Antidote [Christmas contest , not a real entry]

Hey guys, I felt the writing bug bite me tonight and wanted to submit an entry to the contest. Then I realized I was judging the contest, and so obviously that would be unfair, so I just wrote a piece anyway, with no intention of it being put in the running for any sort of victory.

Cheers, hope someone enjoys it

Don't stop, turn that up, take it higher
Tear this mother up, start a riot
Don't stop, turn that up, take it higher
Tear this mother up, start a riot
There's a glitch inside my system
Rushing through my whole existence
Got me twisted, can't resist this
Something's flipping all my switches
Take'em, breake'em, make'em feel it
Mix it up and mass appeal it
Pressure is riding me hard
Killer dose right to my heart
...And there's no antidote

Great short, can't help but link it to your previous entry. Not in subject, but the title is sort of reminiscent.

The poetic flow of the last sentence reaches me.

Come on man. It's Christmas time. Where's the happiness? That aside, I got no actual complaints. It's cool (PUN!). There is one sentence I would change:



Me thinks there's no need to have "body felt." You can just say that he suppressed a shiver as a pleasant numbness started to creep over his chest, and it's the same thing.

My favorite parts.



This last part felt difficult to read, dunno why.

I rewrote that last sentence about a dozen times to mean different things so I can see why it might have ended up weird.

Well written. I was left guessing whether our hero wants to intoxicate himself or does he have a death wish. I think it is the latter going by the last paragraph.

What was injected precisely? Barbiturate? Heroin? Water?

There wasn't an injection. He swallowed poison.

" He half expected to spit it out as soon as it touched his tongue. Certainly his body would put up some sort of fight, wouldn't it?

He swallowed. I guess not."

I misread 'rejected' for 'injected' that is why I thought the poison is administered intravenously. I love how it is established in the first few sentences that poison is involved.

Once the setting is established, I can appreciate much of what is written after that. Also, I admire and like short and concise articles, especially high_time's parodies of the contest entries. I think this piece is one example of that.

I would like to know why he decided to take his own life, but that would make something short and sweet not so short and sweet. I suspect the focus of this article is on the thoughts that go through one's mind as his life nears an end, quite alike to my entry where the focus is on the thoughts that go through that poor madman's mind as he reads the dictionary entry.

It has establishing sentences, it is short, it bears a small similarity to my nonsensical monologue. So, I would say that I found this piece much to my tastes.

That said, have you read the birthday present I have prepared for you?

Read this on my lunch break earlier on my phone. There's a lot being said in very little space. Despite not really knowing what went wrong and what really pushed him over the edge, it is interesting to read his thoughts as he nears his end.

I loved the bit where he just sort of gives up thinking about doing something meaningful followed by achieving a peace of mind after having not done anything.

Good read! Also, many thanks for judging!

Oh dear. Stories about people ingesting poison is not the best reading material while waiting to ingest food. I hope you are alright!

I actually read all of the judges non entries during my break. I was feeling kind of lifeless for a bit. I could taste the sadness. Did not cause any nausea or stomach pain, but I'm sure that my food tasted different before I began reading.