Responsibility to family

So the other day my far younger stepbrother was visiting with his dad and my mother and he asked me why I don't believe in god. I looked to him and asked if he was sure he wanted to have the conversation. He confirmed. I asked if he would tell any of his family about our conversation and if he would keep it between us. He promised.

So what followed was about an hour long conversation as to why I don't believe in god. He then left, interested in having more conversation in the future. Today, I was called by my mother who said, "Thanks for talking to him about your atheism."

Apparently he had told his mother(possibly an innocent admission after some grilling about what he talked to me about) about our conversation and was quite angry that I would DARE introduce my worldview to him. Of course...she won't talk to me about it, because she doesn't like me. And she's said as much, not to my face but within earshot.

So my mother told me that it wasn't my fault, since he asked, but to lay off in the future and not get into details. I told her that I would do no such thing. An inquiring mind deserves answers. So she told me: "His mother has a very specific way she wants to raise him. It's not your place to interfere with that."

So my question, Fakku. Do I have an obligation to leave the subject alone with my stepbrother out of respect for his mother's desire to raise him christian? Or is the answer: Fuck her. Different worldviews exist, and he's gotta learn some day?

Id you had children that you wanted to raise as atheists, then one day several scientologists started explaining their worldview to them and successfully converted them, that ok with you?

Absolutely. And then if they had further questions about what scientology is, I'd have answers on hand. As that's the responsibility of a parent. Also, bear in mind I'm not just 'some stranger' he's been my step brother for 6 years, over half his life. I'm not just 'some guy' coming up to him and preaching to him.

Also. I wouldn't want to raise my kids to be atheists. I would simply want to raise them to seek the truth and seek answers. Many answers I may have for them.

" Get em while they are young " - Unknown Person
( Meaning the young can become easily influenced )

What was your intentions with explaining this your younger bro?
Did you think about the consequences before speaking to someone younger about this?

Did you ever thought that he might change his views about the world and the system of religious belief?
Young people are easily influenced by such things, unless they are brats who already at a young age decide on their own.

Well if I had a younger step-brother asking me about " Why are you a Muslim?" , then I would also explain my views, but I had to try hard as I can to not influence him in any way.

Maybe his Mom was scared that whatever YOU would say could heavily influence the boy and that it would go against her ways of raising him, but if you didn't mean it then it is alright .. you had no evil intentions and I don't believe you force your belief onto others.

Have you ever asked to see if he changed his views or started to think different ever since speaking with you?

Look BigLundi ... I believe he is still young to understand all this and isn't taking atheism or Christianity very serious .. maybe you might start talking to him about this sensitive topic when he grows up a little.
( Just teach him not to hate religion or religious people )

Until then, just lay this topic off and let them be for the time being.
( You don't want any problems now do you? )

In my opinion, don't go looking for him. If he wants to learn more (which sounds like the case from your story), then let him come to you. There's no need to rush this if he doesn't feel compelled to learn anything new, but if his curiosity is strong enough, he'll comeback eventually. I think that's the best thing you can do in this situation.

Whether it's from you or from somewhere else, he's bound to learn more about it anyways. Not like his mother can stop that.

Agreed .... BigLundi should provide when the little one seeks.

But based on reading this, I have somehow have a feeling the little guy will be extremely smart based on his curiosity.

i'm assuming so, too. If his mother's strict, then he might not inquire about it for a while, but I'm sure he's bound to look into again eventually when he's older.

Yes; the boy has potential, go ahead and continue the conversations with him if he wants to. Some other people in the thread seem to think that you shouldn't go to him about it; I disagree due to the fact that he may not dare to approach you because of his mother. He is also your brother, of course you can go to him; take him out some day and do something fun, and talk to him. If he's curious, teach him about other scientific subjects such as evolution and how our species actually came to be. Another fun thing to do might be to take him out some night and look at the stars; it'd be nice if you had a telescope, but that doesn't really matter. The sky is beautiful either way.

Good luck.

Questions need answers but one must be able to accept it or not. If they want to learn more then they will come back.

[color=#2e1a6b]11 is a little young; he can't really reason for himself yet, and must go by what others tell him. Sure he's gotta learn different worldviews some day, but it doesn't have to be now.

Since he initiated the discussion, I don't think you should be blamed for anything. But I still think you should wait until he's older

I have always held to the rule that if someone asks a question, then they deserve to receive an answer. In matters of religion, or the lack thereof, it is a subject rife with differing viewpoints and levels of intensity.

In my opinion, you did no wrong, as it is your right to express your views to someone who posed an honest interest in them. Your stepbrother's mother must face the reality that her son is going to encounter a world full of opinions that don't coincide with the ones she is trying to teach him. Eventually, your stepbrother will have to decide for himself what he chooses to believe.

If the boy's mother forbids him to speak to you, then I would suggest respecting her boundaries, unless/until he decides to cross them himself. As she is not your mother, and you are an adult, she can not realistically place any restrictions on how you choose to relay your beliefs.

The decision to continue your discussion is firmly in your stepbrother's court, but it seems clear he is not mature enough to keep these conversations private. You might consider waiting until he is older before continuing any further talks, simply in the name of family unity, but stay true to yourself and do what you feel is right.

If he asks why, by all means, answer it.
Sooner or later, he will have to deal with this kind of issue anyway.
I don't think you're doing anything wrong, even from a theist point of view.

Because you did not actually convince him to be an atheist, you're just explaining what your belief is, and there is nothing wrong with that, and you did ask your stepbrother whether he really wants to know or not.

My point is, as long as you're there just to explain things and make it clear to your brother, it's totally fine.

Well he came to you, not the other way around. It was because he was interested in other view points and probably wanted to have an opinion himself. That what's wrong with religios people, only their point of veiw matters and everything else is wrong or "work of the devil". You talk to him as much as he wants.

Im not going to come here and blow sunshine up your ass about how you should respect... Yadda~ Yadda~ Yadda~

I say "Fuck her"! (She hates your guts anyway so at least you're giving her a logical reason for it now) Shes gonna raise your step bro Christian no matter what happens but there'll always be atheists, Muslims, Buddhists, Drug addicts who think they 'know shit' or whatever the fuck to give him different perspectives.

I look at it like this if you just stay silent (pussy out) then you're just lying to yourself. Dont be hen pecked, Stay real!

To this I would answer a quote from ST Thomas Daquin, a French priest, who said:

"Be wary of the man of one book."

Simply put, be wary of those who enclose themselves in one single way of thinking, for they are isolated from the rest of the world by it and by following it, sometimes lead themselves to believe irrational, if believable, things.

As an example, I will take Kim Jong Un, who was worshipped as a god by his people, because that is what he "preached" through propaganda. Having no other information to turn to, North Koreans (some of them, I do not speak for all) believed it to be an absolute truth, and still did when he died. Which isn't logical.

Back to the "one book" way of thinking, I would say that a family has no right to close doorways to a child, should they be good or wrong (from a ideological level), but they should explain each and every of them, so that the child can pick in each what he likes, approves and understands, and so he can build his own "way of thinking".

If ones parents raise him single mindedly, and they are racist against people with darkskin, the child will also become racist, even if it is possible that he will one day understand that this hate is unfounded (society has some ways of teaching that, should it be at school or through personal research).

Thus a family has the obligation, and I insist on the immovable nature of my term, the obligation to let a child grow free of their own beliefs.
Personnally, my parents believe in God. I do not, or at least not their god or god as they perceive it. That is because when they went to church ( when I was 12 or something) they would ask me if I wanted to come or not. I came twice or thrice, and then stopped going because I didn't find what they had explained they found there. I looked somewhere else, not searching for god but just not interested in this particular means of "faith".

I believe it was an extremely good thing that you had a talk with this cousin of yours, and that if the event arise, you should answer him again, on different topics, ideas, subjects. If he comes to you seeking to learn, and he cannot do that inside his family, then you can try and tip the scale a little.

Though after that I guess he won't be coming near you anymore, if his mother and yours have their way with it.

This. Being an agnostic, I actually enjoy hearing about religions, and why people believe them, I also enjoy having discussions about why they believe, why they believe I should, why I don't, and why I think there are many inconsistencies, etc.

If all you did was tell him about your atheism, and not in a way as to convert him, you did nothing wrong, and his mother is a dildo.
If he asks again, answer his question. Don't deny the boy knowledge.

Go ahead and share YOUR views in things with him.

If it makes him feel better then do it, teaching children properly about the world and such is what we all need to do.

But when it comes to religion, everybody needs to decide that on his/her own.

You did nothing wrong. You simply answered his questions,so its not like you were trying to convert him or anything

Personally I believe that simply learning about differing world views from an objective standpoint is crucial for the spiritual/emotional development of a child.

What's unhealthy is to have anyone say to said child 'And this is the correct way to think/feel.'

So.. it's kind of a touchy subject. One that should be handled with care. Children ultimately want to please the people around them, and it can be.. well.. a bit accidentally manipulative if your views are presented in a way that either states or implies that it is the 'right' choice, or that they would gain approval by agreeing.

Ultimately, the only right way to introduce religion to children is to either teach all of it from the perspective of 'There is no right answer, live your life as a moral person, faith is important but only for its own sake', or to teach them atheistically. Either way, they have to feel like it's their choice.

I don't see why you shouldn't. Show your step mother, mother in law, I don't care, a piece of your mind. Just go for what you think is best for him.