serious is the relationship?
Can I be sure the child is mine?