XIII. Anti-Munch Guide
1. What is this Guide?
The Anti-Munch Guide (AMG) helps to identify various types of n00bishness, or “Munching”, that exists in role-playing. Munching is a growing issue in role-playing, and this guide will help you avoid these players while avoiding the mistakes yourself. The guide can apply to both pen-and-paper role-playing games, such as Dungeons and Dragons, and online role-plays; however, since games like D&D aren’t as common as they used to be, we shall focus on online role-playing. This guide, hopefully, will help you in your role-playing endeavors in the future. And if not, well, it makes for a good read anyways.
2. Types of Roleplayers
Veterans
The Alpha and Omega of role-playing. Veterans are experts of their craft, having role-played for years. They are often experts with grammar and punctuation, and know what is fair and what isn’t. They know best due to experience, but they are usually willing to role-play with people below their skill level. Many role-players aspire to become Veterans, but it is by no means the endgame. Many are content to settle in as Literates.
Elitists
Elitists are usually right behind n00bs in the fact that everyone hates them but themselves. Elitists are Literates who were on the path to become Veterans, but took a wrong turn in Albuquerque and became complete assholes. They are the role-play equivalent of the Nazis- they view themselves as superior to others, will only role-play with other Elitists, are incredibly cocky, use reams upon reams of detail, and see anyone who doesn’t meet their ridiculously high standards as a “n00b” that should be eliminated, even people who are actually quite literate. Their “Elitists only” policy has no lee way whatsoever, and they often reject the AMG for “common sense”, even though the AMG IS common sense. No one wants to role-play with Elitists. Elitists are very common among magic-users
However, Elitists aren’t the final stop before becoming Veterans. Most Literates become Veterans without ever being Elitists, and many Elitists never become Veterans.
Literates
Often the end-goal for moste role-players. Literates, as the name implies, are literate- they have pretty good spelling, punctuation and grammar, and are pretty good about avoiding Munching, though they may occasionally slip up. They are the ones who are often the most fun to play with, as they are capable of being fair without being assholes.
Intermediates
The midway point between Newbies and Literates, Intermediates have improved grammar and are better at avoiding Munching, but still slip up fairly often. It’s okay, though, because these problems can be remedied with practice. With some work and support from other role-players, they can become Literates very easily.
Newbie
The beginning point for all role-players. Newbies are often mistaken for n00bs, but are very different. They are simply new to the role-playing scene, and as such often had problems with literacy and Munching. However, Newbies are usually willing to learn from more experienced role-players, and with some help, will eventually become Literates.
ne0 n00bs
A dangerous group, ne0s (also never capitalized) are simply n00bs who can spell and have good grammar. They first appear to be Literates, but their n00bishness becomes apparent within a few posts, as they constantly Munch.
n00bs
If there’s one thing that all role-players, be they Newbies, Literates, Elitists or Veterans, can agree on, it’s their hatred of a certain group: n00bs. Put simply, n00bs (never capitalized) are the lowest of the low- as Literates are born when a Newbie improves their skills, n00bs are born when Newbies refuse to get better. Basically, n00bs cannot and will not role-play fairly, even if outnumbered and outgunned. They constantly Munch, and very often have bad grammar, spelling and punctuation. They also hate criticism, and will often resort to flaming, which leads to being banned. The worst n00bs will often create new accounts, Munch around, flame again, and get banned again.
3. The Munch Scale
To help determine the severity of Munchiness, the Munch Scale was created. The Scale determines how bad (and annoying) the different types of Munchiness are. Anything above a 5 should be called out on, and anything above 7 should be immediately neutralized.
0 - No Munch detected
1 - Not very Munch, not very annoying.
2 - Not very Munch, a tiny little bit annoying.
3 - Not very Munch, slightly annoying.
4 - Slightly Munch, somewhat annoying.
5 - Definitely Munch, annoying.
6 - Seriously Munch, very annoying.
7 - Annoyingly Munch.
8 - Annoying and inconvenient Munch.
9 - Annoying, unfair, and inconvenient Munch.
10 - The be-all-and-end-all of Munching. Should be killed with fire immediately.
4. Types of Munch
Aimbotter
Munchiness: 7
A term developed for programs in first-person shooters that provide instant headshots, Aimbotters automatically hit their targets, always, with no chance of the other person blocking or dodging. Especially annoying when using NPCs, who have no say in if they’re hit or not.
EXAMPLE
A: Three hundred seventy of my trained assassin gymnasts crest the hill, sight you, and rush toward you.
B: Luckily, I have three hundred sixty-nine bullets in my chain gun! I quickly mow them all down, each taking a single bullet to the head, and peg the last one with a rock in the sternum.
Augustine
Munchiness: 8
Far more prevalent than they should be, Augustines carry something from one thread over to another, just because they’re in the same sub-forum.
EXAMPLE
A: Given that this RP's technology base is medieval, I happily drive my cart to the market to buy some maggot-ridden meat.
B: Too late! I already got there in my Gundam and blew up everything with my insanely overpowered weapons! And don't start whining, because my Gundam's already pre-approved in the "This Is Not a Medieval Technology Base RP" thread.
Baghdad Bobbit
Munchiness: 5
A sort of advanced (or degraded) mix between Puppetmasters and Aimbotters, Baghdad Bobbits soon become bored of role-playing with anyone with actual skill, and leave because the role-play takes up far too much of their precious time.
EXAMPLE
A: I fire at the stationary target, hitting twice but missing with my remaining four rounds.
B: I get tired of your realistic RPing style and poke you in the neck, collapsing your trachea. You die writhing in torment.
Batman
Munchiness: 5
A player who uses an existing persona, and only role-play them when it benefits them.
A: In this Fantastic Four RP, I'll be Ben, the gruff rock-man with a heart of gold.
B: I'll be Reed Richards, the living sex toy who hunts down innocent women to subdue with his incredible flexibility!
Boa Constrictor
Munchiness: 4
People who put so many rules into their role-play that it becomes impossible for more than a few people to role-play and have fun. The list of rules is often long, and covers every miniscule detail imaginable. Now, role-plays DO need rules, but too many make it hard to enjoy yourself in the game. They often ban certain forms of magic, weapons, technology and powers. The reason it’s Munchiness is so low is that most people who see the list of rules say “screw this” and hit the Back button.
EXAMPLE
No example is provided, because it would imply that there are certain rules that shouldn’t be used when developing a role-play.
Bella/Cullen
Munchiness: 6
Named after the main characters of the popular tween vampire romance novel, Twilight, and for a reason. Bellas (girls) and Cullens (guys) instantly fall in love with a character they just met.
EXAMPLE
A: I enter the room, looking around for a seat. Finding one, I take it and pull out my binder.
B: Seeing the guy walk into the room, I instantly fall in love, and wonder why he’s so pale and keeps giving me creepy looks.
Daydreamer
Munchiness: 3
Players who at first appear to be posting literate material, but then go off on a mad ramble about something entirely unrelated. Now, putting some outside detail or back story into a post is fine, but it shouldn’t be more than a few sentences, unless you’re intentionally doing a flashback for story purposes. However, Daydreamers simply get sidetracked on something else.
EXAMPLE
A: In the middle of the intense shootout, I dash across the narrow alley, ducking and weaving in hopes to avoid getting hit. I'm unsuccessful; two bullets peg me in the shoulder, throwing me back into a Dumpster.
B: The bullets make me think back to my days as a youth, when I had to melt down tin soldiers to use as musket balls against the Redcoats... or was it redskins? I can't remember. Anyway, I had to walk uphill all three ways to school and back, running from glaciers all the while. It was torture, lemme tell ya. And then there's the story of how I met my first wife...
Gaseous Snake
Munchiness: 6
A cross between a McFly and a Lucky Irishman, a Gaseous Snake will attempt to alter the RP after the fair player has posted something that will lead to the Snake’s demise. However, they aren’t as desperate as McFlys in what they change.
EXAMPLE
A: I walk to the door and open it.
B: Being a fellow with a bit of foresight, I hooked that doorknob to a car battery an hour ago. You're thrown across the room.
Godmodder
Munchiness: 8-10
The penultimate form of Munching. Godmodders is a very broad term, but generally refers to a character who can overcome any situation. They often have flashy, ridiculous powers that give them an advantage in combat (I.e., instant healing or massive, unblockable attacks), ignore almost anything you say or do, and are often unaware (or refuse to acknowledge) their Munchiness. They often combine this with other forms of Munching, making them one of, if not THE most annoying group of Munchers around.
EXAMPLE
A: Now that you're strapped to the end of a naval cannon, I fire it.
B: Whoosh! I nimbly dodge, somehow forgetting the fact that I'm restrained by a three-hundred-pound chain!
Goku
Munchiness: 7
Players who take ridiculous amounts of damage and keep fighting, much like the Dragonball Z character they’re named after.
EXAMPLE
A: I aim my chaingun and fire, thousands of rounds flying your direction. Once empty, I fire an anti-tank missile.
B: I absorb the bullets and rockets, and ignore the massive holes in my body as I come your way to kill you! KAMEHAMEHA!
Guardian
Munchiness: 7
Sort of the opposite of Aimbotters, Guardians block or dodge every attack thrown at them. Basically, they never get hurt.
EXAMPLE
A: My men fire a barrage of two hundred arrows.
B: I block and dodge every single one, and throw my sword at you like a boomerang!
Hijacker
Munchiness: 5
Members of a role-play thread who “hijack” the thread they’re in and either make changes, or perform actions that affect everyone on the thread. Incredibly annoying for thread creators.
EXAMPLE
A: Ok! Our base is under attack and we have to defend it!
B: *Goes and activates the base's self destruct* Everybody run you have three minutes!
IDKFA
Munchiness: 8
People who never run out of ammo, weapons or whatever else helps them win. Generally trying to imitate Solid Snake, James Bond or some other cheesy spy-novel hero.
EXAMPLE
A: You're all out of ammo for all five of your Ingram submachine guns. Since you're buck-naked, I know I can now safely step into the open and begin returning fire.
B: Ha! Little did you know, I have twelve shuriken hidden within my afro!
Ironclad Sentinel
Munchiness: 7
Ironclad Sentinels are a bit like up scaled Guardians, and are a fast-growing problem. It refers to when an organization/corporation/military has too many defenses, or ridiculously powerful ones.
EXAMPLE
A: I am attacking with a battalion of thirty tanks, air support of twenty gun-ships, and three submarines off the coast with Tomahawk cruise missiles.
B: Defenses - Forcefield that blocks everything but lets our weapons out, invisibility shield around the base, 100 SAM turrets, 100 machine gun turrets, 1000 guards with machine guns, 200 space fighters, 200 tanks.
Lucky Irishman
Munchiness: 5
A mix of a McFly and Augustine, Lucky Irishmen’s RPCs perform actions at chance, with no knowledge of how it will affect the outcome, that usually turns to their favor, despite chances of it happening being very slim.
EXAMPLE
A: With your character totally surrounded in a section of corridor, my ten skilled ninja prepare to slice him to pieces.
B: My character backs up to the wall, inadvertently tripping the base's alarm.
A: ((If I'm going to be honest and fair here, I have to tell you that the alarm would trigger the corridors to be sealed by blast-proof bulkheads.))
B: ((Oh, oops. Guess my character's safe then.))
Mary Sue/ Gary Stu
Munchiness: 0-10
Not truly a form of Munching, and not always annoying. Mary Sues/ Gary Stus are characters who have overidealized mannerisms and no apparent flaws. They represent the perfect character for their creator. Everyone wants to be a Mary Sue or Gary Stu, but no one can, because characters NEED flaws. It also refers to characters with certain clichés (strange eye colors, mystical powers, mysterious past, etc). It is on this list because role-players with Mary Sue/Gary Stu characters often use other Munchies in their posts, which can be VERY annoying. Mary Sues and Gary Stus are actually more common in literature than they are in role-playing, but they ARE there, and you probably know or are one.
EXAMPLE
No role-play example is provide, but examples of Mary Sue/ Gary Stu characters from other media include Edward Cullen and Bella Swann from Twilight, Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation, and almost every Disney character to date.
McFly
Munchiness: 7
Characters who attempt to alter situations (and often first posts) drastically to give them an advantage. They’re a far worse version of Gaseous Snakes, but are declining in numbers.
EXAMPLE
A: Ha! Now that the force field is down, I run inside your evil lair!
B: Um... um... there's also a super-secret second force field which causes you to die instantly! I just didn't say anything about it because... um... I had to do my laundry! Not because I just thought of it now! Honestly!
Min-maxer
Munchiness: 8
Not very common, they’re more of a problem in D&D-style games. Their strengh:weakness ratio is ridiculously off-balance.
EXAMPLE
A: I've successfully broken into the facility which gave you your incredibly 1337 power armor. Now I pull up the file on it. What does it say about weak points?
B: The metal of my armor is... um... allergic to praying mantis urine.
Miss Cleo
Munchiness: 8
Players who use OOC knowledge to their advantage.
EXAMPLE
A: ((OOC: There's a secret switch hidden in the lamp.))
B: I suddenly think to myself-- why not check the lamp for hidden switches? Call me now for your free reading!
NIMBY
Munchiness: 6
Players who will engage in attacks on other threads, but then block all attempts at retaliation in their thread.
EXAMPLE
B: *enters A’s thread and detonates bomb*
A: They attacked us! Let's go and get them! *enters B’s thread*
B: *Deletes any posts related to an attack and/or bitches to a moderator*
Oblivious Oaf
Munchiness: 2-5
Characters who don’t explain how what they’re using works. Not always bad, as not everyone knows how particle shielding or a gravity-spewing railgun works, but an attempt should be made to at least give a vague idea.
EXAMPLE
B: Hahahahahaha my ultra shield deflects any projectile weapon
A: ((Dude, how does that work? I need some info))
B: ((Ahhhhh uhhhhhh.......it....uses......some.......weird substance......that like...........does.....something......and then it like.....deflects all projectiles! Thats how it works, its not like I never explain my gear its just that I just came up with that explanation now, I mean I just had trouble explaining it.))
One-liner
Munchiness: 3-7
A player who posts ridiculously short posts that somehow attempt to sum up everything they’re doing.
EXAMPLE
No example given.
Overcompensation Stroker
Munchiness: 7
Players who try to “overcompensate” for their inability to post quality material by creating incredibly long posts, in the belief that the longer the post, the better it is. Sometimes related to Daydreamers, and the opposite of One-liners
EXAMPLE
No example given.
Oxymoron
Munchiness: 4
Players who manage to contradict themselves in their posts.
EXAMPLE
A: I’m a farmer with a shotgun.
B: I’m a black hole that emits blinding pulses of visible light!
(Physics 101: black holes suck in everything, even light, and nothing escapes once sucked in. Therefore, a black hole cannot “emit blinding pulses of visible light”.)
Prosecutor
Munchiness: 8
Players who try to claim everyone else is Munching, when they are in fact the ones Munching. May also refer to players who must point out every little mistake others make, even spelling.
EXAMPLE
A: My character is a fire mage who casts a two-turn fire spell that will launch a fireball.
B: My character is a five year old salamander named George, who makes a funny noise when he walks. George, despite being a normal salamander, is immune to fire, and also capable of devastating mages with a single swipe of his four inch long tail.
A: Well if he's a normal salamander, he can't be immune to fire, and if he's immune to fire, he can't be a normal salamander...
B: WTF STFU N00B U CANT SAY THAT HES MY CHARACTER NOT YOURS OMG WTF FUHKIN HAX GODMODE
Puppetmaster
Munchiness: 4-9
Another overly common occurance. Puppetmasters take control of another player’s RPC, often without their permission, often to their advantage and often to extremes. Now, very minor Puppetmastering is okay; for example, if you throw a fireball at a tree and then say that everyone turns to look at the burning tree, that’s usually acceptable, because it’s a fair bet people WOULD turn to see a tree set on fire by a fireball. However, if you say that a person’s character runs away screaming and trampling others, that’s unacceptable.
EXAMPLE
A: I step carefully into the room, peering around for occupants.
B: Suddenly a dragon pokes you in the eye. You run screaming from the room, whereafter you go home, make a pickle sandwich, and call your mother to cry about how she ruined your life.
Quaker
Munchiness: 9
Characters who can spawn anything magically, or pull objects out of nowhere. They often have “Hammerspaces”- pocket dimensions used for storage, named after a cartoon gag where a character pulls a giant hammer out of nowhere-, which is still not an excuse, unless said Hammerspace has a previously listed inventory. Even then, most people see Quakers as Godmodders. Possibly named after the Quake video games.
EXAMPLE
A: My character is wearing a form of armour only vulnerable to a drop of water from a holy well in South Dakota.
B: *He pulls out the vial of water from a holy well in South Dakota* "I don't know why I always carried this, but I knew it would come in useful one day."
Revisionist
Munchiness: 4
Somewhat like a McFly, except that they change their minds on the fly.
EXAMPLE
A: You chose the blue pill? Ooh, tough luck.
B: Red! I said red! And don’t go pulling that “I can read your previous post” mind game crap, either!
Romeo’s Tragedy
Munchiness: 6
A bit like a Bella/Cullen, except that the person they fall in love with is a character who has a crush on them despite their families hating each other. May also refer to a character who falls in love with someone on the enemy’s side.
EXAMPLE
A. The Akimichi girl stepped out her door and then froze seeing the Hyuga boy she's been crushing on the past four years walking past her house.
B. He hated the Akimichi clan. They were all stupid and fat and a disgrace to the village. Suddenly he spotted one staring at him and a blush ran to his cheeks thinking how beautiful she was all of a sudden.
Shoe Elf
Munchiness: 10
One of the most annoying form of Munching. A player who performs actions involving other characters when the characters are offline or unavailable. Akin to Speedhacking.
EXAMPLE
A: ((OOC: Well, gotta go to bed. Big neurosurgery test tomorrow.))
B: Ho, ho, ho! Now that the loser's gone to bed, I can strap his character to a cross and peg him with rotten fruit!
Speedhacker
Munchiness: 10
A character who performs a series of actions in one post so fast that others don’t have a chance to respond. One of the biggest problems around, and extremely annoying.
EXAMPLE
A: I walk to the door and step outside.
B: Suddenly, twelve men grab you, carry you off to my secret lair in Tibet, and torture you for weeks. When you finally die from the agony, we bury you in the frozen wastes. Hundreds of years later, arhcaeologists discover your frozen body and try to determine if you're another Lucy.
Trinity
Munchiness: 8
“Knowledge downloaders”, or players who can perform an action without any prior training. Refers to the scene in The Matrix where Neo downloads knowledge of kung fu.
EXAMPLE
A: My character was raised by a gang leader in the harsh conditions of a slum. From this, he learned to wield small firearms fairly effectively and has limited driving abilities.
B: My character was born on a remote jungle island and can fly or drive anything and use any gun with perfect aim.
Twink
Munchiness: 10
If a character has strengths that aren’t balanced with equivalent weaknesses, or has phenomenal cosmic powers but doesn’t go into detail to explain how they work, you have a Twink. However, these characters are occasionally allowed, particularly in role-plays with omnipotent god-like beings or Gods, generally when the role-play isn’t specific about invincible dieties.
EXAMPLE
A: A punch coming, eh? Well, seeing as you're a seven-year-old child and I'm riding in a twenty-meter mecha, I won't bother dodging.
B: Fooled you! I have the power to DESTROY EVERYTHING when I punch it! I'm just like an X-Man, and therefore require you to suspend all logic when RPing with me! Oh, and I have the power to steal your girlfriend, too.