Social and Life Confessions
0
Hi,
Thanks for taking some moments out your life reading this post of mine about my life currently.
I'm not really the studious type, well I'm on my 3rd year in campus repeating my 2nd year subjects. Today I felt like I crashed the paper which I'm determined to pass. The question which is popped is not a hard one but I've just didn't cover that part as I'm expecting others. This is the 4th or 5th time I've crashed a subject and I just felt like loser in life. I love to learn things but I don't know how to make it interesthing and and easily memorable.
I've done part time job before and it make me feel really good cause I'm earning money. Living on campus makes me feel like a blood sucker towards my parent. My parents told me it's going to be hard if u go out with out some sort of qualification. My dad told me i can do anything I want but I need to get a degree 1st. I'm 20 years old, and hopefully to graduate at around 24 well, having a subject or 2 crashed would just delay it by a year.
As of my social life, I have some friends and alot of aquaintance. Real friend are jsut a few, 3 fellows but one graduated and went another country to work, one jsut got a girlfriend, and one more well, we jsut got distanced lately he's always with his girl. I don't have a girlfriend someone special except my family. Most of the aquitance I know are just those kind of "Hi and wassup then bye". You're right I'm feeling lonely right now. I've never felt as lonely as now. Because I'm staying on campus I've very far away from my family. Although I'm lonely I hate to trouble people to actually entertain my loneliness. Basically I fapped on hentai, playing online games, and read mangas regularly just to kill boredom.
I've tried going out , went to clubs dance, and stuff but I feel really out if place at the club. I mean it's not that I don't like it, but more like the place doens't like me. I mostly stand at the corner of the club and occasionally taps to the tune at the dance floor. In the club then, most of my friend jsut went their way out hitting strangers and I practically got left out.
There's alot of moment which I wanted to cry out my sadness but tears just would'n t come out. I've told " come on cry out so you'll feel better", but I can't.
Being 20 year old Im full of raging hormone and I wished I could have sex. I morally believed that sex should done after marriage, and due to that I supress that desire on mine. A senior told me, I just have to get a hooker out there and sttle your problems. Well, morally I'm against that.
Here's things that will start to go more disturbing. I've starting to fantasize having sex with member of my own sex, in other word gay. In fact this fantasy have started since I'm at high school after I'm 'seen some yaoi manga. Then I've started looking pictures of naked men admiring their body. Here at campus I'm even fantasizing having gay relationship with goign 50 year bald old dean. His voice is so gentle and he's unmarried. I've almost thought of going to his office and confess to him. Sometimse when I went to his room, I'm thinking " Please Ravish Me, push me down and I wont resist" . He's now resigned for anotehr post at some other state campus. It was one sided all along. Then theres a hot looking Phd Lecturer at my campus which I've started to grow feeling for. Maybe it's my desperation for sex has twisted my mind. Compared to having sex with a below average looking girl I'd choose having sex with an average looking tom dick harry. Wouldn't mind getting gangbanged.
Those are jsut my unknown alter ego of my thought whihc no one found out yet. I feeling like Im getting crazier day by day. I live in a country whihc homosexual is a huge TABOO.
These are stories of my emo-ness which I've never ever told anyone about. Being anonymous on it is a plus. Consider this as me speaking out my nastiest confessions. I don't think i could have someone to confess this to other than the internet.
Thank for reading it , I don't know what sort of feedback I'll be getting or should I be expecting one.
*peace
Thanks for taking some moments out your life reading this post of mine about my life currently.
I'm not really the studious type, well I'm on my 3rd year in campus repeating my 2nd year subjects. Today I felt like I crashed the paper which I'm determined to pass. The question which is popped is not a hard one but I've just didn't cover that part as I'm expecting others. This is the 4th or 5th time I've crashed a subject and I just felt like loser in life. I love to learn things but I don't know how to make it interesthing and and easily memorable.
I've done part time job before and it make me feel really good cause I'm earning money. Living on campus makes me feel like a blood sucker towards my parent. My parents told me it's going to be hard if u go out with out some sort of qualification. My dad told me i can do anything I want but I need to get a degree 1st. I'm 20 years old, and hopefully to graduate at around 24 well, having a subject or 2 crashed would just delay it by a year.
As of my social life, I have some friends and alot of aquaintance. Real friend are jsut a few, 3 fellows but one graduated and went another country to work, one jsut got a girlfriend, and one more well, we jsut got distanced lately he's always with his girl. I don't have a girlfriend someone special except my family. Most of the aquitance I know are just those kind of "Hi and wassup then bye". You're right I'm feeling lonely right now. I've never felt as lonely as now. Because I'm staying on campus I've very far away from my family. Although I'm lonely I hate to trouble people to actually entertain my loneliness. Basically I fapped on hentai, playing online games, and read mangas regularly just to kill boredom.
I've tried going out , went to clubs dance, and stuff but I feel really out if place at the club. I mean it's not that I don't like it, but more like the place doens't like me. I mostly stand at the corner of the club and occasionally taps to the tune at the dance floor. In the club then, most of my friend jsut went their way out hitting strangers and I practically got left out.
There's alot of moment which I wanted to cry out my sadness but tears just would'n t come out. I've told " come on cry out so you'll feel better", but I can't.
Being 20 year old Im full of raging hormone and I wished I could have sex. I morally believed that sex should done after marriage, and due to that I supress that desire on mine. A senior told me, I just have to get a hooker out there and sttle your problems. Well, morally I'm against that.
Here's things that will start to go more disturbing. I've starting to fantasize having sex with member of my own sex, in other word gay. In fact this fantasy have started since I'm at high school after I'm 'seen some yaoi manga. Then I've started looking pictures of naked men admiring their body. Here at campus I'm even fantasizing having gay relationship with goign 50 year bald old dean. His voice is so gentle and he's unmarried. I've almost thought of going to his office and confess to him. Sometimse when I went to his room, I'm thinking " Please Ravish Me, push me down and I wont resist" . He's now resigned for anotehr post at some other state campus. It was one sided all along. Then theres a hot looking Phd Lecturer at my campus which I've started to grow feeling for. Maybe it's my desperation for sex has twisted my mind. Compared to having sex with a below average looking girl I'd choose having sex with an average looking tom dick harry. Wouldn't mind getting gangbanged.
Those are jsut my unknown alter ego of my thought whihc no one found out yet. I feeling like Im getting crazier day by day. I live in a country whihc homosexual is a huge TABOO.
These are stories of my emo-ness which I've never ever told anyone about. Being anonymous on it is a plus. Consider this as me speaking out my nastiest confessions. I don't think i could have someone to confess this to other than the internet.
Thank for reading it , I don't know what sort of feedback I'll be getting or should I be expecting one.
*peace
0
Emo indeed. You just totally reminded me of an earlier thread discussion I had.
Joke aside, you sir are one fucked up guy. But hey, at some level we’re all fucked up– some more than others. So, don’t let it get to you. I’m like you in a sense. I failed my second freshman semester due to a skiing accident and overall laziness and complacency, and now I have to prove myself to my university that I’m worth the investment by spending time at another college with a grade minimum to get back in. And I have to remake the classes I failed in. Talk about tough luck, you and I, but the difference being is that I work hard, and you mentioned yourself that you don’t. You know what I say to that? Suck it up, and work harder because you only get few chances in life to redeem yourself, then you start slipping down that road of decay and decadence. I’ve been on it; you’re going through it, so take my words for real. Your dad’s right though, a degree is the most important thing you can get, especially during this recession as the financial market is doing pretty badly. You also have a part-time job – good for you. Now let’s tackle the issues one by one:
1. Your grades: My advice? You obviously study what’s given to you straight from the professor’s mouth. That’s a no-no and you should be studying more than that and go over the textbook chapters that you know will be on the exam. Just because you don’t think the professor doesn’t say it out loud doesn’t mean he/she won’t test you on it. It also depends on the personality of the professor. As for boring subjects, well tough shit. Most subjects you study in college are bound to be boring, but that does not mean you should give up. To succumb to your inability to cope with current education methods is like saying the system is breaking you. Don’t let it.
2. Your social life: Your EQ/social skills suck and I can tell that you’re a kind of guy who doesn’t make friends easy. But you know what? It’s easy to know people with their names, but harder to comprehend someone you do know. If you seem out of sorts around social events, then don’t force yourself to go. Do what you want to do, but I must remind you that to have a successful college career, you’ll need study mates at the very least to help you go through your studies, and that should be the most important that you need to focus on in terms of social activity. And as for crying, I’ve cried myself when I felt down and out. Just do it privately and sparingly. You don’t wanna become a crybaby, do ya?
3. Your sexual orientation: You gave us quite a bit of info there, perhaps more than we needed to know. In any case, I pose a question: do you fap to hentai girls, or boys? And to be honest, it can take years for people to realize their true gender preference, even if I don’t believe in same-sex marriages. Coming-out-of-the-closet stories are as common as hentai with ass-rape in them. In consideration of what you believe to be going insane, throw all thoughts of romance out of your head. I mean it because studying should be your number one priority, mister I-failed-my-subjects-because-I-didn’t-prepare-enough-for-the-exams. Do you really have the time and money to worry about whether you’re gay (which you clearly are, unless there’s something else to consider) or whether you like these aging men? If you stopped and think what you should do with your life, getting out of college with a degree on your diploma is the most important thing to secure a money-making job. Love and sex and all that can be romanced upon later. Hell, I don’t got a girlfriend, but if can masturbate to quality h-material, I’m set. I know that I’ll meet my angel one day, but studying is more important now.
I personally think your predilection towards older men is disgusting, but people also think that my predilection for bondage is also disgusting. Whatever. And to be honest, when I read the paragraph regarding your love of older men, I reacted with a frown and a shake of head. I was surprised that I didn’t react more negatively. If you’re feeling crazy, then put that crazy to studying, or working out. Working out/exercising is a wonderful way to lose the stress and develop a healthier body at the same time. If the body rots, the mind rots, and your mind is clearly rotting. Time to get moving, and it’s time you’ve stopped assessing your losses and think about what you can do than what you can’t. Life doesn’t wait for anyone. I hoped this was of some help.
Joke aside, you sir are one fucked up guy. But hey, at some level we’re all fucked up– some more than others. So, don’t let it get to you. I’m like you in a sense. I failed my second freshman semester due to a skiing accident and overall laziness and complacency, and now I have to prove myself to my university that I’m worth the investment by spending time at another college with a grade minimum to get back in. And I have to remake the classes I failed in. Talk about tough luck, you and I, but the difference being is that I work hard, and you mentioned yourself that you don’t. You know what I say to that? Suck it up, and work harder because you only get few chances in life to redeem yourself, then you start slipping down that road of decay and decadence. I’ve been on it; you’re going through it, so take my words for real. Your dad’s right though, a degree is the most important thing you can get, especially during this recession as the financial market is doing pretty badly. You also have a part-time job – good for you. Now let’s tackle the issues one by one:
1. Your grades: My advice? You obviously study what’s given to you straight from the professor’s mouth. That’s a no-no and you should be studying more than that and go over the textbook chapters that you know will be on the exam. Just because you don’t think the professor doesn’t say it out loud doesn’t mean he/she won’t test you on it. It also depends on the personality of the professor. As for boring subjects, well tough shit. Most subjects you study in college are bound to be boring, but that does not mean you should give up. To succumb to your inability to cope with current education methods is like saying the system is breaking you. Don’t let it.
2. Your social life: Your EQ/social skills suck and I can tell that you’re a kind of guy who doesn’t make friends easy. But you know what? It’s easy to know people with their names, but harder to comprehend someone you do know. If you seem out of sorts around social events, then don’t force yourself to go. Do what you want to do, but I must remind you that to have a successful college career, you’ll need study mates at the very least to help you go through your studies, and that should be the most important that you need to focus on in terms of social activity. And as for crying, I’ve cried myself when I felt down and out. Just do it privately and sparingly. You don’t wanna become a crybaby, do ya?
3. Your sexual orientation: You gave us quite a bit of info there, perhaps more than we needed to know. In any case, I pose a question: do you fap to hentai girls, or boys? And to be honest, it can take years for people to realize their true gender preference, even if I don’t believe in same-sex marriages. Coming-out-of-the-closet stories are as common as hentai with ass-rape in them. In consideration of what you believe to be going insane, throw all thoughts of romance out of your head. I mean it because studying should be your number one priority, mister I-failed-my-subjects-because-I-didn’t-prepare-enough-for-the-exams. Do you really have the time and money to worry about whether you’re gay (which you clearly are, unless there’s something else to consider) or whether you like these aging men? If you stopped and think what you should do with your life, getting out of college with a degree on your diploma is the most important thing to secure a money-making job. Love and sex and all that can be romanced upon later. Hell, I don’t got a girlfriend, but if can masturbate to quality h-material, I’m set. I know that I’ll meet my angel one day, but studying is more important now.
I personally think your predilection towards older men is disgusting, but people also think that my predilection for bondage is also disgusting. Whatever. And to be honest, when I read the paragraph regarding your love of older men, I reacted with a frown and a shake of head. I was surprised that I didn’t react more negatively. If you’re feeling crazy, then put that crazy to studying, or working out. Working out/exercising is a wonderful way to lose the stress and develop a healthier body at the same time. If the body rots, the mind rots, and your mind is clearly rotting. Time to get moving, and it’s time you’ve stopped assessing your losses and think about what you can do than what you can’t. Life doesn’t wait for anyone. I hoped this was of some help.