Parenting
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Coco-tan wrote...
Ethil wrote...
WALL OF FUCKING TEXT!!Spoiler:
You act like the majority of the adult populace in AMERICA (mind you), are now capable of parenting like how our parents did and what their parents did prior. Kids can walk around with a I-Phone in one hand and their parent’s imaginary leash in the other as they bitch about what they don’t have now-a-days. These parents have kids when their brains can’t even comprehend the logical way of parenting (i.e. “I would never parent like my dad or mom would”, “I am not my dad or mother when it comes to my adulthood”) Naturally, they would like to treat their kids like mini adults and have those kids spit on them like trash. Explain to me how that populace is capable of parenting? They could give two shits if their kids are playing GTA yet when they FINALLY see the gameplay, they bitch. Whose money bought that game?
Spoiler:
>I have never been hit by my parents
>They think it is wrong
Which projected onto you. †˜cause if a kid was screaming at the top of their lungs in a public, throwing merchandise, acting like a total shithead despite you calmly telling them to stop, you’d totally keep on going and not spank them right? Sure, you could take them outside but good luck dragging them out when they’re flailing. Spanking put fear into the child but that fear was disciplinary. It’s not a smack across the face that leaves a bruise mark. It’s a simple slap on the ass. The kid will take it seriously but if you encourage their discipline with half spankings and half hugs, reassuring that you don’t hate them, then they will be FINE.
Also, bro, if you were five and you loved you parents...and they spanked you, you wouldn’t be able to comprehend to “hit them back”.
Spoiler:
Some of the kids I knew growing up called FEMALE STRANGERS “ma’am” and MALE STRANGERS “sir”. It’s teaching the kid respect towards acquaintances instead of saying the opposite and being projected as rude.
Spoiler:
Sometimes is not the parent’s fault. Blame the soccer moms and piss-nancy dad coaches who want everyone to win and not feel bullied. Next.
Spoiler:
Red ink doesn’t do shit. Again, soccer moms who want everyone to win at life want their sensitive children to not feel threatened. The pen and ink is a TOOL. How you use that tool or take in the idea of that tool will make you project a certain emotion about it. Got a F on your test? You need to study. It is your duty to ask for help, to get a tutor or ask your parents and/or figure out what’s wrong. Younger kids don’t understand this but teachers do go over tests, quizzes and homework over here. There is no excuse, unless the kid is unsure or has a learning disability, that they can’t figure out what’s wrong.
Spoiler:
>"hyper" can also mean ADHD or summin like that, which makes the child having problems with concentration etc.
Which is not okay. When you’re in a classroom and are teaching a child, the last thing you want is that one kid to be jumping around or asking off-topic questions. This happens in elementary levels, sure, but in middle, junior and high school levels, it’s unacceptable. It’s a behavioral problem. A kid can be as free as they want but in a institution like school, doctor’s office, where ever - they need to learn to sit still, keep quiet and listen.
Children can have the capability to be children but you can’t allow them to go on and on as children. No discipline like teaching manners, yelling at the kid for doing something wrong or to warn them about their dangerous actions, etc. will make the kid grow up into either a man-child, overly sensitive or a delinquent.
So, basically, your hippie way of discipline only applies to kids who don’t have any flaws. All children have tantrums, are delinquents, but to a certain degree. Spanking or yelling at your kid as a warning is not abuse. Smacking them so hard that they bleed is abuse. Intentionally not feeding them is abuse. Whipping them with a belt is abuse. I think people forget what real abuse is.
I'm not getting what you are saying here, since you are mostly saying what I already said and agreed with...
Seems like for example think I said that you should give the kid a pat on their head and just say "it's ok honey" when they do something wrong, while I'm actually just saying that it is wrong to discipline a child with physical violence.
Most of the time you agree with me, but in the end you make it seem like I said the opposite thing?
Also sis, no matter what age I was, if someone hit me I'd bite, hit and kick back all I could, whether I loved them or not. Making me realize when I was wrong by telling me and giving me a sense of guilt was far more effective. "I'm not angry, I'm disappoint" always hurts more.
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I've seen many parents unable or unwilling to properly raise their kids due to many reasons, some of which have been presented in previous posts in this thread.
At any rate, here's how I'd raise my child:
Ages:
*0-3:
Phisically: the usual stuff, properly feeding, caring and providing for the kid, to ensure it has everything it needs to grow healthy.
Spiritually (edit: OK, this applies to all ages) (so to say): Be there for it, tell it stories, talk to it, cuddle it, share with it all happy and sad thoughts in order to create a strong emotional bond with the child... even though the kid may not understand, it will feel the sentiments you are channeling and this will have an influence on how it will grow up (in my opinion, at least)
*3-8:
Education: Now it becomes more interesting, since we now have to get on to more advanced things, seeing how the kid itself is now able to comprehend more than in it's baby stage. We now have to properly explain to the child what it can and cannot do and why. Unsurprisingly, it will not listen to most of the things you'll say, thus we must allow it to engage slightly dangerous unallowed actions, so it will experience the harm firsthand and acknowledge what we've said. Also, he must be punished, more or less, depending on what it has done wrong and how much it's been warned beforehand. Slapping the face, twisting the ear or the wrist is also welcomed, but shouldn't be exagerrated.
As every child, it does have wishes and they should not be ignored. Buy it a toy or sweets every now and then, but don't overdo it since it will spoil it. Just make sure that your kid will still be looking forward to it's birthday, Christmas or Hannuka and whatever yearly holiday.
And most important, make sure your kid knows you love it, and that it sees you as more a friend than a parent.
*8-12
Basically the same as before, only now your child will have matured a bit and school has newly started. Escort your kid to school untill it learns the road, and then gradually stop doing so, in order for it to start gaining more than just basic independence. Help the kid with it's homework, should it require help but DON'T DO IT FOR THEM... Help, but let the child also learn to logically think for itself.
Let it have fun, let it go on fieldtrips, let it go to children's parties with it's friends and classmates (provided you meet the parents, and deem them safe and trustworthy). Let it learn to socialize, and teach it to also defend itself from the inevitable bullies.
*12-16:
Now your kid will reach puberty and adolescence, and it will need it's space more than ever. Wether it's a boy or a girl, properly educate them in the matter of sex (and maybe show it, should you have a fancy for incest and loli, like I do >:)... just kiddin'... or am I?)
*16-18:
Same as above, and don't force them to leave it's boyfriend/girlfriend should you not like him/her. If you have a problem, just openly talk to your kid or to both of them, if possible. Furtermore, don't forbid your kid to have sex after the age of 16+, just make sure he'she knows how to protect themselves.
Since your kid is now properly able to handle itself and learn from life's succeses and failures (given that he's recieved a proper education), you should now talk to it about life itself and it's troubles, the child's future and help it gain experience with different jobs so it will have an idea about what it'll like to do with it's life.
And as I said earlier, make sure to be there when your kid needs you so it'll grow up to know that you loved it and will always love you back, respect and honor you in life, and your memory, after you will have died.
At any rate, here's how I'd raise my child:
Ages:
*0-3:
Phisically: the usual stuff, properly feeding, caring and providing for the kid, to ensure it has everything it needs to grow healthy.
Spiritually (edit: OK, this applies to all ages) (so to say): Be there for it, tell it stories, talk to it, cuddle it, share with it all happy and sad thoughts in order to create a strong emotional bond with the child... even though the kid may not understand, it will feel the sentiments you are channeling and this will have an influence on how it will grow up (in my opinion, at least)
*3-8:
Education: Now it becomes more interesting, since we now have to get on to more advanced things, seeing how the kid itself is now able to comprehend more than in it's baby stage. We now have to properly explain to the child what it can and cannot do and why. Unsurprisingly, it will not listen to most of the things you'll say, thus we must allow it to engage slightly dangerous unallowed actions, so it will experience the harm firsthand and acknowledge what we've said. Also, he must be punished, more or less, depending on what it has done wrong and how much it's been warned beforehand. Slapping the face, twisting the ear or the wrist is also welcomed, but shouldn't be exagerrated.
As every child, it does have wishes and they should not be ignored. Buy it a toy or sweets every now and then, but don't overdo it since it will spoil it. Just make sure that your kid will still be looking forward to it's birthday, Christmas or Hannuka and whatever yearly holiday.
And most important, make sure your kid knows you love it, and that it sees you as more a friend than a parent.
*8-12
Basically the same as before, only now your child will have matured a bit and school has newly started. Escort your kid to school untill it learns the road, and then gradually stop doing so, in order for it to start gaining more than just basic independence. Help the kid with it's homework, should it require help but DON'T DO IT FOR THEM... Help, but let the child also learn to logically think for itself.
Let it have fun, let it go on fieldtrips, let it go to children's parties with it's friends and classmates (provided you meet the parents, and deem them safe and trustworthy). Let it learn to socialize, and teach it to also defend itself from the inevitable bullies.
*12-16:
Now your kid will reach puberty and adolescence, and it will need it's space more than ever. Wether it's a boy or a girl, properly educate them in the matter of sex (and maybe show it, should you have a fancy for incest and loli, like I do >:)... just kiddin'... or am I?)
*16-18:
Same as above, and don't force them to leave it's boyfriend/girlfriend should you not like him/her. If you have a problem, just openly talk to your kid or to both of them, if possible. Furtermore, don't forbid your kid to have sex after the age of 16+, just make sure he'she knows how to protect themselves.
Since your kid is now properly able to handle itself and learn from life's succeses and failures (given that he's recieved a proper education), you should now talk to it about life itself and it's troubles, the child's future and help it gain experience with different jobs so it will have an idea about what it'll like to do with it's life.
And as I said earlier, make sure to be there when your kid needs you so it'll grow up to know that you loved it and will always love you back, respect and honor you in life, and your memory, after you will have died.
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One of the parenting mistakes that really annoys me is refusing sexual education for their child. Especially in religious communities, some parents debate that sex ed should not be taught in schools at all, or that it should be abstinence-only. Or they pull their kids out of the sex ed programs at their school. If you ask me, they're just asking for a teen pregnancy or an STD.
Kordeza Zhelyazkova; pregnant at 11 years old. Highlight of the article is a quote from her: "I didn't know I was pregnant...I thought I'd just eaten too many cheeseburgers".
Fact is, kids (well, teenage kids mostly) have sex whether the parents approve of it or not. Even if parents are strictly anti-sex, they should at least inform their child. If the child is not learning about safe sex through parents and school, they are more likely to fall for the media's portrayal of sex. Ie, "it's normal to have sex with someone you just met. Pulling out is 100% guaranteed birth control. You can't get STDs from oral. What's a condom?"
Kordeza Zhelyazkova; pregnant at 11 years old. Highlight of the article is a quote from her: "I didn't know I was pregnant...I thought I'd just eaten too many cheeseburgers".
Spoiler:
Fact is, kids (well, teenage kids mostly) have sex whether the parents approve of it or not. Even if parents are strictly anti-sex, they should at least inform their child. If the child is not learning about safe sex through parents and school, they are more likely to fall for the media's portrayal of sex. Ie, "it's normal to have sex with someone you just met. Pulling out is 100% guaranteed birth control. You can't get STDs from oral. What's a condom?"
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Brittany
FAKKU Production Mngr
@Vio
That's funny, because I had watched Family Guy tonight and there was an episode where Lois was upset because the school where her kids went to canceled her seminar/gymnasium thing where she would educate the children about safe sex.
Instead she was kicked out due to concerned parents about their children, and not wanting them to know about sex. So they hired this religious group who told them straight out lies about sex so they would wear rings and not have sex.
It's a tough subject for a lot of parents because it's something they're not comfortable dealing with. You and I know we started becoming interested in what makes our bodies feel good at ages anywhere from 10-13 but when we look at kids, we don't want them to have that kind of desire yet, because we have this need to protect them from something.
My mom never really talked to me about it, but told me to be honest to her about it. I always felt like it was a trap, as if I'd tell her, and instead of taking me to a clinic she wouldn't let me go over to my boyfriends house anymore.
But my friends mom was very clear on what she wanted my friend to do, she wanted to know right away because she knew regardless if she agreed, my friend would find a way to do so. So she wanted to get her on birth control of some type if and when that time occurred.
I really do think honesty is key, and it all depends on that child too - because if my mom had gotten into detail about sex and masturbation, I think I'd want to scoop my eyeballs and ear drums out with spoons.
But if I had that kind of relationship with my child, I wouldn't suppress their new interest in themselves.
That's funny, because I had watched Family Guy tonight and there was an episode where Lois was upset because the school where her kids went to canceled her seminar/gymnasium thing where she would educate the children about safe sex.
Instead she was kicked out due to concerned parents about their children, and not wanting them to know about sex. So they hired this religious group who told them straight out lies about sex so they would wear rings and not have sex.
It's a tough subject for a lot of parents because it's something they're not comfortable dealing with. You and I know we started becoming interested in what makes our bodies feel good at ages anywhere from 10-13 but when we look at kids, we don't want them to have that kind of desire yet, because we have this need to protect them from something.
My mom never really talked to me about it, but told me to be honest to her about it. I always felt like it was a trap, as if I'd tell her, and instead of taking me to a clinic she wouldn't let me go over to my boyfriends house anymore.
But my friends mom was very clear on what she wanted my friend to do, she wanted to know right away because she knew regardless if she agreed, my friend would find a way to do so. So she wanted to get her on birth control of some type if and when that time occurred.
I really do think honesty is key, and it all depends on that child too - because if my mom had gotten into detail about sex and masturbation, I think I'd want to scoop my eyeballs and ear drums out with spoons.
But if I had that kind of relationship with my child, I wouldn't suppress their new interest in themselves.
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Ziggy wrote...
@VioThat's funny, because I had watched Family Guy tonight and there was an episode where Lois was upset because the school where her kids went to canceled her seminar/gymnasium thing where she would educate the children about safe sex.
Instead she was kicked out due to concerned parents about their children, and not wanting them to know about sex. So they hired this religious group who told them straight out lies about sex so they would wear rings and not have sex.
It's a tough subject for a lot of parents because it's something they're not comfortable dealing with. You and I know we started becoming interested in what makes our bodies feel good at ages anywhere from 10-13 but when we look at kids, we don't want them to have that kind of desire yet, because we have this need to protect them from something.
My mom never really talked to me about it, but told me to be honest to her about it. I always felt like it was a trap, as if I'd tell her, and instead of taking me to a clinic she wouldn't let me go over to my boyfriends house anymore.
But my friends mom was very clear on what she wanted my friend to do, she wanted to know right away because she knew regardless if she agreed, my friend would find a way to do so. So she wanted to get her on birth control of some type if and when that time occurred.
I really do think honesty is key, and it all depends on that child too - because if my mom had gotten into detail about sex and masturbation, I think I'd want to scoop my eyeballs and ear drums out with spoons.
But if I had that kind of relationship with my child, I wouldn't suppress their new interest in themselves.
True. I don't blame parents for wanting to protect their children, but there's a line where it becomes overprotective. I don't like thinking about my parents or siblings having sex, and if/when I do have kids of my own, I most likely won't want to think about them having sex either. It's hard, but it's a reality that has to be faced.
And fuuu lucky girl. A few years ago I was having a lot of trouble with periods and asked my mom if I could get birth control to regluate or stop it altogether. She immediately refused, saying I only wanted it so I could go have sex. I DIDN'T EVEN GET PHONE CALLS FROM BOYS ARRRRGH.
My period was really fucking up my grades at that time. :\
1) I couldn't focus in class because I'd be silently crying in pain.
2) I'd get ninjaperiods and have to go home halfway through the day with ruined panties (;-; ).
3) I'd have cramps and stay home, hugging my electric blanket to my abdomen.
4) I'd be bitchy and temperamental due to PMS, and the littlest thing would set me off at school. Then I'd go, "PCE BITCHES I'M OUTTA HERE" and skip because I was pissed and my sense of judgment was out the window.
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@vio sucks about the period thing I've been there :(
On topic
I'm also currently working in retail in the gaming industry and I see a lot of what the OP mentioned I have a pet peeve of parents buying there five year olds something like grand theft auto >>
ME: Are you aware that this is an 18 rated game madem? Are you ok for your child to play this?
Customer: Sure its fine he plays them all the time.
Me: Ok, just to let you know there is extreme violence and sexual scenes in this particular game and some of which are rather graphic.
customer: Thats ok I'll watch him while his playing it.
Me: there is also foul language.
Customer: (to child) XXXXX right you cant have this game its got naughty words in it.
Child: But YYYY has it *throws temper tantrum*
Customer: No, we are leaving.
Me: WTF???
Also the high volume of customers that treat our shop as a day care centre is rather alarming.
Mum: I'm just going to next then for a cofee with XXX, stay here and dont talk to strangers *fucks off for anything up to an hour*
the world is fucked up I think I'll be glad to die young and not suffer the next generation being in charge
On topic
I'm also currently working in retail in the gaming industry and I see a lot of what the OP mentioned I have a pet peeve of parents buying there five year olds something like grand theft auto >>
ME: Are you aware that this is an 18 rated game madem? Are you ok for your child to play this?
Customer: Sure its fine he plays them all the time.
Me: Ok, just to let you know there is extreme violence and sexual scenes in this particular game and some of which are rather graphic.
customer: Thats ok I'll watch him while his playing it.
Me: there is also foul language.
Customer: (to child) XXXXX right you cant have this game its got naughty words in it.
Child: But YYYY has it *throws temper tantrum*
Customer: No, we are leaving.
Me: WTF???
Also the high volume of customers that treat our shop as a day care centre is rather alarming.
Mum: I'm just going to next then for a cofee with XXX, stay here and dont talk to strangers *fucks off for anything up to an hour*
the world is fucked up I think I'll be glad to die young and not suffer the next generation being in charge
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Kitten1985 wrote...
the world is fucked up I think I'll be glad to die young and not suffer the next generation being in charge
I'm sorry but, what. I'm flabbergasted. Don't you think you have a sort of obligation to do something so that the next generation doesn't screw up their follow up generation?
Anyways...on regards to beating children...
While I can recognize the potential value in doing so (IE discipline), I believe that such methods will eventually run straight into a spiked wall. If you teach a child that violence is bad, but turn around and beat them for character, a dangerous issue arises, trust and credibility which may or may not be mutual (assuming I'm using mutual correctly.)
As usual, moderation and balance is key. You can't coddle your child to such a dramatic level. Then again, I'm not a parent, what the hell do I know?
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not really.
I dont really want to have kids and if i start sticking my oar in on other people attempts it wont be pretty.
I dont really want to have kids and if i start sticking my oar in on other people attempts it wont be pretty.
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There are different ways to raise a child. It's all up for the parents to do what is right and to decide what is right. If they think that what they are doing is for the best of their child then why not? But they should consider the consequences of their actions and they should be held responsible for what their child will become when they grow-up.